How the fuck fucking hell does Pinkie know?
Wait, don't answer that. The answer terrifies me.
For all my efforts to blend in and try to get by, everyone seems to know who I am.
And I'm supposed to be in disguise.
Fortunately though, Apple-what's-her-face and Sparklebutt seem to be unaware.
How I look forward to seeing the looks on their faces when they find out who I am. I'm guessing they will the rate I'm going.
Anyway I had a party to try and enjoy. I walked over to one of the sofas in the room and positioning a pillow against the armrest, laid on my back and rested my plate on my belly.
"Comfortable?"
I managed to suppress a groan.
"Very much so, what can I do for you Twilight?"
"I just wondered if you wanted to talk."
"What about?"
"About anything. Maybe about this workshop Princess Celestia mentioned."
I extended a hoof and pointed to the empty seat opposite. Twilight beamed with joy and hopped up enthusiastically, bouncing the cushion in the process and nearly knocking my plate onto the floor. Fortunately I held it in place with my awesome magic.
"What do you want to know?" I asked.
"Well, I suppose a starting point would be what it is you plan to make."
"Nothing just yet."
"Why not?" she asked, tilting her head at me in confusion.
"I need supplies first, then there's the task of getting all the right components so I recreate what's in my homeland; many of which will have to be built from scratch. I'll need to shop around and find manufacturers capable of delivering what I require."
"Can't you make them yourself?"
"I'm an aeronautical and aerospace engineer not a metallurgist. But from what I've been reading on Equestria, you do have the ability to create the parts I need."
"What parts do you need making?"
"Too many to mention, but I'll provide the necessary blueprints when I'm ready."
"I still doubt your claim about internal combustion to be possible."
"It is," I replied firmly, "Though I do have the problem of finding a fuel source."
"Fuel source?"
"Petrol or diesel for what I'm creating."
"What are they and what's the difference?" Twilight asked, magicking a quill and some parchment into view.
I wasn't too surprised by that, Twilight taking notes. It doesn't bother me though, she can take all the notes she wants.
"Petrol, simply put, is a transparent liquid that is used in internal combustion engines where sparks are required to ignite the fuel. Diesel fuel differs in that it's a specific fractional distillate of crude oil, and used in appropriately named diesel engines "
"What's the difference between petrol and diesel engines?" Twilight asked, still scratching away with her quill.
"Petrol engines are internal combustion engines with spark ignition, diesel engines are internal combustion engines where fuel is ignited due by mechanical compression of the air inside the combustion chamber."
I stuffed some more cake into my mouth as Twilight scribbled away, the sound of her quill on parchment sounding like nails on a chalkboard; but not quite as bad. I decided to continue while I was in the mood, and if I told her enough she might just hand over my things.
"Then there's the turbofan engine I'm going to design and build."
"What's a turbofan engine?"
"An air breathing engine used to propel aircraft through the air. With no need for magic."
Twilight dropped her quill and parchment and stared at me in shock. I very quickly prepared myself for claims that that was impossible.
"But how would you do that without magic?!"
"By building engines and attaching it or them to aircraft capable of flying. You don't need magic to do everything Twilight."
"But magic is involved with pretty much everything! Without it, a society cannot function!"
"Mine did."
Twilight sighed and rubbed her face with a hoof, "I'm trying to be reasonable and understanding Apollo, but when you say that you don't need magic to do things.....I can't even fathom how you came to such a conclusion. In every society known to pony kind, magic is used in one form or another. It's never completely absent."
"It is where I come from, in fact; long ago those accused of using magic where executed for being a witch."
Twilight's eyes almost boggled out of her head, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
"Very. Complete nonsense though, because as I've said where I come from magic doesn't exist."
"Then explain your horn."
"We thought they were purely decorative. When I first came to Equestria, Princess Celestia and some others tutored me in how to use it. I remember being able to feel magic for the first time."
"How did it feel?"
"Painful. I had several headaches for weeks as my mind adjusted to the new sensation. Because I had never felt magic before, never mind use it, it was a little too much for my brain to cope with."
"That makes sense I guess, but I'm still not believing you when you say magic doesn't exist where you come from. Magic exists everywhere. Without it, life cannot exist. That has been proven beyond irrefutable doubt."
"How so? The universe is a big place, you can't say that unless you have the evidence to support it."
"Magic is just as important to life as water, it has been a proven fact for centuries," Twilight reiterated, her teeth beginning to clench and eyes frown.
"And internal combustion is impossible as well?"
