Alternate Beginnings: Year One

by Doug Graves


17 Depression*

Rainbow Dash and Doug walk slowly down the road, apple trees lining either side of their path. A few stray clouds from the Everfree Forest are making their way over the orchards, and the dots of pegasi either wrangling them back into place or dispersing them can be seen. A cool breeze helps with the otherwise warm day, a portent of the upcoming summer.

Rainbow sighs, thinking to herself that she should be up there, working the weather with the other ponies. She doesn’t want to be here, down on the ground, walking along the path with Doug. She knows she has to figure something out but her thoughts just keep going in circles. She would have liked a few days to digest what she is going through. Even after Rarity laid out the potential solutions she still doesn’t like any of them. She wishes it hadn’t happened at all, that she had been stronger during her heat.

The pair comes to the edge of one of the orchards, leading out into a grassy field. Rainbow plops down in the shade of one of the apple trees, dropping her head onto her front hooves. She sobs, finally unable to control the tears she has been holding back in front of Rarity and Applejack.

Doug sits down next to her, putting one arm lightly on her withers. Rainbow doesn’t react to the touch, and after a minute Doug lays down in a more comfortable position, his arm resting on her left foreleg. He lays there, watching the small colorful blurs moving around slightly larger white blurs, one occasionally twinkling.

After several minutes of them lying together, Rainbow’s sobs slowly fade. Doug looks over at her, but she still has her face buried in her hooves. He scratches her foreleg with his fingernails, digging into the cyan fur, just letting the pegasus know he is there for her.

A quiet voice escapes, “My life is over.”

Doug ponders a moment, thinking of the various ways he can take this, what is going through Rainbow’s mind. “You had such dreams.”

Tear filled eyes look up at the pegasi that continue pushing the brewing storm back over the Everfree. “I was going to be a Wonderbolt. The best of the best. I was the fastest pegasus out there! I was-”

Rainbow breaks down again, letting out another sob. They sit in silence, broken only by an occasional whimper from the mare. Doug continues to lay next to her, moving his arm to a more comforting position on her shoulder. The mare continues, “And now those dreams are gone. I’m never going to be a Wonderbolt, not after this. I might as well blow off that interview, quit trying, and go live here in the dirt with you.”

Doug rubs Rainbow’s shoulder a little more roughly, responding, “I’ve been there, Rainbow. I know just what you are going through.”

Rainbow shakes her head, looking at Doug. “Oh ya? You were going to be a hot shot captain?”

“It was during college. I was one of the better engineering students, not the best, but up there. I had a full ride to college, my life planned out. I would sail through college, graduate, meet someone, settle down. Work a nice office job.”

“I thought you said you worked, like, in the field or something.”

“Oh, my previous job? No, I worked with planes.”

“Same difference, fields, plains.”

“Oh. A plane, ‘p’ ‘l’ ‘a’ ‘n’ ‘e’, is… it’s like one of the chariots you pegasi pull around in the sky. It's a machine humans build that replaces the pegasi portion of a chariot. Except, they are gigantic, with the larger ones able to carry hundreds of ponies and their cargo.”

Rainbow looks at Doug in disbelief. “I thought you said humans didn’t have magic, and couldn’t fly.”

“Well, we make do with machines instead, engines that burn gasoline or other oils. Humans have dreamed of flying for a long time, but I’m getting off track. So, I was going to get a job designing those planes, maybe the airports those planes landed at, maybe something different. But, I was careless. I let my enjoyment of gaming and entertainment push my obligations with studying to the side. I ended up losing my scholarship despite having some of the best scores.”

Doug shakes his head, holding onto Rainbow a little harder. “After that, I got depressed. I thought my dreams were over. The life I planned was about to get a lot harder. Without the scholarship I would need to take out loans, or work multiple jobs to stay in school. I ended up transferring to a different school, and a different curriculum, working with planes instead of designing them. That led me to the job I had before I came here, and you know what? I loved that job. I liked doing that job more than I would have liked working on the engineering side of things.”

Rainbow seems to perk up a little at this, “So, you think this will all work out, huh? Well, I’m glad it worked out for you, but I don’t see how this will get any better.” She motions to her barrel, pushing Doug’s arm away with the motion.

Doug moves back into position, continuing to rub her shoulder, “Well, I’m not going to pretend that I know how things will work out. I know that wallowing in your depression won’t make anything better, even if things look hopeless. I think it’s part of why I adjusted so readily to living here in Equestria. I try not to let these things get me down; I know that there is always hope, even when it might not seem like it. That was one of the ways I dealt with my depression.”

“Well, what good is feeling good about this going to do? I mean, it’s not like we have anything going between us.”

Doug moves his body closer to Rainbow, pressing his side against hers, “Tell me more about that, how you are feeling.”

Rainbow sighs, rolling over and re-positioning herself so they are both looking at the sky. “Well, for starters, we kinda rushed what got us into this position.”

Doug nods, holding Rainbow’s foreleg in his arms and slowly massaging her, “I seem to remember somepony who was worried about the opposite happening. We certainly did rush things then. I think that is part of the problem now; you see a lack of intimacy because we performed an act that should have been full of love. Instead, we performed it mechanically, just to scratch an itch. Now that something happened, and maybe even if nothing happened, you have these feelings towards me, feelings of attachment and loyalty, but they feel hollow. Like they are built on the lack of feelings we had for each other instead of the love these acts should represent.”

