//------------------------------//
// A Riotous Rebellion Resolution 
// Story: A Very Angry Problem 
// by GasmaskBrony 
//------------------------------//

It had been a long time since he had spent so much time on a garden world, it had been even longer since he had been able to fly over one without worrying about being shot at or attacked by vile aliens. He had to admit, he hadn't cared for it at first, but now the tedium of it all was causing him to pray that he never had to suffer through another such stay ever again. It had somehow managed to turn roaring through the skies on a noisy jetpack that left an acrid black trail of smoke and flames behind him boring. Even his two passengers were no longer screaming in terror and had settled in to tired grumbling. Honestly the amount of bugs that he'd flown through hadn't helped the mood of any of the three, especially not when the hideous governor bitched at him to stop using the monster's horns to scrape the bugs out of his visor. 

"HOW MUCH FURTHER IS THIS SHIT HOLE XENOS SCUM?" Fubar growled as the trio zoomed over yet another tiny little town, he wanted to get to killing hideous xenos already and he didn't have any brothers with him to banter with to help pass the time.

"Shouldn't be much further I think," the ugly as fuck acid green and orange abomination shouted over the wind and engines, "In fact I think that's it- GULHUK!" Yet another cloud of bugs, more than a few being swallowed by an unfortunate abomination, much to Fubar's personal amusement. As the governor gagged and the tiny purple xeno reptile that Fubar had come to reluctantly admit was a halfway decent tactician and not too horribly obnoxious to be around, for a weak little xeno nerd, did its best to scrape the latest coating a smashed bugs off his face using Fubar's knuckles. He was about to gently chastise the whelp by headbutting it when the roar of the jetpack cut out and the three began to fall.

"Uh, Jac'ass?" Nerdnewt called nervously looking at the approaching rocky ground. "Isn't it a bit early to be going in for a landing?"

"OUT OF FUEL NERDNEWT," the towering captain shouted as the flying brick rapidly continued its transition from flying to falling, "BRACE FOR IMPACT WIMPS!" The two did their best to escape his grip, thrashing in his hands while screaming at the top of their lungs as Fubar continued to gaze resolutely ahead, seeming to ignore the rapidly approaching rocks. After all, dynamic entries like this were practically an everyday occurrence for any Angry Marine worth their salt, and he was not afraid to admit that he'd become something of a fan of them himself. Such entries were a great way to get to murdering without all that tedious walking.

Without a word he put his legs beneath him, charged up his boots and performed a dive kick into the ground at near terminal velocity. His thick power feet glowed brightly white as their energy field tore into the ground, reducing it to a fine rocky powder. The Captain, with the experience of centuries of rough landings bent his knees to further absorb the impact as he skidded across the ground, throwing up chunks of rock that pinged loudly off his armor as his power feet tore a deep groove into the ground as the brilliant white disruption field continued to atomize the ground around them. Slowly the protective field of destruction was worn away and finally failed, causing the ground to abruptly become very firm and solid, sweeping the feet out from under him, sending all three of the unfortunates into a profanity laced tumble across the rocky ground of the badlands.

Spike and Thorax screams shifted a octave higher from their inescapable position within each of the astarte's massive hands as the tumble began. They each expected death to come in an instant, dashed against the sandy rocks of the badlands. Yet as the monster carrying them continued to skip across the ground, the death never seemed to come, each finding themselves shifted away from death with each violent strike of the ground.

Finally the bouncing ended and the mass of dented yellow metal containing a moderately mad man simply slid along the ground for nearly a hundred meters on his face, his two still screaming passenger still held safely away from the ground as they all finally came to a stop. The two natives continued to scream for several second, their eyes still squeezed shut in hopes of not seeing their approaching death. Eventually their cries of mortal terror began to trail off as they began to realize that they had both stopped and still seemed to be alive. 

"We're alive?" Thorax croaked looking about in disbelief. As Fubar remained face down. His entire frame was full of a tingling aftershock from the impact that was making him feel ever so slightly more alive than he had been this entire long tedious week.

