//------------------------------//
// The Best Night Ever 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
//------------------------------//

Dear Princess Celestia, 

I must say, my acquaintances seemed to be way too excited to go to this cursed event.  There they were getting all dolled up while I was tolerating their presence.  I swear, some ponies will get excited over the lamest of things.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised though given that this will be the first time they ever steped hoof in Canterlot and basked in its superiority. 

Now I'm sure you were wondering why I was choosing such an odd method of transport but I decided that for them to be having such a unique experience, that I would show off my superior magic.  What a shame Opal thought those horse mice would wind up making a tasty treat though, they would have been so much more interesting to bring into town than those hacks Rarity wanted to whore herself out to. 

Now for the Gala itself, I must say that I was not thrilled that we barely got to talk!  Why did we have to stand there and greet everypony as they arrived?  For Faust's sake, it seemed like the same ponies kept on going through the line over and over!  Look, ever since you ran me out of town I have loathed you but for just one night, I thought maybe we could be close like we were when I was a filly but thanks to those mindless snobs, we were unable to do so. 

I am going to admit though, we trolled my acquaintances good.  Telling everypony to avoid Applejack's treat stand really worked, for the most part.  What a shame Soarin' and his love for pies allowed Applejack to make a tiny profit.  

Speaking of Soarin' though, I find it hilarious that he and the other Wonderbolts, after inviting Crash into the VIP section, completely ignored her.  Serves her right for being such a narcissistic bitch all the time. 

Now I would have thought that even Pinkie would know that an event that you have to wear a dress to would not be some silly party like the one she threw for her stupid alligator.  I suppose she truly is as idiotic as the two of us figured she was. 

Good job convincing your animals to cause PETA girl to go completely crazy.  Yeah I haven't known her for that long but still, seeing her scream and yell at them was quite funny.  Also, her rage towards those critters actually livened this boring event up for a change.  Yeah I'm sure the snobby guests probably thought otherwise but oh well, we got a laugh out of it and that is all that matters. 

And I knew from after dealing with your nephew for just a few minutes that our plan for how he would handle Rarity would go along perfectly.  Yes he is an asshole but I was quite happy to see him drive my fashionista acquaintance into a bigger and bigger rage.  You know, despite me having shown a lot of disdain towards coming to this event, this was the most fun I have had since before you sent me down to that hellhole.

Perhaps we could work on repairing our fractured relationship.  Step number one, let me come home and move back into my study tower.  I will even promise to hang out with my friends a whole lot more and it won't just be for bootie calls!

Your Actually Happy Student, 

Twilight Sparkle





Dear Princess Celestia, 

You know something, y'all Canterlot residents are more sour than an overripe apple.  With the exception of Soarin' none of y'all even gave my treats a chance.  Ah'm thinking of avoiding this place from now on. 

Frustrated with Your Snobby Town, 

Applejack 





Dear Princess Celestia, 

All the guests here were a bunch of meany-mean hooves who don't know how to have fun!  Please liven this party up or I won't be returning." 

Irritated with your guests, 

Pinkie Pie





Dear Princess Celestia, 

I will be honest, I wanted to turn your animals into one huge buffet after the way they treated me.  They are even bigger trolls than Philomena is.  

Suddenly Hungry for Meat, 

Fluttershy





Dear Princess Celestia, 

I just want to let you know that the Wonderbolts were assholes towards me and I think you should just get me to show off my flying at the next Gala instead. 

Very Upset, 

Rainbow Dash





Dear Princess Celestia, 

Is Blueblood gay or something?  I mean seriously, what kind of stallion could say no to a beautiful and elegant mare such as myself?  I guess I got all dolled up for nothing. 

Seriously Irritated, 

Rarity





To My Suddenly Happy Student, 

I am astonished that you are actually happy for a change.  For many years, even prior to me evicting you from your comfortable life here, I thought that was something that I would never see.  Yes our plan to make the lives of your acquaintances a living hell did work out as planned but let me make myself clear. 

Just because you suddenly want to repair our fractured relationship does not mean that I suddenly want to have to deal with you on a regular basis so no, I will not let you come home.  Besides, just think of how devastated those spa twins would be that you have so much fun with.  I may not think you are deserving of coming back here but I certainly think they are worthy of continuing to have you as their sex toy.

If you ever want a legitimate chance of coming home, this is what I ask of you.  Stop bitching about every little thing as it is most unbecoming.  Also, lose the superiority complex.  I know you think you are the best thing since sliced cake but you aren't.  In the eyes of most ponies, you are just another pony stealing air that is much more fit for them.

Telling it Like it is, 

Princess Celestia





To Twilight's Acquaintances, 

Applejack, I am sorry that the locals here didn't want your treats.  You have to understand that they are all picky assholes who only want the finest food in Equestria.  Maybe there will be another festival you can go to and actually make a profit.

Pinkie Pie, I would think that even you would know that this ain't the Foal and Filly Fair.  If you want to act like a foal, go and do so at one of your podunk festivals down in Ponyville.  Keep your childish behavior out of Canterlot. 

Fluttershy,  I suppose I should have warned you that my animals hate everypony except for me.  Even Luna has trouble dealing with them and she is my sister for Faust's sake.

Rainbow Crash, Look, the Wonderbolts have better things to do than associate with some sub-par fanfilly who is at best a mediocre flyer. 

Rarity, my nephew is not gay.  He simply is not attracted to country bumpkins who pose as a sophisticated Canterlot pony although I'm pretty sure that hideous tail of yours didn't help you any either.

Sorry the Gala didn't go the way you five had hoped.  Maybe if I ever invite you to another one, it won't suck to be you so much. 

Laughing My Flank Off, 

Princess Trollestia, I mean Celestia