//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1 - All This For Tea Leaves?! 
// Story: Daring Do and the "Hero Colt" (Dadonequus Discord) 
// by CrazedLaughter 
//------------------------------//

Welp, you fucked up.

Here you were, in the lost city of Cloperado. Looking for fucking tea leaves. Because you taunted Discord's "Ginseng" tea idea.

The city itself wasn’t as golden as you expected.  What stood were large towering pyramid like temples with long flights of stairs in the center. Deserted and mossy carts once used to sell wares littered the broken stone streets of the long dead city. Smaller square buildings, presumably living quarters, were empty and nearly haunting with the visible dust that can be seen through the ancient windows. Lost? More like everyone stopped giving a shit.

No, it didn't matter that you found the fact that he wanted to have a tea party at the house adorable and something he needed.

Hell, you were fucking surprised to find out that Fluttershy was finally going to come to the house at all. Made you think that Discord was finally going to make a move on her or something.

But nope, you fucked up by mocking him. Playfully mocking, not even bad. Fucking child, always taking things too hard sometimes.

"Ok Anon, if you think you can top my idea. Then why don't you go down to Cloperado and get the tea leaves there. They're perfect, nya nya nya nya nya...fucker teleported me here and I don't even know where the fuck I'm going." You say in a mocking tone. "I should be back home, dammit. I should be making sure he doesn't fucking over do it. But whatever, all I gotta do is find the leaves and go home."

You brought your hoof to your chest, your ever faithful horn was gone, though you still had the map. Discord wanted you to find the leaves without cheating, to take in the history and culture of a fucking dead civilization.

The city itself however, was pretty well built. The tall Aztec looking buildings were still mostly intact. Though some of the local green has overgrown in many spots. Old tools and such littered certain spots. And the rivers that ran through the city were very clear and beautiful….And even as you took that in, it still looked liked everyone just dropped everything and left.

But...where the fuck were you going to find tea leaves? Not like you just ask someone.

There was also something else you noticed that seemed off. You could see some wooden tower structures that looked like they were recently built, and some tents that looked rather new. But that couldn't be right, this place has been abandoned for god knows how long. "..Tea leaves...Tea leaves....where the fuck are the....wait a second."

You had a bright idea. You took out your map, and just as you thought, the way Discord had reworked it long ago to track Scrappy and Chrysalis also served as a video game esque mini map. Which was perfect for you as now you could see the area in a more birds eye like view and see what the inner walls of the buildings looked like.

The biggest towerish square building had a shitton of weaving walls and such. Probably was really dangerous to venture in there.

So you took a turn through a thin alley as a open unroofed set of squares began to emerge on the map.

These could be small farm spots. Perhaps the tea leaves were there. "Nyahaha! finally, it looks like things are looking up for me and........wut?"

When you reached the open dirt spots. You noticed there were vegetables growing....Fresh. ".....uhhhhhhhh....wut?"

You approached the carrots that were growing without caution, and plucked one from the ground. Luckily, being a pony, you were able to take a bite of it without much issue in the sense of taste. "Mmmmm...that's pretty good. Man...has this shit been growing here all this time? How the hell did everybody die off then? This place practically grows its own food. Man, those tea leaves must be pretty fresh too. Wonder where they are..."

You turned around, and saw an innocent little white cat looking back at you.

....awww "Hey there, little guy. What are you doing here?"

Were there,in fact,natives around? Did they have cats?

Ahhh shit. They probably wouldn't like it if they spotted you. Or it could be like that one movie and they'll treat you like a god.

Oh man, maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Ponies are nice fellas most of the time. You could be godly. You were the son of one after all.

No issue with your plan whatsoever. not a one. "Come here little kitty. You like carrots? nom nom" You wiggled the carrot at the cat. And instead of it coming closer and sniffing it. It suddenly fucking hissed and screamed and rushed away, out of sight.

"Holy shit, what was that thing's problem?" The way it hissed, the fact it didn't like you,It made you feel a little antsy about your plan.

Maybe you should dunk your map in some water and get the fuck out. Whatever natives were here were probably not going to like the fact you pissed off their cat.

They might have treated it as their god or something. "Alright...I'll just admit to him that I got spooked or some shit and I'm sure he'll get his laugh and everything will beOOHH!"

Suddenly, something grabbed onto you. Like,with a hand.

"What is this? A pony? A pony here? How can this be?" That voice....was sorta OH SHIT

Whatever was holding you turned you over in it's grip.

You were face to face with....oh god...what was his name? Azuwhatl?

He had you by his tail hand, he raised you up in the air and shook you about as he pointed to one of the towers. "You! Goon leader that I have hired. How could you let a foal walk into our midst!? You told me nopony would be able to get near here."

