Dear Princess Celestia,
I am always amazed and shocked by the stupidity I have encountered ever since you ran me out of town. Get this, not only has one of my idiotic acquaintances decided to give a tree to her relatives, but we have to transport the damn thing to them on a passenger train, a passenger train for Faust's sake! If that is not stupidity at its worst, then I don't know what is.
To make matters worse, Applejack in her less than infinite wisdom, decided to get that tree its own private sleeper car. Now I want to know something, how can Applejack, when Granny Smith needs her hip replaced, afford a private car for that dumb tree? She can claim to love her family all she wants but I call bullshit on that. If she truly was all about family, she would have put Granny and her hip ahead of delivering a tree to someplace I've never heard of.
Oh and the trip out to her relatives' place was just dandy! I learned that Spike has a sexual attraction to trees and apparently the buffalo must find them attractive too since they stole the car that it was in, or maybe it is Spike they have a thing for and to top it all off, two of my most idiotic acquaintances have gone missing. Maybe they will turn up dead and you can replace them, preferably with Twinkleshine and Minuette.
Now I haven't been to a whole lot of sub-par places in my life but this town Applejack drug us off to makes Ponyville look like a grandiose version of Canterlot. I mean seriously, you are actually allowing a community with absolutely no running water, no electricity and sub-standard structures to exist? Are you really so ignorant as to allow such a place to exist?
Not only is the town terrible, but I have a feeling that the inhabitants must have to be kept doped up on Valium all the time to simply tolerate it there because Applejack's cousin seems to have a few screws loose. I know sometimes it is good to be positive but this idiot's positivity can not be natural. Nopony is actually that positive and delusional in real life. After seeing him, I was thinking I should have just skipped town and headed home, even if it meant walking through the desert.
About this town, from what I understand the locals recently built the place in just the past year. Ok, I have come to the conclusions that these ponies are idiots because who in their right mind would build a town in the middle of the desert? They have no access to water nor do they have away to generate power. I'd advise you condemn this place and throw them all into Tartarus for such stupidity.
Want to know what else is stupid, these ponies just went out and built this dump on buffalo land and of course the buffalo are pissed. I know I normally would say equines are the superior species and should have it all but not here. I secretly hope the buffalo will stampede through here and wipe this eyesore off the map, which is what they threatened to do.
Now I truly know these ponies are morons because they think hitting them in the face with apple pie will stop them! Ooooh, oh my goodness, pies are gonna kill buffalo....NOT.
Once the buffalo did their stampede, it looked like their pies were doing the job until one hit their chief and once he ate it, he was fine. Once it was discovered the buffalo like apple pie, the ponies in this dump cleared a way through their orchard and now there is peace between the two.
Oh and on a final note, don't ever hire Pinkie to sing, ever. She nearly caused the town out here to be flattened.
Wanting you to destroy this place,
Twilight Sparkle
To my "I hate everything" student,
So they don't have any electricity or running water out there? Damn it really sucks to be them, almost as much as it sucks to be you....key word though, almost!
I'm going to be honest, I don't know why the hell you went on that trip to start with. I think when you found out you would be going to a place that makes Ponyville look like snob hill you just had to go so you could bitch and complain in a letter to me. Here you are always thinking I'm trolling you when it is the opposite, I simply have fun and you troll me by going on trips like this giving me a slight bit of hope that you'll make friends but then all you do is complain.
I have some advice, to get you in a better mood, go to the spa as soon as you get home. My guess is a bit of action with a couple hot twins will turn that frown upside down. For now though, leave me alone, I have some cake to eat.
Your Cake Craving Overlord,
Princess Celestia