Dear Princess Celestia,
Guess what, this dump has two more residents. Apparently the local bakers had a pair of fraternal twins and most everypony is elated. I don't particularly give a shit but I do feel sorry for those two. They are going to have their minds poisoned by the same xenophobic, backwards bullshit that has infected almost everypony else down here. I think you should either force the Cakes to move to Canterlot for the sake of their new foals or at least take them away from them.
The Cake Family must not know me very well if they think that I would be even remotely interested in babysitting. I had other plans and as you know, it was not to write a report for you. I had a private appointment at the spa and I was not about to give that up to watch two little hellions who would only make my life a living hell.
As it turned out ADHD girl wound up watching those brats and after rejecting my help, I understand that they nearly drove her bat shit crazy. Too bad they wouldn't have drove her to the point where she would have become Pinkamena, slaughtered them and then invited me over for foal stew. I have always wondered what baby ponies taste like and that would have been the perfect opportunity to find out.
What happened in the end I'm not sure because I headed back to the spa for a full night of intense pampering. I swear, Aloe and Lotus are so good to me, they always cater to my every need and that is far more important than whether or not Pinkie managed to survive babysitting.
Having Fun at the Spa,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
If I would have known how stressful babysitting was I wouldn't have begged my bosses to let me do it. Those babies don't listen to reason and their taste in stand up comedy is awful! On top of that, they are horribly messy, and loud, and a pain when it comes to changing their diapers and they seem to get a great amount of joy in causing me to have mental breakdowns.
Yes I said I would be the Cake's go to babysitter but next time they are going to be out of town, could you summon me up to Canterlot for one reason or another, even if it is just to make you a cake! I just don't think I could handle having to actually take care of them anymore.
Overly Stressed,
Pinkie Pie
Dear Princess Celestia,
We have made Pinkie our go to babysitter so do you think that you could arrange it to where villains would show up when we don't need her to take care of the twins? It would make our lives easier knowing that we would have a competent pony to watch over our foals rather than having to take them to the local daycare. It would be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Carrot and Cup Cake
To My Spa Obsessed Student,
I know you're likely having fun at the spa and won't get this for a while but I can understand why you made up that lie about having to write me a report, I wouldn't want to have to babysit those hellions either. However, I am extremely upset that you would actually want to turn those twins into a stew. I know I said in the past that Apple Bloom soup sounded tasty but to kill two innocent little foals....wait a minute, now that you bring it up that does sound tasty but still, for you to bring it up just shows what a cold, uncaring bitch you truly are.
Oh and regarding forcing relocation on the Cakes or taking their babies away from them, it's not going to happen. We don't need ponies with small town mentalities living up here in Canterlot. The rich snobs are bad enough but you mix that with backwards thinking, it would only make things worse. Also, I have no plans on taking their babies away from them unless YOU are willing to take them in and raise them to be little assholes, I will not be playing the role of Foal Protective Services.
Wishing I had My Own Spa Twins,
Princess Celestia
To Pinkie Pie,
I know those twins drove you up the wall and nearly caused you to have a nervous breakdown but you made them a promise didn't you? Don't you have that Pinkie Promise that you don't break or something? Tell you what though, since you said for me to summon you up there to make me cakes when they are going to be gone, I shall do so. If there is one thing I will never turn down, it is cake!
Be warned though, if the cakes you make are not top notch, not only will I stop summoning you to get you out of babysitting, but I will tell the Cake Family about your request and then have them force you out and you could go live with Twilight. I'm sure she'd love to have you as a roommate!
Looking Forward to You Making Me Cake,
Princess Celestia
To Carrot and Cup Cake,
Sorry but I don't determine when the villains come and take your babysitter away. Contact the writers at Hasbro about that, ok?
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia