//------------------------------// // (6) Tackling Others For A Change // Story: Fist full of Iron // by Nosguy //------------------------------// "No, no, not the plushie. Please. Anything. But. The Rach-" THUNK! "Ow!" I woke up on a cold stone floor, both of my horns were hurting, but surprisingly I did not have a hangover. I rolled over onto my back and found myself in a dimly-lit cell. Oh, God... Not again. I pushed myself off the ground and went to the iron bars. I gave them a test pull to see how strong they are, and like many who try to tear each other out of prison, they bent a little. I shrugged my shoulders and went back to the stone bed. Fun fact: sleeping on stones is comfortable as long as you are used to it. I rubbed my head and tried to think for a little bit. Which hurt. A lot. I heard the clatter of tin and saw a plate laid down by my cell. I ran over to the cell bars and tried my best to peek around the corner, only to see no one near there. I shrugged and picked up the plate full of food. It was a simple meal of bread, butter, mangoes, and grapes. I was sad not to see bacon, or meat period, but beggars can't be choosers and I made the mistake of going to sleep on a drunken stomach. I sat down, leaning against the stone bed and started to munch on the meal. I struggled to bring together the events of the night before. Most people would have a problem the morning after a night of heavy drinking, but I fortunately hardly ever run into this problem and blame the drink on memory problems. From my experience, I learned that it is not possible to be drunk and forget the night before unless you completely pass out. I have also learned that while some people experience hangovers, I had so far had the good fortune of not experiencing the headaches, and sensitivity to light and noise like others, which I consider a plus I guess. I gradually finished my meal and tossed the tin near the iron bars. I crawled back up onto the bed that I fell out of earlier and laid down, heading back to sleep. A prisoner who was rested would fare better than one who was exhausted anyhow. Besides, what else could I do here? I woke up some time later with no idea how long I slept. At least I was feeling better though, and that is always a plus. Well, better do something at least somewhat productive. I looked at the walls of my cell and moved my giant hand over them. They felt like normal stone. I smiled a bit, hoping they didn't mind a little redecorating. I pulled back my fist just a bit and started tapping at the stone with my over-sized fist. Chunks of stone came crumbling down the wall leaving a fist sized hole in the wall. I kept at it for a couple minutes and smoothed it out until I made two nicely sized hand-holds that were big enough for my hands to fit and grasp comfortably over my head. I pressed my back towards the wall and reached up, grasping the hand-holds firmly. I crossed my hooves and lifted my knees towards my waist line and started doing crunches. One-hundred-and-seventy-five crunches. I dropped down onto the ground and laid flat on my stomach. I pressed my barrel of a fist onto my back and pushed myself up with the other smaller hand. I started doing push-ups with my left arm... and only got to two. I collapsed on the ground and switched hands. I got to another five on that side. Well, that was disappointing. I rolled onto my back and started doing bicycle instead. My time in prison consisted of periodical conditioning and some low quality meals. I never bothered to ask what got me in prison, no point anyways. I was pretty sure I did something stupid. When I finished exercising for the time being I went towards my bed and laid down to rest. I heard a door at the end of the hall open and the familiar sound of hooves walking down the hall. “Prisoners! You have visitors!” “Visitors for who!?” asked one oddly chipper voice. “Yeah you dumb mule! There are at least six of us here,” yelled a prisoner from down the hall. “Silence you ruffians! Let the guard speak!” Spoke another, more familliar, and extremely grating voice. “Oh piss off, you oblivious fool!.” The guard announced the description of the prisoners. “One visitor for the demon, and two for the changeling known as Sir Knightmare.” “But what about MEEEEE!?” Shouted the noblepony. “AH SHADDAP BLUEBLOOD!” shouted the first voice. I chuckled at the first voice, apparently its a general rule to hate Blueblood. “So, mister guard, who’s visiting lil’ ol’ me?” “Lucky bastards,” hollered the second voice. “They’ve only been here for less than a day! Where’s my free letter to my family!” “Calm down, dammit, you’ll