//------------------------------// // Episode 20: It's a Dog Meet Pone World // Story: I Have No Mouth, and I Must Squee ( A Comment Driven Story) // by Down with Chrysalis //------------------------------// All is silent as the ponies and one drake stare at you in surprise, much to your confusion. What's with all the looks guys? Seriously you act like you've all seen an enemy Stan-oh wait... Looking closer you can see their shocked stares are not directed at you, (aside from the rib cage xylophone) but at the now clearly nervous Tina. Realization dawns on you as you think, Ohhhhh...crap Denneylaw's Comment As if your sudden realization was a trigger, Pinkie suddenly shouts out in panic, "Oh no! Skelly has been captured!!!" Pinkie's shout manages to snap the others out of their shock as they now start staring down Tina, Rainbow and Applejack specifically getting into fighting stances. Nonononono, this is my new Beast Man minion! You panic and quickly wave your arms in a ‘wait wait wait’ gesture. Seeing the confused hesitation in the ponies’ eyes, you quickly take out your notebook and try to draw a picture showing that Tina is friendly…but you’ve got a gauntlet on one hand, and the other is cut up and sore, so all you manage is a big bloodstained happy face. “Ponies ready to strike master, get behind me. I give my life for yours,” Tina orders as she stands defensively in front of you. "And now she's forcing him to marry her too!!??” Pinkie yelps to everyone’s confusion. "Don't worry, Skelly, well save you!" You facepalm at that touching, yet misguided sentiment. What!!?? The Hell did that come from? Even if Beast Man is female that ain’t happening, you think with a shudder. Only human women thank you very much! Besides Skeletor does not go for his henchmen…Well, maybe he would for Evil-Lyn. That reminds me, now that I’ve got a Beast Man-Woman-Dog, I should acquire her next. “Pinkie, where’d you get that canon?!” asks Twilight in shock. You then put your hand to your chin in contemplation, ignoring the escalating situation. Now, who would be a good candidate? Preferably an actual woman around my age who’s way too into cartoons like I am…but I’ve been searching years for her with no luck, you slump your shoulders. But this is a fantasy world with all kinds of other random franchises showing up, so who knows? “Where’d that chainsaw even come from?!” Rainbow asks in shock, but still you ignore the situation as you ponder. I suppose I could forgo the romantic subtext angle and just get an Evil-Lyn minion of a different species that’s got the haughty attitude and follows my commands, that really does open up more possibilities for candidates. “Is that a flamethrower?!!!” Applejack gasps. Trixie might be a good choice if I can find her again before she goes all revenge crazy. Sunset Shimmer’s got the whole arrogant bitch attitude before her redemption too…but who knows if those movies are canon or not? If they are she would be the closest thing to a human…but she’d still be a pony on this side. Really the only other human signs are the Megan pictures…Nah, she’s too goody toe shoes to be an Evil-Lyn, but still I really should find her, or what remains of her… *Dog Whimper* Huh? What’s that? You snap out of your thoughts and see Tina shaking like a leaf. What’s got you all sho-WHAT THE HELL?! You finally see how far the situation has escalated since your mental rambling. Pinkie is now armed to the teeth wearing military camo and pointing all the very dangerous and very deadly weapons she now has at Tina. Is she smoking a candy cane like a cigar? Pinkie, I know your randomness allows you to break the fourth wall and all that, but this might just be stretching it a bit too far! "Okay Mutt, this can end one of two ways,” Pinkie growls menacingly as she spits out her smoking candy cane. “Either you hoof over my best buddy, or I make ya feel Pinkie Keen. Now...which option are ya picking?" To emphasize this threat, she somehow cocks the canon like it’s a shotgun, it even makes the sound effect. Tina shakes even more, but she still resolutely stands guarding you, while you, the other mares and Spike blink owlishly at the Ramboed up Pinkie. Okay...don't know if I should feel honored that she cares that much, or if I need to question just much I hug these ponies... Shaking your head to clear your thoughts you quickly act before Pinkie can do too much damage as you... Jaro45's Comment Step in front of Tina with your bloodied hand raised in a stop gesture to Pinkie, while you pat your minion on the head like you mentally promised. This causes almost all her nervousness to flee as she instantly relaxes into the petting and smiles like a happy dog. Huh. Guess petting is okay with Diamond Dog culture, stupid ponies and griffons can learn a thing or two from them And