Rainbow looks over to Doug, tears in her eyes. She rolls over, putting her muzzle on his chest; she lets out a sob, saying, “We bucked up pretty bad, didn’t we?”

Doug holds Rainbow tightly against his chest, “Only if you want to look at it like that. I choose to think that we created something wonderful together, and it took a bit more elbow grease to get there.”

Rainbow laughs into Doug’s chest, “You really believe those horse apples?”

Doug shrugs, “If I had the choice of that or depression? You bet. The world can be what you make of it, Rainbow; if all you see is broken dreams and crushed possibilities, then that’s all there is. But if instead, you see the windows that get opened, and the concrete you can make from the dust? You might find that everything works out, just maybe not the way you thought it would.”

“So, big guy, how do you think this gets better? What route takes me back to being a Wonderbolt, to living those dreams?”

Doug holds Rainbow close, nearly pulling her on top of himself. “I would say it starts off by picking yourself up, stop wallowing here in the dirt. You’re Rainbow Dash, and you’re not going to let something like this hold you back, are you?”

A smile flickers across Rainbow’s muzzle, “Yeah! I’m totally awesome!” She nuzzles into his chest again. “So, what happens with us?”

“Well, I think introductions are in order. I’m Little D.”

Rainbow looks at Doug, raising an eyebrow. “Huh? You’re bigger than me, or at least taller.”

Doug nods, saying with a straight face, “Yup. But there’s no way I’m holding a candle to that ego you’ve got over there.”

Rainbow snickers, “Okay, fine. Hi, I’m Big D.” She winks at him, “So, met any cute mares today?”

“I might have. Pretty sure we’re a good fit for each other, too.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t know about that. Some mares might have a hard time seeing themselves with a big lug like you.”

“That might be true, but I think we’re pretty compatible. One might say I have some ‘insider knowledge’ about it.”

Rainbow laughs at his pronunciation of insider, trying to keep a straight face, “What makes you say that?”

Doug leans in close, tickling her belly. Rainbow giggles as Doug whispers in her ear, “I hear they’re having a foal together.”

Rainbow smiles at Doug, giving him a light kiss, “Thanks for that, Little D. I needed it. I mean, you tell anypony what happened out here and I’ll deny it. But thanks.”

Doug rubs Rainbow’s mane as he sits up, “Rainbow, I want you to be happy, and with this,” he rubs her belly, “I want you to be happy with me.”

Rainbow sits up, grinning; she shakes a few pieces of grass off her coat before saying, “Race you back to the house!” She disappears, leaving a rainbow trail towards the farmhouse.

Doug takes off at a fast jog, only for Rainbow to come up from behind him. She flies upside down past him, saying, “Jeez, I knew you were slow, but come on! At least give me a challenge here!” She proceeds to do a few loops around Doug, narrowly avoiding some of the apple trees.

Doug says between breaths, “Looks like somepony finally perked up. You know what you are going to say to the others?”

Rainbow screws her head in concentration, “Um, can you remind me what Rarity said? It sounded pretty formal and-” Rainbow is cut off as she absentmindedly crashes into one of the nearby apple trees.

Knowing Rainbow has recovered from far worse crashes with no injuries, Doug takes off, a mad dash for the farmhouse. Rainbow recovers, looking around before noticing his absence. “Oh no you don’t!” she exclaims, bursting forth from the tree. She zooms past Doug again, stopping just in front of him. “Hey!” She tries to keep the smirk off her face, but her mouth opens and she ducks down as he jumps over her, still trying to beat her to the farmhouse.

Rainbow shakes her head before leaping into the air, zooming past him a third time and tapping the side of the house. “Looks like I win again!” she smirks, laughing as he slowly jogs the rest of the way to the door, breathing heavily. “Why’d ya keep trying, anyway? You know I’m faster than you.”

“Because, Dash,” Doug says between breaths as he ruffles her mane again, “Neither one of us likes a quitter.”

A smile breaks out over Rainbow’s face as the two walk inside. Applejack and Rarity are still sitting at the table, a calendar in front of them. The spirited discussion between them stops and Applejack smiles as the two enter, asking, “Everything all right, Sugarcube?”

Doug nods as Rainbow Dash takes a deep breath, steadying herself. She walks up to the table, smile plastered on her face, and states in a formal tone, “Applejack, with your permission, I would like to join herd Apple, sire Doug.”

Applejack gives Rainbow a smile as she responds in the same tone she used with Rarity, “Rainbow Dash, Doug and Ah are glad to welcome you into herd Apple.”

Doug moves to the table and looks at the three mares. “Well, I’m glad we’ve decided that. Rainbow, later today we should continue to discuss and practice how you can handle that interview you have coming up. We can also talk about where you will live, since I can’t exactly stay in your cloud house. Before we break for lunch, is there anything else that needs to be done?”

“Well,” Applejack gives Doug a sultry grin. She gets up slowly and is joined by Rainbow and Rarity, “Ah think you might need to make this official… with each of us.” She gives an exaggerated wink at Doug as she walks away, swaying her hips and flicking her tail as the other two mares follow suit, giggling among themselves.