The goon leader...whatever, you could barely see him...looked down from the tower and went wide eyed when he noticed you "How in the?! Hey, I have no idea how he got through my guys. The whole place is pretty much on lockdown!"

Suddenly, Azubutthead growled in anger. "You listen to me,Goon! For once, I decide to use my money to try this whole ‘Modern Army’ thing, and yet the hundred of you that I, Ahuizotl, hired can't even keep a simple foal out?!"

Oh right, that was his name.

"H-Hey! We'll get it right next time. A-and would it kill you to call us henchponies? Goons is kinda an insult, y'know?" the leader called out.

Ahuizotl snapped his fingers on his right hand, summoning the rest of his cats to zip right towards the tower and look at the leader with vicious and hungry eyes. "No, it wouldn't ‘Kill’ me. But if you fail me again, you won't be a goon nor a henchpony, but rather lunch for my pets."

"R-Right, W-whatever you say Mr.Ahuizotl" The leader saluted as he got on his radio to alert his men to keep a sharper eye out for intruders.

Oh...no. How!? How the fuck could you run into this guy?! OF ALL THE FUCKERS YOU COULD RUN INTO! THIS GUY?! THIS GUY WAS OFF HIS ROCKER! HOLY FUCK! HE WAS GOING TO SCORCH THE FUCKING WORLD AT ONE POINT!

Ahuizotl then brought you close, meeting eye to eye as he peered closely at you. "As for you, my little friend. What is somepony such as you doing in a place that very few know the location of?"

...dammit. Maybe if you tell the truth. He'll let you go. You were a foal after all. "Ok, look. I'm Anon. You may have heard of me..."

"No" He plainly says

....fucking what?! how has he not?!...whatever. "Ok look, whatever. I'm the son of the spirit of chaos, Discord. Look it up. I'm here for some tea leaves and then I'm gone. So if you could point me in the right direction, i'll be out of your hair. No muss, no fuss."

Then he reacted in the oddest way. He started laughing at you.

"....What's so funny?"

He shook you again, then growled as suddenly as he laughed. "Do you take me for a fool? A fool who falls for such silly jokes? Everypony who knows their history about Cloperado knows that the old natives were terrible when it came to anything related to tea. But..." He then gave you an evil smirk "I think I know who you are." He chuckled again "That annoying Daring Do, taking on a young ward. How interesting, and how foolish of her to let you walk right into the heart of my excavation team who also happen to be goons"

DISCORD! YOU FUCK!

Even if Discord didn't realize it. Which, scaringly enough, he probably didn't. He should have realized there would have been some fucking danger to this little romp. Hell, the motherfucking fact that the tea leaves were actually shit made you want to strangle him. He sent you to this place for fucking nothing, probably for you to struggle finding the damn leaves so you would go back tired and beaten, only to find out they were shit.

BUT NOPE. LET'S GET FUCKING FOALNAPPED INSTEAD! C'MON, LET'S HOPE HE FUCKING RAPES YOU TOO. WOULDN'T THAT BE GRAND?!

..You had to get out of here. "Daring Do? Are you insane? Look man, I didn't know the leaves were terrible. I was just doing a job for my dad. Frankly, I have no idea what you're doing and I don't care and HEY! GIVE THAT BACK!"

"What's this?" Ahuizotl takes your map and looks at it, noticing that it was a map of the city's more immediate area. He further noticed that as he moved the map ever so slightly, the areas that showed upon it also slightly expanded depending on where he moved it. "Ahhh, this must belong to Daring Do. I see now, you, a silly foal must have thought you could stop me on your own. THIS! This is how you found me. Interesting, but now you have sealed the world's fate. For I will use this map to locate the right eye of the grand cobra deity! HAHAHAHAHA!" He started to stand and laugh maniacally as you swung about on his tail

Oh god..you wanted to hurl from all this quick and janky movement from his near endless guffaws. "S-Sthap! Stop that! Give the map back or I swear, I'm going to change you into a box of turnips!"

"Oh?" Ahuizotl stopped his laughter and smirked at you as he hung you high with his tail. "You still threaten me? You don't seem to realize who I am, where you are, and what the meaning of sense is. But perhaps we can strike a deal. You reveal to me the location of Daring Do, and I shall let you go. Decide quickly, for I am usually not so generous"

...oh great. Here comes the cycle. "Look, as I said. I don't know where she is. I never met her. But you're not going to believe me, you're going to shake me, you're going to give me ONE more chance, I'm going to say the same thing. And then you're going to do some soft core torture on me until I break. But see, I'm in a hurry. So let me go, and things won't get ugly"

"...What?" He looked about, then to his gathered killer jungle cats "Am I that obvious?"