it apparently gets them to calm down real quick too...good to know. Storing away that information for later, and noticing the mare’s weird looks, you proceed with your plan to show that Tina is a friend by putting an arm around her shoulders in as a sign of friendship. Pinkie stares suspiciously at you for a few seconds before she literally throws off all the weapons and camo off her body as she says, "Oh! She's just your new friend Skelly! Why didn't you just tell me?" Ignoring the fact that all the weapons and camo Pinkie had are now suddenly nowhere to be found you simply facepalm and think, God dang it Pinkie... With a sigh you remove your arm from Tina and make your way over to the mares, gesturing for the diamond dog to follow you as you do. As you get closer you see their eyes widen in shock again as they get a good look at you. What? What is it? More dogs? You quickly whip your head around, but no one else new has entered the fray. “Blood…” Pinkie grimaces. “Hope that’s not Skelly’s Blood.” Huh? You think and look down at yourself. Oh…Right. Just_another_guy's Comment Your right hand bandages are stained red with your blood, your gauntlet is scratched up, and you are wearing a friggen ribcage of a dead guy around your chest, so maybe they have reason to look shook. You do look like you’ve brutally murdered someone after all. ... ... Oh for fu- "I WON THE BET!" shouts Pinkie holding a ticket with a picture of you in a boxing stands. "Now where are my bits" she says holding out a hat. This randomness at least helps to break everyone out of their stupor over your looks. "Pinkie, we didn't bet any bits on anything," Rainbow points out. "An ah've been tryin to stop gambling for a while, an ah ain't about to cut that apple." Applejack firmly states, a little defensive. "Oh, but I still win right?" Pinkie asks, which is followed by moans. …Pinkie, you’re like the only person I know who can escalate a situation to 11 and then sidetrack the entire thing in only a few minutes. "You used to gamble Applejack?” Twilight asks in shock. “That’s not a safe vice to fall into. Are you addicted? Do you perhaps need therapy to sto-“ "Howdy Skeletor!" AJ suddenly shouts looking nervous "Where did you get that thing?" She points at the ribs. Sighing in relief at the change of subject, and not being immediately attacked for looking like a killer, you turn to Tina and mime for her to answer since your drawing hands are kind of out of commission. “Umm, Master get trophy for destroying Beast of Forgotten Treasure,” she answers. “Beast of Forgotten Treasure?” Twilight asks. “Yes. Beast was living dog bones, but not dog bones of our pack. Very bad monster, and master defeat it and save me.” Damn right Beast Man, you smile and nod heroically. “Spooky scary skeletons! That sent shivers down my spine,” Pinkie exclaims in exaggerated goosebumps. "A skeleton diamond dog?" Twilight critiques "there is no way diamond Dogs know how to perform necromancy. Do you know the amount of schooling it would take to learn that? It’s also highly illegal and the secrets of it are buried within the vaults of Canterlot.” Well it’s a good thing I planned for your doubtfulness Twilight, I knew picking up some poor sod's skull wasn't a bad idea! Indeed, you had picked up a skull fragment that had some of the Blood Rune on it. It's just a small fragment, but it was also the biggest piece after your epic finisher. Though not a suitable trophy, you figured you'd might need proof that there is necromantic Alchemy happening since just your word probably wouldn't have worked. Like right now! You dig into the improvised pouch you made to hold the Stand arrow and pull out the skull fragment and present it to Twilight. She looks slightly freaked out at first but once she notices the sliver of the Blood Rune, she begins to ponder over it for a moment. She then takes it via her magic and performs what you can only assume is a scan of some sorts. After a few moments she slowly widens her eyes in worry and dread. "This bone fragment does show signs of an unknown magic, though it’s hard to determine if it’s necromantic in origin. I'll have to show this to the Princess for sure…" She then puts your skull peace in her bag. Hey I fought hard for that, the least you can do is be a little more cautious with it! you think in annoyance.. Seeing your annoyed look Twilight chuckles sheepishly before saying, "I don't know much about forbidden magic, but she'll know somepony who does. So don't worry Skeletor, we'll figure out what's up." But I do know what's up! You grumble as your eye twitches. Some douchebag stuffed someone’s soul into the skeleton using Alchemy! Now if I could only tell you that, stupid useless voice box! As you grumble over your inability to speak for what's probably the thousandth time, Tina