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// The Mysterious Mare Do Well 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
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Dear Princess Celestia, 

I have come to the conclusion that not only is Rainbow Crash a complete idiot, I have also come to the conclusion that there are plenty of moronic ponies who worship Crash.  I think it is some sort of cult led by that filly pegasus that can't fly.  Anyway, I'm thinking you really need to do something because if anypony should be idolized, it should be me since I am the most superior pony in this dump. 

I finally figured out why so many ponies worship Crash.  They worship her because she has "saved" ponies from various things.  Personally I think every single thing is a setup.  I am certain that she is notified ahead of time, somepony is put in a situation where she could help them and then proceeds to do so.  That is completely pathetic.  I am thinking I should let them know all her "heroic deeds" are nothing more than staged bullshit to feed her already overblown ego. 

You are probably going to be shocked but my acquaintances and I decided to knock that little bitch down a peg or two.  We decided that Rarity would make these hero costumes and we would all play the role of "Mare Do Well."  I came up with the name since I'm the smart one but hey, it sounds pretty good, right?

Of course all sorts of staged events again began to take place but these times, the five of us took care of things and were able to make Rainbow look like an idiot.  What was the worst was that she actually thought that she could fix the dam by putting her hoof over the leak.  Now if that isn't proof that she is stupid and needs to be replaced I don't know what does.  Now yeah, me intentionally damaging the dam a bit so I could fix it probably wasn't the best idea but hey, I fixed things before the town was flooded so it's all good, right?

Now we didn't stop with that, I also talked to Granny Smith and Amethyst Star to act like they needed her help when they didn't.  I swear, Amethyst did a great job pretending she couldn't open that jar of peanut butter.  Rainbow actually thought she could rip a lid off of a peanut butter jar with her teeth?  You see, it is things like that that prove that unicorns are the superior race.  We don't have to use our mouths to do just about everything.  Ugh, even thinking about having to do things like that is downright disgusting. 

Of course we conned the mayor into holding a celebration about how great I am and how I should be queen of the world, I mean a celebration for Mare Do Well and how much better she is than Crash.  I tell you though, seeing Crash think that Mare Do Well was everywhere when there several of us just made it better.  It almost made me think those acquaintances of mine are worthy of the air they breathe.  Key word though, almost!

Seeing her have to eat crow and admit she was being a narcissistic little bitch was rather nice.  Now if only I could get Pinkie that Ritalin that she so desperately needs and get Fluttershy initiated into my friendship circle, everything would be great....well almost great.  Letting me come home would still be a whole lot better. 

I suppose you could say we trolled her but we didn't do enough.  I really need to find a way to troll all of them so you will be proud enough you'll think I served my purpose down here and let me come home. 

Wanting to Come Home, 

Twilight Sparkle 





To My Student Who Wants to Come Home, 

I am happy to see that you did another activity that provided a glimmer of hope that you will actually think of them all as friends someday, too bad it didn't actually work.  I do find it hilarious though that you put the pony with a hero complex in her place. 

However, I am NOT thrilled that you would intentionally cause damage to the dam down there solely so you could fix it and cause Crash to think some random mare in a costume fixed it.  If this had happened back east where they still use earthen dams, I wouldn't have cared but you did damage to the most advanced hydro-electric dam in the country.  Not only does that thing provide water to that shit hole, but it also provides power for not only Ponyville, but Canterlot as well.  Had we lost power because of your antics, I would have thrown you in Tartarus for a few years and forced your parents to pay to repair it under the penalty of lunar banishment. 

Another thing I am not thrilled with, I am not thrilled that you would so quickly admit the Mare Do Well secret to your narcissistic acquaintance.  What the five of you should have done is trolled her for a few weeks, if not longer.  You can sit down there and think that you may have made me proud but you didn't.  The only way you would have made me proud was if you trolled her so much that she wound up running into the forest in despair and fell victim to some timberwolves.  

Next time my sub-par student, keep things going longer and maybe I will be proud of you.  Key word though, maybe!

Your Far Superior at Trolling Overlord, 

Princess Celestia