//------------------------------// // III.III - Sorry // Story: The Broken Bond // by TheApexSovereign //------------------------------// Okay, Fluttershy. You can do this. You're in control. Just gotta breath in, and out... Inhale. Her lungs filled until they were ripe as water balloons. And exhale. Fluttershy let it go, her breath and fears as one. She vented beyond that which she inhaled, as instructed, until what felt like a loving squeeze from Harry the Bear became mildly unpleasant. This was Fluttershy now: calm, a part of this couch. Like water. Although the three conflicted with one another to some degree, she learned not to question Discord's logic, and from Treehugger to just go with the flow. Everything had its time, place, and reasoning. Even... now. Horrible, terrible, awful as it was. Through the darkness she was enveloped in, the form of an enormous, diseased abomination came into view, spinning round with Starlight her throat hooked in the monster's forearm, and her eyes obscured by a claw gripping her by the horn. Just her muzzle was visible, gaping, spittle flying out in a noiseless scream. Fluttershy's blood began to curdle once again. Oh, I’m trying, but it's so hard! Focus, Fluttershy. Just bee... like water. Another round of breathing exercises had no effect. Keeping her eyes clenched, she willed the memory to become Twilight again, alive and well and crying as she soared into view, babbling incoherently. Fluttershy was in control, bringing her teacup close to her lips, warm moisture licking her nose as the earthy taste of chamomile fell down her throat, flooding her with comfort and calm. She peaked an eye open, to see if she was being judged. Discord, garbed in paint and a leaf skirt like a village shaman, sat cross-legged in a floating armchair across from her, eyes drawn shut. He just looked so at peace with himself. Fluttershy giggled at the butterflies in her tummy, watching him. He'd grown so much and here he was, helping her in a manner so unlike him. A yellow eye cracked open. Before Discord opened his mouth, Fluttershy jumped to explain. "I’ve just never heard you, or, not heard you, in this way before. I-if you know what I mean." She was so used to her friend being animated, in-motion, and not... ...like water. “Ooh, brightening eyes, I see?” Discord teased. “Another soul finally comprehending the power of my meditation exercise?" "Oh, I already have." Fluttershy didn't bother wondering who else he taught this too. More often than not, it was Discord flexing so he felt less embarrassed. Another problem, an even harder one for him to overcome. But baby steps was progress regardless. Fluttershy just wished she was as strong and fast as Rainbow Dash when it came to making progress. "You've been a big help to me, Discord. Thank you. F-for doing this, and... I'm sorry for taking your time.” Discord huffed, upturning his nose and doing that weird pinky-claw-up gesture. "Water does not 'take' time, dear Fluttershy, it is an important part of my life." Fluttershy reflexively gulped, just as he took a quick, noisy sip. “Nor does it talk. Or think about anything but being water." Fluttershy squeaked, returning to her teacup. Be like water. With another sip, every nerve seemed to tingle at once, especially around her core, before exhaling all at once. She sunk deeper in the armchair, feeling the goofiness of her smile and the shamelessness of wearing it. She'd been ridiculous these past few days, believing she never deserved to wear such a thing again. Fluttershy was a fidgety, frizzy-maned wreck when Discord had arrived. He was a day late for their Tuesday Tea, not that he needed to apologize for it, not even once. He was part of the search team for Starlight's attackers. Fluttershy felt even worse. She was cutting into his schedule, which meant poor Pinkie had given up. That her heart, set on getting Fluttershy to tend to her Sanctuary, to do something that would make her smile, was broken. Lost. Fluttershy tried to listen, to smile for Pinkie's sake. And she did upon seeing the brightening faces of her regulars. But Pinkie was gone before she knew it, knowing how fake Fluttershy was being. Not even grooming Angel helped, much to his disappointment. Fluttershy’s careful, tentative strokes degraded whenever her mind wandered, making them clumsy and void of that gentle touch. It wasn't until Discord arrived in a burst of light, with puppy-like energy that always filled the room, did all the bad feelings burn away. And before he could get a word in, Fluttershy jumped on the possibility of whether he could fix her failure. If he could help Starlight in a way only he could truly manage. She didn't even say hello, that's how awful she was being. But Discord understood, ever so considerate of her. But restoring something as powerful and personable as a unicorn horn was beyond his ability—especially one bound in some “contract.” Yet Fluttershy pressed the issue, desperate for him to try something until he equated horns to pony manes. Apparently, it would