Dear Princess Celestia,
I know I always bitch about white-coated ponies being attention whores but they aren't the only ones. My most narcissistic acquaintance has decided to compete in the best young flyers competition. Part of her routine is performing a sonic rainboom and the little bitch actually thinks she can do it. Good grief, I don't know what it is with some ponies but when it comes to her, this really shouldn't surprise me.
Now for what pisses me off, in her failed attempt to do the impossible, she crashes into MY library and knocks books all over the place, right after a couple of my inferiors just assisted me in reshelving everything. What a little bitch, thinking she can do something impossible and at the same time destroying all my hard work. What irks me more is that PETA girl was out there cheering her on when she could have been being initiated as a real friend. Oh well, I'll get her someday.
What I find ridiculous is that Pinkie, Applejack and Rarity wanted all of us to go up to Cloudsdale for this event. What a bunch of idiots, don't they know that only pegasus ponies can walk on clouds? I initially told them no but eventually I decided to cave in and make sure we could get in. The worst thing, I gave Rarity the most hideous set of wings ever and suddenly she is more in love with herself than she already is.
When we arrived in that hell hole I couldn't help but look around and shake my head in disgust. There are all those pegasi flying around and acting like they're hot shit and then some. Come on, they should know that unicorns are the master race, we're the ones with all the magic after all. Hey, I'm certain we could control the weather and tend the fields if we learned the right magic and before you and your sister had to crash the party, we were the ones that moved the sun and moon.
Now just when I thought this trip was going to be boring as hell, Rarity decided to compete in the young flyers competition, giving Rainbow some competition and making her scared. Seriously, the most narcissistic bitch I have ever known is suddenly afraid that a pony with flimsy, fake wings is going to beat her. I suppose it is the most arrogant, self-centered ponies that are the most vulnerable.
For the most part that competition was boring as hell until my two acquaintances went out for their performance. You know, when Rarity's wings evaporated and she was plunging to what should have been her death, I really hoped she'd go splat because we really need a new Element of Generosity, another white coated unicorn perhaps?
Sadly, Crash just had to ruin my hopes and save the day. What a little bitch, not only did she stop my dreams of having a more deserving unicorn in my presence and to make matters worse, the acquaintance I hate the most did her stupid rainboom and is more arrogant than ever. To make matters worse, you just had to give her the title of world's most idiotic flyer or whatever the hell it was, now didn't you?
Now for what pisses me off, Derpy did a far better job in that competition and despite her dropping stuff on me when I was spying on Pinkie, I still hoped she would have won. Let me guess, you were afraid Rainbow would kill herself if she didn't get to go screw her precious Wonderbolts? Too bad I didn't have wings because then a truly deserving pony would have won instead of that moron.
Your Irritated Student,
Twilight Sparkle
To my Irritated Student,
You honestly think I give a shit who takes part in that stupid flying competition? Simply having to go to that thing makes me cringe but it is part of my royal duties so I can't get out of it.
I want to know something though, why the hell do you care about Rainbow taking part in that competition? The way you act, I'd think that you were taking part in it and she would be a competitor that would mop the skies with you. I have some advice for you, calm down, go to the spa and everything will be fine.
As far as you giving Rarity those wings, I am not thrilled. You know that she is one of the most narcissistic ponies out there and then you give her another reason to idolize herself? I saw her staring at herself in that mirror and I'm honestly shocked that she didn't start hoofing herself for everypony to see.
Regarding that competition, Rarity did make it more exciting and I'll admit, I was hoping she'd go splat and I was hoping Rainbow would crash and go splat too but hey, we can't win them all now can we? Yes I know Rainbow stunk up the sky during most of her competition but want to know why I didn't give Derpy the win despite doing those ten consecutive barrel rolls? She failed her drug test so I figured I'd give your most narcissistic friend the win simply to spite you.
On a final note, I keep on noticing how you wish ill will on Rarity so you can get Twinkleshine down there in your hooves. Guess what, that ain't happening. All five of those acquaintances of yours could die and I wouldn't simply replace them with your old friends nor would I simply let you come home. I'd just find five other ponies you're completely incompatible with to curse upon you.
Your Overlord,
Princess Celestia
P.S. Back before my sister and I came along, it took roughly 50 unicorns to simply move the sun and moon so your type aren't so special after all. Remember this Twily, Alicorns are the master race. Just imagine if I didn't give a shit about being seen as a dictator, I could enslave all of you, ALL OF YOU!