Songbird

by PaulAsaran


The First Night

Celestia watched as her little sister stepped gingerly into the room. Her pale blue mane hung limp from her shoulders as she took in the bed with its dark sheets and starry quilt. Gradually, as if expecting to find an illusion, Luna pressed her hoof to the soft covers.

“It’s just as it was when you left,” Celestia said, her voice betraying her anxiety.

Luna’s response was soft. Barely a whisper. “I noticed.” She raised her head, taking in the ceiling full of glittering stars. “You even kept the ceiling enchantments intact. They should have faded after only a decade.”

“Yes.” Shuffling hooves. Fidgeting wings. Celestia tried to smile for her sibling. “Once every five years. I’d stay the night.” Her head bowed low. “I used to read you to sleep. It’s not the same when you’re not really there anymore.”

Soft, hesitant steps. Luna’s hooves appeared in her vision. Celestia raised her head and met blue eyes filled with doubt and concern in equal measure. “You… missed me.”

“More than you know. I—” Her words were interrupted by Luna’s sudden hug. Her fears fading, she lowered her head to rub her neck with the little pony she’d longed to see again. She wanted to speak, to explain how her heart felt like it might burst, or why her eyes burned with fresh tears. Yet no words escaped her, for her throat denied their release.

It was Luna who broke the silence. “I’m sorry I trapped you in the sun.”

Celestia chuckled and squeezed her sister all the tighter. “It’s alright. I might have had it coming, all things considered.” She settled to her haunches and sighed, content in this long-desired closeness. “If anything, I should be thanking you.”

Pulling her head back to meet Celestia’s gaze, Luna frowned. “For what? For trying to get rid of you?”

“For treating me better than I treated you.” Celestia turned her gaze to the illusionary starscape over their heads. As was always the case, the lack of a moon up there left a heavy feeling in her heart. “I put you in a lonely, isolating place. You tried to create an imaginary world where all my dreams came true. Your plan was far kinder.” When Luna said nothing to this, Celestia looked down to find her sibling staring at the floor, face hidden behind her pale blue mane. “Luna?”

A soft mumble was the only response. She tilted her head down to nuzzle the sister’s cheek. “Please. Talk to me?”

Luna hesitated for a time, but at last gave her quiet answer. “I lost faith.”

“In what?”

“In you.” Her sister raised a wing over her face. Her shoulders trembled beneath Celestia’s pinions. “I thought the Nightmare had won. So I… I helped it create that fantasy for you. It performed the magic, I offered advice. Like bringing M-Mother and Father back.”

A smile came unbidden to Celestia’s lips. “I appreciate what you were trying to do.”

A lone blue eye glared from just over those feathers. “I helped make your prison. How can you appreciate that?”

Gently brushing the wing aside, Celestia met her gaze and tried to portray all the warmth in her heart with a smile. “You could have banished me to the moon for a thousand years.” Pressing her forehead against that of her sibling, she let the smile fade with that warmth. “I wish I could have offered you something similar.”

“Tia, I…” Luna pressed back, but feebly. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

Perhaps ignoring the topic would be unwise, but Celestia could not bring herself to press the matter. Her dear sister would need time to recover. What good would come of opening fresh wounds? “If that is your wish. Just promise me we will be able to speak of this later.”

“I promise. Just… not now.”

Pulling away, Celestia brought her smile back, even if it lacked the help of that warm glow she’d felt mere moments ago. “In that case, could I ask you a question?”

Luna’s ears folded back and she shrank a little, though she made no attempt to escape Celestia’s feathery embrace. “I suppose?” She looked for all the world like a foal who’d been caught with her hoof in the cookie jar.

Ah, there was that warm feeling. Celestia reveled both in it and the pleasant awareness that her sister could be so precious once again. It had been so long, even before the banishment. A reminder of old times…

She shook herself out of the brief reverie and asked the first question on her mind. “Starswirl. Sleeping in the ribbons and pulleys. Wherever did that come from?”

Her little sister stared, expression slack and eyes dull.

Then she burst into peals of laughter. She leaned heavily against Celestia’s chest, clinging to her with her legs while her wings hung limp, and let the laughter shake them both. Celestia grinned. A victory in the face of despair! To hear her sibling's laughter so soon after her return made her heart swell.

“Oh, Tia!” Luna stepped back and wiped a tear from her eye. “Only you would think to ask that first, of all things. I caught Starswirl doing that once. He swore me to secrecy, acting like I’d caught him sleeping with some call mare!” Huffing one last recovery breath, she rubbed her chin with a fetlock and grinned. “He never did tell me what it was all about, though I teased him relentlessly about it for over a year.”

“Alas, a mystery for the ages.” Celestia giggled, but her mind was already being diverted to more interesting topics. Now that Pinkie Pie was on the mind, she recalled something… peculiar. “In the world you made for me, something strange happened. I met a pony in the Everfree Forest. I didn’t know her at the time, but—”

“The pink one.” Perplexity drew itself across Luna’s face, her lips set in a contemplative frown. “I… I honestly have no idea. She surprised both myself and the Nightmare, so much so the illusion almost broke then and there. I would very much like to inquire as to how she managed to slip in and back out of an illusionary world set in the sun.” She stomped and shook her head. “How frustrating! We lost an opportunity at that ‘party’.”

Celestia made a mental note to investigate this matter at a later time. An ability like what Pinkie revealed would be extremely valuable. Curious as the earth pony was, there were more personal matters to discuss.

"There was one other thing. Why did you not give the world a moon? It seems like quite the glaring omission."

Luna sobered, her eyes falling to the floor once more. It took her a while longer to respond, but Celestia gave her the time she needed. "We... I thought you would hate me. The moon would just be a reminder of that, of me. So the Nightmare decided to do away with it and any memory of my existence. The idea was that you'd be happier never knowing you had a sibling to loathe."

"Oh, Lulu..." Celestia brought her body closer to her sibling, nuzzling her cheek. "I never hated you. I was never even angry at you. Only confused and lost. It was the absence of the moon that really made me understand something was wrong. If it was gone, then you were truly lost to me. Even on a subconscious level, I could not let that happen."

Luna smiled. A fragile thing, but Celestia would take it. Luna didn't speak on the matter, and Celestia decided it wouldn't do to press this topic right now. She had the rest of their very long lives to reiterate her love on a daily basis. It would sink in with time. Surely.

Now it was time for a question that had Celestia hesitating. “Um, there was just one more thing…”

Down went the corners of Luna’s lips again. “Y-yes?”

Dread swelled within Celestia’s chest like a lead weight. Yet she persevered, for this was a question that needed answering above all others. “How did you know of Twilight, and… and why did you think she was… was…” Saying it out loud was too much, even now. She stared at Luna, hoping that the answer wouldn’t be what she feared.

Luna looked away, her cheeks turning a bright pink. She worked her jaw as if flexing it for some strenuous speech to come. “I fear I must apologize again. The truth is that I looked into your recent memories. I only intended to use them to help create a world you’d be able to recognize, for I knew my own information would be outdated.”

Celestia sucked down a sharp breath. It was not anger that lodged her tongue to the roof of her throat, but the same clinging dread that gripped her like a vice. It was some seconds before she was able to free her mouth from that hold. “I… I won’t hold that against you. B-but how did looking into my mind make you think that Twilight and I were…” She swallowed heavily and glanced away.

It seemed Luna had just as much difficulty with this topic as she did. Face turned away, she tapped the tips of her hooves together. Her appearance was so much smaller than even her present form should have allowed. “I saw her so often in your memories. Foalhood to young adult. She always appeared so happy around you, and you so happy around her. There was love there, I could feel it. It wasn’t that kind of love, and I knew that.

“But the Nightmare saw it too. She mistook it and… made it more than it was.” She shot Celestia a meek glance from around glowing cheeks. “I’m sorry, Celestia. She decided to do that. Twilight was created to be your lover because the creature assigned you a similar morality to its own. It didn’t understand the kind of love you and Twilight share, and I couldn’t stop it.”

Despite Luna’s trepidation, Celestia felt the dread draining from her, and her nervous energy along with it. She slumped forward and let the air from her lungs in a long, slow exhale. “For a while I thought you’d seen something within myself that I hadn’t.”

“Rest assured,” Luna replied, “Twilight is to you naught but a beloved student and friend.”

“That is reassuring.” Regaining her tired smile, Celestia thought back on her prized pupil and how she’d behaved in the world of illusion. “It is also relieving. At least I had to turn down a fake entity and not the real thing.”

Her sister considered her with a neutral expression that brought a touch of uncertainty back into her mind. “What is it?”

