//------------------------------//
// Cleverly Disguised John Cena 
// Story: Whither Must I Wander 
// by thelegendarytoothpaste 
//------------------------------//

Twilight sighed with satisfaction.

Spike was asleep, her chores were done, and she finally had some time to wind down with a pot of tea.
She didn't remember the name of the tea. P-something or other. She picked up a taste for it during her time learning under Princess Celestia. It was one of the more important lessons she learned.
She smiled a bit as her eyes drooped. When she was younger she asked the Princess what the tea was made of. The only thing she did say about it was it was a type of tea that would ensure the richest noble would end the day penniless.
It sure was good though.
Potch! That's the name. She remembered now. It was not cheap at 1,299.99 bits per box, but it was delicious, relaxing, and very good for you too. Rumors abound in Celestia's court of her immortality stemming more from the tea than from her alicorn DNA, though Celestia (and the makers of Potch) both insist that the tea is not that good. 

Twilight's stomach growled at around perfect synchronization with her front door being rapped on, and she finished her cup of tea before walking up to it to answer.
She giggled. The sound of the door being knocked on was pretty funny. It was like "KNOCK!" "KNOCK!" "KNOCKNOCK!" She swung the door open with a laugh, and looked up to the face of their almighty ruler and Goddess of the Sun. 

Celestia smiled down at her.  "Hello, Twilight."
Twilight was stone still for just a moment as her mind registered what was in front of her, and instantly she thought of the tea. She- she just finished it. Meaning there was none to offer Princess Celestia!

She slammed the door shut in a panic and for a moment considered making the sleeping (and still very much sick) Spike go get more tea this instant. Then, her eyes widened. She just slammed the door on the face of Princess Celestia! 
Then, in her best imitation of Fluttershy, she muttered, "Eep." 

She re-opened the door and looked up at Celestia sheepishly. Celestia, to her credit, was not fazed by Twilight's reaction. She was used to it by now. It happened most Wednesdays when Twilight lived with her.
"Hello again, Twilight."
That was when the tea kicked back in again and Twilight began to laugh.
"Hello again? Right! Because I just slammed th-the door on you and then opened it again! Hello again! You're funny, Princess! C'mon in!"

Twilight stumbled aside and allowed Celestia to enter. Two guards that stood at Celestia's sides were all that now remained outside.
"Wassup? You guys want in too?" Twilight asked.
"Not necessary, Your Highness. But thank you."
"Aww, shaddup. C'mon in you two!"
The two guards exchanged a look of confusion, and then looked back at Twilight, who was now patting the door with a hoof with a look of bewilderment on her face.
"Miss? You'll let the cold air out. We'll be okay out here."
Twilight's ears turned towards them and she finally drew her attention away from the door again.
"Oh! Hi guys! You want in?" she asked.

All three of them blinked simultaneously, and all three of them wore the same neutral expression. After a few moments, one of the guards shrugged and took a few steps forward. Twilight eyed him curiously.
"What are you doing? Ooh, are you returning a book?"
The guard eyed her blankly.
"Your highness, with all due respect, I think you need some rest."
Twilight waved a hoof dismissively with a laugh.
"No way. I'm right as rain! I'm rain as right! I'm rain as right rain right as right right. Hey, did you guys know I can lick my own nose?"
"Twilight."
The purple alicorn froze with her tongue midway out of her mouth, and slowly she turned to Princess Celestia. They made eye contact, and Twilight slowly drew her tongue back into her mouth.
"Do you feel all right?"
Twilight grinned. "I've never felt better Princess. I can taste sound. Speaking of taste though, I do have an irresistable craving for oatmeal cream cookies."
Celestia looked to the guards, who were both equally perplexed. Neither could decide if they should enter or not now. 
"Twilight, did you eat or drink anything recently that-"
"POTCH!"
Celestia's eyes shot back down to her student.
"It was the best ever, Princess. I feel so good now! Well, really really hungry, but other than that!"
Then Twilight pulled Princess Celestia's head down to her level, and she leaned in as if she were going to tell her a secret of utmost importance.

"Did you ever notice how funny doors are when you knock on them?"
Celestia sighed.
"Yes, Twilight. Hilarious. Say, could you show me the box the tea came in?"
Twilight grinned widely. "I would be honored to, detective, but it did not come in a box today. They're giving it out in these small plastic bags now. It's like shots of tea. Here, look!"
Twilight sent just a little magic into her horn, and that was enough to teleport a small yellow mouse with black tipped ears to the room.
"Whoops. One sec."
The mouse was quickly replaced with a pink puff ball that appeared to be in the middle of using a hammer. It looked around, puzzled, and Twilight scowled. It was replaced by Princess Luna, who was still fast asleep, then a slightly overweight plumber in overalls, and finally the bags that Twilight's tea came in rained down.
Celestia snatched one out of the air with her magic and sniffed the inside.
"Twilight, this is pot."
Twilight, who was busying herself by making some kind of bag angel, looked up at Celestia.
All it took to drag her out of pot land and back into reality land was a single sobriety spell, courtesy of the sun Goddess.