speaks up. BrownDog's Comment "So master, ponies not going to attack right?” You look back at your minion and see her looking a little apprehensive still, so you hold a thumbs up. Thankfully that translate well with another creature with opposable digits and she lets out a sigh. “So whiny pony’s friends your friends?" You nod to her while Rarity purses her lips a little. "Um, excuse me," Twilight speaks up. "I’m sorry we didn’t introduce ourselves before, but what is your name and why do you keep calling Skeletor Master?" Tina looks back at you, "Master's name Skeletor?" you puff out your chest and give a resounding nod of agreement, and Tina looks back at Twilight. "Because Purple Pony, Master save me from Beast. He save my life, so I serve him now. Dig Dog Tina is now Guard Dog Tina for Master Skeletor." "That's...nice and all, but what about your family here in the caves? Are you sure you should leave?" Twilight tries to talk her down. Quit trying to get rid of my Beast Woman Twilight! "No family here. Tina go with Master Skeletor,” she says in determination. “Awesome Sauce, glad to have you aboard Tina,” Pinkie rushes the dog and starts shaking her paw profusely which makes her nervous. “My name is Pinkie Pie, and I’m super duper sorry about almost going postal on you a minute ago. I hope we can be the bestest of best friends.” “I…Umm…if Master lets me,” she whimpers, still a bit fearful of the Pink Ball of Fluff. "But, indentured servitude is illegal in Equestria,” Twilight speaks up. “You don’t have to follow him and-" "Darling," Rarity interrupts, "Perhaps we should take Skeletor to the hospital instead of arguing in these caves?" Jaro45's Comment CroisSunnyPlay’s Comment You and Twilight look down at your non-gauntleted hand and see how your red bandages are dripping. This causes all the ponies to wince anew, and the feeling is mutual as the pain in your damaged hand slowly begins to register. "Yes! Ponies use magic to heal Master," Tina agrees. You nod and with your gauntleted hand hold up one of your premade pictures of a bed. Good call Dress Horse and Beast Man. After all the fun today, I need some rest, relaxation and some food. Sleep restores HP after all right? “R-Right!” Twilight nods sheepishly. “Let’s get you to the doctors.” The ponies and Spike then begin leading you to the exit, and you ponder the intricacies of the universe yet again. If this is a show trying to be a game, does this mean I get to level up? Ooh, maybe the more I level up, the more like Skeletor I get! Maybe I can even unlock some more awesome weapons! Or better yet! GET THE POWER!!! NYYYEEHHH!!! The ponies just stare at your stupid smile, and raised arms of triumph which your Beast Woman decides to mimic. “Twilight, he’s doing that thing again,” Rainbow Dash murmurs. “And now he’s got the Diamond Dog doing it,” Applejack adds. “That’s just Skeletor being Skeletor girls,” Spike claw waves which causes you smile wider at that. Yes, your feeble minds cannot handle the greatness that is The Great Skeletor’s mind! NYEH HEH HEH!!! Pausing at that, you groan airily. The Great Skeletor? That’s a Papyrusim. Wrong Skelebro! You chide yourself before giving a quick glance at your female Beast Man. I blame you yet again, Beast Woman! NYEH!!! And with that, you all get the hell out of the caves, your hands hurt too much to write much more, so you'll leave the Megan shrine to discuss with Twilight when you're better. LATER THAT DAY We find you back in a familiar room, the same hospital room you woke up in after the whole 'Nightmare Moon' fiasco. Aside from Twilight confiscating your Rib Cage instrument, to say your walk here was boring would be putting it lightly. Because you couldn’t exactly write, you couldn’t answer complex questions, so the mares and Spike focused on pulling their wagons of gems and tried to make small talk with Tina, though she stuck close to you still, apprehensive of Pinkie. “Pink Pony dangerous master, you sure she won’t hurt Tina?” she asked you after being subjected to Pinkie’s slew of random and personal questions, from her favorite colors, foods, games, etc. You just held out another thumbs up to ease her mind. It was then that an idea involving your new minion came to mind. MemeologistAI's Comment BrownDog’s Comment Maybe I can teach her English, or at least basic sign language. You figured that at the rate you’re going with the Equestrian language it would take till at least mid-season two before you could accurately write whatever their stupid squiggles are. But with a minion with opposable thumbs at your disposal… How hard could it be to train a Diamond Dog a new language anyway? Even if she isn’t a savant, some hand gestures seem to be universal. Gilda knew what flipping the bird meant, and Tina knows a good thumbs up so there’s room for