It was shaping up to be a grey morning as a blanket of clouds made its way over the horizon along with the rising Sun. The Vardo had left Little Trot and the forest behind and was now moving along a path surrounded by rolling green hills and the occasional roadside birch here and there.
After going back to ask Ancient Scroll, Rouge had informed the fillies of their next destination and that they'd reach it sometime later in the afternoon. In the meantime, the fillies took some time to catch up on their studies.
Though this was more a distraction from the events of earlier than any real desire to learn.
Roughly two hours had passed since then, and the silence hadn't gotten anymore comfortable than when they had started their studies. Each filly couldn't help but ruminate on their own horrible experiences after what they had seen.
They all knew somepony had to say something, but none of them wanted to be the first to bring anything up -- not that they even knew what to say. After a few more minutes of increasingly uneasy silence, Corona sighed and bookmarked the page of the textbook she was reading.
"We can't keep doing this."
Fia winced and gave Corona a quick hesitant glance before going back to her notes. Blue Moon didn't look up from her book at all as she responded.
"Blue Moon has no idea what you're talking about Corona," the light blue filly replied dismissively, "nopony is doing anything."
"Exactly!" Corona shot back as she rose to her hooves, "it's obvious what happened earlier is still bugging all of us," she hung her head and glared at the floor, "I don't know about you two, but up until then, I thought I had gotten over... what happened with Celestia."
She fell back to her haunches with a heavy thud.
"I guess I wasn't as 'over it' as I thought I was..."
Fia finally set her quill down and turned to face Corona with a pleading look.
"Do we really have to talk about this right now?" she asked morosely, "I don't wanna think about what happened back--"
"But you are thinking about it," Corona interjected, giving the black filly a sad but stern frown, "all of us are, and I'm starting to think we won't stop thinking about it until we talk about it."
"Well Blue Moon is perfectly content to continue her reading, thank you very much," Blue Moon replied, pointedly not taking her eyes away from her book.
"But why?" Corona pressed, "we were all fine with talking about what happened in the past before!" she looked between the other two with a frustrated expression, "what changed? Why can't we talk about it now?"
For a few heartbeats, nopony answered and Corona sighed.
"I thought we agreed not to keep secrets from each other anymore -- that we were gonna share our problems rather than keep them inside?" she turned a somewhat accusatory look to Fia, "was I wrong to think that?"
Fia winced again and turned away from Corona's piercing gaze with a look of guilt.
"Blue Moon doesn't remember making any such promises," Blue Moon replied trying to sound dismissive.
"T... Blue Moon," Corona groused, "you told us about what happened to you so that there wouldn't be any more secrets between us, remember?"
Blue Moon buried her muzzle further into the book she was trying -- and failing -- to read.
"T-That was... different," she muttered lamely, "a-and it wasn't really a promise or anything..."
"Then why tell us at all?" Corona pushed, "you can't tell me you didn't feel at least a little bit better once you talked about it."
"No, Sunset Shimmer," Blue Moon snapped, rounding on the maroon filly, "I did not feel any better after telling you what happened to me!" she looked away with a frown, "I thought that maybe..." she sighed, "it seemed to work for you and Twilight, so I figured maybe I could finally feel better about it... but I don't."
Corona reigned in her shock at Blue Moon's outburst and turned to Fia for help. The black filly eyed Blue Moon with a sad frown before returning Corona's look with one of sad realization.
"I think..." she hesitated before continuing, "I think Sunset's right, none of us have gotten over our problems. I think we just kind of... pretended like we did."
She shook her head and turned to watch the cloudy sky outside as a light rain began pelting the window. After a brief moment of contemplative silence she lowered her gaze and addressed the other fillies with a melancholy but determined frown.
"When we..." she faltered before starting again, "when we saw all those bodies in town, it felt like I was... back at my house again, watching those two..." she swallowed and tried to push past the lump in her throat, "It felt like I was watching my mom and dad die all over again."
She looked from Corona to Blue Moon. Corona gave her a look of understanding while Blue Moon refused to return Fia's look.
"I bet it was the same for you two, wasn't it?" she asked pointedly, "you both felt the same way I did."
Corona nodded and trotted over to join Fia by the window.
"I tried not to show it, but I almost had a panic attack when I saw those buildings that were burnt from the fire," Corona began, "and then... and then there were the burnt ponies," she paused and shivered at the memory, "when I saw them, I immediately thought about what Celestia showed me. I actually started to feel like I was burning alive again."
The two heard a loud groan of frustration and turned to see Blue Moon glaring back at them.
"It was my mother, okay?"
Fia and Corona gave the light blue filly a bemused look and Blue Moon gave a resigned sigh before explaining.
"Those nightmares I keep having?" she began, "some of them are about what the Razor Twins did to me, but most of them are about my mother."
Fia frowned momentarily before remembering what Blue Moon had told them about that day.
