//------------------------------//
// Chapter 7: Purposes of Ponies 
// Story: Pandemic: What you are Meant to Be 
// by Halira 
//------------------------------//

Mattie spent her first night as a full pony largely in the air. The mass completion of transformations had her on edge about what humans would do and Paul had asked her to help with keeping a lookout over the church compound at night anyway. She was more than happy to oblige his request.

She didn't ever go far, but she kept a large circle in the air going about a mile around the church, her eyes always focused on the ground below for any movement. Thankfully it seemed to be a largely quiet night. The only activity that she saw were a few stray humans at their houses that stayed up late barbecuing meat in their yards. She guessed that they were more willing to come outside more at night when most ponies were sleeping. None of them seemed to be interested in causing problems, just enjoying one another's company and cooking their food. The smell of the roasting flesh made her feel a little sick to her stomach, but it wasn't too bad at the distance she kept in the air. She couldn't begrudge the humans the fact they needed to eat and have time they felt was safe to come together.

The church compound itself stayed completely still through the entire night. The only ponies awake at it were the few guards that watched the gates. They took shifts changing out every two hours so none had to spend the entire night awake.  
They were tense about the prospect of human attacks, and seemed a bit jumpy as a result. She would fly down occasionally just to let them know she still saw no danger about at the moment, to try to ease their tension.

With her vision now adapted to the dark she could see other night ponies in the distance, no doubt guarding other shelters. None ever flew far from their seemingly marked off territory. Most of the day ponies seemed blissfully unaware of the potential threats they may face now. Those that were up at night couldn't help staring at every shadow though. There would be no leaving their areas unattended tonight to go off and explore or socialize, there may not be any of that for many days yet to come; not until they were confident that the ponies they guarded were safe.

She had fallen into doing all this with little thought, it just came natural, and it all felt right. This was a duty to her fellow ponies that she could embrace. With the embrace of this aspect of her new self came a sense of fulfillment that she was doing what she was meant to do. There was always the question of whether she was being compelled by her new form to want this duty and whether she was at the mercy of alien instincts. There seemed no reason for her not to want this though, and no reason to question whether she really should feel a sense of peace with herself for complying with those instincts in regards to guarding the ponies sleeping below. It was a good thing, a decent thing, and a thing worthy of being proud of. Her opinions on God were not as all encompassing in her life as her parents, but she couldn't help feeling that if God was watching her that he would be pleased with her.

There was one thing that troubled her throughout the night. She was painfully aware of the nature of the dreams of some of those sleeping below her. She couldn't tell what any dream was about, but she was aware of dreams that brought fear or anxiety. They were like little patches of darkness on the edges of her vision that she couldn't quite look at. There was an urge, a compulsion, to try to do something about those dreams, their presence offended something deep in her core, but she resisted it. She would not invade the minds of her fellow ponies, no matter how kind it might seem to be to do so. Let them fear, because the world was a hostile place that fear helped keep them safe from.

When the sun finally rose over the horizon she landed back down in the church compound, eager to see who the early risers among the population happened to be. She needed to talk to other ponies as much as she needed air to breathe. She had never been particularly social as a human, but perhaps now that she was at peace with herself she felt the need to make up for all that time withdrawn from others. That at least is what made the most sense to her.

Most were still asleep though as the sun first came up. Some slept in tents, many slept within the church or its outlying buildings, but a great many seemed to have no problem with sleeping outside exposed. She could understand, their fur kept them warmer anyway, and inside the buildings were very cramped quarters. Ponies didn't seem to have any problem cuddling up close to one another with nothing sexual meant by it, but that didn't stop them from still wanting to get up and walk without tripping over their fellow sleeping equines.

Most of the early risers were half awake it seemed. There were a few ponies making their way over to some of the newly shifted farming soil to relieve themselves; many ponies felt the soil needed fertilizing and that was just the easiest way to go about it. They had the decency to at least bury their waste typically so ponies weren't walking in it.

There were a few unicorns who were using their magic to work can openers for themselves or others so they could eat breakfast. For the time being there was still a strong reliance on those precious can goods and food was being carefully rationed. Hopefully either farms would get going soon or there would be another relief shipment of goods. There were a lot of mouths to feed. Maybe they could figure out other things they could eat, but Mattie was not eager to see if she could simply eat grass. If something didn't happen with food soon they all might be reduced to trying that though. The prospect of starvation was a very real fear, and it was not just the ponies, as the humans were not getting any new food shipments either. It was grim to think about, and made Mattie's ears droop.

"Hi there," came a timid sounding voice off to her side.

She turned and found the speaker to be a stallion, one of those rare ponies with the glittery coats. He was the only one she had actually seen though she had heard about there being a few about. He had a light blue coat and darker blue mane, all with that crystalline nature to his fur and mane. It was very pretty to look at. They were as rare a type as the night ponies, perhaps rarer. He was giving her a shy smile.

"Hi, I haven't seen you before. Did you just finish the transformation yesterday like me?" She asked as she looked at him. 

"Yeah, I did. My name is Calvin by the way. I know I tend to keep off in a corner to myself most of the time. I saw you yesterday in the chapel, flying around. I wanted to get to know you since you are kind of like me, not having any others like you around at this church," Calvin said.

"You can call me Mattie for now, still figuring out my name, but that is what I am using for now. I have met a few other night ponies, but kind of not eager for their company. We have some differences of opinion on some things. So yeah, feeling a bit of an outsider too, and happy to talk and get to know you," Mattie said with a smile. She didn't have to exaggerate, she was eager to make more friends, and friends that felt a little on the outside of everypony else were something extra special.

"Why are you trying to figure out your name?" Calvin asked with confusion.

