Dying.
The act of which when one loses his/her life in some way or form. Well at least, that was. the way dying worked on your great ol' home planet, Earth. In fact ever since you got on this weird as fuck alien planet, you have never heard anything about any deaths.
Yes, you still heard of ponies going to the hospital but never a death.
That was gonna change today.
You woke as usual, late in the morning and started your usual morning routine.
Waking,
Showering,
Masturbating,
Clothing,
and Eating.
Afterword, you walked into a nice calm spring breeze. Almost too calm considering what you were going to do today. You closed your door after yourself and started your trek towards the Ponyville Hospital. After, awkwardly saying "Hello" back to passing ponies, you reach your destination.
"Umm, Hello. I wanna see if there are any gravely injured ponies in this place?"
Suddenly, the area became so quiet that you could even hear a pin drop. I swear to this day I heard ominous music in the background.
"Let me rephrase that?" Some of the color returned to ponies faces when I said that.
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"Are there any ponies on the verge of death?"
*THUD*
5 of the ponies in the area around me fell victim to my "not kid-friendly" speech and had taken upon themselves to lay their heads on the hard, laminated tile floor.
"W-Why do you request this information?" asked the attendant behind the counter who was also one of the only ponies still "standing".
"Official Research Business" you replied back to her without batting an eye.
"B-Bu..."
"I REQUEST TO SEE ALMOST DEAD PONIES!!" you yell out, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration. Then you walked towards the double doors on the right and yell out I WILL REVEAL THE SECRET CONSPIRACY!!!"
You walk down the corridor taking a look in each room. No one seemed to be even close to dying. Behind every door you just say the usual. Cooking Burns, scratches, cuts, broken limbs, burnt in ove- Hey!! There was that Orange Pony you threw in the oven like a good jew. He seemed to have completely healed and was now sleeping. Welp, better move on before he notices you.
Cuts, Burns, Bruises, Pinkie Pie, Broken Limbs, wait... PINKIE PIE. You never imagined her to be in a hospital due to the fact that she pulls of physically impossible acts all the time. In fact you now, took a few steps back, turned and walked right into Pinkie's room.
"Hiya, Anon." she spoke out seeing you arrive.
"Sup, what's you doing here?" you nonchalantly reply back, making sure that the door is closed all the way.
"You see I... Blah blah blah" Pinkie spoke wildly. To put it simply, she fell out of her hot air balloon and suffered a bone fracture in 3 bones and broke her left front hoof.
You see. Us humans have it tough. If we fell from a hot air balloon, we wouldn't get a little fracture... it would be death 98% of the time. You ended you mini rant and spot a surgeon's knife on a shelf (just cause I dunno, they're always there?). Coming up with yet another smart plan you took the knife off the shelf and ask Pinkie "Can I do an Experiment on you?"
"Okie, dokie, loki!!!"
"Thanks" you said as you lifted the knife and brought it down on Pinkie's leg. Blood gushed out and you could see veins. The white curtains became blood-stained. And so did your hands. But for some reason Pinkie was smiling through all this.
"Dafaq are you smiling?"
"Hehehe, lookie here"
You start to see the cut-off leg pulsing, And before your eyes, you see it start to regenerate more tissue and skin. Fuck this. Even if this was Pinkie Pie, you just can't heal from injuries that easily. It was pure BULLSHIT. And Pinkie was just giggling as if this was normal.
Then you started thinking, Maybe this works with humans too, in this world at least. Then you turn to Pinkie and ask her to hold the knife. You get your right arm into position and you looked up to her and nodded with a determined face. She looked back at you with an equally determined face.
"Let's do this shit"
*SLICE*
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"AUGH!!!!!"
Let's just say it was way harder for you to masturbate for 3 months.