be far easier to give one an entirely new manestyle than magically change it. As Rarity learned the hard way, that was literally impossible, even for the god of impossibilities. And Discord, ever the great friend, worked his impossible magic with a strong hug, a hairbrush, and a silly hairdresser's character. Before letting the mindset overtake him, Discord murmured in a low voice, "Tell me what's wrong.” Intentional or not, Discord proved that this was serious to him as he pretend-snipped at her hair. He was actually worried. Anypony would be grateful to have such a caring friend. Fluttershy didn’t feel dread about opening up. Discord went above and beyond to prove this was important to him. After much grooming and more weeping, they wound up in the living room. This "Wednesday" tea turned out to be surprisingly tranquil, especially with the advice Discord taught Fluttershy. Without any show or wild display of magic, he advised her not to move, not to think. To visualize what made her who she was, and to be like water: no worry, not about getting in anypony's way, or feeling obligated to achieve more than what it was made to do. This deep and unexpected side of Discord was... amazing. Fluttershy just had to question where he’s been hiding it all this time. Smiling thinly, meaning this wasn’t one of his favorite topics, Discord had explained before Fluttershy could redact her question. “Even as a magnificent monument to improbabilities, there are still rules that I have to follow, by the law of space and time.” And gravely he added, “No matter how much I may not like it.” Questions had been racing through Flutterhy's head for days, over and over again: the “why" of it all. Pinkie and Rarity wasted so much time trying to help her. It couldn't have all been for naught. “Like Twilight’s sickness? And Starlight’s horn?” Fluttershy’s cheeks burned, she was such a loudmouth, but she couldn’t help herself. Discord simply nodded. “Some terrible things happen for no reason, others for a vague point in the cosmic scheme of things. That is not for us to worry about. We shall weather this storm together. That, I think, is the point of this quote-unquote 'chaos.'” He popped an eye open, then both sprang wide. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, I’m serious! My preferred chaos is at least fun. It's not like I have to enjoy every part of it. After all, do you enjoy cleaning up after your furry friends?” “It’s just…” Fluttershy swallowed. It felt almost wrong to give such an underhoofed complement to Discord, but she knew he wouldn’t mind. “You really would have prevented all this if you could?” She swallowed, trembling slightly. “Even healing Twilight?” Discord sneered, lifting his lion’s paw flashing with energy. “With everything in my power.” But this wasn't within his power. It was just something he could not change, no matter how much he wanted to. Starlight's horn fell in the same boat. Fluttershy smiled. Beneath his ‘cool guy’ exterior lied a big heart. He must have felt horrible for not being able to help Twilight. She sometimes asked if Discord actually liked her, or was just a source of frustration and thus amusement for him. She'd be happy to hear this next time the subject came up. “Fluttershy?” Discord had asked upon her realizing this. “Mm?” He smiled. “You are like water," Discord explained. "And water doesn't pile itself with blame for not being the Fountain of Youth.” “Right.” “And it doesn't talk.” “Right, sorry… Sorry, again,” she whispered, "for making you come here." Discord hugged any lingering negativity away. He was right. There’s some things even the avatar of Chaos couldn't do. Fluttershy should not blame herself for failing to suddenly become Rainbow Dash. Especially when this horrible affair was meant to happen in some roundabout, Cutie Mark-esque way. Water didn't think. It didn't have memories of Starlight Glimmer howling in agony. It didn't have eyes to watch her getting strangled by a monster who ripped her horn clean off like a weed plucked from the dirt. Water couldn't have done anything to stop what Discord called an inevitability. There was nothing water could have been expected to do to save Starlight Glimmer. Therefore, water shouldn't blame itself. After realizing, greatly disliking, and finally, making peace with it all, the chamomile handled the rest. It was nice. This was nice. Even if the visuals of what Fluttershy had witnessed weren't leaving her any time soon, Discord had done more than she ever would have accomplished herself. Hopefully Pinkie Pie won't be too down about failing to make Fluttershy smile herself. Oh my, I'm thinking again. Fluttershy gulped another mouthful of chamomile, the calm encompassing her akin to a warm blanket. "Water does not think, Fluttershy," said Discord. Her eyes sprung open. A smile grew in spite of the playful scowl she sent her friend's way. "Uh-huh, and how would you know with your eyes closed, Mister?" Her friend tightened his shut gaze. "Water does not look, either." "Discord," she