Dear Princess Celestia,
I want to know something, what the hell is wrong with the seasons down here? It wasn't that long ago that I had to help these hacks clean up winter and now all of a sudden it is fall? I knew this place was screwed up from the moment I got here but I didn't know it was this screwed up. If they are going to expect me to help them make winter or whatever dumb shit they do to bring it in, screw that shit. I've dealt with changing the seasons down here once and I don't want any part of it.
One thing that really doesn't surprise me though is that my two biggest tom boy acquaintances are now trying to figure out who is the better athlete. Seriously, they are going to have a competition and bicker over that? My first instinct was to skip town, come beg you to let me back in school or go to the spa but eventually my curiosity of wanting to see how these two idiots did in their competition won over.
Their competition, an Iron Pony competition, it was just a lousy competition to see who was better at this and better at that. Now at first this seemed fine until Rainbow started cheating. Given that I was the judge, one part of me wanted to disqualify her but a much larger part of me simply wanted to get it over with and then take care of more important items on my agenda.
With that over, I figured things would be fine until I learned that there was this event called The Running of the Leaves. As you know I'm no athlete and normally I would have no desire to take part in such an activity but I figured that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad so I decided to compete.
Of course I knew that without a plan I would likely not do well in this race so I decided to read up on the subject of racing and I found a way to maybe win the race and put my overly competitive acquaintances in their place.
Now for what pissed me off, my acquaintances made fun of me for taking part in the race and my love of reading. What a couple of bitches and you expect me to accept them as friends? No way in hell will I ever do that, especially after that shit.
Now regarding that race, I honestly don't know if Rainbow and Applejack know what a race really is and I'm certain they don't know that we're supposed to actually shake the leaves off the trees instead of tripping one another. Speaking of shaking the leaves off the trees, can't we have things be normal around here? Can't we just let the wind blow them off instead of making this into something much more grandiose than it is.
I couldn't help but laugh as I saw all the antics those two were partaking in as they tried to prove which one was better. Now you know what I think? I think they need to realize that it doesn't matter who is the best athlete, they just need to focus on shaking the damn leaves off the trees and get over themselves.
The end of the race was hilarious though. There were those two fighting as they crossed the finish line and I broke down laughing when they finished last. Guess who won though, ME! Yep, now not only am I Ponyville's smartest pony, I'm its fastest pony too and I have a nice shiny gold medal to prove it as well! Oh and since I won this thing, where is my festival? I think that since they throw festivals and parties for everything else, I should get one for being better than them.
Perhaps now these hacks down here will know how truly superior I am to all of them. I'm smarter, I'm faster and overall I'm simply better than they ever will be.
Your Superior Student,
Twilight Sparkle
To My Allegedly Superior Student,
Well shit on a stick, I sent you down there to perhaps become more down to earth but now that you have yourself a nice shiny medal, you think you're more superior than ever. I will admit, I'm happy that a Canterlot pony wound up beating a bunch of hicks at their own game. Please though, don't continue to boast about how much better you are than them because you don't want to become more hated than you already are now do you?
Look, I've told you more times than I can count about the spell Luna and I cast so long ago so quit your damn bitching, alright. I know your number one hobby in this world is to bitch and complain about everything in that town to me but I honestly don't care as I've grown used to your bitching.
Now I did see the race and I must say that it was rather entertaining although the best part was not you earning yourself a medal, it was all those peons bowing down before me and the cake that was present as well. Watching you win was fun but feasting on cake was so much funner.
Your Proud Overlord,
Princess Celestia
P.S. I am pissed off though that you did not disqualify Crash in that Iron Pony competition. She cheated in every single event past the midway point! Now I was thinking of loaning you something white and pink for a couple of days for beating those hicks but since you let a cheater win, forget that! She is staying with me!