get it in due time.” The guard began conversing with the owner of the first voice again. “I present Nurse Candy, Nurse Joyheart, and Her royal majesty, Queen Chrysalis.” The last name was spoken with no small degree of disgust. Wait... Who?! “Hey,” I yelled. “Chrysalis is here? I... I don’t even... What?!” I watched as the group made their way down the hall and recognized Chrysalis and Joyheart and saw a third cream-colored mare walking with them also wearing a nurse's uniform. “Long story demondudemanguy.” Spoke the first voice, this ‘sir Knightmare’ apparently. “Basically, she’s here for a peace treaty, and was one of the brawlers at the Gala when things went to shit. There’s a lot of folks alive today because of her.” Ah, so that explains all the noise from a few nights ago. I wonder if that pirate crew had anything to do with it. “It was because of YOU and those damnable alien ruffians that everything fell apart in the FIRST PLACE!” shouted the third voice, clearly identifiable as BlueBlood. He was annoying me and that voice was getting on my nerves. “Bluey! Mind toning it down a touch,” I told Blueblood. “Else I may just have to come through the wall and see you face to face!” Blueblood continued to shout and holler. “Now see here, you dirty demon! You have no right to treat royalty like that! Why I should have you- “BLUEBLOOD SHUT THE HELL UP!” everyone shouted, including Chrysalis and Nurse Candy. “Thanks,” I told the group. “You’re welcome.” said Chrysalis, she gave me a nod as she walked past me towards the next prison. Nurse Joyheart came towards my cell. “Well, Mr. Cole,” she said in her sweet southern accent. “Seems like yah got yourself in quite the predicament here, sweetie.” Looks like I was about to get a lecture. I smiled and starting moving towards the bars.. “Nurse Joyheart, so nice to see you again.” Cole took a closer look at her and noticed the bag she was carrying on her back. The guard gave him a glare when I got closer. “Back off prisoner, don’t step too close to the bars.” I glared straight back at him and grabbed the bars. “Stop that,” he ordered. “Dude, you’re seriously telling us to back away from CHRYSALIS? Did you SEE what she was capable of last night!? Trust me, they've got more to fear from her than us...” Knightmare, I appreciate it... but I really need you quiet right now. . I started pulling the bars a part and grunted. “Hey, Knightmare, wanna shut it for a tick?” I kept on pulling on the bars to bend them apart wide enough for me to fit through. I stared at the guard as the bars got wider and wider apart. “Cole! Stop it,” said Joyheart, worry presenting itself in her voice. I motioned for her to step away. I did not want her to get in the way of this, besides I did not plan on killing him. “Now, now,” said Chrysalis, as she smiled. “Let us see what he does?” Well, I'm not sure if I am comfortable with Chrysalis supporting me, or maybe I should feel appreciated for it. It's weird. Chrysalis watches with a slight grin as I pry the two bars apart, freeing myself with shocking ease. “Are we doing a jailbreak?” Knightmare asked, the tiny changeling popping out of his cell and, with a flick of his hook, forming a clawed hand and using the sharp tip to pick the lock on his cell door. “Because that’s actually a pretty cool idea.” “Nah, not really Knight.” I started walking towards the guard, intimidating him with every glance, until he stared down at the guard. I brought his fist up, as if to strike to guard and with a quick flourish of my left hand, flicked the guard on the nose. The guard reeled back in surprise as I smiled and stepped back towards my cell, and bent the bars back into place. “So, Cole, Knightmare...” Chrysalis grinned, “We were sent to retrieve the two of you. You’ve been pardoned.” My eyes went wide, I thought they were getting me on bail, but I'm getting a pardon instead? “Am I pardoned?” Blueblood asked. “No, you’re lucky to not be executed by the very laws you’re so obsessive over for how you treated me and my entourage.” I stared at Chrysalis for a second then looked over at Nurse Joyheart. “Is she serious?” “Deathly serious.” Nurse Candy said. “Well then,” I muttered. “Guard, you might as well let me out then.” He looked over at the guard who he just flicked expectantly. Knightmare turns to the guard as well, stepping back behind the still opened door of his own cell. The guard huffed and passed my cell and opened Knightmare's first. He then handed the keys to Nurse Joyheart. I think I made him just a bit mad, maybe flicking him wasn't the smartest of ideas. “You open it,” he told her. “I refuse to do anything