//------------------------------// // If you Fail Once, Fail Twenty More Times and Maybe You'll Get One Right // Story: Side A - The Guard // by daOtterGuy //------------------------------// The shop clerk stared at Flash for a moment. “... Good evening.” The clerk turned to Shining, “What would you like?” Shining slowly turned away from Flash who was acting more crazy than usual. He presumed it was after effects from his concussion. He tried not to take notice of the bit of drool hanging out of the corner of his muzzle. “We’ll take... ” Shining looked over the display for a moment, “two hazelnut bars.” The clerk nodded, “Excellent choice.” As the clerk walked off to take care of Shining’s order, Shining jabbed Flash in the side who yelped from the abrupt action. “What did you do that for?” Flash whined while rubbing his side with a hoof. “What are you doing?” Flash snorted and rolled his eyes. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m seducing the clerk with my dazzling charms.” “You’re WHAT?!” Shining said incredulously. “Is everything alright?” the clerk dropped a small decorative paper bag that presumably contained the two chocolate bars on the counter, “You appear to be arguing over something.” Before Shining could reply, Flash stuck his hoof into an indignant Shining’s muzzle. “Definitely. Absolutely. Assuredly. Did I mention your eyes are gorgeous?” The clerk quirked a single eyebrow. Flash was grinning widely. So widely in fact, that the store clerk wondered if Flash was attempting to determine the best way to kill him. Deciding on a straight response, the stallion replied, “Are they? I can’t say I recollect that they were, as you say, gorgeous.” “Oh definitely, but not as great as your fl-” It was at this time that Shining decided he didn’t like the taste of hoof in his mouth and promptly bit down. Hard. As Flash yelped and spent time nursing his hoof with a pitiful look, Shining took out his bit bag and asked, “How much?” “12 bits” the clerk replied with a bemused smile, “6 each.” Shining threw the bits down at the counter and the clerk quickly rang them through at the register nearby. “Thank you for your patronage,” the stallion said. He smirked in Flash’s direction, “And do come again.” Flash took a moment from nursing his hoof to glance dopely in the clerk’s direction. “Yeah, definitely.” Shining took this opportunity to grab Flash by a wing and drag him out of the building despite Flash’s very avid protests. The clerk simply continued to smirk in their direction as waited for the next customer in line to approach. Once outside and a short distance away, Shining dumped Flash on the ground, turned around and brought his muzzle right up in Flash’s face. Flash was beginning to think that muzzles were very scary when they were right in front of his face. “What was that?” Shining demanded. “What was what?” Flash tilted his head in confusion. Shining pointed a single hoof in the direction of the Chocolate Print. “THAT.” Flash turned towards the building and looked back at Shining. He was concerned. They had just come from that building and already Shining didn’t know what it was? Was Shining also suffering from a concussion? Well, that’s no good. Flash would have to take it upon himself to help out. It’s okay Shiny, I gotcha. Flash leaned back away from Shining’s way too close muzzle and gave a sympathetic pat on his shoulder. “It’s a chocolate shop, Shining. The Chocolate Print, remember?” Shining’s left eye twitched slightly. “I KNOW what the building is Flash. I mean what were you doing in there?” It’s worse than I thought. “We were buying chocolate, Shining,” Flash held up the bag in Shining’s other hoof, “See?” Shining covered his face with both hooves and let out pained sobbing. Or screaming. Flash wasn’t sure. Regardless, this was progress. The first step in healing was acceptance and sobbing. Or was it denying there was a problem first? Flash was very unsure about this, but presumed he was doing well. Shining finally stopped, took a deep breath and leaned back into Flash’s face with his scary muzzle. “The stallion, Flash. What in TARTARUS were you trying to pull in there?” “Oh, well why didn’t you just ask,” Flash gave a big dopey grin, “seducing him. Obviously.” Shining didn’t really know what to say to that. He decided to take things one step at a time. “Seduce him?” “Yep.” “In a public shop?” “Uh, yeah Shining” Flash rolled his eyes, “I thought we’d already been over this.” Shining held back an exasperated sigh “You like stallions?” Flash frowned, “What? No.” Shining’s eye twitched. “But you just said you were trying to seduce