Dear Princess Celestia,
I would love to know something, what the hell is wrong with things down here? Chocolate milk rain, rabbits with long legs and my magic not working? The very first thing that crossed my mind was that this was your way of trolling not just me, but this whole damn town. Hey, I don't care about everything else going to hell here, I'm just upset that my magic won't work.
Ok, so Discord broke free from his stone prison. Did he really break free or did you set him free solely to inconvenience me? I'm certain my acquaintances actually believe he broke free but I know better, I am certain that you released him just to make my life a living hell AND have to try and bond with these peons you cursed upon me.
So you wanted us to use the Elements on Discord and turn him back into stone? Here is a better idea! Let's talk to Discord, convince him to keep his chaos out of Canterlot and then you could just have me come home. That sounds like a much better plan if you ask me. You'd have your star student back, I could continue to learn more and more and Canterlot would be a much better place with my presence. It is a win-win situation for everypony, right?
Unfortunately that is not what happened and then I had to lead those peons into a useless quest in the hedge maze from which there is no escape. You know something, the only reason I suggested that damn place is because I secretly thought that they would be too dumb to ever get out while I would simply head towards where I knew the last hedge was and climb out.
Now what I don't get is why you didn't expel each one of these acquaintances of mine once they proved to be the opposite of their true-selves. That right there was proof that they could no longer use the Elements and that they were of no use to me, or anypony else for that matter.
I tell you, seeing Fluttershy being such a bitch was rather funny yet a major league turnoff. It was so good to see her being so abusive to Pinkie and being such a bitch to Rarity but I was not thrilled with her bashing me over the sudden loss of my horn and her whipping that tail in my face. I do vow one thing, once this is all over and done, I'm cutting that damn tail of hers off. Nopony whips me in the face like that and gets away with it.
I will admit another thing, I was so glad when Rainbow betrayed us and dumbass Discord gave me my horn back. If I had been in that situation, I would have simply kept everypony else's wings and horns, laughed my flank off, teleported myself away and enjoyed the eternal chaos.
Now I just have to figure out one thing, how to rid myself of these losers in Part 2 of this episode.
Hoping to Rid Myself of Some Idiots,
Twilight Sparkle
To My Burdensome Student,
For starters, I did not release Discord from his stone prison. It is just a matter of the Elements no longer being tied to my sister or myself so it was bound to happen so please, don't go blaming the most superior ponies in the country for you suddenly not being able to get your magic to work.
Regarding talking to Discord and getting him to keep his chaos out of Canterlot so you could come home, I do like the idea of not having to put up with the shit the peons in the rest of the country engage in but there is one reason I chose not to do that. I did not want to have to deal with you on a daily basis, I don't want you learning enough that you may become a threat to national security and I doubt Canterlot wants to put up with your constant drama.
As far as your hellish time in the hedge maze, I do think it was rather funny. Watching you and your acquaintances go absolutely nowhere in that thing was hilarious, absolutely hilarious. Yes Discord is an enemy of mine but hey, even he can provide some world class entertainment from time to time.
I am going to give you a warning though, yes I know you're all pissy over Fluttershy smacking you in the face with her tail but that is no reason to go and cut it off. Cutting ponies' tails off against their will is a very serious crime and is dealt with most harshly. A tail for a tail, although I'm thinking I'd just let PETA girl shave you bald, completely bald. I'd let her take your mane, your tail and your coat and I know for sure after that, the spa twins would want nothing to do with you.
Good luck ridding yourself of those acquaintances though. I highly doubt it will happen but who knows, maybe you'll get lucky and they'll decide they hate you more than they already do. Even if that happens, still don't count on coming home. Like I've said many times, I don't feel like having to put up with you again.
Your Owner,
Princess Celestia