Twilight groaned while Princess Celestia set an ice pack gently under her horn. As soon as the high wore off, the headache hit. She should have known that something was up when the tea salespony kept looking around suspiciously and demanding bits only, no cards.

Celestia chuckled softly. 
"I didn't know you liked that stuff, Twilight."
"I don't. I promise I don't. I just wanted some tea after a hectic few days, but I couldn't find it in any of the stores."
She sipped a mug of real potch that Celestia had made for her.
"So some stallion came up to me and offered me some of 'the goods.'" 
She rubbed at a side of her head.
"I don't care if it's legal or not. I should arrest him for embarrassing a princess," she grumbled.
"You should arrest him for a lot more. You paid way more than you should have for what you got. Those bags were just pathetic."
Twilight looked wide-eyed at Celestia.
"You?" 
Celestia smiled a serene smile. "I was your age once before too, Twilight. It was only a few times, though. I never really liked it."
Twilight said nothing, instead choosing to stare at the sun goddess with her jaw hanging open.
"If you don't drink your tea, it will get cold, and you need it to help you clear your head of that garbage.  Maybe you can explain how much of that stuff was in your system when you delivered your letter to me."
Twilight blinked. "Letter? I... no, no. Princess, I sent that long before the whole incident."
"Truly?"
Twilight nodded. Celestia was silent for a moment, choosing to take a long draw from her tea cup.
"Well, my, my, my. That makes things interesting."



It was not long after that when Fluttershy stopped in. Twilight had recovered enough of her composure that she could go to the door to answer it, though she refused to make eye contact with the two guards outside. It was just as well though, because they were doing their best to not look at her too. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to avert your eyes from somepony while also remaining as still as a statue?
Maybe they all could learn from Fluttershy. She's really good at being present and simultaneously not being in the room.

Twilight pasted a fake smile on her face. "Hi Fluttershy, how are you doing?" she asked.
The pegasus gave her a small smile. "I'm okay. I have good news Twilight."
Twilight moved aside. "Is that so? Come on in!"
Fluttershy looked at the two guards outside the door.
"Umm..."

She gave Fluttershy a kind smile. "They don't bite. Come on, we can have some tea!"
Fluttershy smiled gently, and slowly trotted through the doorway. She chose not to make mention of Twilight's visible shiver at the mention of tea.



"...and Philomena misses you dearly, Fluttershy. We would love for you to stop by the castle again sometime soon."
"Oh, I couldn't impose on you like that, Princess."
Celestia smiled warmly. "It's no imposition, my little pony. Luna and I would love to entertain you for a few nights!"
Celestia leaned in a bit. "Between you and me? I think my nephew has a bit of a crush on you."
"Eep!™"  
Celestia chuckled. Classic Fluttershy. 
"I'm only kidding, dear. Come to think of it, I don't remember the last time my dear nephew tried to court. Perhaps he doesn't like mares?"
"Eep!™"
Celestia put a hoof to her mouth.
"Listen to me droning on. I'm sorry."
Twilight granted Fluttershy a reprieve from the awkward conversation when she returned to the tea room. Spike needed her again. She had an appointment with the doctor set up for him.
"Sorry about that. I'm worried about Spike. This is a nasty bug."
Celestia smiled at her faithful student. "It's no trouble at all, Twilight. How is the poor dear?"
Twilight frowned. "Let's just say he's on a very light diet now. Just oats and water mostly."
Fluttershy let out a low 'Aww.' "Poor dear. Scootaloo's mother says she's just getting over the flu now."
Twilight cringed. Scootaloo had been missing in action for nearly two weeks!
"Speaking of being out of commission," said Twilight. "How is your guest, Fluttershy?"
Fluttershy smiled. "That's why I came over. He's awake and willing to meet with everypony. I was wondering if you could send for the others. I-if you don't mind, that is."
Twilight smiled. "That's excellent news! Of course I can get them. We just need to keep Pinkie on a leash."
Fluttershy blinked. She had, shortly after checking on and re-dressing Hinka's wounds (they were healing, but it was still a long road to recovery), decided to show him a picture of her with her friends. He visibly flinched when he saw Pinkie Pie.
"Fluttershy."
The pegasus in question let out one more of her trademark "Eep"s, and looked to the solar princess.
"If it's not too much trouble, may I accompany you all? I would like to meet him as well."
Fluttershy gulped, but gave an uneasy nod.
"You can come, but I think I should let him know before you come in. Is that... is that okay?"
Celestia nodded with a smile. "Of course. I will wait outside until you call for-"
The door to the library flew open with a "Slam!", and Pinkie Pie stood in the threshold. She, for some reason, was wearing a pair of sunglasses even though it was dusk outside and cloudy. She pointed one hoof to Fluttershy, who shrunk back visibly.
"Your alien. Bring me to him."