laughed. "However I, keep my eye, on you my dear." Without breaking the game's rule, Discord snapped his lion's paw, pointing at a point beside her. Fluttershy followed it to a lidless, yellow eyeball ogling her from the sidetable. "After all," he purred, one eye peeking open, "I really want to help you, Fluttershy. Can you blame me?" "I am. Helped, I mean! I mean, you have helped me, Discord. Really, this has been lovely. I think I’m ready to face Starlight when she wakes up!” Discord smiled, lounging in his armchair like a lazy snake. "Thank goodness! That was simply killing my posture and... And I don't ever want you to feel like a bother again, my dear.” Something inside her brimmed with warmth. The dots connected: Pinkie's departure, Discord's arrival before the Starlight affair had achieved a resolution. “So, does that mean Pinkie's the reason you're...” She trailed off, the rest was obvious, even before Discord silenced her completely with a single, sad nod. That amazing, caring friend of hers. She’d been so desperate to make Fluttershy feel better, trying to make her see this wasn't her fault. That Starlight would never hate her for this. She was truly lucky to have these ponies in her life. “I need to see her,” Fluttershy decided. “As soon as I can. I’ve been such a burden to her, and to Rarity, and—” Discord held up his talons, then pointed one her. “That, darling, is what they hated. You've no reason to apologize. All will be well once they see your beautiful smile once again.” Of course they would. Why would she think otherwise? “You're many things, Fluttershy, but the pony I encountered in Canterlot's maze did not doubt the strength of her friends' love for her. In fact, your resilience to such insecurities was what made me resort to cheating in the first place. So take pride! Toughen up. You're stronger than you know, etcetera, etcetera," he mumbled with flushed cheeks. Fluttershy got the fuzzies again. “I know,” she said, smiling into her tea as she sipped it. “Now I do, I mean. I mean, I have for a long time.” She sighed, cursing her ineloquence. “I guess I lost sight of that.” A wilted-ear pony looked to her from the depths of her teacup. “This whole tragedy just has me so unraveled, first Twilight and now...” It would certainly take more than tea therapy and meditation to help Starlight. “You’re not the only one,” Discord intoned. Fluttershy could hardly imagine. "And here I am, acting silly and forgetting the obvious." "Nothing silly about it, Fluttershy.” Discord, her amazing friend, leaned forward with a deadly serious countenance.  “Everypony possesses doubts which fester under extreme circumstances. Even yours truly! Remember the ridiculous notion I'd gotten? That you would see how strange I really was and hate it?” Discord hooted, not a real laugh, but to alleviate the tension that memory wrought. “I put together quite the delightfully dull tea party! Do you remember?" A shiver-inducing cold caressed Fluttershy's withers. "You mean how you nearly erased yourself from existence by accident?" She met his gaze. "Yes, I remember all of that. And I want you to never doubt how much I love you. Never again… I-if that’s okay.” Discord tugged at a necktie which made a brief appearance draped around his shoulders. "Yeah, let's just forget the bad part. Uh..." He snapped his fingers at her. "Water does not think! Or talk! Stop being abnormal, my dear, or you'll take my job away." "Right, right, sorry.” Fluttershy smiled despite the gravity of her crimes. Be like water. Her body molded to the sofa. Be. Like. Water. Before long, quiet had overtaken the cottage once more. Within a minute following, a battering of explosions pounded against Fluttershy’s door behind her, the suddenness throwing her airborne and shrieking. The scare's rush wore off as Fluttershy slowly turned, her door oddly silent. She felt her teacup descend safely into her hooves, and she threw a smile in thanks Discord’s way. But her curiosity and heart rate were tethered to the door, gravitating her toward it. Fluttershy felt rude for not saying more to Discord, but the fact that company was at her door, without a call of a name or anything, meant it must be a stranger. "I wonder who that could be?” she said, fluttering closer. Discord snaked up beside her. "Ooh, a surprise guest!” He stroked his goatee. “How pleasantly unexpected." Fluttershy glided to her "Welcome" mat, landing on both hooves with three more wingbeats before folding them. Discord followed, slithering through the air as though to make up for all those oh-so-painful minutes he spent straight as a street lamp. "Wanna bet that it's Twilight?" he asked with a smirk. Fluttershy gave a look she hoped was wide enough to convey, 'Please don't joke about that.' "I hope not!" she softly cried. "If I see her before tonight, then it's something serious related to Starlight." Earlier today, Pinkie had said there was a town party last night. Apparently, Twilight was gathering the girls for an important dinner regarding Starlight, but