//------------------------------// // Applebuck Season // Story: Unpleasant Correspondence // by StormLuna //------------------------------// Dear Princess Celestia, Ok, there are some things about this dump that I just don't get, Big Mac hurt himself and suddenly Applejack has decided to take it upon herself to clear the whole orchard on her own. I know she is a hard worker but what I see here is extreme narcissism and I honestly thought she was the rational acquaintance of mine. Oh well, as long as she doesn't come begging me for help I'll be fine. Now for one thing that is making me realize how truly pathetic this place is, they are going to give Applejack a prize pony award for saving the town from a stampede of cows. Seriously, a stampede of idiotic cows who ran at the sight of a non-venomous snake. And just like they do with every other mindless thing down here, they have a party for her and since I'm the only one who has the intelligence to not only write a speech but deliver one, I took time out of my busy schedule to do this and you know what pisses me off? Applejack was late and she was barely coherent! Prize pony my lavender flank, just more proof that mediocrity is celebrated in this dump. Another thing I don't get about her, Applejack is not only working herself to death, she is also helping her friends as well. She helps Rainbow with the most moronic thing possible, launching her into the air. Seriously, she's a damn pegasus and if she needs somepony to launch her in the air to do a trick, that proves she is a lousy flyer and definitely not Wonderbolt material. Now that isn't what irks me, what irks me is that she crashes onto my balcony while I'm trying to read! My quest to fulfill my intellectual needs in this dump was interrupted by a pegasus who can't do her own tricks. After that, I had enough. I decided to confront Applejack over this and she rejected my help yet at the same time, she took time away from her orchard to help Pinkie Pie at the bakery. Given how fatigued she was, I knew that would end in a disaster and it did. Applejack put worms in the batter and her absent minded friend was too dumb to notice and suddenly most of the town had fallen ill. I honestly think you need to find me a new set of friends, like the ones I avoided all the time back home. Hey, at least they were intelligent unlike these hacks. You know this is getting ridiculous, she rejected my help again but then decided to help Fluttershy with the local bunny census. Look, unless you're trying to get a count for how many rabbit birth control pills that are needed down here, this has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. Of course Applejack screwed up again and I decided to go confront her again! Just as I caught her it looked like she finished this impossible task but just as she was proclaiming victory I had to laugh when she learned she only got half of it. Finally though, she accepted my help and the help of my other acquaintances. Ok, I'm going to admit, my way of removing apples is much more efficient than apple bucking is. What is horrible is that they didn't even pay me for removing so many apples, damn cheapskates. I'll tell you one thing, I'm never helping them again. Your Underappreciated Student, Twilight Sparkle To my most bitchy student, I get it, you don't get small town ways and you think they are total morons. Guess what, I don't get small town ways either but I don't go bitching about behind their backs either. I will be honest, I find it kind of funny that you actually care about the apple harvest to begin with. I thought you'd be too focused on your studying to even pay attention. News flash Twily, cows are stupid and they are going to run away from non-venomous snakes and sometimes a pony is needed to stop them from flattening the town. Now I do agree that them throwing a party and giving her a big trophy over something so menial is pointless but hey, they could be running you out of town for being such a little bitch most of the time. I know Applejack constantly helping everypony else when she has her own things to do pisses you off but I want to know why you care so damn much. You bitch, bitch, bitch about things that don't even affect you. Next time something like this happens, just shut yourself up inside the library and let them bungle their way through whatever pointless task they are doing. I do want to thank you for telling me about the rabbit overpopulation problem though. I will be sure to send a whole army of vets down there to spay and neuter them so that stupid bunny census won't be necessary anymore. I am glad to hear that the apple harvest was taken care of but I am not thrilled to hear you bitching about not getting paid for removing those apples. Friends do things for one another without charging them for doing it, I honestly thought I raised you better than that. Oh well, I guess even I can't be perfect all the time. Your Annoyed Owner, Princess Celestia P.S. I am not going to find you a new set of friends. If you would have ever spent time with your intelligent friends up here, I never would have ran you out of town. Get over yourself and accept the set of friends I gave you.