"I think so?" Spike looked down at the motionless giant holding them, "Jac'ass? You okay big guy?"

Captain Jac'ass decided he'd taken enough time laying down in the ground enjoying the familiar feeling of dull pain echoing across his frame from the rousing sensation of a violent impact. "IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN A SINGLE IMPACT AT TERMINAL VELOCITY TO DOWN A FUCKING ANGRY MARINE," the fact that his face was half buried in the ground did little to muffle his shouting, a technique he'd mastered centuries ago. He released the two natives and pushed himself up to his knees, "I HAVE TAKEN FAR WORSE IMPACTS IN MY TIME. THIS SHIT WAS NOTHING TO BEING FIRED OUT OF AN ANGRANATOR INTO A DAMNED DREADNOUGHT."

"Glad to hear it buddy," Spike smiled patting the marine on his knee as Fubar finished pulling himself out of the ground and turned around to admire the massive trench he had dug in the rocky ground.

"AH FUCKING SHIT!" Fubar stomped the ground, "EIGHT MORE METERS AND THIS SHIT WOULD HAVE BEEN A PERSONAL RECORD! FUCK YOU YOU SHITTY GROUND FOR STOPPING US SO SOON!" He stomped the ground again before bending over and punching it several times while screaming more profanity at it. And no one was trying to stop him, mind he didn't hear the others cheering him on or joining in, but still it was a nice bit of normalcy for him.

Under his profanity and the sounds of pulverized earth Fubar heard the ugly bug governor whisper to Nerdnewt, "Uh, Spike can we try and get to the hive without your, um, friend? I don't think something like that should be near the hive. It will probably end violently."

"YOU'RE DAMNED RIGHT IT WILL END VIOLENTLY YOU RETARDED EXCUSE OF A GOVERNOR!" Fubar said pointing at the bug monster, pausing to give the earth one last punch in punishment before rising back up and walking over to the two tiny xenos. "I PLAN ON MAKING IT SO THAT THOSE GENIUS FUCKING CUNTS WHO WERE SMART ENOUGH TO REALIZE YOU WERE A SHIT GOVERNOR NEVER HAVE ENOUGH BRAIN CELLS LEFT IN THEIR STUPID HEAD TO EVER FUCKING DARE QUESTION YOU AGAIN!" Fubar held up his power fist which began to crackle with energy and drew his chainblade which began to purr with anticipation. "I'M FINALLY GOING TO BE DOING WHAT I WAS FUCKING MADE FOR AGAIN!"

"Uh, you aren't actually going to kill anyone right?" Nerdnewt asked worriedly.

Fubar snarled like a caged ambull taking a shockmaul to the taint, "UN-FUCKING-FORTUNATLY, YES, UNLESS YOU OR GOVERNOR NO NUTS OVER THERE AGREES TO IT. THANKFULLY, BY THE GRACE OF THE EMPERAH, CRIPPLING AND DISMEMBERMENT ARE STILL ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY STILL ON THE MENU." He found himself chuckling maliciously as his vision danced with memories of just extermination and dismemberment of both himself and his foes.

"Can I get you to at least keep it down to no lasting injuries unless absolutely necessary?" Nerdnewt asked in a tone that sounded just shy of begging.

Fubar's gaze jerked down to the tiny little reptile that could live comfortably in his boot, causing said xeno to flinch but meet his eye. Fubar lowered himself down to sit on his heels, completely enveloping both of the xenos in his shadow as he continued to hold Nerdnewt's gaze causing two tiny creatures to begin to sweat. "WHAT THE FUCK DID I TEACH YOU AND YOUR GEHTO ASS TEAM IN YOUR CHILDISH LITTLE COMBAT TRAINING GAME?"

"That if you even think it might be dangerous destroy it as thoroughly as possible with as much overwhelming firepower as manageable?" 

"NO YOU STUPID TWAT, THE OTHER THING!"

"Sometimes it's more important to stop the bad guys than to save everypony?" That one drew a horrified look from Thorax.