improvement. Plus having a minion translate for me is a perfect villain trope...or anti-hero trope in this case since I'm not evil evil. I'm chaotic neutral at best if I think about it. The rest of the walk back had you debating mentally which side of the moral coil you were on and the long lasting effects your choices would lead to... So the usual random rants you have. Really this one was only so deep as to keep you distracted from the pain in your hand, which had gotten to the point of a very unconformable burning sensation before getting to the hospital. When you all did arrive thankfully the towns ponies weren't as out and about as they were this morning so you didn't have to deal with any of that drama. Anyway, the doctor ponies numbed your hands, and placed several stitches into the right one. Thanks to the gauntlet, your left hand only suffered the initial rock punching and only had minor cuts. Your right hand is now heavily bandaged to avoid opening the stitches, so you'll have to rely on you left hand for drawing but thankfully, you are a bit ambidextrous when it comes to that. Tina stayed by your side the whole time, ignoring the doctor's orders for her to stay in the waiting room with the others. "No! Tina make sure pony magic make master better," she declared brandishing her spear, and that shut them up good and quick. Heh. Talk about having a guard dog. After awhile of sitting in your room with your loyal minion, the others were free to visit you. "So Skeletor, since you are more or less feeling better, could you tell us exactly what happened with that skeletal Diamond Dog?" Twilight asks as she levitates your gauntlet and puts it in her bag for safe keeping. Eh, it’s not like I can wear it right now anyway, you reason as you pull out your pad and start drawing with your left hand. Sunbro4life's Comment You sketch to the best of your abilities the golry that was your battle with the Skeledog! You make sure to throw in some JoJo poses into the sketches to truly show off your mightiness in battle. Of course your drawing style is cartoonier than JoJo, so it isn't as epic as it could be, but what can you do? By the end of your presentation Pinkie stares in awe while everyone else had look intrigued but confused by your narrative. “I don’t…why would you pose like that in the middle of a fight?” Rainbow asks. “I don’t even think it’s possible for a creature’s spine to bend that way,” Fluttershy agrees. Some people just can't appreciate good JoJo fight scenes these days. Posing IS fighting! Allsmiles's Comment While the others debate over your JoJo poses and their validity, Twilight instead seems to be thinking deeply about your story. "Skeletor, you wouldn't happen to remember what that symbol inside the skeleton’s head was, would you?" Do I? you think raising a brow. Lady I've read that manga and watched that anime so many times I'm pretty sure I can recreate the entire thing for you all to read...if it hasn’t already been written. Fluttershy is canonically an anime fan after all. Putting that under the curiosities to look under later category, you nod to Twilight. "Would you mind drawing it then? I think it would help Princess Celestia’s search when I give her the fragment.” That really isn't a bad idea, you nod and start drawing, hopefully having the actual rune can make cross referencing easier. Plus it could be like my Havoc Staff, something in the pony lore as something else. Worst case scenario I have to deal with pony homunculi...oh please just let it be a pony thing! After finishing the sketch, you hand it off to Twilight who studies it for a few moments before putting it into her bag. " I don't recognize it unfortunately, but maybe the Princess’s experts will?" I hope so, or we're all screwed... And feeling like it’s a longshot, but having no other alternatives, you… Greatness942's Comment Pull out the Stand Arrow out and present it, blade side towards you, to Twilight. She picks it up with her magic with a curious expression on her face. "What is this?" she asks, floating it around with her magic as the others give it a good look. You open up her saddlebags and tap the rib cage she confiscated. "Inside the Skeleton? What a harrowing thought." She then magically scans it, hovering it about in her Aura for a few seconds like she did with the skull fragment. When she opens her eyes, she regards the arrow in contemplation. “Hmm. Like the bone fragment there are some traces of an unknown energy attached to this object, though the signatures on this one are…different. I don’t even know if it can be called magic. I…I have no idea what it could be though.” I have a pretty good idea. Though it’s probably best if Ol’ Sunbutt looks at it first. You then gesture for her to give it back to you. She bites her lip for a second before