The jungle cats all shrugged

"Yeah, see? And as much as I like kinky things, I'm gonna sit this one out. So, if you can give me back MY map so I can go home. It'd be much appreciated."

"Hrmmm" Ahuizotl pondered, then looked over back the the goon leader's tower "You! I want you to tell all of your goons to let Daring Do pass should she be skulking about. I have come up with a brilliant idea!"

Brilliant what now? "And that sounds well and good and UNGH!"

He squeezes you tight as he gives you a malicious stare "Well, my little friend, it looks like I have found a use for you."

.....shit

Next thing you knew, he had you tied on a rope, connected  to a line, that was hooked to a crank.

On top of the highest building.

Over boiling hot tar. "ARE YOU INSANE?! THIS CAN KILL ME!"

fucking dammit! YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THIS!

" You forced my hand. You will yell for the assistance of your mentor. I know you must have some...reservations...about leading her into a trap. But I assure you, if you should take too long, Then.." He points at the tar "Bloop"

"I already told you. I don't even know where she is!"

"So loyal. I don't think I've ever boiled a foal before. I wonder if I'd feel bad about it. My little friend, my heart goes out to you. I shall give you a few more-"

"HELP! DARING DO! HELP! THIS GUY IS INSANE! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEASE HELP!" If she was around, you needed her fucking help.

"..a...ahrm..." Ahuizotl was honestly surprised you gave in so quickly. He thought he'd have to do the whole "Slowly lower you ever so slightly" routine. "Odd, I feel a sense of pity for Miss Do. I would have thought her ward would have been more loyal. But this works perfectly. Daring Do will soon come."

He turns and points to his goon leader. "You! assemble your goons. I want Daring Do captured when she is most vulnerable"

"Got it, Mr. Ahuizotl sir!" He saluted, and started going down the steps of the building to gather his men.

Fucking dammit. She wasn't going to show! You were going to die!

In fact, as moments passed. Ahuizotl was getting annoyed and surprised that she hasn't shown yet. He grabbed the rope you were dangling from and shook it with his tail. "DARING DO! I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! WOULD YOU TRULY LET THIS FOAL BOIL ALIVE? YOU WOULD RATHER HIS STEAMING RUBBERY REMAINS STAIN YOUR HOOVES? FACE ME! FACE ME OR ELSE!"

As you shook about. the knot on your rope started to loosen. "...Oh no..Stop! STOP, YOU LOON! YOU'RE GONNA...!"

But you end up coming loose from the rope. "Gyyyaaaa! Omph!"

Luckily for you. The momentum from the shaking launched you from over the boiling tar pit and onto Ahuizotl's face.

As you clung onto it. He gave you an angry look as you gave him a sheepish smile.

You also knew he was probably going to try to grab you again.

So you bit down hard on his nose, causing him to yell in pain and cover his face.

You plop off before his hand can come upon you, and land right in front of him.

"YOU LITTLE! WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!"

Fuck! Think Anon...Think! What would Daring Do do?

Or Rainbow Dash?

Or Twilight..

Celestia.....

.....

No fuck them, they all suck at this

You point up and look at the sky with wonderment "Daring Do, there you are! I'm over here. Save me!" You wave upwards.

Ahuizotl, realizing what you said, abandons rubbing his face to look up with a cocky smirk. "Daring Do! There you are! But it's too....late?"

She wasn't actually there

No, instead. you took the time to turn around and buck him right in the nuts.

A classic Anon tactic.

He fell over with a squeal.

And with all his goons set to capture Daring Do. You started making an escape down the building steps. "hahahaha! Every fucking time! I'm the smartest guy in Equestria, I swear! Now all I gotta do is...."

You stop as you near the bottom of the steps

....you forgot the map "FUCKING DAMMIT!"

However, as you turned around to make a run for the map.

You are nabbed once again. "DAMMIT! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!"

You didn't even realize you were zipping through the air. "Hey kid! Stop struggling! I'm trying to save you!"

"OR DUNK ME IN THE...wait.."

That was a female's voice

That was...

You took the time to calm yourself and look ahead, you were wrapped around Daring Do's legs as she zipped through the air to get out of the city.

"Daring Do?"

"Yeah! Hold on, don't start fan spewing until we get to the ground, ok Short Round?"

Short Round?

You wanted to say something about it. But looking down at the jungle ground and how scary it looked. You opted to be quiet until she finally landed ways away from the city.

She gently put you down and adjusted her explorers hat. "There we go, safe and sound" She said with a sigh as she moved a couple of bushes, revealing a secret camp.