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// Friendship is Magic:  Part 2 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
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Dear Princess Celestia, 

This whole festival was nothing short of a disaster.  Like I said last time, I had to put up with five annoying ponies and the rest of this town doesn't seem all that bright either.  Yes I know I bitched about this unfriendly Alicorn crashing the party but what I'd like to know is why the hell didn't you show up?  Were you screwing Twinkleshine to spite me or were you trying to console Moondancer since I skipped her lame party?  Oh well, now it looks like I have to go hunt down this Alicorn that turned into a purple mist and throw her into Tartarus or whatever the hell it is you want me to do to her. 

Like I read in a dusty old book you bitched about me reading, her name is Nightmare Moon and the only thing that can defeat her are the Elements of Harmony.  Unfortunately, your lazy ass was too stupid to teach me about them so now I have to go to the local library and hope they have something about them. 

Speaking of the library, the librarian must be an idiot because the shelving system is so primitive, have they never heard of the Library of Canterlot system?  Anyway, I thought I could get some research done when my new stalkers barged in and questioned me about this.  I felt like telling them to go to hell but the one with ADHD found the right book and now we know where they are, they're in that dilapidated dump that you used to call home. 

Now for what really pisses me off, I wanted to go and do this alone but the stalker ponies just had to tag along.  Good grief, do they have something for me or something.  Ugh, I swear, I felt like smacking them but just to shut them up I let them follow me and hoped they didn't cause too many problems.

I suppose it ain't too bad since the pony that overfed me saved me from falling off a cliff, the bird obsessed pegasus calmed down a manticore, the one with ADHD got us to laugh and get rid of frowny faces on trees, the one Spike wants to screw calmed down a possibly gay sea serpent and the narcissistic bitch wound up pissing off some other pegasi and we were able to get to your old castle, which honestly surprised me. 

Well I found the Elements but there were only five of the damn things.  Was this your way of trolling me or something, to make sure I couldn't find everything I needed to do this.  Eventually I was able to tell my stalkers to go away while I tried to pump energy into the five I found to get the sixth to appear but then the bitch that crashed the party just had to show up and teleport the both of us to another part of that dump. 

After that the true fun began, the bitch wound up shattering the Elements and was acting like hot shit.  At that point I felt like saying "screw this," coming home and resuming my studies until my stalkers showed up.  I was hoping I could offer them as a gift to Nightmare Moon so I could get home but the damn Elements just had to somehow be connected to those five and before I knew it, the sixth Element appeared and we finally beat her. 

Nice way to troll Celestia, you finally decide to show up after we defeated her and now I know you truly are a bitch, you banished your own sister to the moon?  What did she do?  Did she eat your cake, did she screw one of your students or did your parents love her more?  Whatever it is, I honestly don't care.  

What pisses me off the most is that you have decided to make me stay here and befriend my stalkers.  Seriously, you think I can become a powerful unicorn by studying friendship?  Screw that, I could probably learn more being a beggar on the streets in Fillydelphia but chances are you'd throw me in Tartarus if I did that so I shall tolerate my stalkers but I will still find a way to pry Twinkleshine away from you no matter what. 

Your angry and bitter student, 

Twilight Sparkle





Dear Twilight Sparkle, 

You keep on bitching and bitching about every little thing.  Look, I have plans for you and this bitchy Alicorn but first you need to go find her and put her in her place.  I knew you'd bitch about it but those stalker ponies will play a very important role in you getting to my old castle. 

Now a very important memo for you, had your stalkers not went with you, you would have fell to your death when that landslide took place and if you would have somehow managed to survive that, the manticore would have had a tasty unicorn steak so get over it, those friends, I mean stalkers were very important for you to reach your destination. 

Regarding the Elements, I was not trolling with there only being five of them present, I was merely being a prankster who wanted to see you get worked up over it.  Regarding the Elements working for your stalkers and the sixth appearing, that was just good timing on your part. 

FYI:  I was not being a bitch over banishing my sister.  Yes she did eat my cake but she also tried to kill me in the past because she wanted a longer night so she deserved to be banished.  Now regarding why it took me so long to show up, I was busy feasting on cake so I was distracted.  Just so you know, taking on villains will be YOUR JOB from now on, those and some other select ponies I know you're gonna love. 

Oh and on a final note, you may want to actually learn the names of your stalkers because I am forcing you to stay down in that dump and study friendship.  Yeah you won't learn shit but it beats Tartarus, right?  Now get over yourself, make yourself at home in the library and befriend your stalkers.  

Oh and how could I forget, you will send me friendship reports on a weekly basis and if you either don't learn anything or are tardy with your letters, I'll banish you to the moon. 

Your Supreme Overlord, 

Princess Celestia