answering. “I’d actually rather hold onto this for awhile Skeletor.” When she sees you starting to pout she holds her hoof up. “Look, while it may not be radiating the same energy as the bone fragment, it’s still unknown what it is, and really we’re not allowed to let you carry weapons after the Ursa Minor incident.” “NYEH?!” you shout in surprise and anger which startles them. Since when?! It’s not like I’m gonna-Is This Foxtrot’s Doing?! You grind your teeth and Tina stands defensively, but Twilight waves you down again. “Skeletor please, it’s only for your safety. I wouldn’t feel comfortable if I gave you a mysterious artifact without knowing what it was first, and have you hurt yourself.” Or others is what you’re not saying, you think with a huff and cross your arms. “Come on Twilight, have you no decency for the finders keepers international protocols?” Pinkie defends you. “Okay, one. That’s not a real sanction, and two. If it proves to not be dangerous, I’m sure he’ll be allowed it back. I just want to make sure it’s not dangerous.” It's dangerous if you're unworthy, but this is a Stand Arrow...or at least, a mysterious replica. You then let out a sigh and slump your shoulders. Fine, let her hold onto it for awhile, Celestia still has to give the 411 on it anyway. If it is legit though, then by Araki himself, I will get Hermit Purple! After that, you answered as many questions as you could with your notepad, but you left out the Megan shrine until you could talk with Twilight alone since it would only raise more questions from the others. A little while later, the doctors gave you the all ok to be released, and now we find you walking out the front doors. BrownDog’s Comment "Dude, are Okay? What happened?" comes a concerned gruff voice as Gilda lands in front of you after exiting the hospital. "It's alright Gilda, Skeletor just had a little dust up with a skeleton monster and got a dog," Pinkie simplifies the story pointing to Tina. "Pinkie, no need to be rude to our new guest," Rarity admonishes. "No Pink Pony right. Master kill skeleton and get me ," Tina responds, causing Rarity to become aghast that she agreed with Pinkie Pie. "Whoa, what?" Gilda squawks, and the others fill her in on what they know so far. Since Tina refuses to leave your company, Twilight agrees to keep the both of you in the library since it has the most room, but before you all depart, you pull Rarity aside and hold out your designs. She visibly cringes at seeing your form but sighs. "Well, I did end up getting more than five wagons full of gems today, and it did come about because of your fall, so a deal's a deal." You smile and hug the fashionista who lets out a squeaky toy sound from how hard you embrace her. "Alright Darling...Need...Air!" she gasps and you let her go with a pat to the head. "Just give me time, I have to work on an ensemble for Sapphire Shores first. And again, there's not much I can do for that mask you want,” she pants, pushing your hand away from her. It's Okay Marshmallow Pone, I'll figure that out on my own. I've got a cheap discount Beast Man Woman, and will have my clothes on order. Now all I have to do is worry about ravenous fairies and my appointment with the Sun Goddess at the end of the week...Oh right... And like that your good mood sours a bit. Tina seems to notice your now saddened mood as she asks, "What is wrong Master Skeletor?" Looking back at the Diamond Dog’s concerned eyes, you can’t help but think, I really hope that if I do get stoned, they at least let Tina stand guard of my statue. I'd like to still be able to mock Beast Man for a thousand years... Seeing as how you’re slowly starting to fall into sadness at the thought of your indeterminate future, you distract yourself by… Treforce's Comment 55daddy’s Comment Giving Tina a good pat on the head and a few ear and chin scratches to boot, which she all but reacts to like the good dog she is. Aww, who knew Beast Man would be so soft? You think as you pet your frustrations away and Tina’s tail wags back and forth. Rarity and Fluttershy look a little embarrassed by this display, while Gilda seems a little upset for some reason, but thankfully Applejack proves to be the voice of reason when she says, “Huh, she’s reacting just like Winona would.” “Tina good dog yes?” she asks and you nod which makes her lean her head under your hand more. “Tina is good dog…” For now Beast Man, but soon I’m sure you’ll bumble everything up and I can berate you. “Still though, this display…” Rarity blushes. “Quit being weird like that in public!” Gilda huffs and you look over at her with a knowing brow. Jealous you’re not getting ear scratches kitty? You smirk which causes her huff more and for Pinkie to giggle. This whole situation does help cheer you up a bit though, and you crack a small smile. I