"NO! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT NOW PARROT IT BACK TO ME OR I'LL STOMP YOU THROUGH THIS MISBEGOTTEN CLUMP OF FOSSILIZED SHIT YOU CALL A PLANET"

Spike looked at the ground and quietly murmured out, "It's often better to make a horribly bloody example out of a few to spare the many." Before Fubar had a chance to praise the little thing for being smart enough to remember his basic lessons and offer him a weapon to help with the necessary purging, Nerdnewt glared up at him with fire in his little eyes. "But this is not one of those situations. I bet you're just trying to do it this way because you're too much of a pussy to try and solve the problem without maiming everyone. So much for Angry Marines being the biggest, toughest, and bravest mofos to ever serve the Emperah, you're such a, uh, cocking pansy ass Ultrasmurf just doing whatever your dumbass buttwipe of a book tells you to do."

For half an instant the insult had shocked Fubar into a state of speechlessness. After said half instant, he rose to his full height as his blood began to properly boil from the bite of the little xeno's insult. Normally he'd rip anything that dared even imply such words into tiny, screaming, burning pieces before grinding them under his boots. But this wasn't normal circumstances. This was from someone who technically qualified as an ally, showing more spine than the captain had seen in weeks, dealing out the first damned impressive insult he'd receive since arriving. With no small amount of pride, fury, and regret he couldn't help but speculate about how good an initiate little Nerdnewt could have been if he'd been born human. Nevertheless, he felt like the little shit had earn himself a proper reward, so he knowingly swallowed the bait.

"IS THAT SO YOU LIL' SHIT!?" he roared slamming the tiny dragon on the top of the head hard enough to bury it up to it's neck in the ground, "I'LL SHOW YOU WHO THE REAL PUSSY IS! I'LL SHOUT THESE REBELLIOUS FUCKERS INTO LINE WITH MINIMAL INJURED AND LITERALLY RUB IT IN YOUR RETARDED LITTLE FACE WHEN I'M THROUGH!" With that he turned to face the distant structure and began to storm towards it loudly muttering a proud litany of curses. Sure he was no longer going to get to horribly maim countless rebels for shits and giggles, but he'd made a major step on properly converting one of the vile xenos on this planet over to the proper way of doing things.

But why did he care? These were repulsive xenos monstrosities that he should be purging until either he died or all of them were dead, not only that an alarming portion of them appeared to be psykers, and a few were obviously tainted by chaos. So why in the Emperah's holy name was he actually helping them.

They have been accepted by the Imperium, a part of him quietly  argued, And are working to become a part of it. Isn't that enough?

Except that they weren't, not really. Despite seemingly having asked for him, so far the Inquisitor had been doing her level best to keep him out of everything and even this mission had required him all but threatening her to send him on it. Not to mention the notable lack of any other members of the Inquisition, Commissariat, or Guard that should being going through this planet with a fine toothed comb. Even that one chaos sorceress and her pet demon should have been enough to get this entire world glassed and its people exterminated, yet not only had there been no official response, even he had somehow let it pass. Why?

Perhaps because of all the psykers? The little voice offered, To have so many psykers and have so few falling to chaos was an oddity. More than likely the Imperium is giving these xenos such astonishing privileges in order to properly study them and draft from their seemingly endless hordes of psykers.

Fubar shook his head with a snarl. That was also impossible. If they wanted to study these creatures, there would already be countless Magos and Mechanicum bases dotting the planet to dissect the natives. Not to mention the fact these aliens had so many psykers would only prove that they could potentially be a threat if they were allowed to propagate and thrive. And he personally knew exactly how dangerous it would be for it to be known that anyone knew anything about anything that made someone immune or highly resistant to the warp and its threats. If that was it, these creatures would have all been abducted and secreted away by the Inquisition or the Ghay Knights. After all it was for that exact reason that the Angry Marines were now what they were.

