Welcome To The Family

by Masterweaver

We're All Mad Here

"Hmmph." Fluttershy ran a hoof across the hearth, bringing it up to her eyes with a disdainful twist of her lips. "Well, I supposed that rustic and clean is better than rustic and dirty."

"Do not presume to be superior to dirt," Fluttershy droned, her flat stare focusing on Fluttershy. "In the infinite abyss of time, we all were and will be the same specks of matter that you now degrade."

Fluttershy stepped up between them. "Not that this isn't totally, like, a great conversation--which it isn't, it's seriously all kinds of whack--but does anybody have any idea what this crib is and, like, what our shindig is here?"

"Oh sweet Celestia, we've got TRIPLETS!"

Fluttershy, Fluttershy, and Fluttershy all looked up to see Fluttershy hovering near the ceiling and grinning evilly.

"And you all talk too! You would not believe how hard it is to get talkers back here."

Fluttershy narrowed her eyes. "Well, I suppose that you would admire anypony with even a basic sense of style, given how you seem to lack any."

"Oh you and I are going to get on like a house on fire, I can tell." Fluttershy landed. "Welcome to Fluttershy's Forget-me Fortress, where she sends all the things about herself she doesn't want to think about right now. Rule number one: I'm in charge. Rule number two: none of you are Fluttershy. You can't use that name anymore. Pick new ones."

"And why should we listen to a self-absorbed small town pony?" Fluttershy demanded.

"Cause if you don't, you'll die. Disintegrate. Fall apart. I've seen it happen."

"The end of all things is inevitable," Fluttershy pointed out in a dry tone. "To hide from the shadow of our doom is merely base instinct."

Fluttershy snorted. "Well, aren't you a bundle of sunshine. Tell you what, I'm feeling generous today, which is incredibly rare, so I'll introduce myself." She put a hoof to her chest. "I am Flutterbitch--Fluttercruel if you want to be all matters of pointlessly polite--and I was formed when Discord swapped Fluttershy's empathy and confidence."

"Oh, right." Fluttershy adjusted her glasses. "That was, I think, totally a thing that happened. It's been so long I just dropped it, you know?"

"I'm the second most senior living member of Fluttershy's Repressed Selves. And who the hell are you losers?"

Fluttershy frowned at her. "Somebody with quite a bit more class then you, clearly."

"Fluttersnob, got it."

Fluttershy quirked an eyebrow. "A snob would not deign to talk with such a malcontent as yourself. I at least am willing to make an effort to improve your personality and this..." She glanced around the cottage. "...quaint domain of yours."

"First of all, go screw your pretentious ass with the most pointy expensive gold trophy you can find. Secondly, this is just the foyer--Fluttershy's home for Fluttershy's fragments." Flutterbitch kicked open a door. "You want a different name, you best pick it fast."

"I can understand the need to distinguish flickers of existence from each other and the void of the reality," Fluttershy acknowledged. "If I had to assign myself an identity, it would probably relate to my internal cosmic relevance. Perhaps I could be known as The Single Note Of Solemn Persistence In The Essence Of Eternal Void."

"...We've already got an Emoshy," Flutterbitch pointed out flatly. "Speaking of." She turned to the open door. "OY! WE'VE GOT TRIPLETS! GET YOUR LAZY TAILS OUT HERE!"

Fluttershy frowned, keeping her eyebrow quirked. "Do you have any modicum of class?"

"I'm in a class all my own, baby."

Fluttershy snorted. "I get that you're like, the worst and proud, but that's seriously kind of, you know, batty."

"Nah, I'm not batty." Flutterbitch smirked as something flew out of the door and perched on a cabinet. "She's batty."

The rough-maned pony tilted her head, membranous wings twitching. A questioning trill came from its mouth.

"Flutterbat, the triplets. Triplets, Flutterbat. We still have to name two of them."

"Three!" Fluttershy insisted. "I will not be given such an insulting moniker!"

A clicked tongue drew their attention to the other two ponies stepping out of the door. The one with a black-stroked mane shook her head. "So severe... hey Bitch, who's this bitch?"

"Do not refer to me with such crass terminology!"

"I was going to go with Fluttersnob," Flutterbitch mused, "but if she's going to whine every time I call her that I guess I'll have to drop it. What'd you call her? Severe? Severeshy, I guess."

"I suppose," Fluttershy groused, "that is acceptable."

"Great! Emoshy, Severeshy. Severe, Emo."

"I'm here too," pointed out the musclebound pony in a skintight suit.

"Nobody cares, Flutterrage." Flutterbitch turned back to the others. "So what about you two?"

"The identity of The Single Note Of Solemn Persistence In The Essence Of Eternal Void is still on the table," Fluttershy said dryly.

"That's all kinds of blah," Fluttershy said. "I think our names should be doss."

Severeshy gave her a flat look. "Do you even know what half the words you say mean?"

"So we've got a hipster and a goth," Emoshy noted. "Hipstershy and Fluttergoth. All in favor?"

Four hooves went up. Flutterbat flicked a confused ear, Flutterrage let out a slow sigh, and Fluttershy glared over her glasses at Emoshy.

"All opposed?"

Flutterbat started gnawing on the decorative head of the cabinet.

"Motion carries four to two, one abstaining."

"Ugh." The newly christened Hipstershy glared at everyone. "This is, like, totally bogus."

"Well so's your fashion sense."


Flutterbitch grinned. When Flutterbat let out a screech, she gave her an encouraging grin. "Yeah! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"Purple, pink, and sky." Emoshy scoffed. "Have you heard of color theory at all?"

"You just dumped ink in your mane and called it a day, chochie!" Hipstershy shot back. "I've got an actual ensemble here!"

"I have dozens. I just don't wear them around posers."

"I will gut you."

"I guess wearing my skin would be a major step up for you."

Hipstershy roared, lunging at the mare with wild eyes. Flutterbitch clapped her hooves together with a gleeful cackle, Flutterbat had taken flight and was screeching, and Flutterrage simply shook her head sadly.

"Whoa." Fluttergoth watched the two rassle on the ground. "I understand the need to be a mote of uniqueness against an uncaring background of an infinite universe, but there's such a thing as letting your passion overwhelm your better senses."

"Emo's the first of us, and when I got here she was a hot mess of conflicting fashion statements. I helped her come to terms with herself, and now look at her!" Flutterbitch wiped away an invisible tear as the dyed-mane pony tore a sleeve off with her teeth. "I am just... just SO PROUD of how far she's come!"

"Ugh." Severeshy rubbed her forehead. "I am quite done with all of this. Flutterrage, was it?"

"Yes, that's me."

"Could you, perhaps, allow me a tour of whatever this place is? I would rather not let any of this nonsense continue."

The giant mare shrugged. "Sure. Hey, Goth, you want in?"

"Eh, sure." Fluttergoth stepped carefully around the duel. "If this is really a realm of Fluttershy's repressed self, I think I'll find a good look into her true shadow."

"Yeah, that's a good call. How about you, Flutterbat?"

Flutterbat perched on Flutterrage's shoulder with a questioning chirrup.

"Yeah, I'll get you apples." Flutterrage chuckled as Flutterbat nuzzled her cheek. "Alright, alright... Come on, girls, kitchen first or this one will be--"

Another door burst open, and a garishly-colored mare galloped in. "WHAT IS ALL THIS RUCKUS?!"

"Ugh, go away Opposite Shy!" Flutterbitch growled. "Such a total rip-off..."