It emerged from a portal above, landing with a resounding thud, and terrifying the denizens of Canterlot that weren't reduced to bits and pieces beneath its brown hide
Those that weren't turned into pony chutney stared in awe as it rose to its feet. It let out a thunderous roar, shattering windows and sending everyone not deafened, or already deaf, running with their tails tucked between their legs. Those ballsy or stupid enough not to do so were met with a fate most horrible. The massive jaws of the beast descending upon them, followed by bone crunching nine inch long teeth, complete with the blood of its recent meal. A sight that would make a dentist drop dead sixty times over.
Then it spread its pink, fluffy wings and took flight.
Princess Luna looked out at the monster rampaging through the city, flying from city block to city block and smashing buildings at random. “Dearest sister,” she said, “I do not recall scheduling an attack on our city today.”
Princess Celestia stood up from her throne and walked over to the window. She observed the chaos with a mixture of horror and jealousy.
“Hmph. I wish my wings were that elegant.”
Mostly jealousy.
“Should we go fight it?” Luna asked. “It seems like a standard attack on our fair city and it doesn't seem to be any different than our typical threats.”
Celestia shook her head. “No, sister. It radiates a power that not even I could match.”
Luna caught her sister as she staggered backward. “Sister!” Luna rested a hoof on her sisters shoulder. “What sort of power does this beast hold that could do this to you?”
Celestia shuddered. “The power of… record box office openings...”
Luna’s pupils shrunk to the size of atoms. “By my mother's glorious mane.” She let go of her sister, letting her strike the floor just as the prehistoric menace outside let loose yet another earth shattering roar. “Quick, sister! We must alert him!”
“But he has been asleep for decades!” Celestia replied. “Can we be sure he still understands how to tame such animals?”
“We have no other choice!” Luna stormed over to the throne room door, turning back only to say, “He is our only hope…”
Celestia sighed. She got up and followed Luna down into a magically sealed-off door in the lowest level of the castle. They unsealed it, revealing a cryogenically frozen stallion and velociraptor.
“Ugh…” The stallion rubbed his head. “Is this the park?”
Celestia rested a hoof on the stallion’s shoulder. “No, this is Canterlot.” Another roar rang out, causing the raptor to go berserk and the stallion to do that thing that calmed her down.
“See?” Luna smirked. “He still has it.”
“I never lost it.” The stallion said. “By the way, the name’s Owen and this is my raptor, Red.”
Celestia eyeballed the dinosaur and furrowed her brow. “She's blue.”
“Yeah, but red goes faster.”
With that, Owen hopped onto Red and rode her up to the dinosaur’s face and punched it into the sun.
“And that's my pitch for the next Jurassic World movie!”
Princess Celestia sat on a chair in the office of Universal Studios. A stallion sat across from her, his normally well-kept beige mane having been made into an incomprehensible mess.
Not to mention the rest of his office.
All thanks to the chaotic force of nature that sat across from him.
The stallion pursed his lips and fixed his mane as best he could. “With all do respect, your highness,” he began, “Your pitch is, uh, definitely unique, but it doesn't quite match up with what we have in mind for the series. So while I am… thankful for the very lively demonstration you gave of the action scenes, it is with great regret that I must ask you to leave. I do apologize.”
“Now, now...” Celestia began, a grin slowly etching itself on her face. “Don't rush. I have… another idea that you may like.”
The stallion raised an eyebrow. “And what exactly would that be?”
Celestia chuckled. “Well…”
“Twilight!”
Spike ran into the library carrying a laptop. He ran to Twilight’s side and rested the laptop on her bed. On the screen was a video of a dinosaur with pink fluffy wings; paused at a time such as to showcase a massive explosion with two stallions shooting the monster with enormous guns.
Twilight took one look at the screen and rolled her eyes. “Spike,” she began, “what have I told you about watching those videos about monster attacks? They'll give you nightmares. Especially when Jinxy Terror arrives.”
“This isn't real though!” Spike rewound the video and looked at Twilight, shaking with giddiness. “It's a trailer for the coolest movie ever!”
Twilight shook her head. “Just play it.”
Spike smirked. “Not excited about a movie that your own mentor wrote?”
Twilight's eyes widened. She pushed Spike aside and clicked on the play button, her widened eyes glued to the screen.
The trailer started off with various logos, none of which Twilight recognized. Not even the universally-renowned Universal Studios rang a bell to her.
At least, not in this universe.
A gruff, gravelly voice narrated about the importance of family and how it can overcome any challenge. Spliced in were shots of carriages crashing and speeding around Canterlot and Saddle Arabia. A few fight scenes followed in laboratories, including one in a castle.
“Should we contact Brian?” a mare asked a bald stallion, who looked at the floor with a pained look on his face.
“We can't… he has his family to protect.”
Twilight shook her head and let out a sigh as more shots of exotic locations, carriages, and mares acting in ways that caused Spike to feel… odd played on the screen.
“I'll tell you, Toretto,” a voice, and a beautifully British one at that, said. It was also one that Twilight recognized. She snapped her head up and looked at the screen. “You're all too persistent.”
“OhmygoshisthatBenedictCumberbatch?”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Yes, it is.”
“When does this come—”
“Now allow me to introduce you to your demise!”
A massive portal opened over Canterlot Castle and an enormous dinosaur foot emerged, demolishing it.
“This ride just got prehistoric!” one of the characters yelled.
The screen cut to black just as several carriages flew towards the prehistoric apex predator, and a logo made of dinosaur bones appeared on the screen, spelling out Prehistorically Fast and Furious.
“Spike!” Twilight levitated over the baby dragon and shook him wildly. “We need to see this!”
“It… doesn't come out for another six months.” Spike fell flat on his face as Twilight dropped him. He sat up and brushed himself off. “The other nine movies are awesome though!” He tapped his chin as he contemplated something very important. “Well, number three was bad, but eight out of nine is still good!”
“Do any of them have my husbando in them?”
“No, but number seven has that other British guy you fantasize about,” Spike said. “You know, the bald guy who whispers everything he says.”
Before Spike knew it, he found himself in the lounge of the castle with a large bucket of popcorn.
The rest of the day was filled with carriage carnage, racing, fighting, and a disappointing lack of being Groot.
Prehistorically Fast and Furious went on to score a ninety percent on Rotten Apples. It grossed more than that Infinite Skirmish movie. Universal Studios greenlit twenty more sequels.
Spike subsequently died happy.