wouldn't say why. Pinkie guessed it was a 'feel better' party. Hopefully just their friends were invited; Starlight got just as antsy as Fluttershy used to when around strangers, and she herself wouldn't mind a more intimate affair, personally. Her shivering wing unfurled for the doorknob. Those knocks were so ferocious, so urgent. It has to be Twilight. Maybe she was only here with the invitation. She turned the knob and pushed the door open with more force than she intended. But Fluttershy couldn’t hardly think about that, utter so much as a sorry, seeing that coat of pink right in front of her. "S-Starlight Glimmer!" Fluttershy wheezed, wings flaring in surprise. And that was rude. That was incredibly rude! An apology reached the tip of Fluttershy's tongue. She wanted to say it, but the “s” sound caught her tongue and she couldn’t say more. Starlight was here, in front of her, hornless and breathless and all messy and greasy-looking and... and... Just what happened to Starlight!? Was she attacked? She must've—no, Fluttershy shoved the notion away. She couldn't have been. That was unthinkable. Not in their peaceful little town. But that left room for only one explanation, yet Starlight couldn’t have been responsible for doing all this to herself. Not to her precious mane. Fluttershy had helped re-imagine it alongside Rarity, and now her friend’s beautiful hairstyle was a mangled horror show, concealing both shoulders like nappy curtains clawed up by kittens. It’d been so long since Fluttershy had last seen Starlight. Not since she was splayed across the ground, hornless and bloody of face. Fluttershy also remembered the days before that, before Twilight was sick, ever so envious in silence of Starlight’s coat. She always, always had it brushed to a silky, seamless finish. But if she herself was the cause of her current state, it seemed she didn’t care anymore, and that was heartbreaking. It was messy and splayed in patches all over and... and a horrible notion wormed into her brain, and Fluttershy couldn't hope to shake it: there’s no way the poor dear could take care of herself now. Because... she didn’t have her magic, because she didn’t have a horn, all because Fluttershy who could hardly fly just sat there and screamed as her friend was violated— No, Fluttershy! Don’t blame yourself. It isn’t healthy. And she'd just been staring at the poor thing! And her... Her horn... St-Starlight's h-h-horn is gone and she's like this because of... of… What little remained of it remained was protruding from her knotted-up forelock, twisted in violet and teal and swaying with every twitch of her wild stare. Fluttershy's heart seized within her chest This is it. She wants to yell at me for not stopping that monster and saving her. It's no wonder Starlight looked like this. No wonder at all! She could hardly handle a doorknob anymore for all Fluttershy knew. Her eyes stung. She had to apologize. Fluttershy forced herself to gaze into those pinpricked eyes. “Starlight—” Then she avoided her, sudden and swiftly, smiling faintly. Emptily. But her eyes were bright and sparkling with pep like always. Fluttershy moved to meet them, but ended up casting them in the opposing direction. She watched as they flickered back to her face repeatedly. She’s… like I was. "Starlight," Fluttershy whispered. Their eyes connected, and her heart stopped, skipped a beat, then twisted all in an instant. But only for a moment. Like some poor, neglected puppy, Starlight forced her gaze down once more, to the space between Fluttershy's hooves. “I’m… I'm here to say I'm sorry,” she said at equal volume. Even bowed her head. This was so unexpected. “Um, w-what?” Fluttershy squeaked. Starlight winced, raising a protective foreleg before her. "U-Uh, sorry for just... just dropping in like this! I should have, I dunno, mailed or something! Heh... eh-heh... ugh.” There was something seriously wrong with Starlight. "I-It's okay. Um, does Twilight know—?” “Yep! And she’s fine with it. With me losing my horn, that is, just in case you were wondering.” “S-she is?” That was incredibly hard to believe. “Yeah, but that’s not important right now! What’s important is that I’m here to apologize to you.” “To me?!” Fluttershy squeaked. Her throat closed, she could scarcely breathe. Starlight feels the need to apologize to me? “Why?” "Because I’m sorry!” Starlight blurted, eyes flooding and looking into Fluttershy’s a second before boring into her muzzle. “I’m sorry, that you were hurt because of me. I wasn't thinking, I was selfish, a-and I didn't consider when I'd have to pay, a-and...” Starlight pursed her lips, screwed her eyes shut, flushing bright red. Fluttershy could barely follow, only that she was blaming herself for being caught in the crossfire. “You mean the monster? Oh, Starlight, you shouldn’t blame yours—” “I know! I know, I shouldn't, but it was still my responsibility!” Fluttershy wanted nothing more to object, but this was, to put it simply, a revelation. “I’m the one who made the deal with Hydia.” Starlight