//------------------------------// // I AM AN ADULT, I SWEAR // Story: DON'T CALL ME CUTE // by Flutterpriest //------------------------------// The gentle clink of cutlery on porcelain echoes through the dining room in Twilight's Castle. You've folded your hooves and glare across the table at Spike and Twilight. "I want bacon," you mutter. "Ponies don't eat meat, Anon," Twilight repeats again. "Bull$##@," you retort. "I saw you guys eat eggs once. That's chicken children. And why the h%#$ would you raise pigs for any other reason than to eat them?" "Oh! I know this!" Spike chirps up. "Manure!" You pause, glaring at the dragon. "So, they're S$#@ machines." "Let's not get into this, boys." "WHAT PRONOUN DO I EVEN USE?! I am a woman now," you shoot back. "Mare," corrects Spike. "Filly," Twilight corrects the correction. "That's not the point. The point is, we aren't getting into the carnivore conversation." "Well, if I don't get meat eventually, this carnivore is going to turn into a cannibal," you say, leaping from your spot at the table. "I'm going out." "Where to?" Twilight asks, cocking an eyebrow. "Out." "Uh, dude. You need an adult," Spike chirps. "You're way too young to-" "I AM AN ADULT," you shout back, before slamming the door behind you. The sun is high in the sky as you make your way through Ponyville Market, you see all of the familiar faces that you've grown used to over the time you've spent in Ponyville. Sadly, none of them recognize you in the way you recognize them. It seems that news hasn't spread quite as quickly as you would have liked about your recent change. Even though it's already been a week. Great. How are you going to go grocery shopping for some meat now? You could probably run back to your house and get your bits, fry yourself a nice steak, then head back to Twilight's. That shouldn't be a problem. The real problem would be getting the food. Since the market is on the way to your house, why not see if you can snag some grub on credit? Quickly, you spy a few familiar faces. Applejack and Applebloom are leaping about and calling out to the market about their fresh new harvest being sold at discount prices... which just so happens to be a higher price that they said last week. Sales are weird. You trot up to them, and A.J. turns her head to greet her approaching customer. "Well howdy there, Anon! What brings you here?" "Grocery shopping," you respond. "But I'm beginning to realize this might not be as easy as I expected." "Why's that?" she asks. "Well, can I buy a pint of cider from you?" Applejack grows silent, then scratches her mane and searches for something else to look at. "Okay, yeh. Now I see your problem." "Yeeeah. Who is going to sell a filly anything that tastes even remotely good?" Applejack nods, then pauses. "Why don't you get Twilight to buy you the things you want? Isn't she your mom now? Er, well. Temporary mom?" "Twilight isn't my Mom!" you growl back. A few ponies passing by whisper to each other and glare at you. "Well, that rumor will probably be in the paper tomorrow," A.J. sighs. "Great. So, I'm guessing this is where you ask me to buy things for you." "Yeah, basically." "No can do, sugarcube." "Why?!" "I could lose my market privileges if I bought a filly something they aren't allowed to have. That's my livelihood, Anon. Ain't gonna happen." "Well, S$#@." "What's S$#@?" Apple Bloom asks. A.J. glares at you, as you look back to Apple Bloom. "You know what?" You nervously chuckle. "I'm just. uh. Leaving." "You do that now." You walk away from the stall, sighing to yourself. Well that was a train wreck. What now? Wait. You're a filly. You have the powers of cute on your side, even if you hate them. How can you make this work to your advantage? You spot a target. Just a few stalls down seems to be a traveling merchant. A baker, even. She has various muffins, pies, cakes... everything a filly your age would want. All you have to do is turn on the charm. So what do kids do that is cute? ... You've got it. You trot up to the baker wearing a wide smile, you flick your hair back. Wait, is that cute or sexy? No, definitely sexy. Go for cute. You flick it forward, hiding a part of your face away as if trying to disappear. Perfect. As you approach the stall, the purple mare smiles and looks down to you. "Hi there, sweetheart," she says. "My name's Sugar Belle, are you interested in buying a cupcake?" "O-oh, well. I'm actually a little lost. See, I've been saving my allowance for a very, very long time... I wanted to buy something really special for my birthday, but the griffon stall won't let me get it. So, I guess I'll get a cupcake." The mare's eyes sparkle, and you know you've began to win over your target. Holy shit, this works. "The griffon won't let you buy it? Well that doesn't seem right." "I guess it can't be helped," you sigh. "I've been looking so forward to it too." The mare looks left, then right, making sure they weren't being overheard. "What was it you were going to buy, little one? Maybe I can step away and buy it for you." You light up, standing up straight, words vomiting out of your mouth faster than you can think. "An 18oz Bone-in Ribeye steak that was marinating in herbs and scotch whiskey for 24 hours." A silence falls between you and Sugar Belle. Wait. Fuck. You just gave away the game. Quick. Think of something! Be a kid. What would a kid do? You shove a hoof up your nose and begin to pick. Oh my god, you're hopeless, Anon. You walk through the doors of the Ponyville Castle, your emotions almost as exhausted as your body. Your stomach gurgles, yearning for food. You really should have ate earlier. Then, you notice something. You sniff. The air tastes of salt and savory. You recognize that smell. Bacon. You charge into the dining room, and there, sitting at the place where you sat just this morning, is a small plate with pieces of bacon stacked with care. Twilight sits across the table, looking towards you. "Anon, would you sit down for a second? I'd like to apologize." You blink, then trot to the table and hoist yourself up on the seat. "This whole... filly situation is still really strange. And I admit that I let my excitement to show you the pony lifestyle get to me almost as much as I was excited to exercise my duties as an adoptive parent," Twilight chuckles and looks away. "It's always... been a dream for me. Adoption. Sort of. I haven't been respecting that you're an adult in a child's body and got carried away. I'm sorry." You look down to the bacon. Your stomach churns. She is trying to make things right. The least you can do is not be an a%$hole. "Twilight, it's not all you," you say with a sigh. "This whole situation is weird. And it hurts me a lot. I admit that I let my emotions get the best of me this morning. Er, all the mornings. I usually blame the body, but I've been a jerk as a human too. It's not really fair to you. You're doing a lot for me, and I've been disrespectful to that, and I'm sorry for that too." A silence falls between you and the alicorn princess. "So, if we're good.... Can I eat this?" you ask. "Like, all of it?" "Only if you allow me to take notes, and it's technically a science experiment of the effects of meat on your equine body." You pause. Then you look down to the bacon, then back to Twilight. "You underestimate my love for bacon, Ms. Sparkle. It's a deal."