Having yet to recover from her shrunken posture, Luna replied, “Most of the individuals you met were indeed illusions. But Twilight… It wasn’t Twilight, but it was still a perceptive being.”

Celestia stared at her sibling in silence. Perceptive? As in alive? That creature that looked and acted like Twilight, that claimed unwavering adoration over her… that was real? “H-how?”

Yet again, Luna averted her gaze. “The Nightmare thought that your connection with her was so close you’d recognize a mindless form immediately. And so she took a little bit of my… our life essence and used it to create an intelligent creature based upon your memories of Twilight Sparkle and her own expectations of what your relationship was. The pony you knew as your student in that world was real, or at least as close to real as we could make it.”

Celestia gazed at nothing, memories swirling in her head. She remembered Twilight’s constant fretting and efforts to make her happy, her beaming smile, her anxious desire to stay in Celestia’s room… the teleporting chase in the archives. “You mean… I killed a living thing?”

“In a sense.” Luna flinched when Celestia’s stare turned on her. “The essence that created her merely flowed back into me.”

“But the spirit, the personality, the individual.” Celestia leaned a little closer, gazing at blue eyes that refused to meet her own. “That is gone, isn’t it?” She held her breath, uncertain of the reason behind the tightness in her stomach.

When her sister nodded, that tightness tripled. A little gasp left her. “I… I killed a creature whose only real crime was loving me.”

Luna spoke hurriedly. “Her love would have smothered you. You’d have never left the sun.”

“That’s not the point.” She sat back and folded her legs to her chest, a feeble defense against the fire in her heart. “Even if she was merely a construct, she didn’t deserve what happened. I should have tried to help her, and instead I… I broke her heart and burned her body.”

“A black, hideous body!” Luna took Celestia’s hooves in her own, her expression pleading. “You musn’t do this, dear sister. That creature was my creation, and her actions were thus my doing. I gave her free will to act on her own, the adoration that kept her at your side, and the purpose of holding you forever in that prison. If anypony is to be blamed—”

“Do not say it.” Celestia planted a hoof to Luna’s lips. She felt so worn and weary and beaten, the last thing she desired was to see her sister attack herself more. “Do not say it, please. I know how you must feel, but I ask you try to understand my feelings as well. Blaming ourselves or one another will not undo what was done, and no good shall come of us competing over who is more miserable about it.”

Even after the hoof left her lips, Luna continued to study her with a wilted posture. Yet there was a thoughtfulness accompanying her sadness. At last, she spoke. “You were always the wiser of us.”

With a sigh, Celestia replied, “I don’t feel very wise. But… I am so very glad to know you are back. If we must dwell on anything, can it please be that?”

“I would like that.” Luna set her eyes upon her bed, her pose not improving in the slightest. “I would like that very much. It is just… trying.”

“I know.” Celestia watched her little sister for a time, her body feeling heavy with the weight of those limp wings. Yet she wouldn’t pursue the doubts and worries any longer. She had to follow her own advice, lest Luna fail to do so. A glance at the windows revealed an orange light. Somehow, it made her all the sadder. “I’ll have to lower the sun soon.” She dared not mention that she would be continuing to manipulate the moon; her sibling was in no condition, physical or otherwise, to handle the task yet.

Though it seemed impossible, Luna seemed to become even smaller. She clenched her eyes tightly closed and nodded. “I understand.”

They remained that way for a while, Luna appearing as a foal who’d been harshly reprimanded and Celestia longing for the words that would put her sister at ease. Yet the words would not come. How could she possibly comfort her, considering the circumstances? Waiting for time to heal these wounds felt cowardly, but at least Celestia could be assured that being able to raise the moon in time would help.

Heart in her hooves, she turned to go. Her mouth was open to bid her sister goodnight, but…

“Tia?”

She paused, not quite turned away. There could be no looking back. That voice had been so fragile, and Celestia doubted even she had the strength to hide the pain it brought her. Luna didn’t need to see that. “Yes, Lu?”

“Do you have to lower the sun from the tower?”

Did she have to? “Well, no. I could do it anywhere.”

Legs wrapped around her from behind. A warm cheek pressed against the spot between her wings.

“Stay with me tonight? P-please?”

How strange, the way that simple query made her heart swell and float up from where it had been lying on the floor. Celestia turned about to return the embrace, ignoring the burn in her eyes as she wrapped her wings once more about her sibling’s small, fragile form. “Of course, Lu.

“For as long as we need.”