The little voice tried to speak again, but Fubar simply snarled again, shaking his head with frustration. Why was he even arguing with himself? This wasn't like him at all. He'd always been so sure of himself and everything he did. Keep it simple you fucking moron! Had always been his creed and he'd never struggled to live by it. So why was he now second guessing himself? Was it because he was afraid of punishment? Like hell he was! He was a mother fucking Angry Marine Captain, he wasn't afraid of anything! If Mofo or Temprus had a problem with how he handled this he'd tell them to eat his ass and take his beating like a man! If the Inquisition took issue, then fuck them in the ass! Like he'd never punted an Inquisitor before, they should have fucking known better than to send a fuck mothering Angry Marine to baby sit some fucking alien cattle! In fact he should kill aLL THESE FAGGOTY DAMNED XEN-

Something impacted his helmet hard enough to actually make Fubar stagger for half a second, "That's far enough, whatever you are, either tell me what you're doing here or leave!"

Fubar eyed the dozen or so creatures before him. Small, black, insectoids, with hole filled wings and legs that bore a faint resemblance to the hideous chaos spawn that was pretending to be a governor. No doubt about it, these were the rebels he was here to brutally murder lightly maim. They also appeared to be mutants and possibly chaos infested versions of whatever horrible xeno he was currently... h e l p i n g...

The towering space marine monstrosity made not a sound, he didn't move a muscle, and yet all of the gather creatures took to the air and doubled their distance from him. Fubar himself slowly, deliberately unhooked his jump pack and held it loosely in one hand as an overwhelming ocean of rage filled him to the point that he was no longer even able to speak. He felt the briefest spark of satisfaction at seeing the blatant terror in the eyes of the prey before him, but it was quickly consumed by his fury, righteous hatred, and disgust. His power feet crackled with energy as he dug them into the ground and launched himself at the aliens with a boom like a gunshot, jetpack raised high, his eyes shining with feral emotion, and not a sound escaping his throat.

Remember that little fucker the quiet voice screamed at him, It's a matter of pride and honor to prove that little shit wrong!

A roar tore itself free of his throat as he closed the distance between himself and the xenos traitors in just over a second. He swung his spent jump pack with far less force than originally intended, still sending one of the hideous little bugs bowling into three of its fellows with enough speed to knock all four to the ground in a tangle of limbs. His freehand lashed out with speed and precision enough to make a viper jealous, wrapping around the horn of what appeared to be the leader of the group and using him as a club to smash another to the ground. 

Fubar spun himself around swinging both his spent jump pack and improvised cudgel to clear the area immediately around himself of hostiles, before swinging his jump jet in a wide overhead arch to crash it roughly into the ground. The ancient piece of machinery took the impact like a champ and found itself being used to vault the multiton marine nearly five meters into the air, bringing himself face to face with two very surprised aliens fliers. One found itself spiked into the ground violent by another overhead blow from the jump pack, while the other, less fortunate xeno found itself returned to the ground beneath to foot of the angry astartes. 

The alien being used as an improvised weapon attempted to free itself from the giant's grip, managing to get a hold on the oversized fist holding him and struggling against it's grip. He found himself freed as he was driven into the ground. The air rushed from his lungs in an instant, and showed a deep reluctance to return, especially when a foot the size of a piece of furniture slammed into him, sending him spinning into another two of his comrades. He had not even fully registered what had happened to him as he felt the metallic grip of the monster wrap around one of his legs to use him to violently beat the two he'd been kicked into.

Fubar turned to face the hand full of hostiles that remained upright, and chuckled as he saw them flinch away from him. The cowards were afraid of something that had taken less than three seconds to dismantle them? Truly the various xenos filth of the galaxy could not hope to stand against humanity. He braced himself to leap at the straggles, only to stagger as a force rivaling one of his own punches slammed into his pauldron. He turned to glare at his new attacker with a snarl and found himself glaring down at the ugly ass governor who was matching his glare with an equally furious one.

"Unhand my brother!" it roared at him, or as much as something with such a nerdy and weak voice could roar. It actually managed to approach respectable.

