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// Hearth's Warming Eve 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
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Dear Princess Celestia, 

Once again you have proven yourself to be the troll of all trolls.  Hearth's Warming Eve and its shitty weather have arrived once again and I am not thrilled.  Not only did I have to get out in that shit, but my acquaintances and I had to not only get out in this crap, but we had to travel to Canterlot to play the lead roles in the traditional pageant.  You know how much I despise acting yet you curse this upon me anyway. 

What really irked me is that while we were preparing for the damn thing Crash was being her usual, arrogant self.  I suppose the role you gave her fit her perfectly, a bitch portraying a bastard in a stupid play, sounds about right.  However, I am not thrilled that I had to play a subordinate role to little miss priss.

As you know, Fluttershy was being a royal pain in us trying to get ready and we wound up in a box of garland, a box that I wish I could have initiated her into my friendship circle in but unfortunately, that was not meant to be.

Now about the play and the history of our superior nation.  I look back at things and noticed how Chancellor Pudding Head was ELECTED as chancellor of the earth ponies.  Many ponies have always bashed earth ponies about their past and now I know why.  The very fact that any group of ponies would allow mindless serfs to determine who should be in charge was a disaster.  Seriously, ponies who know nothing about how things should be run electing equally as mindless ponies to run the show?  No wonder the earth pony government wound up collapsing. 

I remember when we were in school together I decided to read this book about these bipeds Lyra was so into, I think it was a mythology book although she claimed it was all fact.  There were some governments where these creatures would elect individuals to represent them, this one called America was the one it really focused on.  What made that place horrible was that the candidate who lost the popular vote could still win the election.  It is no wonder that when that species began to go extinct, it was that place and others with similar styles of government that perished first.  

I read something interesting though, there were a couple of places called Oman and Saudi Arabia that had absolute monarchies like we do and they were the last ones to fall.  They finally fell to disease instead of civil wars, kind of ironic don't you think?

The pegasi were equally as idiotic having a dictatorship.  Yes their leader was a sole ruler but he was an idiot, a short tempered idiot as Crash portrayed in the play.  In Lyra's book it spoke of how those countries generally starved their serfs to death so they could hog all the food for themselves, especially one called North Korea where this fat dude who was the butt of everyone's jokes was in charge. 

I will admit though, I'm shocked that ponies with such different styles of government were able to get together and agree on the best system all while singing under a heart.  Thank goodness we didn't use that ridiculous system known as a representative democracy or the equally as bad dictatorship where a fat pony with no clue on how to rule things was running the show.  We would have all killed each other a long time ago.

I know I bitch about what a troll you are and how you have treated me like shit over the years but we are so lucky to have you in power but just you wait, one day, once I ascend to Goddess-hood, I will overthrow you and we will be even more prosperous.  Princess.....I mean Queen Twilight Sparkle sounds pretty good, right?

As you saw the play went fine and afterwards, I wanted to initiate Fluttershy in a box of garland again but she wouldn't let me.  Little bitch anyway, she has no idea what she is missing. 

Glad We Live in Equestria, 

Future Queen Twilight Sparkle 





To My Tyrant Student, 

Now you stop right there you tyrannical bitch.  You rule Equestria, I think not.  That is especially after you referred to yourself as Queen Twilight Sparkle.  I will let you know exactly why I sent you away now.  I could see it in your eyes and sense it in your actions that if you ever learned enough, you would try to ascend yourself and then depose my sister and I.  Neither one of us can allow that to happen and you better be glad Luna didn't see this letter.  If she had, you'd be on the sun before you could even blink your eyes. 

Yes, how the tribes came together.  It is a rather amazing story isn't it?  Oh and about the stuff in Lyra's book, it was all true.  Even stranger, Saddle Arabia sits over the area that was Saudi Arabia and Oman, with the exception of this human thing called religion, they are very similar.

Now we sit on top of what used to be that representative democracy called America, so we wound up having a far superior form of government from what our non-pony predecessors had.  Want to know what made matters worse, that America place didn't let their citizens directly elect their leaders so sometimes the less popular candidate would win and be put in power.  Hell one time this egotistical orange idiot that was hated by over half the country got put in power by some dumb college.  How that thing worked I'd have to go into better detail with you later but needless to say, it was things like that which caused that place to fall first when the mass extinction began. 

Well I do hope you enjoyed taking part in the play and I will say this again, you must not be all that attractive if PETA girl won't let you initiate her.  

Your Absolute Monarch (And don't you forget it), 

Princess Celestia