"Yes. I've told you before that even the smartest ponies in Equestria have stated as such, and despite multiple experiments have never achieved it."
They've actually tried it? And failed? That changes things a little in that they at least tried, but giving up won't get you anywhere. Just because you can't do it doesn't mean it's not possible.
"I'd be interested in reading more about these experiments."
"I have all the papers on the experiments in my library, I'd be happy to lend them to you."
"OK, I can come over tomorrow if you like."
"Very well. Shall we say 12pm? We could have lunch together first if you're interested?"
"Fine with me."
Before either of us could talk any further, Rainbow burst into the room; hovering above us.
"Hey you guys!"
"Hey Rainbow," I replied, "What's up?"
"We've all decided to head down to the pub. Wanna come with us? It's music night!"
"You had me at 'pub'," I replied, "I'll go, and show all of you fluffy little ponies how to properly drink."
"You like drinking?"
"I could drink all of Ponyville under the table then move onto Canterlot and do the same thing again."
"Yeah, sure you could," Rainbow replied sceptically.
Within a few minutes we were all entering the pub in question. A medieval looking tavern/inn that wouldn't have looked out of place in The Witcher or The Elder Scrolls. The interior was timber frame pillars and beams supporting the roof, and a stone fireplace at the side of the room provided plenty of warmth. Numerous circular tables were spaced around, many of which were occupied by ponies, some of which I recognised from seeing around town. Fire lit lantern hung from walls and pillars, gently illuminating the interior in a warm, comforting glow.
The sound of food also filled my nose, good thing really. Cake isn't really filling for me, and what's a tavern without good food?
We all quickly found an empty table near the fireplace and soon began deciding on what we would all have to drink. I looked through the list of drinks to see if there any local ales worth trying. The proper stuff; not the weak, diluted rat piss that Americans think pass as booze. Looking through the list I found something that sounded appealing. Something that also reminded me of Wales.
"I'll have a pint of Sheepshagger's Valley."
Everyone looked at me like I'd just taken a dump on Celestia's rose garden.
"What?" I asked, genuinely confused.
"That's one of the strongest ales in Equestria!" Twilight replied.
"So? How much alcohol is in it?"
"2.4%."
I blinked, completely dumbfounded. How could they be shocked at such a pitifully low amount of silly juice? It seems though, that they mistook my silence and look of shock, as being unaware of the 'strength' of the ale.
"Don't worry Apollo," Twilight replied, "There's a much more manageable ale with just 0.3% alcohol. Why not have that instead?"
0.3%?
Its mere existence is deeply insulting.
"0.3%?" I repeated.
"Yes," Twilight replied, "It will be-"
"No! I'm having a Sheepshagger's Valley!"
They all began to look at one another with increasing worry. Did I agree to go drinking with lightweights?
"But-"
"But nothing Twilight. 2.4% is nothing to me. Where I come form we have alcoholic drinks with up to 50% alcohol in them. In Russia, a drink called vodka contains at least 40% alcohol."
"40%! But that would kill you!"
"Only in excessive amounts, which is what happened to my father and why myself am sort of addicted to booze."
"How is that?"
"My father was already an alcoholic before I was born, and no I will not go into more detail; I'm not in the mood to do so right now. Now, I'm having a Sheepshaggers and that's that."
That was indeed that as no more was said on the matter. My drink was brought to me and I was the only one with anything that could be called a decent drink. My drink had more alcohol in it that the rest of the drinks put together. Twilight even had her 0.1% 'Light' beer diluted with lemonade.
She might have well had a glass of water.
I lifted up my mug of ale and began to rink, noticing as I did so the others watching on with keen interest. Twilight in particular looked like she was waiting to say 'I told you so'.
Unfortunately for her, she wouldn't get the chance to say those words.
I downed the whole pint in a matter of seconds.
Firmly planting the mug back down onto the table, I looked up to see several open mouths, apparently in disbelief that anyone could drink in that matter.
"That was rather good, I'll go and get another," I said hopping up and going over to the bar.
I got my drink and returned quickly, the girls chatting amongst themselves as they did so. Rainbow seemed quite pleased with by booze drinking capabilities. Twilight less so.
No surprises there then.
Sitting back down I also dumped into the table some snacks I picked up at the bar; dry roasted peanuts, pork scratchings, cheese and onion crisps and what not, "Here you all are, help yourselves."
"Thanks Apollo," Rainbow replied, enthusiastically opening a bag of crisps.