the shop clerk.” “Yeah” Flash got a dopey look on his face, “he was hot.” “Then... you do like stallions?” “Nope.” Shining stopped. He took a deep breath. He also contemplated pounding Flash into the ground to knock some sense into him, but knowing Shining’s luck he would give him another concussion. The first one was already not doing Flash any favours. “So, you don’t like stallions.” “Nope.” Flash shook his head with a stern expression. “But you like him?” “Yep.” Flash nodded his head happily. “... Why?” Flash rolled his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was, and said “Shining, did you see that stallion’s flank?” Shining promptly entertained the idea of throwing Flash into the ground again, but remembered that it would probably backfire. It did not stop Shining from dreaming. “Yep. I’m done. Don’t even care anymore.” “That’s the spirit, Shiny.” “There’s just one thing I want to say though” Flash nodded his head eagerly as Shining leaned in close. “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME!” Flash leaned back away from the the frankly surprising amount of yelling Shining has been doing. He then contemplated what was said to him and realized that he did indeed not have a name to go with that fine flank. “Oh, you’re right, Shiny” Flash thought for a moment then pounded his hoof into the other as he decided on a course of action, “I should go back and do that.” “Oh no,” Shining grabbed Flash before he could even begin to trot back, “We are returning to the Barracks and having you rest until that bucking concussion is gone.” “But… but… Shiny,” Flash cried, “that flank!” “DON’T CARE.” This continued to be Shining’s stance on the matter as he dragged Flash back to the Barracks despite continuous protest. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When Flash had finally recovered in the medical ward from his concussion the next day, the first thing he thought about was how everything hurt. His wings were stiff from not sleeping right, his body felt like it had got hit by a rather large cart, and his head was currently pounding like something was trying to get out from the inside. Flash took a moment to massage his temples, while he lied down. He was having a hard time remembering what had happened through all the pain. He knew Crash Beat, the jerk, had pile drived him into the ground. He knew he had went with Shining into town during their free period to visit a store. They entered the Chocolate Print where he saw... Flash jolted upright out of bed with his eyes wide open. Oh no, Oh no, oh noohnoohnoohno. He leapt out of the cot, and galloped to the barracks. He saw Shining by their sleeping quarters doing morning cleaning. Flash raced forward and grabbed a startled Shining Armor. “Please, please, please, tell me I didn’t say what I think I did yesterday.” In response, Shining grinned awkwardly. “Well...” Flash repressed the urge to scream and instead settled for doing so internally. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Flash was back at the Chocolate Print. It was the next day and Flash had finally mustered up enough courage to go back to the store. He was hoping for a few things. First, to apologize seeing as how he said some things that he maybe shouldn’t have. Or at least wished he hadn’t. The second was to get the stallion’s name and ask him out for drinks. Arguably, the concussion was what made him say a lot of what he shouldn’t have, but it was still true. Flash wanted some of that flank dammit, and he was going to get it. Also, that hazelnut bar was amazing. Looking around, Flash quickly spotted the clerk from before. He mustered up his courage and trotted up to the counter. The clerk acknowledged Flash with a quick nod and said in that ever so smooth, chocolatey voice, “Good evening, how may serve you?” Flash thought of several things he would like to ask; A majority of which, would probably require arresting himself. Okay, focus Flash. First apologize. “Hey, so um” Flash rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, “So I may have said some, um, not so great stuff the other day and wanted to apologize for that.” The shop clerk smirked, “Oh? I actually found it rather amusing.” Flash was surprised, “Oh, really?” “Yes, I thought the comment about my eyes was wonderful.” “Oh, yeah no problem.” Flash grinned sheepishly. The clerk’s grin then took a predatory turn showing far too many teeth, “But I was quite flattered that you think my flank is even better.” Several other customers snorted in the background as Flash turned a shade of pink that could not possibly occur naturally. Mortified,didn’t