that could be seen as kind towards him.” Well, obviously, you're a jerk and you officially deserved that flick on the nose. “Well that’s odd. You’re nicer to a changeling who was locked up for giving a noble bloody nose than you are for a demon-looking dude who’s only in trouble for getting drunk in public?” Chrysalis asked, “You have very skewed priorities, young one.” “Well... I think it might also be for property destruction,” I muttered as Nurse Joyheart opened the door. “And for public nudity,” continued the guard. Wait... what?! I looked at him wide-eyed. If I did that, then it must mean that. Oh hell... At least I got my pants back. “Holy... Well... hell... I think I went to fourteen shots then.” I cast my eyes down in embarrassment. “Hey! New record!” He smiled as his face shot back up. “Lightweight.” says the goddess who can obviously magic her liver back to health. Screw healing magic. “Compared to me, maybe.” Candy chirped, giggling lightly. And you're a horse so piss off! “Sooo...public nudity, eh? Kinda wish I got to see that.” “No you do not, there have only been two occasions that have happened. Last night, and Graffiti night at the University of Texas frats. Never. Again.” I still had hopes that the pictures from that night was never passed around, mankind does not need to know such madness exists. I walked over and hugged Nurse Joyheart then stood to the side to allow the group to pass. “And you said he wasn’t nice.” Candy said, grinning at Joyheart lewdly. “Hey Joyheart, would you mind explaining the company, please,” I asked.. “This here is Nurse Candy, she was a student of mine when she first decided to become a nurse. We go way back, and were quite close,” she pointed towards the earth pony. “And this is Queen Chrysalis. She-” “No need for that one, I know of her,” I cut her off and looked at the Queen. I stepped towards her a bit and inspected her being. A wide smile cut across my face from ear to ear as I looked directly into her eyes. An idea popped into my head as I looked at her. “Chrysalis... have you ever been glomped?” “On several occasions, by Knightmare...and oddly enough even Celestia after I requested a peace treaty and handed over my terms of surrender.” “Well then this might be a familiar feeling.” I quickly backed away, jumped off the wall parallel to the group targeted Chrysalis for the imminent glomp. The changeling Queen responded promptly, wreathing herself in green flames to shapeshift, revealing....something I think I would have been knocked upside the head for looking at on the internet. “My... well Ah do believe someone has yet tah sober up,” said Joyheart as she looked at the destruction. “Oh I’m sober.” I looked back at Joyheart as I got up and dust myself off. “Just the first time we met, I was tied down and restrained on a bed without being able to move an inch and I was missing my pants too. Where are they?" “Oh la la!” Candy said, “Somepony had a happy night!” The cream-colored mare giggled happily. “Oh hush you,” Joyheart said while she blushed. “It was nothing like that, he was in the hospital!” I quickly caught on to what Candy was doing. “Yes! I was but a poor injured lad and this temptress, she took advantage of me in such a poor state! Oh how tragic.” I placed the back on my head as if I were to faint. “Joyheart, Honey, you should have CALLED!” Candy gushed, clearly ‘getting in to character’, “I’d have taught you a few of my old tricks. I mean it’s all because of you that I have a job at all right now, it’s only fair!” “Wait....you’re THAT ‘Candy Apple’!?” Chrysalis said. “Wat.” was Knightmare’s only response. I looked at everyone and then back to Joyheart expecting some kind of clarification. “THE Candy Apple!?” Chrysalis continued, drawing attention from the other prisoners, “From the Naughty Nurse Candy series!? OH MY FAUST I’m your biggest fan!” Suddenly the ‘big bad scary’ Queen Chrysalis was bouncing around like a teenage cheerleader meeting Justin Bieber for the first time. Hyperactive, irritating, and squealing like a pig. “Yet again. Wat.” was, yet again, Knightmare’s only response. Joyheart started to blush an even deeper crimson. Wait... Naughty Nurse? And her name is Candy? Wha- Oh. Ohh. Ohhhhhhhhh. I quickly caught on to it and nudged Knightmare. “So wait... what you are telling us, Miss Candy,” I started. “By Celestia’s luscious flank...”Knightmare said, “Are you trying to tell me....you’re a...a...” “PORN STAR!” all those present shouted, almost all with glee[even Blueblood, shockingly]. “Well I might have polished a few staves back in the day....” Candy said, looking at her hoof