"You're welcome Dash. By the way, what time does the music start?"
"Not for about another thirty minutes," Twilight replied, "Thank you for the snacks by the way."
"You're welcome."
Thirty minutes passed and all we did was drink and eat. And occasionally chat. None of them though, not even Rainbow, could quite believe how much I could drink...from their perspective at least. From my perspective, what I was drinking would be easy for even amateur drinkers from Europe and Australia.
I was just starting my finishing my third pint and starting my fourth when there was the tapping of hooves on the floor, coming from the stage area. The pony disturbing the piece was a navy blue unicorn with what looked like a star constellation on his butt cheeks.
"Good evening everypony, how are you all tonight?"
Cheering and stomping hooves violated my ears drums as the townsfolk replied in good spirits, clearly excited for whatever performance was planned for the night.
"Well that's great to hear because we've got a one Tartarus of a performance for you all tonight."
So long as I don't have to join in I don't-
"And of course don't forget to sing along as well!"
Fuck.
Oh well, if I sound like a strangled cat I can just put it down to the booze.
The ponies on stage began setting up their instruments such as lutes and flutes, and were soon ready.
I sincerely hoped that they would be at least good enough to make me consider this not a wasted night, but a creeping shadow of doubt crawled into my mind and reminded me of where I am and how the locals think.
Hopefully, my fears would be misplaced this time.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
The performance was bloody awful.
Not because they can't sing, they could.
But because of the cutesy, nauseous, vomit inducing lyrics about happiness, sunshine and rainbows.
Nothing about them would make me feel proud to be a pony or an Equestrian, but then again if I grew up here I would have been as blissfully ignorant and creepily happy as all of them.
Cheering and stomping hooves filled the room as the performers bowed to the trained circus seals that were the audience.
Unfortunately, another patron noticed me not clapping along.
"There's a pony not happy!" he shouted, pointing a hoof at me.
Suddenly everyone stopped doing whatever it was they were doing and looked at me. Is it a crime here to not smile or look happy?
I looked around the room and saw only dozens of huge, beady eyes all looking at me.
Honestly, it was a little creepy.
"What?" I nervously asked.
"Are you OK?" asked the same pony who ratted me out.
"I'm fine, why?"
"You just didn't join in with the rest of us."
"So?"
"Well, normally all ponies join in. I was just curious as to why you didn't."
"One, I don't know the words and-"
Gasps sounded out around the room.
"How can you not know the words to any of those songs? Everypony knows them!"
"Well I'm not from Equestria. I come from the Russian Federation."
"Where's that?"
"Far away."
Before they could question me further, I carried on my reasons for not knowing the words to their songs.
"And the second reason is because even if I did know the words, I still wouldn't sing along because I think those songs were utter shit."
Gasps once again sounded around the room and were quickly followed by some angry shouting.
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!"
"OUR SONGS ARE NOT THAT NAUGHTY WORD YOU USED!"
"THEY'RE BETTER SONGS THAN WHATEVER YOU HAVE!"
That last one got my attention. Russia has many folk songs than give a deeper insight to the Russian people and our history, how we lived and struggled through the ages. These ponies have absolutely no idea what hardship is.
No idea at all.
"You lot know NOTHING of Russia!"
"Then enlighten us," replied a mare on stage, the one who sung most of the songs, "Come on up here and let us hear songs from your homeland."
The mare didn't speak angrily or high and mightily, but simply as trying to keep the peace; she sounded genuinely interested in what I could show.
Despite my reluctance, I got up and began walking towards the stage.
"The only thing is though, without music it would only be a cappella."
"Do you have music available?"
I did, but it was on my phone. If Twilight knew I even had it, never mind seeing it then it's likely she could fins out who I really am. I was about to say no until another pony spoke on my behalf.
"Yeah he does!" Rainbow answered, taking to the air and hovering above the table.
Damn it Rainbow, I thought.
"He showed me it earlier, it's awesome!"
I was about deny it when I saw Rainbow making motions with her hooves as she was hovering, almost like she was playing a......
Rainbow you clever little minx.
As expected, Twilight began looking at me in a scrutinising manner, oblivious to Rainbow's subtle message.
"Is this true Apollo?" she asked.
"Yes," I replied, straining to hold in my delight in pulling a fast one over Twilight.
"Where is it?"
"In my hotel room. I'll go and get it now, if you like?"
Twilight nodded and I quickly began walking out, "I won't be long, surely you can all wait about ten minutes."
As I walked out, I noticed Twilight watching me as I did so.
