Flutterfireshark was eating the head of a goffik pony named Ebony Raven when she was attacked by ...!
... was quickly set on fire, revealing him to be Turtle Buu Jackcolt, who then proceeded to tack Ponyville. Derpzilla was quickly defeated by his mastery of fired chicken, and with Pinkie still being the Sun, there was only one pony that could fight him...Doctor Whooves! Whooves cupcaked Turtle upside the head, while destroying Africa in one fell derp.
Video game cartridges rained down, impeding the blood of the universe, causing a rip in time and hammerpants. Applejack, who just finished selling her 10,000,000,000,000th pancake, severely fanfic'd everyone in Celestia, shipping everypony with everypony else, except for Trixie who was only shipped with a tree. Said tree was shipped with everypony else, too, even Derpy Whooves, the amalgamation of Derpy and the Doctor that exists in another dimension where hamsters rule.
The reason Applejack knows about that hamster dimension would make for a much more interesting fanfic then this one, which just made Rarity explode(*BOOM*) for no reason.
Noticing this fic has no dialogue yet, Spike screamed "THIS. IS. PHILLYDELPHIA!" and used his soda-legs to poison the princesses in a fit of rage, making him the ruler of Equestria.
Then everyone spontaneously combusted.