//------------------------------// // 1 - Welcome Listeners // Story: Welcome to Ponyville // by Ocean Waves //------------------------------// Ponyville, the town that stands against the arbor menace. Our library is a living reminder to all trees of the fate that awaits them, both inside and out. Welcome to Ponyville In national news, the longest day of the thousandth year is tomorrow. As decreed by our benevolent and eternal pony overlord Princess Celestia, all ominous chanting, equine sacrifices, and acts of accidental necromancy are banned. The deadline for those wishing to reserve a location for an intentional act of necromancy was last Friday. Princess Celestia later expanded the decree to include summoning, banishing, and the signing of legal contracts. In related news, all ponies not friends of the late Golden Daisy should avoid the Ponyville Rec Center today and tomorrow. Conversely, ponies who were friends of Ms. Daisy might be in for a pleasant surprise if they do visit. Shout out to our station's own Pushing Daisy, who is taking the week off to help out. Ah children. They grow up so fast. One day they're interning with the local radio station, the next they're raising the dead. In local news, Ponyville is hosting the Summer Sun Celebration this year. That's right folks, our lovely town will be hosting our beloved Sun Princess tomorrow. The Royal Guard has already surveyed the town, and would like for me to remind everypony of the flag system used in this survey. If you see a house with a green flag, it's fine. That family is an upright member of the community. If you see a yellow flag, beware. That family has harboured seditious thoughts and is not fit to be spoken of in polite society. If you see a red flag, well... I've been assured that arrangements have been made to house Scootaloo elsewhere. The black flag, the Jolly Roger, marks the locations of ongoing conflict between the Royal Guard and the pirate menace, and should always be avoided. Tensions rose earlier today amongst the large Apple family. An apple with a note saying "To the most beautiful" was tossed into Sweet Apple Acres. While nopony knew exactly who the apple was meant for, all the Apples agreed that hitting Granny Smith with the delivery was a step too far. While half the Apple family remained at Sweet Apple Acres to prepare the delicious food for the celebration tomorrow, the other half took to prowling the streets to find the pony responsible. Red Delicious informed the station that the perpetrator was eventually apprehended by a joint Guard-Apple task force. The culprit was a Discord cultist who said his motives were unknowable, his methods mysterious, and his hair fabulous. As a reminder, no Equestrian should want the return of Discord. Chocolate milk is not a substitute for rain and will kill all our plants. Even if we attempted to survive on alternative food sources, we would all still die. The Apple family would be quite vengeful over their loss of crops. Pinkie Pie has published a party calender, complete with party invitations. I have purchased a calender myself, and I must say that they are well made, and that the pictures look absolutely delicious. Ms. Pie has asked me to ensure everypony knows that today's party is for the new Unicorn, Ms. Sparkle, at the town library. It is a surprise party, so I have refrained from recording it's existence in my diary. A dragon has been spotted in our dear town of Ponyville. It stands about three feet tall, is Purple and Green, and is typically accompanied by Ms. Sparkle. I have been informed by our local dragon expert Winter Green that we are all doomed and the town is lost. Duly worried, I reached out to our other local animal expert, Ms. Fluttershy. She assured me that the town was in no danger, and that the dragon was actually an alright fellow. My attempts to reconcile these two points of view have failed, as Mr. Green has already fled Ponyville. A mysterious mailbox has appeared on the edge of town. It is mailbox-shaped, is carved from Sequoia wood, and emits a soft wail that sounds like the screaming of the damned. As the mailbox is in the middle of the road and not near any houses, Mayor Mare has fined the owner of the mailbox fifty bits for failure to respect zoning ordinances. The Town Hall intern who placed the notice inside the mailbox had to be taken to the hospital for treatment. They said he had seen that which is best left unseen, presumably within the mailbox. The Mayor responded to this latest development by fining the mailbox owner fifty more bits for interference with civic duty. And finally, background ponies. What do they want? Where do they come from? Why are they here? From Ponyville Radio, this is Dusty Roads, goodnight.