"Thorax," the limp rebel in Fubar's hand wheezed, "Run."

"ARE THESE NOT THE DAMNED REBELS YOU TWATS NEEDED HELP DEALING WITH?" he demanded.

"Drop my brother and stop attacking my subjects!" Fubar found himself tempted to simply chuck the limp alien in his grip at the governor with all of his might, it would be what he asked for after all. Something inside himself fought against the impulse and prevented him from reducing the two to a grease stain and instead he easily underhanded the governor his brother. A gentle aura caught the falling form, softly lowering it to the colorful abomination. "Pharynx? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just give me a few hours to let the world stop spinning."

The giant bug seemed to sigh in relief before glaring up at Fubar with fresh burning hatred and stepped over the prone form of its brother spreading its wings. Was it trying to look intimidating? That would be adorable if it wasn't a horrific xeno beast the color of puke. "Get out of here! I didn't want your help to begin with, and I won't tolerate your presence now!"

"HA! DID THE SHITTY LITTLE GOVERNOR DECIDED TO GROW A SPIN UNDER ALL THAT REPULSIVE EXOSKELETAL VOMIT? WHAT A FUCKING JOKE." 

"Leave!" Faggotfly shouted, its horn lighting up.

Fubar walked casually walked over to the governor, who began to tremble slightly in fear but maintained its position even as its brother tried to drag itself upright. Once more Fubar lowered himself to look the lowly creature right in the eye as he quietly growled, "FINE FAGGOTFLY, BUT KNOW THAT IF I EVER HAVE TO FUCKING HAUL MY ASS DOWN HERE AGAIN FOR ANY DAMNED REASON, YOUR ASS WILL BE IN THE LINE UP FOR A SERIOUS KICKING."

With that he rightened himself and began to casually storm away from the gathering and the distant tower which was supposedly Faggotfly's home. As he walked he spotted Nerdnewt watching from behind a nearby rock. He changed directions to approach the little guy and shouted over to him, "ARE YOU JUST GOING TO STAND AROUND FINGERING YOUR ASSHOLE OR YOU GOING TO GET THE FUCK OVER HERE NERDNEWT? MISSION'S FUCKING ACCOMPLISHED AND WE CAN GET OUT OF THIS SHITHOLE."

"Are you sure?" The little shit whimpered not coming out from behind his rock, "Thorax seemed pretty mad and he still has that problem with rebels doesn't he? Maybe I should stick around for a bit to make sure everything is okay."

"NO FUCKING REASON NERDNEWT. EVERYTHING'S TAKEN FUCKING CARE OF ALREADY." he allowed himself to feel a bit proud as he began boasting, "AFTER THAT SHIT SHOW THOSE FREAKS ARE GOING TO BE IN FUCKING AWE OF FAGGOTFLY FOR A WHILE AND EATING SHIT STRAIGHT FROM HIS ASSHOLE. NOT ONLY THAT BUT AFTER FINALLY MANAGING TO GROW THE A SET OF EMPERAH DAMNED BALLS, THE LITTLE FUCKER SHOULDN'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE KEEPING HIS HOUSE OF FREAKS IN LINE."

"Wait, did you plan for this to happen?" Nerdnewt asked finally coming out from behind his rock to jog along beside Fubar.

"HELL FUCKING NO I DIDN'T," he admitted with pride, "SHIT FELL INTO MY COCKING LAP AND I DECIDED TO FUCKING RUN WITH IT. ALSO IN YOUR FUCKING FACE NERD! I TOLD YOU I COULD GET THIS MESS SORTED WITH MINIMAL INJURIES." he shoved one of his massive fingers into the little guy's face, "EAT A DICK LOSER!"

Nerdnewt frowned at the finger in his face and then up to the owner, "Still couldn't you have done it in a way that didn't require you to hurt anyone?"

"WHAT WAS THE FIFTH LESSON I TAUGHT YOU FAGGOT?"

Nerdnewt didn't even pretend not to know this time as he sighed, "The fastest and most effective method is often the most violent one."