Within ten minutes I returned to the tavern with my piano accordion. An absolute beast of an instrument which, now I'm a pony, seems almost as big as me. I went up on stage and sat on a chair the mare singer provided.
"So," I started, "You all want to hear songs from my homeland right? Particularly folk songs?"
A room of enthusiastic ponies nodded their heads.
I sighed and quickly chose a song to play.
Katyusha.
I've not really done vocals AND accordion together before, usually one or the other. But I know both well enough to get through.
(Author's note: Embedded videos are so you know what songs he's singing, just imagine it's just him and his accordion though)
"That song was called Katyusha, a song about a woman who longs to be with her partner again who has gone away on military service."
"That was great Apollo!" Pinkie replied excitedly, "OK I didn't understand anything you said but it was still great."
"Thanks Pinkie. Did you know that Katyusha was also the name given to artillery rockets used to destroy Nazis?"
"You say that like you're proud of it," Twilight commented, not doing much to hide contempt.
"I am. Believe me Twilight when I say that destroying Nazis was a good thing."
Before she could continue and ignoring the shocked looks of the locals, I carried on and I knew the perfect song considering what I just said to Twilight.
"The next is a song called Священная война which translates to 'The Sacred War'. It's about the Battle of Stalingrad, in which the citizens of the city stood defiant against Nazi parasites for almost six months, suffering starvation, freezing temperatures and the deaths of half a million soldiers and civilians on the Soviet side alone."
"That's totally barbaric!" Twilight cried, "You can solve your friendship problems without resorting to violence."
What Twilight said, for the first time caused me genuine shock. I know Twilight's a little naive when it comes to how life actually is but this takes the biscuit. How can anyone be that dense and ignorant?
"Twilight, there are so many things wrong with what you just said."
"But-"
"Sometimes a mouth should only permit chewing food to be its function," I replied, cutting her off.
That shut her up, and then I started playing.
"Next is the Марш сталинской артиллерии which translated means 'Song of the Artillerymen'."
I played some more songs after that, giving a brief explanation and history lesson behind the songs and how they came about, though Twilight still insisted that the Soviet Union should have solved its 'friendship problem' with the Nazis without resorting to violence.
If only she knew.
After those I decided to play a song that existed even before the Civil War, when Russia was stilled ruled by the Tsars.
"Next is Эй, ухнем!, known in Russian as 'The Song of the Volga Boatmen'. It's about the barge haulers who literally hauled barges on the Volga river a long time ago. Very physically demanding and exhausting, very little pay, atrocious working conditions, to say it was a struggle is an understatement."
"Then why not adapt the area to your needs?" asked Twilight.
I couldn't help but laugh at such naivety, "Oh Twilight; you do not adapt Russia to your needs, Russia adapts you to her needs!"
"I don't understand."
"Of course you don't, you're not Russian."
There was stomping of hooves and cheering when I finished, clearly the locals were impressed. Not all of them though. Twilight was scowling and had her forelegs folded, looking at me angrily and I can only imagine what she was thinking.
I just kept looking at her as the cheering dies down, never taking my eyes off of her. Soon though, everyone realised we were staring at one another and turned their attention to it, wondering what may happen.
"Is something wrong Twilight?" I asked.
"No, why would there be?"
"You look rather angry. Is it because I was singing in Russian, a language you don't understand?"
"No," she replied, though it looked reluctant.
"Then what is it?"
"It's you!"
I couldn't help but groan and roll my eyes, "What have I done now?"
"You come into Ponyville claiming to be from a place I can't find on any map, speak a language I've never heard of, cause one of my friends to get arrested, claim to be educated in fields that contradict your cutie mark and you keep secrets from everypony!"
"Just because you can't find something doesn't mean it's not there, you've never heard of my language because Equestrian ponies never travel abroad, Applejack assaulted me and was rightfully arrested, I AM educated in aerospace and aeronautical engineering and I can keep as many secrets as I want. Considering how much of a blabbermouth you are it's a wise choice."
"I am not a blabbermouth!"
"You went running off to Celestia after I refused to tell you about myself, and surprise surprise she shows up."
"That's Princess Celestia to you and I was writing a report to her on your behaviour."
"Like I said, you're a blabbermouth. And what's with the antagonism again? One minute your friendly, the next your hostile. Make your bloody mind up!"
"Stop swearing!"
"I didn't swear."
"Yes you did, you said....well I'm not going to repeat it."
"What? Bloody?"
"I said don't swear!"
