"I... I did nothing," Flash Sentry murmured, his breaths growing calmer and his ears drooping more and more. "When it came my time to prove myself... to see if I had what it takes to transcend thousands of years of rotten humanity... I did nothing." He gulped. "I didn't fail. I just... refused." Shuddering, his eyes made contact with the ponies around him for the first time in minutes. "You see... nobody ever fails to do good. We humans... we ponies... we everything have goodness and mercy within each of us. We can change things for the better. We have the power." He slowly... sadly shook his head. "But I chose not to do that. I knew the excuses and the luxuries afforded me... and I clung to them. And chose to let those people be... to let them linger in whatever ill-fate befell them... that they didn't deserve. Nobody deserves that kind of shit. Nobody. Not the child of an abusive family. Not a teenager indoctrinated into a rape gang. Not a person lied to that killing himself to murder others is somehow rewarded in heaven. Not a person who flounders and fails to master this made-up macguffin called 'money' that some asshole invented countless eons ago. Nobody. Deserves. To suffer."
Flash leaned forward, placing his face in his hooves again. The others were silent as stone as he continued.
"We're all here only once. Nobody ever lives twice. This is it. This is our one and only shot at existence... at experiencing life for all its colors and music. Why make it so friggin' disharmonious? Why do people have to starve for most of it? Why do people have to spend it having their holes mutilated or their minds pulverized by dogma or their limbs blown off by a war that they never asked to be a part of? And yet... that's the world we've all chosen to call 'normal.' That's the world we refuse to change... to do that which is truly required to change it... because somehow the cost is far larger than the infinite reward... when all you really have to do is give... just give... just go outside and put your neck out there and love and cherish and give give give..."
A sniffling sound.
Flash rubbed his hooves together.
He looked up... and his eyes were glossy.
"I refused to do it. I refused." He swallowed a lump down his throat and proceeded to rub his fetlocks, as if cowering from a great an impenetrable cold. "For all of my goddamn soapboxing and whining about humanity... when it became my time to make a difference... I refused." His teeth clenched as he shook his head. "Makes no difference what impact being a good, selfless individual could or could not have made on my life... my education... my own pathetic circumstances. I left them. I went home to... I dunno... scarf down a well-cooked meal, fritter and waste hours on the Internet, melt my rain, jack off—whatever. And those people are god-knows-where now. Today, that poor woman's probably resorted to doing far nastier things to receive the good grace that I wouldn't give her. And the baby? Who knows if it was ever delivered or not. Or if it's alive or not. Who cares? I certainly didn't." His eyes limply swept the room, wet and witless. "The fact of the matter is, I'm part of the problem. Every day that goes by—and I refuse to give the shirt on my back to someone or lay down my life for a complete stranger—I'm part of the problem. There is no way of rexamining or skewing the matter. Unless I'm willing to do anything—and everything—for the first soul I meet... I won't ever change... and the world will never change. I'm not alone—but that's just an excuse. I've filled my life with excuses... whiny, pathetic, selfish excuses for preserving the legacy of a loser." A sniffle, and he looked at Soarin. "And coming here was one of them."
Soarin gazed back at him, blinking curiously.
"Maybe you all have your own problems... maybe there's suffering in Equestria that I've yet to find... but—the truth of the matter is..." Flash breathed heavily. "...doing good and selfless things here comes easy. It's built in all of you... so much goodness and harmony. I... I could feed five thousand hungry souls with my bare hooves here... and it wouldn't make an impact. Because... because that's just how warm and beautiful this place is. Everything is on the up and up. If I improved myself here—as a living being—could it really be called 'progress?' I'd be cheating my way to a position of feeling self-righteous and... and I knew that before I came here. I knew th-that the first m-moment a beautiful... innocent princess waltzed into my world and needed help. And I helped her... but only because it was easy... because I could afford to do it... just like I could afford to clean the gutters here... or stave off a diamond dog assassination or even... or even unite an entire Empire with the rest of Equestria..."
"Flash..." Soarin leaned in. "...what you did here was no small feat."
Flash choked on the next breath. "It is for me." He shook his trembling head. "So long as I know what I know... that I see all that I've opened my eyes to see... I-I'm no angel here... I-I'm just a c-coward..." He lingered on the crest of hyperventilation. "I know deep down inside what I am... wh-what I've chosen to be and... and..." The first stab pierced the base of his neck and tore its way up his throat. "Dammit..." His eyes were already becoming cloudy. "God dammit..." He held a hoof to his face, trying to dam it all in. He had anticipated this moment for months... long lonely months spent sandwiched by the gray walls of his room. But when the tears finally came, they weren't cleansing or relieving. If nothing else, the baptism only exposed him to all the grimy lengths of his soul left unwashed. "...I've been..." He hiccuped. He sobbed. "...so damn... so goddamn s-selfish..." He hunched over. There were no wings that could carry him aloft now. "...I'm s-sorry... I'm so sorry..."
Perhaps, Flash Sentry knew what was about to happen. Nevertheless, when the first set of equine arms enfolded around him, he cried like a moth caught in a spider's web. A fetlocked rubbed into his shoulder, and he smelled the scent of muffins as the mare kissed his forehead and nuzzled his neck. Next came Soarin, his strong wings cocooning and preserving. He couldn't see the bodies of those who subsequently closed in, but his mind counted them, and the number stretched beyond heaven. They surrounded the teenager, giving him the warmth and love that he always wanted, but all it did was burn him alive. His first sobs in as long as he could remember were cries of anguish, and he allowed the pain to wring the last pitiable drops out of him.
"It's okay, bro..."
"You're a good soul..."
"...you wouldn't feel these things unless you wanted to change..."
"Fortune smiles on you, my boy. All is not lost."
"...you can still do a lot of good, Flash..."
"Not... not..." Flash seethed, his face and voice hovering between compassionate pony hugs. "...not h-here I can't." He grimaced. Giving birth. "Here... n-no matter what g-good I did... I would just blend in. I would disappear completely. And I have so much p-potential... and I mean too much to the universe to ever let that h-happen." He clenched his eyes shut. "And that's why I must go back." He cried, covering his face with a hoof, like a shroud. "I must g-go back..." His shudders were silent now. Acknowledging. A mantra. "I must go back... I must go back... I must..."
Nopony argued with him.
Nopony tried to change him.
For that was already happening.
He sank in the midst of their warmth, allowing the tears to run their course and recede. How long the moment took to pass, Flash could not recall... but he made sure to mind the tributaries that flowed from there.