//------------------------------// // 3 - Recovery // Story: Welcome to Ponyville // by Ocean Waves //------------------------------// The town library is also a boarding house. Who knew? Welcome to Ponyville In national news, the sun and moon have returned to their normal schedules. Local scientists led by Doctor Whooves have assured me that the danger to our planet has been reduced from 'absurdly dangerous' to merely 'catastrophic'. He elaborated on this by explaining how the tides were likely disrupted and all the coastal communities on the planet likely suffered grievous damage from the tides. Our beloved eternal pony overlord, Princess Celestia is no longer missing. She is introducing the pony that used to be Nightmare Moon as her sister and now fellow pony overlord Princess Luna. This has become very unpopular amongst historians, who are unsure if they should record Nightmare Moon's attempted coup as a failure or as a tie. The Royal Guard has responded to this by claiming victory, and stated that whomever they now bow to at the end of the day is irrelevant. On a side note, Equestria seems to be gaining princesses at an increasing rate. Think about it listeners, we went almost a millennium with just one princess and then we have gained two in recent years. What a great time to be alive. Our last piece of national news is the announcement that tickets for the Grand Galloping Gala have gone on sale. These tickets are so expensive and so exclusive that ponies will do almost anything to get one. My advice? Sure it's a ticket to the most newsworthy event of the year, but it's very expensive and there are better uses of my time. Like knitting or playing card games. In the end, it just isn't worth attending the Gala. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully... If any of you listeners actually attend the Gala, please tell me what it was like. In local news, it is with great regret that the funerals planned for next Saturday have been cancelled, as the ponies in question have not actually perished. Pinkie Pie has expressed profound disappointment, as she had volunteered as both a pallbearer and the caterer. The mysterious mailbox has moved again. Despite the constant vigil of Town Hall interns, nopony saw the mailbox in transit as it shifted another 4 feet to the east. Town Hall has responded to this aggressive move by posting notice that the mailbox has six days to pay the fine or else be treated as an abandoned vehicle and be towed. So far the mailbox has failed to respond, apart from a brief moment where it glowed pink and smelt of Lavender. Pushing Daisy defended herself in court earlier today for breaking Princess Celestia's ban on summoning the day of the Summer Sun Celebration. Referring to herself the entire time as 'We', Ms. Daisy argued that as the sun has not yet risen when the ritual was performed, she had not actually broken the decree. Instead, she had performed a summoning really, really, really late into the night prior to that extremely short day. The judge responded with "Touché", and had her released. Ms. Sparkle and Mr. Spike, the new Unicorn and dragon, have moved into our town library. No word yet on how this will effect operating hours of the library, or if Ms. Sparkle will function as the first Ponyville librarian in 87 years. This is of personal interest to our previous librarian, my deceased aunt Dust Cover, who sits on the town council and heads the Board of Ghosts and Hauntings. Ms. Cover believes that it is important to allow ponies to check out books from the library so that the town can collect income on overdue books. This would reduce the tax burden the library currently is on our town. Princess Cadance has struck down part of Mayor Mare's anti-fictional Alicorn policy by imposing an injunction that will allow displays of Cupid to continue. The reasoning for the injunction was said to be personal, but the Princess did elaborate that the law was based on superstitious nonsense. Colta-Cola has taken this as a major step towards victory in their own efforts. When asked how the injunction on Cupid helps with lifting the ban on Santa Hooves, the Colta-Cola representative responded with fifteen seconds of dead silence and a clipped "We'll call you back." Due to recent losses, I am happy to announce that our radio station is once again accepting interns. While a dangerous and lifetime commitment, nothing else compares to providing accurate and up to date news to our lovely town. Applicants should expect to slave away for little pay, risk their lives biweekly, and will be provided excellent dental care and vacation days. Interns who excel can even reserve spots in Ponyville's Retirement Home for not-quite Retired Interns, where top notch medical care is provided to facilitate their continued eternal servitude. And finally, the Everfree Forest. Why is it so dangerous? Where did it come from? Why did we build our town near it? From Ponyville Radio, this is Dusty Roads, goodnight.