Dear Princess Celestia,
I have learned that there are not one, not two but three idiots in my presence. First we have Rarity who has fallen behind on these outfits that she has to deliver to Trottingham by the following morning. What I would like to know is how in the hell is she going to get those things to somewhere that far away in so little time. Hell even I couldn't get them that far and I know how to teleport.
Now this is where idiot number two comes into play. You see, that secret society I warned you about has decided to hold a sleepover to try and earn their cutie marks. Ok, forget three, let's make that three and then I'll count those morons as number four. Well Sweetie Belle decided to make idiotic capes for her fellow cutie mark cult members and now Rarity has to make more fabric. The sleepover was cancelled until the ditz I want to initiate someday dropped by and decided to watch them for the night.
Seriously, the pony who is scared of her damn shadow honestly thinks she can handle those three little hellions? This will likely turn into a disaster, a complete disaster. Too bad I had to go to Zecora's to pick up some herbs to really spice up my next trip to the spa or I would have hung around and watched everything go straight to hell.
As it turns out, those girls did make Fluttershy's life a living hell and because of a loud, obnoxious lullaby by Sweetie Belle, one of Fluttershy's chickens got on the loose and then they somehow, without PETA girl noticing, those girls sneaked right by her to go retrieve the chicken.
Good grief those fillies are stupid, an arguing cutie mark? I have come to the conclusion that those little ditzes will likely never get their cutie marks and I honestly don't give a shit. As long as they don't come begging me to give them cutie marks again, I'll continue to laugh at their fruitless attempts at this.
Now for what I can't believe, Fluttershy went into the forest alone! I can't help but wonder, was she really going after those girls or was she coming looking for me because she decided she finally wanted to be my friend and not a mere acquaintance?
Now things had gone to hell when I got turned to stone but those girls that were so curious about the chicken-snake monster that Fluttershy told them about became little chickenshits when they actually saw it. I was secretly hoping that they would get turned to stone too but Fluttershy just had to save them.
Good news, she made it turn me back to normal. Bad news, she didn't kill it so we could have had a tasty chicken dinner in the forest. Worse news, she wouldn't let me initiate her right in front of the girls. What a shame too, those girls could have learned something more important than they ever could in school.
Oh and now idiot number four comes into play. Chris Savino, in his attempt to write a good episode, somehow forgot that Trottingham was more than two miles away because Rarity not only got the deliveries done in time but she was already back not that long after sunrise. What an idiot, he should know it would take DAYS to get to Trottingham and back.
One a final note though, I have a feeling that Rarity may have something going on with Fluttershy because the girls left on their own. I really hope so because they might let me join because it would be so much better with three.
Your Suddenly Needy Student,
Twilight Sparkle
To My Suddenly Needy Student,
I'm going to let you in on something right away. When it comes to ponies having to go to distant places in nothing flat, remember this is a cartoon so it is bound to happen and it is bound to happen often. Now that I've got that out of the way, I can handle the rest.
Listen, you know Rarity is an idiot and would put things off to the last minute and you should know that Fluttershy is the type who will take on way too much. What a shame she wouldn't add pleasing us to her agenda, that would make life so much better for everypony.
That cutie mark cult, you should know that they aren't going to think straight and would probably commit murder if they could get a cutie mark out of it. Why do you think I always keep an eye on them? I do because I know they would gladly kill me if they could get away with it in the name of getting those marks.
Oh, and I would advise you stay out of the forest at night, even if you are going to get something that would make your spa time more enjoyable. Those cockatrices aren't anything to mess with. It is a good thing Fluttershy came along and made it turn you back to normal or you would have wound up in the sculpture garden for the pigeons to shit all over.
I will let you know this, had you gave those fillies a sex ed course before they were ready, I would have taken the spa twins away from you using any means necessary! Even if I had to force them to relocate up here and then banished you from Canterlot, it would be an appropriate punishment for robbing those fillies' eyes of their virginity.
So you think it would be fun if two of your acquaintances had something going on and you could join them and make it three? If you knew what was good for you, I would advise you invite me and make it four, that would be even better!
Your Equally As Needy Overlord,
Princess Celestia