opened her eyes, looking just as awful as Fluttershy felt. “I did it to help Twilight. And I don't regret it, so don't go thinking I do! But you were hurt because of it, and that's why I'm apologizing." “To help…?” Fluttershy only heard Starlight’s ragged screams, this “Hydia’s” laughter. She remembered a character of the same name from a nightmare-inducing story of her foalhood, the matriarch of three magic-wielding earth ponies. They granted wishes, and didn't look like... like deformed descendants of Klugetown. The quickness of all this was hitting too fast to keep up with. “Starlight, wh-what do you mean, ‘to help?’” She meant Twilight, clearly. But that couldn't be it. And yet, Twilight magically got better when even Princess Celestia had failed. Fluttershy still hadn't deduced why. If it wasn’t an act of Harmony, then that meant Starlight was telling the truth. Starlight, oh my gosh, Starlight... “I’m so, so sorry.” A wave of the hoof, like the evidence of her struggles before Fluttershy's eyes meant nothing. Were just mild annoyances at best. “Ah, it’s fine. I just wish you hadn’t seen any of that spooky stuff. Oof," she groaned with a roll of the eyes. "That sounds silly and insincere, I know!" It doesn't, Fluttershy thought. “But I don’t want you feeling bad for reasons that were beyond your control. Don’t do that to yourself, Fluttershy.” “I,” she squeaked, swallowed the 'am not anymore.' Fluttershy wasn't the one hurting right now. “I don’t want you feeling responsible either, in that case. You couldn’t have known when…” Starlight’s ragged cries echoed in her memory. “When sh-she would come.” Starlight’s body tensed. “Well, like I said, my own recklessness got you hurt, though. That could have been avoided. So much could have been… avoided,” she sighed. Starlight shook her head, and Fluttershy wondered what else was locked up in this poor pony's heart. On a normal day, Starlight was one of the most emotionally honest ponies Fluttershy had ever known. She’d gotten better at expressing herself ever since that scary Pony of Shadows mission. It was an admirable courage obtained from something that happened during that whole mess. But now she was somepony completely different. What had happened to their friend? “Starlight, what has this monster done to you?” “What? Nothing!” A perplexed smile flickered on her muzzle. “I’m the same old Starlight, with or without my horn!” But she took something more. “Starlight, I'm sorry, but I don't believe that. There's something else, and it has me really concerned! I don’t know what it is, but it’s like Hydia took something really important from you. Again, I'm sorry, but you’re acting so… unusual. I'm sorry, but that's how I feel, and thought you should know.” Somewhere along the line, her own courage petered out the more she was asserting and attacking about Starlight's character. It felt downright rude. “Aw, that's sweet, Fluttershy. But don’t be!” Starlight assured her, sounding genuine. Their eyes almost met. “I-I don't want you blaming yourself over this, okay? That's what'll make me happy. This isn’t your fault, I’m the one who's responsible." Sweat trickled down Starlight’s grinning face. “I mean,” she choked, giving Fluttershy a chance to object, “you see, this had to happen—” Those words thrummed in Fluttershy’s ears, smothering all else in the world with the words, “This had to happen.” This had to happen. It was forced to, no other way. That's what "had" meant. Starlight had to look like this now, eyes filled with so much pain. Fluttershy had seen plenty of critters who looked the very same, but never on a pony. Never a friend. And pony friends like Starlight couldn't have their fears hushed away with a few calming words, too complex for a solution so simple. “Who was she?” Fluttershy stepped closer. Starlight started back. “Why did she attack you? Starlight, why?” “L-look, can't you just get the story from Twili—err, Spike? Or something?” Fluttershy reeled, feeling like she’d been slapped as the plainness of Starlight's words beat against her heart. “I’m tired of telling it over and over.” Why did she go from Twilight to Spike? Fluttershy hoped to Harmony they didn’t have a fight. “Um, Starlight?” “Hm?” She cocked her head, forelock swaying limply. “...Is,” Fluttershy almost didn’t want to ask this, but a part of her was desperate to know how Starlight would answer, “is everything okay?” “Yep!” she answered promptly, grinning wide all the while. “Really, I’m great right now. I’m so glad everything’s back to normal.” “Y-yes,” Fluttershy flushed, having hesitated to agree. Starlight’s pursed lips implied she noticed. She knows I don’t believe her. They needed to talk. Starlight needed to talk, to vent. More than anything in the world right now. “W-would you like to join us for some tea, Starlight?” She stepped aside, presenting the living room with a floating draconequus back in his chair, teacup raised and smiling. What did he think of all this? He’d been unusually... like water. "Um… no? No, thanks!” Starlight