nonchalantly. “Mighta done a stint or two as Nightmare Moon. But Joyheart, here, taught me what I needed to know to play the part of a horny nurse, and more than enough to earn a license and become one after the industry was forced to go underground. I dunno about you but as much as I love making mares and stallions wet, I don’t love it enough to turn criminal.” I looked over at Joyheart with a deviant smile. “So what you are telling us,” I winked at Knightmare. “Don’t say it...please don’t say it.” Joyheart mumbled. “That you and Candy used to be....” Knightmare turned to Chrysalis with a lecherous grin.... “You wouldn’t....” Candy grumbled... “Candy Strippers!” Chrysalis said, gleefully, much to the mirth and laughter of the congregated criminals. Except Blueblood, who joined the two nurses in their groan at the horrible pun. What a killjoy.... “Cole, now that wasn’t very kind of yah.” Joyheart looked at me and gave me a chilling glare. I quickly spoke up to defend myself. “But, it was just too good to pass up! You have to understand Miss!” Joyheart’s eyes stared straight into my soul. We both looked into each other’s eyes and from what any normal pony could see, it was just two individuals staring at each other. However, it was more than that. It was a battle of epic proportions that could only be seen by the spirits and God (and maybe goddess here). I stared into those orbs and only say death and despair and my defenses fell. Joyheart saw her opening and went on a full offensive, stepping closer and closer to me until I was on my knees turning away in submission. “Now apologize,” she ordered. I looked towards her and Nurse Candy. “I’m... I’m sorry Nurse Joyheart and to you too Nurse Candy,” my voice dropping to a low murmur. “Good. That pun was so bad I was ‘bout to start sticking acupuncture needles inta your scrotum.” Nurse Candy said, reverting to her southern accent briefly. I flinched, I did not want to experience that, that just sounded... uncomfortably bad. “I think she’s mad.” Chrysalis whispered to me, hiding a grin of her own rather poorly. “Well, you don’t say?” I got back up onto my feet, and stood by Nurse Joyheart’s side. “Regardless, it’s time to get you two back to the throne room.” Chrysalis spoke calmly, keeping her voice almost perfectly even. “So...we’re free? Just like that?” I was curious as to why I was being let go. “ Yes, Celestia officially pardoned Knightmare after taking several testimonies pointing to him protecting my honor, and you, apparently, just needed a few days to sleep off your hangover.” The Changeling Queen turned on her hooves and began walking out of the dungeon block. “Well, Hellboy?” Knightmare said, his voice no longer nasally...musta been an act, he made a sweeping bow towards the entrance, as the three lovely mares made their exit there. As he followed, he began humming a familiar tune. “Wait! Ah hell, I don’t know this song,” I complained. “Just follow what I do,” explained Knightmare, he began beating his wings rapidly, as if calling out a multitude. “It’s all A-capella, we are our own instruments, so just roll with me, sonny.” “Call me sonny again,” I threatened. “That’s my schtick.” “How old are you? Because I’m pushing seventy as is....” Knightmare replied, his deadpan reaction betraying nothing. Cole quickly looked away, trying to come up with a quick lie. “Uh, over 900 years old?” Cole uses Poker Face! It's not very effective... “Well I’m 40,000, so you whippersnappers best behave!” Chrysalis countered irritably. I am a man who walks alone And when I’m walking a dark road At night or strolling through the park Knightmare takes the lead, easing into the song into something that sounds oddly a lot like Iron Maiden. Wait, I actually know this one! Thank you junior high days! When the light begins to change I sometimes feel a little strange A little anxious when its dark Cole finally gets into the groove, continuing the lead lines with surprising skill. Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a constant fear that something’s always near! Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a phobia that someone’s always there! Both of us efficiently duet the third stanza, the buzz of Knightmare’s wings still pulling duty as the backups. Out of the blue, Chrysalis chimes in, taking up the lead of the song as they enter the suspiciously light-less hallway leaving the dungeons. Have you run your fingers down the wall And have you felt your neck skin crawl When you’re searching for the light? Lighting her horn ablaze with magic, she’s able to combat the darkness enough to avoid tripping, but not much else, lending a fittingly ominous aura to the darkened passages. Sometimes when you’re scared to take a look At the corner of the room you’ve sensed there’s someone watching you! An eerie chill settles into the air as I feel a presence behind us, following the five of us as we sing and stroll down the darkened hallway. Have you ever been alone at night Thought you heard footsteps behind And turned around and no one’s there? Suddenly, and simultaneously, all five of us turn around, but there’s absolutely no one behind us....that we can see. The hair's on the back of my neck rise, wondering if its possible for ghosts to exist in Equestria. And as you quicken up your pace you find it hard to look again Because you’re sure there’s someone there! The presence returns once again, I can sense it following us. Call it a sixth sense but I was sure that was what was happening. Or maybe I am just too immersed in the song. Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a constant fear that something’s always near! Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a phobia that someone’s always there! [‘instrumental’] As the five continue, singing the phrase ‘Fear of the Dark’ at regular intervals in various tones, the floorboard lets out a loud creak from behind us, startling all of us and causing Knightmare to run let out a shout and run around checking doors and halls in suspicion, though Chrysalis doesn’t miss a beat in the song. My mind was on edge, wandering what was following us. Watching horror films the night before Debating Witches and Folklore The unknown troubles on your mind! She got the nurses, Joyheart and Candy, to join into the song, paralleling her own voice beautifully. Maybe your mind is playing tricks You sense, and suddenly, eyes fixed On dancing shadows from behind! The trio of mares turn around, and look down the hall and then turn immediately back, the two nurses with a slight bit of fear in their eyes. Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a constant fear that something’s always near! Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a phobia that someone’s always there! Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a constant fear that something’s always near! Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a phobia that someone’s always there! When I’m walking a dark road... I am the man who walks alone.... “BOO!” “Jesus Holy Christ!” Knightmare and I screamed in unison, with screeches coming from the nurses and a surprised Chrysalis leaping up just in time to grab the four of them before they fall. A small figured appeared in front of the group, giggling with a hoof covering her mouth. I quickly grabbed her and held her up to eye level with one hand. “Alright, very funny, now who are ya,” I asked, annoyance creeping into my voice. Can you blame me? We were just creeped and then scared by the smallest changeling that lives on this planet. “Rachel, but everyone calls me Mimic,” she continued to giggle. Alright, that is pretty cute, but I must not let my mask fall, I must look tough dangit! I sighed and looked around at everyone. “Anyone know where she came from?” I looked from Knightmare to the nurses to Chrysalis. “CryCry, is she yours? She looks like a changeling.” Chrysalis’s brows furrowed at the name. “I am not CryCry, I am Queen Chrysalis, and you shall refer to me as such.” “CryCry sounds better,” I deadpanned. “I’mma be honest, I like it. ChryssiePie.” Knightmare said. “I’m not ‘ChryssiePie’ either....” “OK, Cherry Pie.” “Oh Faustdammit PLEASE don't start singing that song around a CHILD!” Says the queen who just swore in front of said child. “Cherry Chimichanga,” offered Rachel with a slight smile. “I’m never going to run out of nicknames at this rate,” Chrysalis deadpanned. “I LIKE her! Can we keep her?” Knightmare said. I sighed at that. I found her first though, I call dibs. “Maybe, depends who her caretaker is,” I told Knightmare. Hoping that he would not be able to beat me to adopting her. “I’d rather....not.” came an unexpected and familiar voice. That of Crown Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire. “Hoyo Cadence!” Knightmare shouted, waving to the pink alicorn through the gloom....and suddenly, all of the lamps and torches came on with a click. “You...could have just turned on a light switch...” The Princess of Love said, stifling a giggle at Chrysalis’ embarrassed reaction. I turned around and smiled. “Cadence! So good to see you again!” I walked towards her and bowed before her with a flourish. “And you as well, Cole, and I see you are at least somewhat clothed.” She saw me blacked out wasted? Well that shall do wonders for my reputation towards the nobles. “Hey! I have a question,” asked Knightmare. “How does someone in a society of nudists get tagged with a public indecency charge?” That's actually a good question... “Because,” Chrysalis began, “Most stallions cocks are retractable...his isn’t...and technically neither is yours. Be thankful Celestia didn’t press charges over your ‘towel accident’.” I think I will just let that one slide. “...ok.” Knightmare said, suddenly getting a devious grin. “And that, ladies and gents, is why SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE! Cool Drink o' water, such a sweet surprise!