"Bloody is not swearing."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is!"
"No it fucking isn't," I replied firmly, noting the looks of horror coming from the fluffy, emotionally fragile locals, "Now if you don't mind, your whining has given me a headache."
Twilight grunted in frustrated annoyance. Clearly I was getting to her. Not like it's difficult to do that. I only have to speak a few words of Russian and it sets her off like a Katyusha rocket launcher.
"How can you be like this? Is everypony in Russia like you?!"
"Pretty much, though far uglier and drunker."
"If that's the case then you can guarantee that I won't be going to Russia."
"Your loss," I replied with a shrug of my shoulders, "You've no idea what you're missing out on. Russia is such a deeply misunderstood country, it's people too."
"I doubt it."
"You want to know more about where I come from, yet you would not go there if you had the chance?"
"Why would I want to to a place where ponies kill each other, are rude and aggressive, swear, keep secrets from each other and lie about their special talents?"
I got up off of the stage and approached Twilight like a predator ready to pounce on its prey; which I sort of was going to do. I stopped right in front of her and looked deep into Twilight's eyes, the fear behind them evident.
"You're afraid of me."
"No I'm not!"
"Don't insult me by denying it. It's obvious. You're afraid of me, you see me as a threat to Equestria and your simple way of life. You're afraid of the technological advancements I can bring and the effects it will have on Equestria."
"Ponies have no such need for such technology. We live a simple way of life and the technology you intend to recreate will damage that."
"Is that the reason why you attacked that creature? You were afraid of what his presence would do to Equestria? Reveal that there is life out there and throw a spanner into the works on everything you thought you knew?"
"I AM NOT AFRAID OF SOME HAIRLESS APE!" she yelled with clenched teeth, sparks flying off of her horn.
She took a moment to calm down and carried on speaking, this time at a lower volume, "I am afraid of what will happen to Equestria and ponies if technology takes over!"
"Волко́в боя́ться, в лес не ходи́ть." (Volkov boyat'sa, v les ne khodit.)
"What did you say?!"
"It's a Russian saying. I said 'Just because one fears wolves, is one not to go into the woods?'."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means that fear is no excuse from necessary undertakings, even if there's potential risk."
"Ponies should never be put at risk!"
"No pain, no gain. You'll never get anywhere in life if you always play it safe."
Twilight snorted and let out a small laugh, "It's ironic you should say that."
"How so?"
"Well from what you said earlier about your father and grandfather, they didn't play it safe and look what happened."
I'll admit that hearing that hurt more than I expected. Whilst there was some degree of truth to what she said, she still didn't truly comprehend the reasons why that stuff happened. I was going to chastise her but fortunately Rainbow beat me to it.
"Take it easy Twilight! You heard Apollo earlier about what happened to his family."
"I don't have to listen to this," Twilight replied, walking away with a dismissive wave of her hoof.
Myself and everyone else watched on as she walked out, staying silent until she was out of the building.
"Just what is her problem?" I asked.
"I really wish I knew," replied Rainbow, "I've never seen her like this."
"Well let's just let her have her little temper tantrum," I replied, "There's still plenty of drinking to be done."
Middnight approached and that meant one thing.
Lock up.
To most law abiding citizens they would leave and go home, as buying drinks after hours is illegal.
To law abiding citizens who know the law, they would give the barman money upfront to cover any drinks, so that they technically don't buy drinks after hours. And that if police officers did come in for any reason, the argument would be it's a private party where drinks have been consumed but not bought, which is legal.
To say I am delighted that Equestria has a lock-in tradition is an understatement.
There's an element of rebelliousness to drinking after hours. You're sort-of-but-not-technically-breaking-the-law with drinking after hours, and it's not really harming anyone.
Win win.
Listening to all the music being played reminded me greatly of traditional English folk music that is sadly disappearing and if certain people had their way, would be wiped from history altogether.
Sometimes I feel great pride in having English and Russian heritage. Sadly though, the former no longer has the balls it once had to defend it.
(Below is an example of what English folk music sounds like, and something similar is being played in the pub where Apollo is staying)
More hours passed with much more drinking and singing, a virtually no-one had had left since Twilight; we were all too busy enjoying ourselves. The loud-ish noise had been almost constant, much to my relief. A quiet and empty pub is an unsettling place and goes against nature.
The band moved on from folk music and on to some hot jazz. I never would have guessed that these cuddly, furry little ponies would have such a great taste in music. Maybe it was just their folk songs that were boring. It seems I judged them too soon.