tittered. “I don’t want my problems taking more of your time.” Those words gutted Fluttershy. They were so very, achingly familiar. “Starlight, I promise you that it’s al—” “I just wanted to make sure you were alright!" Fluttershy swallowed. It was time to be assertive. She couldn’t let a friend who so clearly needed help out of her sight. But she couldn't pressure Starlight, for that would make her lock-up just as she used to. "Would you stay? We'd love your company! Discord brought this lovely chamomile blend that I just know you'll enjoy! It caaalms the nerves and—” "O-oh, you've got company?" Starlight kept her tone leveled, but it quivered despite her efforts. The poor thing was terrified by the prospect. “Oh, Fluttershy, thanks for inviting me in but I’m gonna have to decline. I got things to do, and I don’t want to take up your Discord-time with… me and whatnot,” she laughed. Fluttershy knew, too well, what was going through her mind. "You won't be," she countered. "And I know I wouldn’t mind some extra company." "No, that's fine." "Starlight—” "I wouldn't wanna intrude." And before further argument could be taken, Starlight continued, "Besides, like I said, I only came to tell you I'm sorry. But Twilight's got this thing she wants me to do, so..." She took one step back. “Well, anyway!” Starlight whirled round, revealing a tail equally as horrible as her mane. "I better get on and do that. I'll see you later, alright?” She galloped off before hearing her reply. Not that Fluttershy would have found the courage quick enough to call her out again. She just stood there, watching like the helpless friend she was, unable to fly after her like Rainbow Dash would. She watched Starlight vanish within the shadowy tree-lined path winding from her quiet corner of Ponyville. She couldn't help but remember all the times her friend, in the early days of their relationship, would teleport away when things got too stressful. ‘Same old Starlight.’ There was no denying that. She’d made so much progress, and in Fluttershy’s opinion, this tragedy had somehow undone all of it. Meanwhile, she just stood there and watched. Gawking. Useless. Fluttershy bucked a hind leg. The door boomed shut behind her. I really am like water. Starlight’s behavior was disturbingly familiar, she ought to have been an expert on it. But Fluttershy was too busy lost in disbelief. But it was real. She wouldn't even look me in the eye, Fluttershy counted so many times where Starlight looked everywhere but at her. What’s making her feel this way? What made her like this? It couldn't just be losing her horn, that makes no… What happened to you, Starlight Glimmer? "Yoohoo! Fluttershy!" "Oh!" A lion's paw waved in front of her face. "Sorry Discord,” Fluttershy shook her head, “I was just... thinking..." "I should say so! That was certainly think-worthy. Though I'm not surprised. Starlight didn't even say 'Hi' to me, and I waved! Some friend." He pouted, hands on his hips. "But I suppose she's got a lot on her mind right now. I say, that pony needs some professional help. Too bad she's poo-outta-luck!" "No, she's not, Discord." He was being silly. Starlight could get such help; she lived under the same roof as some. "What she needs are her friends." Sunlight flickered overhead, winking between a canopy of maple leaves. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Starlight's hooves thundered over the hard-packed dirt. Sob after pathetic sob blubbered past her lips. She was such a foal. She was selfish and obsessed with games and ran away when things were tough just like a foal would. Why was she too afraid to accept her offer? Guilt could barely bring her to meet Fluttershy's gaze. That must was clear, if not totally obvious. Starlight was just sad. Pathetic. She could be so much more than this, but instead chose to spend the last two years doing nothing with her life, nothing except re-learning the basics due to the kindness of a pony more patient than she had any right to be. A concise four-beat rhythm drummed within her ears. That which she ran across felt different. Devoid of magic, devoid of any of the "stuffing" that gave it a shape Starlight understood. Discord was just a strange amalgamation of shapes in her eyes, and now soul. Not the body of unearthly power she first recognized him as. And grass was just grass. Pony was pony. It was all so mundane and boring and why did Starlight even care?! There were real things to worry about! Fluttershy's scarred for life because of me. Because I just HAD to stick around and forget about those monsters I was indebted to. Starlight knew there was no benefit in dwelling on what-might-have-been's. That was usually her method of coping: forgetting. And it made sense, it always worked! If one just forgot about what they'd done, didn't think about it, then they did not 'really' happen, did they? That was how most ponies dealt with grief anyhow. But there wasn't a chance she'd forget any of this. There was a pulsing, aching reminder on her forehead ensuring that.