//------------------------------// // 4 - A Funny Story for the Grandfoals // Story: War Games // by Darkstarling //------------------------------// Twilight’s horn was surging with power, her wings flared. The miserable, sneaky, underclawed spawn of Tartarus and a rotten peach! He’d had her… nope, she refused to even think of it. But it had been in front of everypony! Why she ought to mince him into mulch! Turn him into a flea, put him in a box, have it mailed to Saddle Arabia by Derpy, then teleport to crush it with a hammer when it got there just to be sure! She ought to… “Discord? Love, what’s wrong?” Twilight froze as a worried wing laid on her back with a disturbingly familiar intimacy. Oh no. Oh no no no, Twilight thought frantically. The only way for this to be worse would be if… “Twilybug? Are you okay?” Shining said, in a carefully calm voice, concern written on his face even as she saw him casually get into position for an emergency suppression spell. Just like he’d practiced for years for her magical flare ups as a foal. Oh Harmony, it’s true, Twilight thought. I’m married to Cadence and Shining and they haven’t joined the dream yet! And he called me Twilybug. I may throw up. I have to get myself out of this mess. Fortunately, the same miserable being that got her into it could get her out of it again. “Discord! Yes! Discord. Heh heh...causing...problems again.” She made herself relax her wings and stopped flaring her magic. It wouldn’t do any good until she was awake anyway. “He was here? He doesn’t know, does he? What did he do?” Shining relaxed as her magic released, and came forward to offer a hug. “Did he hurt you?” Ugh, are hugs NOT what I need from him right now, she thought in panic. Nope nope nope. She blinked across the room, away from him and Cadence. She tried to ignore how hurt they looked. Remember, it’s just a dream. It’s just a dream, she told herself repeatedly. They’ll thank me later when they remember all this. But those questions, did he know what? Oh. OH. The invasion of Equestria I was about to announce. Well actually this could help. There’s no way I can pretend to be married to them until they get their darn stones on. But maybe there was a chance to forget the elements and give a good lie. “Yes! Well, no! It’s complicated?” Twilight tried to channel her confusion on arriving in the human world, the feeling of complete wronghoofedness, like everything familiar was tilted ninety degrees. It was worryingly like when she joined Celestia in diplomatic discussions. “You see...I don’t think I’m your Twilight. Discord found out about our plans to invade Equestria and banished me to another world to keep me out of trouble. So...hi!” Twilight was pleased with herself. Just like all the best lies, it was both simple and completely plausible. She even stuck the delivery! She hoped. Maybe. Shining and Cadence’s frozen appalled expressions were a good sign right? “Oh dear, how dreadful!” Rarity’s voice cut across the tableau. Twilight gave a guilty start. In her panic, she had almost forgotten her friends were there. “Who knew that beast would stoop so low as to take an Empress hostage for the good behavior of her lovers? I know we’ve never met before,” Rarity continued with a subdued wink at Twilight, which relieved her far more than it should have, “but I hope you know we will do everything we can to make you welcome in this dimension until the dreadful situation has been resolved.” “But...but if you aren’t our Twilight” said Cadence, sounding on the verge of tears, “Then where is she? Where’s my wife?” There was a whir of bat wings, and Fluttershy was there stroking her mane. “Well it’s obvious isn’t?” Said Rarity. Twilight blinked. It was? “That dastardly rapscallion has swapped them, holding not one but two loving families hostage on their good behavior. And disrupting our own invasion plans while he was at it, I might add. Isn’t that right Twilight?” “Um...yes! Now I think about it, he did say something about killing two birds with one stone” Twilight said. That was brilliant! “Stone is it?” Shining’s voice was cold. “I’ll give him stone. For taking my Twilight from me, when we catch him I’ll turn him into gravel for the palace garden.” Fluttershy let out a meep, Shining turned to Fluttershy kindly. “Oh don’t worry, I meant their Discord. Ours can be your pet, just like we always promised.” Twilight blanched. Right. Villains. I have to remember that. “Eh heh...yes, yes of course.” Rarity also looked a little disturbed, although she was making an effort to hide it. “Though I would suggest a teensy delay first to make him swap the Twilights back before you do anything too irreversible. Speaking of which, Twilight dear, just a quick point of etiquette. I’m sure in your world you are an Empress in your own right.” She gave another wink. “But here you’re in a slightly subordinate position and, frankly, we need a way to tell you apart. May we refer to you as Princess Twilight?” “Rarity, there’s no call to be rude” said Cadence. “My wife...I mean Twilight...has had a very long day, been banished from her home, and she may be stuck here for quite awhile. There’s no need to insinuate that she’s somehow a second best replacement on top of it all.” “No, no it’s fine” said Twilight quickly. “It’s much easier than having to argue over who gets to be Alpha Twilight and Beta Twilight or something silly like that.” Twilight made a note to herself to come up with a workable dimensional self-designation system asap. Now there was a crisis to nip in the bud! At least this exercise had already been good for something, excruciating awkwardness aside. “Heh, that would be your priority wouldn’t it” said Shining fondly. “I suppose that proves you’re Twilight at least. Some things never change, even between dimensions.” “Well...alright, if you’re sure.” Cadence still looked sad, and Shining moved to comfort her. “I’m just so sorry to see you trapped here all alone, and with my Twily gone too…” She sniffled a little, and conjured a handkerchief to blow her nose. “Well, just let me say that anything we can do to help you, anything at all, you only have to ask.” Twilight couldn’t help but smile a bit at that, despite the oddness of the whole situation. They might be just dreams, but it was still nice to see their affection for her shine