The Rock in the Gulch

by Tatsurou


A Step to the Right

"So how are we going to find Church?" Tucker asked curiously once Maud dispensed some gravel-flavored cappuccino from her armor for Grif, which was enough to slow his mind down and stop his cannibalistic tendencies. "From the sound of it, he's been flung through time, but Texas is in the present somewhere...so she'll find her way to Maud on her own. But we need both of Maud's folks here to keep her from getting too upset, so we need to find Church."

"If nothing else, acting like we're doing something about getting her folks back decreases the odds Maud will decide to entertain herself by finding how many miles of countryside she can decorate with our internal organs to spell out a rock-themed love poem to Church in the hopes he was cast into the future and can see it left behind so he can know where and when to reach us," Grif allowed thoughtfully.

"...I'll call that plan B," Maud observed calmly.

"Question!" Caboose called out excitedly from nearby.

"We'd better see what he wants before Maud decided to throw us," Tucker pointed out as the group turned to head towards where Caboose stood...next to the completely intact and still functional Manticore jeep. "Okay, how did this get here in one piece?"

"That's part one of my question," Caboose explained eagerly.

"And what's part two?" Sarge demanded intensely.

"Well, if the Manicotti made it here in-"

"No!" Sarge snapped out. "I don't care if you get other words wrong, but you are not skewing the awesome name Maud picked out for our jeep! Man-Tick-Core! Say it sounded out!"

"Man...tick...core..." Caboose replied slowly.

"There ya go!" Sarge stated proudly.

"But I thought a manticore was part man, part lion, part scorpion," Caboose asked in confusion. "Not part tick."

"It's pronunciation, not memory aid!" Sarge growled back.

"Okay, but if...the jeep...made it here in one piece," Caboose allowed thoughtfully, deciding not to argue, "and we made it here in one piece...does that mean Lopez, Doc, and the O'Malley are somewhere here in one piece too?"

Everyone stared at each other for a time. "Okay, seriously, why are the idiots the only ones thinking clearly?" Sarge demanded angrily at last.


Somewhere else at the edge of the sea where it met the sand, Lopez attempted to look around. "<Warning. Error. Error,>" he finally said. "<I can't feel my body...>"

"<That's because it's not connected yet you fool!>" Omega snapped out as he staggered around. "<Do you have any idea how long it took to reactivate your body's vibration sensors and recalibrate them for sound? Just...just keep talking so I can home in on you, I hate not being able to use eyes like this!>"

"<Only if I get some upgrades and not have to speak in only bad Spanish,>" Lopez stated firmly.

"<Unfortunately, the latter is beyond my abilities,>" Omega allowed as the body staggered towards Lopez' head. "<The language settings are hardwired into your body with the pony's magic! And I have yet to find a way to counter that->"

"Oh, did your head come off, Lopez?" Doc asked in concern as he came up. "Here, let me fix that for you." Picking up Lopez' head, Doc firmly stuck it onto his body. "There you go-" He jerked. "Now this will be better for now!" Omega declared firmly. "I need to be understood in order to instill fear!"

"<But what about->"

"Don't worry, my metallic friend!" Omega reassured with a laugh. "I keep my promises! Does this look like a face that would lie?"

"<One, that is not your face. Two, I cannot see a face past the faceplate. Three, yes.>"

"Oh, everyone's a critic! Now pull yourself together, I've scanned this useless meatbag's visual records and located the perfect lair for us, and it's nearby!"


Texas frowned as she watched Omega - now in direct control of Doc - move to take control of the base. It was a secure facility, with thick walls, motorized gate, and heavy turrets. It would be difficult to infiltrate without her cloaking tech...which was in her old body. She didn't even know if her present body had that tech yet, and didn't want to interrupt her focus to ask. Beyond that, if she did still have it, it said bad things about the Freelancer program if their tech could be duplicated by a drunk magical sim trooper.

As she watched, however, one of the Reds that Sarge and Caboose had encountered approached the location. "My pilgrimage is near an end!" he declared dramatically. "Soon I will have the answers I seek! Soon my people will evolve, and achieve the absolute victory that is our glorious destiny!"

"What do you want?" Omega demanded angrily.

Looking up, the Red replied gaily. "Are you the Guardian of the Temple? I come seeking the magical power of Friendship in its crystalline form!"

Texas blinked in confusion. She certainly hadn't expected that declaration...and why did it seem to trigger reactions from the pony aspects of her new body?

Omega in Doc's body glanced back and forth as though in an argument, too quietly for Texas to hear at her present level of sensors...but she didn't want to risk increasing them and possibly being detected. "Oh yes, we have that!" Omega finally declared loudly. "But we can't just give it to anyone who wants it! Only...the worthy may possess it!"

"How may I prove worthy?" the Red called imploringly. "Only tell me what to do and I will obey!"

"In that case, come in..." Omega called back darkly as the door opened. "We'll...work something out." He laughed maniacally as the Red went in.

This could be problematic... Texas thought silently as she moved to hide and plan some other way of dealing with this problem.


"So what's the plan?" Sarge demanded angrily of the group. "If our enemies are out there somewhere, we need to do something to ensure they don't hurt Maud!"

"Other than letting Maud experiment with anatomically improbable means of combat?" Tucker asked sarcastically.

"Or letting Simmons improve the Manticore while he's still somewhat drunk?" Grif asked as he watched his friend scramble crazily over the jeep.

"What?" Sarge demanded angrily. "I just finished upgrading-"

"And done!" Simmons declared excitedly. "The Manticore's sting has been upgraded to anti-matter venom, the engine has been boosted until this thing can break the sound barrier, and the gravimetric shielding will redirect any physical projectile to hit anything but the jeep! Still working on the absorption plating so it will absorb energy or plasma based projectiles as extra power, but I'll need more booze to make sense of that-" Grif promptly tossed Simmons a jug. "Thanks, buddy!" Simmons called back before chugging and getting to work. "Oh, by the way, Tex has been on the line for the past five minutes. Could you tell her to keep it down while I'm sciencing? I nearly plugged the wrong values into the anti-matter sting and turned the entire jeep into a massive anti-matter bomb."

"Mom?" Maud asked urgently as she appeared in the Manticore's driver's seat.

"...remind me to keep a large supply of booze on hand whenever I'm around Simmons," Texas observed calmly through the comm. "...once he or Grif have made one that can get androids drunk, anyway. Otherwise I won't be able to stand it. So how long until the Manticore Prime is ready to assault O'Malley's base? Cause I've found it."

"Ten minutes to finish the upgrades!" Simmons declared excitedly.

"Ten minutes to paint Manticore Prime on its side, that is gold!" Sarge declared excitedly. "Oh! Maybe next time Simmons can upgrade it to transform into a robot!"

"Thirty minutes aimless wanderings until we figure out how to actually steer this monstrosity," Grif griped ruefully as he stared at the altered steering column.

"Eight minutes overshooting until we figure out how to control it at high speeds!" Caboose offered excitedly.

"And then two minutes to actually get there!" Donut concluded happily.

"...see you in an hour, then," Tex groaned out.