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// Call of the Cutie 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
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Dear Princess Celestia, 

I am learning so much about the simple and antiquated ways of life since you sent me to this Faust-Forsaken dump.  Get this, one of the fillies down here wound up earning her cutie mark and they are going to throw her a party!  Now that is ridiculous, completely ridiculous!  They'll throw a mindless party for that but not for when I scored with the spa twins?  I would think that me getting pleasure would be far more celebration worthy. 

Remember that filly that ran away from home to see Zecora, well she is suddenly throwing a fit over her not having got her mark yet.  My advice to her is "Big deal, get over it."  She has no idea all the shit I've had to put up with since I came down here and there she is whining over a mark not being on her ass.  

I'm going to admit, I think it is kind of funny that a filly would whine over something so menial, it's not like her family had the farm repossessed and they were going to have to live in the forest or anything.  Perhaps they should just have her come live with me for a while and then I could make her life a living hell.  That would definitely cause her concerns of being a bare ass a thing of the distant past! 

Now for what is pathetic, the filly I hoped Zecora would cook has asked my narcissistic acquaintance for help in getting a cutie mark.  I don't think that little ditz knows what getting a cutie mark is all about.  Oh well, at least she didn't come begging me to assist her in performing moronic tasks in a hope to get a mark. 

Now I initially had no plans on attending this pathetic event but when I found out there would be cupcakes, I figured I may as well go.  Get this though, Pinkie had her make the cupcakes and she burned them so my trip to the sweets' shop was a complete waste of time and soon turned into a dramatic filly wanting my help. 

So much for her not asking me for help, the dumb ass asked me to give her a mark.  Of course this would not work but I did it anyway just to shut her up.   I'm going to admit something though, I probably could have put a bit more effort into it but I secretly enjoyed seeing her whine and bitch about it. 

One bit of good news, the dumb party went alright and the blank flank found a couple of blank flank friends but you may want to be careful.  What should have been soup and her two new friends may be plotting a coup to overthrow you.  What a shame I didn't have a bare ass, I could join their little blank ass group, overthrow you and your sister and crown myself queen.

Seriously though, this town needs fewer parties and more productivity. 

Your Not So Faithful Student, 

Twilight Sparkle 





To My Not So Faithful Student, 

Before I bring anything else up, let me make myself clear.  If you and those fillies even think about deposing me, it won't be Apple Bloom soup I will desire, it will be Twily steak that will be on my menu.

Yes, yes, yes, here you go again with the bitching.  Has it not sunk into your head yet that backwater towns will celebrate just about anything?  I know a pony getting a cutie mark is a non-event here but in small towns it is a big deal, stupid but big.  There is a simple solution for you to avoid being bothered by things like this, hole yourself up in the library and start reading your books for the hundredth time. 

I am actually surprised that you would be surprised about Apple Bloom bitching about not having her mark.  You constantly bitch and complain about the ponies down there being idiots so one of them behaving in an idiotic manner was is something you should expect.

I can't help but wonder if you didn't go to that party solely so you would have something to bitch to me about since you are obviously way too good, outside of your exploits with the spa twins, to write me anything that will provide me with a ray of hope that you'll get over yourself one of these days. 

I've told you this before and I'm sure I'll have to tell you this again.  Just get over yourself, realize you live in a town full of morons and quit bitching about it, it reflects very badly upon me. 

Your Irritated Owner,

Princess Celestia