"DAMN STRAIGHT, NOW LETS GET BACK TO CASTLE PRISSY TREE FORT AND SEE WHAT YOUR OWNER HAS FOR US TO NOT DO NOW." 

"Wait are we walking back?" 

"OF COURSE WE'RE FUCKING WALKING! I DON'T SEE ANYMORE FUEL AROUND HERE DO YOU?"

"Can I at least sit on your shoulder part of the way?"

"NO!" Fubar roared, turning to shout in his companion's face. 

As he did so he caught another glimpse of the structure behind him. From here, it almost kind of looked like a hive city that had been abandoned and started to be reclaimed by nature. He found his mind wandering back to all those centuries, perhaps a millennia ago to when he lived in a hive city. He remembered the invasion, the discovery of his parent's bodies, but not his sister's. He never had found out if she had survived the chaos incursion. Had she been safe in her factory work place? Or had she been one of those countless millions slaughtered as part of some profane ritual? Some little part of him had liked to believe that maybe she was still out there somewhere, that she had survived and accomplished her dream of becoming a Magos. If she had, perhaps she was still out there somewhere. Not that he would ever know if he met her. He couldn't even remember his own name from back then, or her face. Not that either of them would even be recognizable as the nine year old children they had been back then.

A flash green light actually startled Fubar, at least enough to dislodge himself from his unusually nostalgic thoughts. He glared down his left to see the last traces of something being burned to cinders by Nerdnewt, "Just sending my report to Twilight and letting her know that we might be a bit late."

Fubar snorted as he turned away and began walking back towards the big stupid crystal 'castle'. "IF THE CUNT WANTS TO GET PISSY AT ME FOR BEING ME AGAIN TELL HER I DON'T FUCKING CARE AND THAT I'M NOT LISTENING TO HER."

"I'm sure she's gotten the message the last five times you told her that to her face," Nerdnewt said with a smirk, jogging to keep pace, "So seeing as we've got a while, you got any more stories about the wider galaxy you can tell to try and beat into my tiny inferior xeno brain about why the Imperium is our only real choice if we want to survive this hostile as fuck galaxy?"

"I TELL YOU YET ABOUT THE TIME I GOT CALLED BY THE INQUISITION TO DEAL WITH THESE FAGGOTS CALLING THEMSELVES THE KNIGHTS INDUCTOR?"


~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~


"I'm glad to see you are feeling better after your recent surgery," Twilight said with a strained smile from her seat in a wheelchair parked next to Ember's bed. The young dragon lord was looking surprisingly good for having come out of a mauling from Fubar, both her horns had been hacked off by the doctors and everything from the dragoness' waist to her knees was wrapped in thick bandages but otherwise she looked unharmed, aside from absolutely horrible case of pink eye. "I really hope that you don't take the attack to personally."

"Nah, I swung first so frankly I had it coming." Ember smiled waving away Twilight's worries, "In fact, I think this whole incident actually solves the problem I was having."

"I'm glad to hear that," Twilight's smile became rather strained as she struggled to think of anything that could be solved by what had been done to Ember. "How exactly?"

"Well I've been having problems with the dragon's I've been commanding being rather lethargic and unhappy. After getting my butt literally handed to me, I'm starting to understand why." Her smile fled, "Get your butt handed to you by someone shouting at you sucks. I mean it really sucks. I can understand how constantly having someone shout at you what to do and kicking your butt over it might not make someone miserable much better. I'm going to need to think of some new way of ordering folks around."

Twilight sat there for several seconds, her mouth half opened as her eyelids and ears twitched randomly as her brain struggled to come to terms with the fact that Fubar had somehow solved a problem instead of causing six. Smoke began to trickle out of her left ear as the logic error continued to get worse. She was thankfully saved from a complete shut down by the distraction of a scroll materializing in front of her. She snatched at it and quickly opened the scroll, only for her pretty purple coat to become ghostly white as she read its contents. Four terrible words sat before her, four words that likely spelled doom for all of Equestria.

He knows. Control failing.