“ Cadance quickly covered Rachel’s ears as soon as Knightmare began to sing. “DAMMIT KNIGHTMARE I CAN’T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE!” Chrysalis screamed, her face redder than blood from embarrassment. “And this is why we can’t have nice things,” I muttered.. “I’m sorry, queenie, but you’re just so ADORABLE when you’re flustered!” “I have to side with Knightmare on this one, Chrysalis.” Cadance quipped, “You look so cute I’d love to just pinch your cheeks!” Chrysalis immediately backed away. “Do it, and you’ll regret it,” hissed Chrysalis. “OK, how about this?” Cadance asked, and, moving faster than imaginable, locked lips with Chrysalis in a prench kiss. This time it was Knightmare’s job to shield Rachel’s eyes from the sight, much to the young changelings laughter. Wha- did she just? Forget it. Ponies are officially weird and fall ships are now canon in my mind. “I wonder how Shiner feels about this,” I muttered aloud. “Shining?” Knightmare asked, “Dude, this was one of his requests. In exchange for overcoming his anti-changeling racism and helping out in keeping us from going extinct, he gets to see Chrysalis and Cadance get frisky at least once.... Apparently they enjoy each other’s company....better than expected. If ya know what I mean.” I looked from Knightmare to the couple kissing each other. “I... am at a lost for words,” muttered Cole. “Seriously, I thought everyone would still be cautious with each other, right?” “Dude, it’s been four months and the changelings have signed a peace treaty that specifically states Celestia will incinerate every last changeling if Chrysalis breaches the treaty. Then again, the whole ‘Chrysalis X Cadance’ thing isn’t in the treaty, she agreed to it because she’s horny.” All clops are now canon as far as I am concerned now. “That much I’m willing to admit....” Chrysalis stated, nibbling on Cadance’s horn gently. I stared for a moment and then smacked himself in the face. Nope, naughty thoughts go away, you're a man, a man does not hover over those thoughts! Granted, I am in college, but still! “Right, so throne room before we give a child an impromptu education in safe sex?” I quickly started walking ahead of the group. “Sounds like a plan, my man.” Knightmare said, carrying Rachel on his shoulders. He was promptly followed by the four gorgeous mares that had tagged along. The procession continued down the halls until they finally found the throne room. “The princess said she wanted tah talk tah yah before yah left, Cole,” explained Joyheart, the bag still being carried on her back. “The Doctor was kind enough to pack you some extra clothes in order for you to look presentable, ladies if you please.” Chrysalis and Cadence activated their magic and created a curtain in order for me to change behind. I took the bag off of Joyheart and walked behind the curtain and started to change. “Well, dudes, ladies, Chrysalis, I bid ye all farewell. I’ve got a band to gather and a road trip to kick off. Be well and blessed be, everypony!” Knightmare set Rachel down on Cadence’s back and buzzed off, using his wing to skate across the floor at high speeds. I looked through the bag and found my holster, a fresh pair of pants and a vest that would easily allow my arm through. I also found some cologne and a bit of soap that looked like it was to be used as deodorant. I quickly cleaned myself up and pulled back my hair in order to get it slicked down. I detached one of the straps from the bag and made an impromptu strap for the holster. I removed my bandages to find all my wounds cleaned up and healed and started putting on the pants. I wound the holster and strap around my waist and then put on the vest. To complete the ensemble I set the back around my shoulders messenger back style and made sure it was tight to my back. I stepped out from behind the curtains and presented myself to the crowd. "Well, ladies, if you excuse me, I have an appointment with royalty apparently.