got a week before Judgment Day...and I'm gonna make it last. LATER THE DAY BEFORE CELESTIA’S VISIT For the past week you've been hanging out at Twilight's and by hanging out you mean 'imprisoned and kept out of public view.' It is somewhat by your own violation at least. You didn't wanna risk mucking anything up anymore then you already had before Celestia arrives. Plus you just didn't want to deal with any of the pony drama. Gilda left a day after your adventure in the Diamond Dog caves, with a promise to come and visit soon. You really hope she doesn’t see you again as a statue, because you'd be lying if you said you didn't get slightly attached to the cat-bird. Her goodbye was long and tearful...mostly because you wouldn't stop hugging her, and giving her ear scratches which caused her to slash you with her talons to finally escape your grip. ... You may be slightly too attached to these tiny creatures who can probably beat you without touching you...literally. Rarity says she’s making progress on your clothing, but the deadline approaching, you doubt you’ll be in your true garb before you face judgment. You also managed to finally take a shower again after who knows how long. Needless to say, you now small much better then you did back in the caves. Anyway, Tina has managed to adjust to life on the surface pretty well, despite the town’s usual bigotry. Despite most ponies having a mild panic attack when seeing you, so far nopony had given her any hassle when they've come to the library to...well, use the library. Whereas you all but have to hide in the basement to avoid a situation, most of the ponies that visit accept Tina and just think she's Twilight's newest assistant. Both she and Spike vehemently shoot down that prospect whenever anypony brings it up, for different reasons of course. Her tutoring in the English language however...well let’s just say it could be going better. Without being able to sound out the words, and not having a basis to compare it to the Equestrian written word, she can only differentiate certain words for objects you’ve drawn, Like Pony, Unicorn, Pegasus, and other simple words. It will be sometime before you even have a chance of attempting sign language. As for you? You've been learning more of the Equestrian language but still are having some trouble grasping some things. You can at least use a few common phrases now, the biggest leap coming from writing down ‘Who? What? When? Where? Why? And How?’ You now have a dedicated page for those questions that you can point to when the need arises. However, since today might be your last because of judgmental ponies, you decided to leave the library (with Twilight's permission of course) to seek out Lyra to get more details on that ancient legend. Twilight still doesn’t know about the Megan Shrine you left behind, because really she is just as in the dark as you are, but Lyra might hold some answers. Talking to her has been on your side-quest list for far too long, and if you’re going to be turned to stone then subsequently eaten by Navi Trebles, then you’re gonna go with that one marked off. With Twilight off preparing, and Fluttershy no doubt discovering the first parasprite soon, you prepare both Twilight’s and your notes on the Megan situation. “And where do you think you’re going off to?” asks an inquisitive voice in front of the door. “Master Skeletor going out today. Tina need spear so give it back Guard Pony,” Tina responds. “That’s not gonna happen Diamond Dog,” Foxtrot says. “Why not? You get spear!” Tina argues. “Because I’m a Royal Guard and you’re not,” the officer barks. Sighing you look over to O’Carrol who gives you a knowing look and rolls his eyes. “Oh boy, how long do you think they’ll be at it today?” he asks as he descends the stairs with you. You flip your note pad to a sketch of a sunset and point at it which causes him to chuckle. “Eyup. Sounds about right.” While most ponies are alright with Tina and vice versa, she and Foxtrot don’t exactly get along. Perhaps she knows just how much the guard mare frustrates you, but you have no idea why Foxtrot is snippy with your Beast Man. When you get down stairs, you see the two females glaring daggers at each other. “Creature! Tell your dog she’s not getting her spear back!” you just cock an eyebrow at her with your hands on your hips and she realizes what she just said. “You know what I meant!” she huffs. Sighing you pat Tina and shake your head no which causes her ears to wilt and her to moan. “Thank you,” Foxtrot nods, and you roll your eyes. “Now, where exactly do you and your dog think you’re headed?” she asks. You just flip your page to one of the first words Twilight taught you and tap it repeatedly. ‘SCIENCE’ You then walk past her out the door before she can say anything else. WHAT DO YOU DO?