Twilight smacked me in the face and punched me in the foot and Shouted in my face "JAKKID you have to solve the case!"
"WhooooA!" I shouted loud. "Thanks Twilight I needed that I was sleeping for two months." So I jumped out the window and went back to Celestia's house so I could get the evidence from her.
"Celesita!" I screamed as I shot the door open with my gun. "I got a question for you"
"What is it jakkid?" said Celestia who was at the time busy building a Bob sled for the annual Equestria bob sledding competition.
"Are you the true killer?"
"No"
"Oh okay, well who is then?"
"Its YOU!" She said and then I was in jail.
"Wait what the fuck?" I shouted and looked around like a guy. "Okay but, why am I the killer?"
But she did not answer because she wasnt there so I had to do some thinking with my Detective powers.
"Hmmmm." I shouted. "The only way someone could think I did the crime is if they saw me do the crime. But I didnt do the crime, which must mean someone who LOOK like me commit the crime. And in Equestria someone cold only look like me if they use magic to look like me. Also ponies have hoofs and cant use guns, so it wold have to be a unicorn! But which one?"
And then it hit me like a thing. "I know, it was TWILIGHT!"
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN
"Okay well itsa time I go arrest her for being guilty," I shouted and I opened the jail door and left to Ponyville.
When I got to her house I knocked on the door and when she opend it I slappe my handcuffs on her and said "Twilight Sarkle you are under arrest for the murder of whatever the name of the pony that got murdered is."
"What But Jakkid I swear I didnt do the crime! It was someone else!"
"Okay well who is it then?"
"Come inside and Ill help you figure it out" said Twilight. So me and Twilight went in and read a buncha books to help figure out the thing.
"Wait" said Twilight "I found it!" and she showed me the book and it said "the killer is Discord".
"Who's Discord?" I said confusingedly.
"Discord is a dick hole who go around making chaos and shit fuck," say Twilight. "We gotta go arrest him before he keeps making bad."
"Okay" I said and we left her house.
"Wait," I said, "Where is discord?"
"Uhhhh, fuck, I dont know."
"Well then lets look for him." I said and we ran around town tryin to find discord.
First we went to Sugarpube corner and talked to Pinkie Pie but she was annoying so we left. Then we went to Rarity's house place.
"Oh yes Darling, I saw Discord today he was at Pinkie Pie's house." said Rarity.
"Oh sweet thanks." said Twilight and me and we went back to Sugarcube corner and Discord was there.
"Discord" I said pulling out me handcuffs "You are under arrest for killing the pony."
"Oh no you found me!" said Discord "But you cant put me in jail cause it wasnt me."
"GODDAMMIT" I screamed "Who is it then?"
"It was the clone of you I made to kill the pony."
"We will see about that in court" said me and then we were in the courtroom.
Twilight and me were prosecuting Discord and Discord was defending himself and Celestia was the Judge which means this is the last chapter.
"I will now call my witness to the stand, Detective Jakkid166." said Discord.
"What the fuck Im not a witness" I said but then I was on the witness stand.
Which I mean it wasnt me who was on there but it was a guy who look exactly like me.
"This is the clone of you I made with magic," said Discord. "Hes the one who killed the stuff."
"Well see about that." said me.
"Thats right." said the clone me "I killed the dead people and now I will get in prison instead of Discord."
"Shit!" said me "We cant let Discord get away with this what can we do?"
"Idk." said Twilight.
And then the clone me disappear from the stand.
"Well shit if the culprit isnt here I cant sentence him. I pronounce Discord not guilty," said Celestia.
"What the fuck" said me. "But Discord made the clone"
"Yeah but the clone did the crimes so the clone is the one whos guilty but he doesn't exist anymore so we cant put anyone in jail."
"SHIT"
* LATER TIME *
"Well that sucked." I said drinking my root beer out of the cup. "I wanted to solve the case."
"You did solve the case," said Twilight "But the legal process systems in this country are bad and wasnt able to convict the Discord and really even if they did he cold just teleport away anyway so it doesnt matter. You still found the culprit all by yourself."
"Well youre right," I said "But why did the book say it was Discord who was the killer why would that even be written in it?"
"Oh wait," said Twilight "That was just a fanfiction I was writing."
"TWILIGHT YOU ASSHOLE"
* LATER *
"Okay so what now?" I said while I was smoking weed with Twilight.
"Well you can stay in Equestria and help fix our laws."
"Good idea, plus since I'm a detective that already means I can make new laws!" I said. "Its time to go to Celestia and fix your laws."
"Okay good." said Twilight "Can you make it illegal to be Rainbow Dash?"
"Sure." I said and me and Twilight decided to go to Canterlot to fix law forever. But before we did that, we decide to do one last thing...
a BIG musical number, because this is my little pony. But I cant post the lyrics here cause ill get banned.
THE END