Dear Princess Celestia,
I have come to the conclusion that the cutie mark cult is infested with idiots. Here they are trying to get their cutie marks in zip-lining. Seriously, zip-lining? You know, the more shit like this they pull, the more I hope they never get their cutie marks. Yes they would continue to bitch and whine about it but at least they do make for a good comedy act, Scootaloo's caterwauling was proof of that.
After they failed again, guess what those three have chose to do, ask my lowly acquaintances and myself about how we got our cutie marks. Sweet, because that means that I get to brag on myself and tell them how much better I am than everypony else. Everypony else's mark stories, well those will leave much to be desired and I'm sure those girls will find them lame.
After hearing a bunch of lame cutie mark stories, they finally approached me about mine and naturally I told them about how it was for my entrance exam and how, despite having bitchy judges frowning at me, that I was able to hatch Spike and turn my parents into plants. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom seemed kind of interested but Scootaloo was simply being a little bitch about it because my superior story is something that would be impossible for them.
One thing is for sure, those girls are undeserving of ever getting their cutie marks. If they can't just realize that it is a matter of self-discovery and they'll come when it is time, I hope they die blank flanks. Barring either some horrible disaster or me rising to Goddess-hood, I won't get to see them die and that is frustrating.
After Crash goes and tells the girls her lame ass story, they are all claiming we owe our marks to her. Me owe my mark to her, what a crock of shit. I didn't need Crash to fart a rainbow for me to get my mark. Unlike my lesser acquaintances, I got it on my own. Unfortunately now, the cutie mark cult sees that rainbow maned bitch as being better than ever. Could you please cause her to die in a freak accident or something, it would make my life so much easier.
Your Cutie Mark Cult Hating Student,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celesta,
Could you please tell Miss Bitchy Pants that if it weren't for me, she wouldn't have got that star on her ass? She needs to realize that she's nothing special because I'M the one who's special!
Sincerely,
Rainbow "The Best Flyer There Ever Was" Dash
Dear Princess Celestia,
How did you get your cutie mark?
Curious,
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo
To My Cutie Mark Cult Hating Student,
I agree with you on those idiotic fillies, until they realize what getting a cutie mark is all about they will remain bare asses. Regarding you saying that you won't get to see them die blank flanks unless you are elevated to Goddess-hood, you've got to be kidding me right? You honestly think that you have what it takes to be a goddess? Don't make me laugh, you have never even made a real friend yet.
Yes I can imagine how boring those other cutie mark stories must have been, anything that doesn't affect me directly would bore the hell out of me too. Now don't go getting too full of yourself. Yes I know your cutie mark story was better and you thought those girls needed to know how much better you are than them but seriously, with the exception of the spa twins, everypony down there hates you. Let's not try and make them hate you even more, alright?
Now I can definitely understand your frustration over that arrogant weather pony thinking she was responsible for everypony getting their marks. Yes she farted a rainbow when she was a filly but that had nothing to do with anypony getting their marks. I would advise you tell her it was a coincidence, nothing else.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Dear Rainbow Crash,
Have you ever heard of these things called coincidences? You are not responsible for everypony getting their marks, ok? That is one thing I truly despise about you, your arrogance. If it wouldn't improve both your lives dramatically, I'd replace you with one of her old bootie-calls, I mean friends. Seriously though, get over yourself. You're not the special one, I AM and don't you forget it.
Hating Your Guts,
Princess Celestia
Dear Cutie Mark Cult,
Unlike you lowly little things, us natural born Alicorns, THE MASTER RACE, we are born with them.
Your Superior Overlord,
Princess Celestia
P.S. Damn it sucks to be you, still being blank flanks!