Dear Princess Celestia,
I have come to the conclusion that ADHD girl and the diva are complete morons. I caught them in the act of watching something incredibly stupid, Rainbow Crash flying around and showboating like a complete moron. What is funnier is that Crash wound up crashing and breaking her wing. I am thinking of letting the Wonderbolts know about this so that loser will NEVER get accepted into their shitty little club.
When she crashed I was really hoping that we would go over and find her laying there with her neck broke and blood pouring out of her mouth but sadly, that is not what happened. All she did was break her wing and get a little scratch on her face and here I was getting ready to celebrate and send you a notice that we needed a replacement for her, someone who is actually a friend of mine instead of a mere acquaintance, and a distant one at that.
Ugh and then there was Rainbow crying and whining in the hospital about going to be stuck in there for a few days. Seriously, they're hospitalizing her for a few days over a broken wing? What a waste, there may have been somepony who was actually sick that needed that bed instead of her whining flank.
Since she didn't die in her crash, I thought I could kill her with brain overload so I gave her a Daring Do book to read, or at least attempt to. I know she has the most primitive brain out of all of us so I figured that if she tried to read, her brain would explode, she'd be hauled out of that place by the coroner and I'd have to send you a note saying we need a replacement, preferably Twinkleshine or Minuette since they were always the most fun.
Sadly that did not happen, instead, after a few days of being hospitalized, she winds up waking the whole damn town after being chased out for trying to steal a book! Yep, she tried to steal that book I had her read and I'll be honest, I didn't even know she knew how to read. I suppose at least she isn't as dumb as I thought and we have something to bond over but that doesn't suddenly make her my friend, just an acquaintance who happens to like the same book series I do.
Surprised that Crash Knows How to Read,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, Twilight actually thinks I am deserving of life because I know how to read and I like Daring Do! Despite her being a bitch to me most of the time, maybe I can become her closest acquaintance!
Suddenly Loving to Read,
Rainbow Dash
P.S. I don't know if you know this or not but is Daring Do real? If so, do you think I would have a chance with her because in her picture on the cover, she is a really hot recolor of me!
To My Surprised Student,
You're shitting me here, right? I am utterly shocked that you got Crash to read a book, I didn't think world class athletes had that ability. I suppose I should congratulate you on getting her to work that pile of mold in her head but that still isn't going to make me think any higher of you. Who knows though, if you can befriend that narcissistic acquaintance of yours through a shared love of the Daring Do books, maybe, just maybe, you will have something other than the spa twins that will make you happy.
Your Equally as Surprised Overlord,
Princess Celestia
Dear Rainbow Crash,
Could you do me a favor and quit showboating? Next time you wind up crashing like that it may be a whole lot more than your wing you break and despite me not caring much for you, I don't want to see you killed because then Twilight will constantly be begging me to send one of her old friends down there and that does get annoying.
I must say, I am happy that you know how to read and are enjoying the Daring Do series. I like it too and I have something that you and Twilight will never have, the special unedited signed first editions!....and no, you can not borrow them.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
P.S. I can't believe it, you think a fictional character is hot? Well this isn't a new phenomena and from what I understand in a different dimension, there are bipedal creatures that find us hot, especially Twilight. Why that is I don't know but it happens.