"Um, before the transformation I kind of had a male body and name. I am like Tonya in that way if you have met her. I wasn't out of the closet before all this started, but kind of got tossed out of it. So far it has been great for the most part," she said as she proudly spread her wings, and did her own little happy strut.

"Oh, hadn't realized that. Yeah, I know Tonya, everypony knows Tonya around here. She's a nice enough pony, a little forward with all the stallions and mares, but nice. I guess you feel a little weird about stallions checking you out then," Calvin said hesitantly.

"Um, a little bit. Tonya was teasing me about that yesterday. I really don't know how I feel about that kind of thing yet. Before all of this I never really had any attraction for..um..males, but I never really had any for females either. I never went on any dates, or checked anyone out myself. Transforming hasn't magically given me any insight into my feelings on that yet either. What do you mean Tonya is forward with all the stallions and mares?" Mattie said with a bit of a shuffle to her hooves.

"Tonya makes it abundantly clear she's ready to roll in the grass with just about any pony that is willing. I'm not sure if anypony has taken her up on it yet, but that mare has libido to spare. If she hasn't tried propositioning you yet with how attractive you look I am a little surprised," Calvin said with a laugh. Then his eyes got wide and quickly added. "Not that I think you're attractive..or I do, but not in a creepy kind of way. I am just acknowledging you are really pretty, you know?"

"Okay, this conversation just got a lot more uncomfortable. How about we try to forget you said that part. Though thank you for the compliment, I think," Mattie said with a raised eyebrow. He must have been one of the ones that had been checking her out yesterday. She hadn't noticed him, but he said he always was off in a corner. She didn't know how to feel about his awkward admittance that he thought she was sexy, but she wasn't ready to just give up on getting to know him yet. 

"I'm sorry," he said with lowered ears. "I always put my hoof in my mouth when I am trying to talk to others. I did it as a human, and now I am doing it as a pony. Some things just don't change I guess. Like everything I say comes out in the worst possible way. It is why I always keep to myself."

"Well, I am not the best with wording things either. I am not like you say Tonya is in terms of being comfortable with ponies hitting on me, at least until I figure out who and what actually appeals to me, but if you can try to lay off doing that we can be friends. Outsiders need to stick together after all," Mattie said in a consoling tone, offering up a hoof to shake.

Calvin sighed with relief and gripped his fetlock around hers. He gave her a broad smile as they griped hooves.

"So, what's it mean to be all..crystally?" Mattie asked as she looked at him.

"I've absolutely no idea," Calvin said with a frown as he lifted a hoof to look at it. "I don't have the same drive that the earth ponies have about farming. I mean, I try to help out a little, but it really just isn't my thing. I've no idea what my thing is at all. I look different and lack the same drives, maybe I am just defective. You figure that ETS was a virus, so viruses mutate right? Maybe I am just some weird mutation."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. All of us seem to have some way we benefit all the ponies around us. I am sure there is something special about you too. You aren't the only one with the crystally mane and coat. Once things settle down a bit you can seek out others like yourself and you can all find what you can do together," Mattie said. 

"Maybe it is just a full defective strain with us," he responded with a sigh. He looked around at all the other ponies out on the church grounds with a gaze of longing. "Every other pony seems to fit together in this whole new society thing that we have going, it is like it is by design, but I just don't see where I fit into it. I want to be part of this and do my part, I really do, but I've got nothing. I highly doubt there is some big design space needed for awkward ponies that make fools out of themselves when they speak."

She didn't know what to say to cheer him, but some of what he said felt important to her. This all did seem to be by design, they were all too clearly assigned tasks by their type and all too eager to do those tasks. Maybe there was something to her mother going on about how this was all God's will. Even the stuff with influencing dreams with her had a strong compulsion to it, one that she had to fight to resist constantly. She was resisting that compulsion though, and that meant that any pony could do the same. They didn't have to be just whatever they were designed to be. 

"Calvin, maybe you shouldn't focus so much on finding what you should be doing and how you fit into all this. Maybe you just need to focus on figuring out what makes you happy. We can't all just be gears in a machine, there has to be more to it than that. Maybe that is the point of you, to remind us all that there is more than just jobs and tasks," Mattie said with a smile and a light brush of her wing across the stallion's face.

"Maybe," he said, not sounding confident in that at all. 

She sympathized with him. He feared he had no place in this new world. It was something to be concerned about for sure. No pony wanted to feel like they didn't belong. She felt a little like she didn't belong either. Her fellow night ponies were determined to stamp out fear and to spread this message of harmony to all ponies. She didn't feel like she was the right type of pony because that didn't resonate with her or feel right to her. The more time passed the more she came to appreciate fear as something to be treated with respect, not stamped out. She didn't want ponies to be slaves to fear, but she wanted ponies to really think about what they feared and understand it. Understanding fear felt like what her true purpose was, not eliminating it. It was like something tied to the core of who she was, some kind of destiny..

"I know you'll want to be settling back down to sleep soon. I won't keep you any longer. Can we talk again tonight maybe?" Calvin said, breaking her out of her thoughts. 

"Yeah, I'd like that. Maybe if things stay slow again tonight I can fly out a little further and check with the other night ponies to find out where more ponies like you are in the area. Maybe set up where you can all get together," Mattie said with a smile.

"I'd like that a lot. I hate feeling so alone. I didn't mind before, but now I would do anything to find more ponies like me to talk to," he said gratefully. 

"Then I will do just that. I know you are afraid of being alone, so we will figure out how to address that. I will see you tonight, right now I am going to go have a talk with my mother before I get some sleep. Hopefully she hasn't slept in again today," Mattie said as she started walking towards the church building.

"You sleep well then, and thanks for being so nice," Calvin replied.

"No thanks needed. Ponies should be kind after all. See you later, Calvin," Mattie said as she went to go find her almost certainly still sleeping mother.