through. Even if it was channeled in such a disturbing way. “Thank you" she said simply. “Now, don’t go gettin’ too upset yer Highness” Applejack cut in. “I know it’s sad an all. But you still don’t need to worry none. This is Twilight we’re talkin about here. Once she gets her hooves under her, she’ll be back here fore you can spit. Heck, that dang varmint Discord won’t know what hit him. He bit off more’n he could chew this time I’ll tell ya. Someday this’ll all just be a funny story.” “Thank you, Applejack” Candence nodded, starting to pull herself together. “We all know she can take care of herself. It’s just hard, and you know how I worry sometimes.” “It’s okay Katydid” Shining held her close and kissed her softly on the head. “I’m worried too, but she’s right. Twily will be back soon. We just need to be there for her when she does, that’s all.” “Indeed” said Rarity. “Now, if you don’t mind your Majesties, might we beg permission to leave for a moment? We really must get Princess Twilight rested and caught up on the situation in this world. How else will she be ready to lead the invasion of Equestria?” “Really?” Cadence spoke, but she and Shining were staring together. “I thought, with everything that had happened…” “Nonsense!” Rarity replied. “Isn’t the best gift you could give your beloved on her return a lovely new throne?” Rarity tittered to herself a little. “Call it an early anniversary gift.” “Well yes!” Said Twilight, catching on. Harmony, Rarity was good. “I may not be Empress Twilight, but I can do my best to fill in until she returns. It’s the least I can do for you, right? Even if it will be a bit hard for me to step into her shoes.” They smiled and nodded, a bit sadly. “We understand. And thank you” said Cadence. “Take some time to adjust. Though later, of course, we will have much to talk about.” "And when you return home” Shining added, “we certainly pledge our support to your own war of liberation. This might be a terrible misfortune, but it could also be the beginning of a glorious alliance. And...it’s good to meet you, Princess. It’s strangely comforting to see that the mare I love stretches into infinity.” Oh no oh no was he flirting with me he was oh Harmony ew ew ew ew WHY AM I BLUSHING?!? EWWW! In the midst of her panicked thoughts Twilight barely managed to get out an automatic bow and mutter something polite before fleeing the throne room. The others followed, though she saw Fluttershy stay for a moment longer to whisper something reassuring to Dream Cadence. Yes, definitely best to call them Dream Cadence and Dream Shining, she thought. Remind herself that this wasn’t real. Just like Applejack said, soon this would all just be a funny story. Focus on breathing exercises, just like the real Cadence had taught her. Focus on anything else. “Wow Rarity, that was so amazing!” Chirped Pinkie, pronking along beside them. “Mmm, it was wasn’t it darling? If I do say so, I believe I simply outshone myself” Rarity fanned herself with her customary modesty. “My goodness but that was a tricky tangle. I shall have words with both Discord and Luna for allowing such an indelicate backstory. Simply disgraceful.” Applejack cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t a fair few of them dime novels you read have just the same sorta setup?” “Hmph. I have no idea what you’re talking about. And even if I did, a lady would never admit to such a thing.” Rainbow, meanwhile, had been silently fluttering along with a dazed look on her face and shocked, shrunken irises. She was silently mouthing something like she was trying to get words out, but no sound came. A slow grin grew on Pinkie’s face, splitting it ear to ear. “Sooo….Applejack. You know how in that backstory we got we were all okay with Twily and Shiny? Well I was wondering. In yours, did you and Big Mac ever…” “Pinkie, finish that sentence and ah'l hog tie ya to the nearest chandelier.” Pinkie paused in mid air, seriously considering. “Might be worth it. Ah well.” She resumed her normal relationship with gravity and continued her happy pronking. “Um...did anyone else feel really sad for Shining and Cadence?” Fluttershy whispered. “I mean, I know they’re just dreams. But they seemed so upset to lose their wife. And...um... I’m a bit afraid to have regular dreams now.” “Oh, I’ve actually talked to Luna about that” said Twilight, perking up. Philosophy was an excellent distraction. “I might have had a bit of crisis when I read about solipsism. And existentialism. And then Celestia banned me from the philosophy section for a month until I calmed down. Heh heh.” Twilight brushed her mane with her hooves embarrassedly. Moving on, she thought. “The reason dreams can seem so much like real ponies when they’re missing a proper soul is that they’re really projections of ourselves, sustained by our own magic. So when they seemed sad, it was really us feeling sad and expressing it through them. And when you were comforting them, you were comforting us. So thank you Fluttershy.”  She gave her friend a warm smile, which Fluttershy returned. “The spellcraft here probably makes the details a bit more complicated, but the principle is the same.” “Okay. That’s good then.” Fluttershy looked like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. “Yeah! Wouldn’t it be awful if we were creating and destroying whole universes every time we went to sleep? And then when we were awake we’d never know if there was some pony we could never let wake up! At any moment everything could just go FSHH! Gone.” Thanks Pinkie, thought Twilight. “Yes, that is exactly what I had nightmares about for weeks even after Celestia and Luna showed me the thaumaturgic proofs that it didn’t work that way. Thank you so much for reminding me.” “You had dreams about ending world when you woke up, only for your world to end when somepony else woke up?” Rarity sounded concerned. “LAYERED dreams like that, where I was never sure when I was finally awake or not. It wasn’t pleasant. So can we please talk about something else?” “THAT JUST HAPPENED!!!” Rainbow burst out, apparently unable to hold it in anymore. “Indeed” said Rarity smoothly. “However, while certain shocking activities may have occurred that we hopefully never shall refer to again, another question occurs to me. Namely, where are Tempest and Spike?”