"But... I thought you said you didn't--"
"I know what I said, Twilight Sparkle," Blue Moon said sharply, cutting the black filly off, "and I lied," she huffed and turned away from the two, "I hated Abilia and Luciano. They hurt me and didn't love me at all -- and because of that, I don't regret what I did to Luciano."
She looked back to the others, praying they would understand what she was trying to say.
"But I think that's because I was the one that did it," she went to take a step forward, thought better of it, and sat back down, "I wasn't ready to see... what I saw when I turned into that alleyway."
She shuddered visibly.
"She was terrible, but... she was still my mother. I didn't... seeing her like that, I don't know, it was like..." she paused, struggling to find the right words to convey her feelings on the matter, "I don't know! I just... haven't been able to get what I saw out of my head, even after all this time."
She let out another frustrated groan and fell silent. Fia glanced at Corona and frowned thoughtfully before giving a slow nod.
"I... think I know what you mean, Trixie," she said tentatively, "maybe it was some kind of... instinct or... or a natural response or something."
"What do you mean?" Corona asked with a confused frown.
"When the Razor Twins showed Trixie her mother," Fia explained, "maybe... maybe the only thing Trixie's mind focused on was the fact that somepony had... done something horrible to her mom."
Fia looked back to Blue Moon for confirmation.
"Like... everything that Trixie's mother had done to her up to that point didn't matter in that moment."
"Right! That's it!" Blue Moon cried as she pointed to the black filly, "that's exactly what it was!" she calmed down and continued, "when I... when the Razor Twins showed me what they did to my m... Abilia, the only thing I could think about was that she was dead and that they had killed her."
"So wait," Corona replied trying to understand, "are you saying that you would've been fine if you were the one that killed her, like with your dad?"
Blue Moon's eyes widened and she began fidgeting uncomfortably as she thought about her answer.
"I dunno... maybe?" she muttered uncertainly, "I was... really angry with Luciano and... well... by the time I left the house, the anger was more or less gone," she looked back to Corona helplessly, "I don't really know what I would've done."
Not liking the direction the conversation had been heading, Blue Moon shook her head and decided to get back to the original topic before the other two fillies could ask anymore about it.
"Anyway, that's what I... that's what Blue Moon remembered when she saw all the bodies in Little Trot," she said as she trotted over and laid back down next to her book. She flipped it open and began reading once more, "now if you don't mind, Blue Moon is going to get back to her studies."
"And... I'm guessing you still don't feel any better for having told us, do you?" Corona asked sadly.
"No, I don't."
Corona and Fia briefly looked at each other with matching frowns of worry before the maroon filly sighed and returned to her spot on the floor. Fia watched silently as Corona removed the bookmark and started on her studies alongside Blue Moon.
"So... that's it then?" Fia asked with a look of disappointment, "we're done?"
"I guess so," Corona answered. She looked up from her book and gave Fia a genuine, if somewhat weak, smile, "Blue Moon may not feel any better, but I think the talk helped me sort out my feelings about what happened -- at least a little anyway."
"Yeah, same here," Fia agreed somewhat half-heartedly as she trotted back over to where her notes were and levitated the quill from the inkwell, "I guess it was better than how things were earlier..."
Blue Moon glanced over to Fia and Corona and gave another quiet sigh before turning back to her book -- another frown crossing her muzzle. She had tried again to talk about her past and her feelings on what happened, and yet again, it didn't seem to help in the slightest. She was left to wonder once more...
Why? What made her different from the other two? Why couldn't she at least try to move on, like Hoofdini had done?
Did it just take more time?
If that was the case, how long would it take for her to finally rise above the nightmares and live her life free of the pain of her past?
The time may come sooner than you realize, Beatrix Lulamoon.
Blue Moon shot to her hooves with a shout of surprise, startling the other two.
"Trixie, what is it?" Fia asked worriedly, "what happened?"
"I..." she looked from Fia's worried gaze to Corona's look of concern. From their expressions, Blue Moon could tell that neither of them had heard the voice she had, "I... It's nothing," she finished, laying back down, "Blue Moon just... found a really exciting spell she could learn, that's all."
"Really?" Fia asked with an intrigued grin, "what spell did you find? Maybe I can help!"
"Nono, it's alright," Blue Moon replied hastily, "I'll... B-Blue Moon will tell you more about it later."
"Oh... alright, then," Fia responded with another disappointed frown as she returned to her notes, "well, let me know if you need any help learning it."
"Yeah," Blue Moon replied with a nervous smile, "Blue Moon will be sure to do that."
As the light blue filly went back to her book, Corona noted the slightly bewildered and fearful look on Blue Moon's face. She frowned and reluctantly went back to her own studies -- her gaze lingering on Blue Moon for only a moment longer.
It was obvious something else was going on with Blue Moon, but Corona decided not to press the filly for details right now -- feeling it would only lead to another argument.
Still, she couldn't help but wonder.