As the tune ended and the audience applauded, there was a harsh knock on the door; immediately bringing the whole pub into a eerie silence.
"Who the fuck would be calling at this hour?" I asked aloud.
I staggered up and walked over to the door, removing the latch and opening the door to see a rather pissed off looking white unicorn stallion with a blue mane. He looked like the sort of person who tries to act tough, but really is a weak beta male sissy.
A bit like Justin Trudeau.
"Who are you?" I slurred slightly.
Cut me some slack, I have drunk fourteen pints of ale and ten double whiskeys.
"I am Captain Shining Armor of the Royal Guard!" he said with an angry scowl.
So he's one of those types with a stick up his arse.
How I love bringing toss pots like that back down to Earth.
"I'm Apollo."
"Stand aside citizen!"
I barely had time to get out of the way before barged his way past and entered the main room of the pub.
Captain Dick Head did not look pleased about something. He stood in front of everyone, still scowling, and everyone looked at him in return. The one's who weren't totally pissed just rolled their eyes at the unwelcome intrusion.
"What is all this noise?!" he demanded to know, looking around at all the pissed ponies.
No-one answered.
"I SAID, WHAT IS ALL THE NOISE YOU WERE MAKING?!"
"The only one making noise right now is you," I said, "And you're intruding in on a private party."
"How dare you speak to me like that! I should have you arrested!"
"What the matter? Can't take a little stick?"
"I am warning you citizen!"
"Calm the fuck down Cuthbert."
"My name is Captain Shining Armor!"
"Whatever, Cuthbert."
Cuthbert gritted his teeth in anger, probably wishing his could stick his sword inside if me.
Interpret that however you want.
"I will ask again, why is there so much noise?"
"We're just having a quiet drink. What's wrong with that?"
"What kind of public house is filled with rambunctious, drunk yahoos at 3AM?"
"Errrr, er.....the best damn public house in Equestria!"
"YEAH!" the patrons cheered, lifting their glasses high into the air.
"You will cease drinking at once! You are breaking the law!"
"No we're not. None of us have bought the drinks we're drinking since lock-up."
"Oh, that old loophole," he said with deeply ingrained disapproval, "I don't know why Princess Luna vetoes every attempt to close it."
"Maybe because she's fun?" I accidentally said aloud.
"I told you to be quiet!"
"Piss up or piss off, Cuthbert!"
Ponies all around the pub began laughing at him, which only enraged him further.
"You are all under arrest for consuming alcohol after hours!"
"That's not illegal," I said, "We've broken no law so why don't you trot along and leave us be?"
His scowl only hardened.
"You are under arrest."
"On what charge?"
"Inciting socially unacceptable behaviour and speaking inappropriately to the Captain of the Royal Guard."
"Are those real laws or are they ones you pulled out of your arse this morning?"
I suddenly felt cold and hard metal being locked around my hooves and a clamp on my horn.
"Why are you being such a fucknozzle? Not even the pigs where I'm from are this much of a pissant."
He scowled even more and got his nose so close it was almost touching mine.
He better keep that thing clean.
"Twilight is my little sister."
That explains a lot.
She went off being a blabbermouth again.
I felt myself being dragged off with my hooves in chains. I did expect Rainbow or one of the others to do something but they were either too pissed to be of any use, or just decided to keep their distance.
Can't say I blame them. Cuthbert seemed like he was looking for an issue and a full scale pub riot would have played right into his hooves.
And ruined any chance of drinking after lock up.
And I'd get yet another telling off from Celestia.
I hate it when she does that.
She has this knack of making me feel sorry when really I didn't give a rat's arse a few seconds before.
Anyway, I was dragged out of the pub and taken to the local police station and, quite enthusiastically thrown into a cell by Cuthbert, and for good measure I was shackled to the wall by all four limbs and by a collar around my neck.
After slamming the iron barred door shut and locking it, I looked up to the doorway through the bars and I saw you know who looking smugger than Jeremy Clarkson when he beats Dick and Jim in a race.
"Hello Apollo," she said with a smug smile that was in need of a good smack, "I'd like to talk to you about some items I found in your hotel room."
In her magical grip I saw the items she was talking about.
My phone, car keys, my Nintendo 2DS XL and games and my Russian copy of War and Peace.
The little bitch had broke into my hotel room and stolen the rest of my shit.
"Twilight?" I said with disturbing calmness.
"Yes Apollo?"
"You are going to find out the hard way what happens when you poke a Russian bear."