BEGIN to cover what he was feeling at that moment. “So, what would you like?” The stallion asked impassively. “... One hazelnut bar, please” Flash squeaked. The clerk flashed that predatory grin again, “Oh? That’s all you want?” “Yes” Flash squeaked out at an even higher pitch. By this point most of the other patrons were paying attention if only for the entertainment. Several were holding back their laughter and several more were starting to bet on the outcome of this exchange. The clerk grabbed a hazelnut bar, wrapped it in one of those paper bags from the last time. “6 bits.” Flash hooved over the bits, grabbed the bag in his mouth and bolted out the door. Flash promptly held everything together and raced back to the barracks in a composed manner. He most certainly did not cry loudly and obnoxiously in embarrassment, while munching on the decidedly very delicious hazelnut bar. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Flash strode confidently into the Chocolate Print. He had got back to the barracks and thought back on what he had done wrong and decided it was because of his lack of confidence. Before entering the store, Flash had spent his time hyping himself up in front of a mirror and gushing about how awesome he was to himself mentally. He now knew that was going to do great, because he was great, and everything would be GREAT. This lasted right up until he got to the counter, where he found himself face to face with the object of his affection. Flash fidgeted and sweated while smiling nervously. The clerk smirked, “What would you like today?” Flash gathered as much courage, bluster and confidence he could muster and replied, “... One hazelnut bar, please.” He did not cry this time on his way to the barracks. Only mild sniffling. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Flash entered the Chocolate Print. This time, one of his fellow guards, Chevalier, had helped him out by letting him borrow a spiffing hat. It was a navy blue fedora with a teal band and some foreign brand name across the front. He had no idea what it meant, but that probably didn’t matter as he looked awesome. . As he trotted up to the counter with swagger in his steps, he readied to say something smooth and seductive until he noticed the clerk with with a rather surprised look on his face. “... What?” “Do you happen to know what ‘Ménage à trois’ means?” Flash blinked. That was what the hat said, “It’s a clothing brand right?” The clerk paused for a moment then beckoned Flash forward. Curious, Flash leaned in and the clerk whispered the meaning of the word in his ear. Flash’s eyes went wide in alarm then narrowed. Your DEAD Chevalier. Flash stomped towards the entrance of the store, stopped, then trotted back to the counter. “One hazelnut bar, please.” After receiving his chocolate, Flash angrily stomped back to the barracks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After having thrown Chevalier through a window, which is fine because he’s a pegasus, and burning the hat in a fire, Flash entered the Chocolate Print. Again. This time he had picked out a cool pair of sunglasses to make him seem more mysterious and cool. This was definitely going to work. Definitely. Flash strode up to the counter, leaned a hoof against it, and then slid his sunglasses down in a way he thought was seductive, but really wasn’t. “Heeeeeeey” Flash said in what he thought was a sexy voice, but was actually rather high pitched and uncomfortable. The clerk stared for a moment “You are aware that it is dark outside?” “Um, yes.” Flash answered nervously. “You are aware that you are wearing sunglasses?” Flash didn’t like where this was going. He nodded. “You are also aware then that wearing sunglasses at this time is pointless?” This is not how this was supposed to go. “Uh, maybe?” The clerk just stared at Flash. Judging. Harshly. “... One hazelnut bar, please.” The clerk grabbed the required item, wrapped it up and slid it across the counter. “That will be 6 bits” Flash hooved over the bits and left with his secondary, but still delicious, prize. None of his pride though. He left that when he put on the sunglasses. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Flash trotted in as normal. He was confident. He was ready. He was going to DO THIS. He trotted up to the counter, was promptly given a bag filled with one hazelnut bar, hooved over the bits and left out of the way he had come. It took Flash a good few minutes of trotting to realize what he had done. Buck. I’m a regular now. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Flash was groaned into the bottom bunk of his and Shining’s bed. Shining, ever apathetic to the plight of Flash Sentry, continued reading a book on ancient war tactics. Shining rolled his eyes. “You are really bad at this.” “I know!” “All you needed to do was get his name and ask him out for drinks.” Flash groaned louder  in response. “Are you just going to keep moaning instead of actually doing anything?” Flash brought his head up and looked at Shining. He was pouting and unfortunately he was good at it. It was a powerful combination of sheer pony misery and the sad look of an unloved puppy. Shining couldn’t stand to see unloved puppies. Shining sighed heavily. “Okay, look. If I help you ask this pony out, will you stop whining?” Flash sniffled miserably and nodded. “Okay,” Shining put down his book, “Here’s what you’re going to do.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This time, instead of trotting into the store, Flash waited outside the Chocolate Print. He didn't know why he didn’t think of this before. If he talked to the clerk after he was done work then he would have more time to actually talk to him. Flash checked under his wing for Shining’s hidden notecard with what to do. It was simple really: Step 1: Say hi Step 2: Ask how he is Step 3: Ask for his name Step 4: Invite him to the bar Step 5: DO NOT TRY TO SEDUCE HIM Flash nodded to himself. It really was a very straight forward step-by-step process. Even he couldn’t possibly screw this up. Though, looking at his past track record for he still didn’t like the odds for success. No, Flash. Be confident. You can DO this. He snapped out of his inner thoughts as he heard the front door open and close to the store. Flash trotted over and shouted, “Hey!” The stallion, after locking the door, turned towards Flash. “Good evening.” Flash paused. What was he supposed to do again? He looked under his wing and noted step 2. “How are you?” Flash said naturally and smoothly and certainly not with a noticeable nervous tremor. “Acceptably,” the stallion stated, “I am happy to see you did not come into my store today.” “Oh,” Flash deflated slightly in disappointment, “Why is that?” “Your physical health mainly,” At Flash’s confused look he elaborated, “you have eaten the richest, sugary, calorie inducing chocolate from my store every day for past 22 days. I was almost certain, following this trend, you would either end up being unable to enter my store or die of a sugar overdose.” Hm. That did explain why his armor was a little tighter than normal. He should work on that. “Oh well, that is good to know.” “Indeed.” There was an awkward silence as Flash desperately tried to remember what it was he was trying to say. He looked under his wing to see the next step, but as he did so, a stray breeze grabbed the piece of paper and took it away. Flash swore under his breath. “Well,” The stallion finally said, “it’s been a pleasure, but I should be heading home.” Panicking, Flash shouted “Wait!” The stallion stopped, and quirked an eyebrow in Flash’s direction. “So” Flash stalled and then decided to just bite the bit, “the guards are going for a night at the bar to celebrate our first few weeks of training and I was wondering if you would like to come with me as a plus one?” The stallion said nothing for a moment simply staring at Flash. Flash started sweating and forcibly grinning, feeling like his heart was about to leave and take a vacation from all the stress of waiting. “Alright.” “Oh…” Flash looked dejected and then realized what he had heard, “Wait, really?!” The stallion nodded. “I am aware of the guard’s regular drinking rituals and have always been curious to join in.” “So, you’ll come?” “Certainly.” “YES!” Flash pumped a hoof. He had finally asked out... Wait a minute. “Uh so,” Flash rubbed the back of his neck, “I never quite caught your name… ?” “I would think not, you never asked for it,” the stallion proffered a hoof to Flash, “Cocoa Print.” Flash met Cocoa’s hoof with one of his own, “Flash Sentry.” “A pleasure. Anyways, I must be getting home.” Cocoa started to trot but stopped and turned back, “Also stop ordering all of my hazelnut bars. They’re a pain to make.” Cocoa pondered for a moment more, “Also, be more up front. I was getting sick of waiting for you to ask.” With that Cocoa trotted off. Flash waited until he couldn’t see that spectacular flank before he jumped into the air and pumped his hooves with victory while shouting yes over and over. Several ponies eyed him warily, but Flash couldn’t be bothered to care. Flash Sentry finally got his name. And invited him out for drinks! With the rest of the… Flash stopped. Buck.