After the recently finished, ‘The Humble and Pathetic Trixie's You Really Messed It Up This Time Equestrian Apology Tour’ show[1], Twilight Sparkle was leading Trixie Lulamoon and Starlight Glimmer into the dining room of her castle.
Twilight stopped when she saw Princess Celestia looking at her from her place at the dining table. Celestia had her annoyed #06 (No, I am NOT annoyed) face.
Tonight was the night that Twilight hosted a dinner party to show off to Princess Celestia how far Starlight Glimmer’s friendship studies had progressed. Starlight not showing up was a problem. Finding her took a liiitle longer than she hoped. Taking the time to solve Trixie’s and Starlight’s friendship problem certainly didn’t help. No, Twilight has left Princess Celestia behind at the dinner table for far too long.
How hard would it be to develop a time travel spell for two, to go 1 hour and 47 minutes into the past within the next 3 seconds?
Twilight shakily said, “Sorry for the delay everypony, I finally found Starlight Glimmer lost among the zucchini instead of the artichokes.”
Princess Celestia’s expression changed to annoyed #07 (I’m looking at the one who is NOT annoying me.)
Twilight gulped, “I guess I should have used a different search methodology. Heh.”
Princess Celestia’s expression changed to annoyed #10 (Fine, I AM annoyed.)
Twilight started to tremble. She just realized, it was not the delay that annoyed Celestia, it was her lies. “I... I...” She suddenly threw herself towards Celestia, slid up to her chair and grabbed it. “I’m soooooorrryyy! I couldn’t help my se-e-e-elf!”
Muffins Hooves[2] a gray pegasus mare that was also at the dining table, stood up to get a better view of Twilight. “Annnd that’s our cue to leave.”
Cranky Doodle a male donkey, one of the two other guests at the table, gruffly asked, “Clue? What are you talking about?”
Muffins turned to the last guest of the table, a white unicorn mare known as DJ Pon-3, and gestured with her head towards Cranky. “DJ?”
DJ Pon-3 nodded and used her magic to grab Cranky and his wig wearing bird[3] in a pink telekinetic aura. Floating within, Cranky spoke with vigor but the only thing heard was the soft whum beat coming from the aura imprisoning him.
Muffins addressed Princess Celestia as she gave her a deep bow, “We must take our leave your majestiness. It was a pleasure dining with you.”
Distractedly turning from the still pleading Twilight, Celestia said, “Um. Fare you well my little ponies and donkey.”
They quietly left, DJ Pon-3 gave Celestia a lazy salute as she passed her. Cranky was still screaming quietly within the magical bubble as he was pulled behind them.
Meanwhile Trixie was alternating looking at Celestia and Twilight Sparkle. Trying to keep a straight face, until Twilight wailed:
“Please don’t banish me to magic kindergarten!”
Trixie broke down laughing. Rolling on the floor she laughed and laughed. Shortly, she recovered. Until she noticed Twilight frowning at her. Trixie pffted and started laughing again. Soon enough the laughter died down again. Trixie got up on her four hooves and took a few deep breaths.
She turned to Twilight and said, “I have put you on a higher and higher pedestal: Princess Celestia’s personal student, savior of Equestria, savior of the Crystal Empire, defeater of Discord and so on and so forth. Until you were on an impossibly high pedestal.” Trixie hesitated before continuing. “As it should be, for the arch-nemesis of the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
Twilight rolled her eyes.
Trixie continued, “It was only now that I saw that you are... only pony.” Trixie smiled, “I must apologize to you Twilight Sparkle. I should have not grown to hate you as I have. I’m sorry.” She bowed her head to Twilight.
Twilight leaned back and responded, “Er... Apology accepted? I mean yes, I accept your apology Trixie. I should apologize to you as well. I thought that I had forgiven you for your past... indiscretions. But it has become quite clear that I had not. I am sorry for that. I shall do my best to be truly forgiving in the future.”
“Yes!” Trixie exclaimed as she one hoofed hugged Twilight, yanking her next to her. “Let the history books forever say, that on this date, Princess Twilight Sparkle and the Great and Merciful Trixie were no longer enemies!”
Twilight unhooked herself from Trixie and grumbled, “That’s great Trixie.”
To her surprise she saw her number one assistant, the still technically baby dragon, Spike writing in her official Princess of Friendship Journal. She heard him mumble, “-onger enemies.”
“Um, Spike. Why did you write what Trixie said into my official journal?”
With a snap Spike closed the journal and then sat down on the floor. He placed the journal on his lap before answering. “Isn’t it obvious? It’s because historians love to quote from official documents. How else would future history books show that on this date, blah blah blah, if I didn’t?” He then pulled out a scroll from somewhere, placed it on the journal and started to write.
Twilight was very still, although the hairs on her mane started to go sproing. “That’s... very helpful of you Spike. You meant well, I’m sure. But that was a personal matter between Trixie and myself. That journal is only for official princess business. It was quite irresponsible of you to enter a personal matter into it.”
Spike finished writing on the scroll and rolled it up, “Irresponsible? I doubt it’s as irresponsible as ordering a one-year anniversary party...” Spike breathed out magical green flames and burned the scroll he was holding. Thus sending it out on its way. “...without filing the proper paperwork or securing the budget for it in advance?” He shrugged, “I have a year to do that. If I don’t make a habit of it, I should be fine.”
Twilight quickly looked at Princess Celestia. As she did not see a scroll appearing in front of her, she looked back at Spike. “To whom did you send that scroll to?”
Spike tapped his shin. “Well... Considering that I can only send scrolls to ponies that I know very very very well, who among them can throw a party?”
“You didn’t!”
Spike smiled.
“Spiiiiiike!”
Trixie shook her head at the antics of Twilight Sparkle and Spike. She approached Princess Celestia. “Princess, I must also apologize to you as well.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, for my own selfish reasons I convinced Starlight Glimmer not to attend this party.”
Princess Celestia raised an eyebrow at that confession.
Trixie continued, “Although, a word in my defense, I did not know that you would be attending. If I had I would have never have done it.”
Trixie looked up, lost in thought. “Most likely...
“Mayyybe...
“Noooo, I would still have done it. But I would have hesitated!”
“TRIXIE!” Starlight Glimmer exclaimed with some heat.
“What? I would not do it now! Now I know better, that friendship and revenge do not mix! But lo, those many ...minutes ago, I would have been: A great new friend and a chance to stick it to Twilight Sparkle? BEST. DAY. EVER!”
“Excuse me,” Princess Celestia interrupted. “Are you not the Alicorn Amulet Trixie Lulamoon?”
Trixie turned to look at Twilight and indignantly asked, “Is that how you introduce me to everypony?”
“What? No!”
“Be at peace my little pony. I wanted to be certain that I was thinking of the right pony.” She looked back and forth between Twilight and Trixie. “I was under the impression that you two had parted amicably after the unfortunate Alicorn Amulet incident. Was there a more recent incident that I am not aware of?”
Twilight shrugged and shook her head. Trixie was looking intently at the floor.
“Trixie?” Starlight Glimmer asked her when it became clear that Trixie was not about to answer. “As a student of friendship, I have learned that it is best not to keep silent; to talk whenever there is a problem.”
Trixie glanced at Starlight and then sighed. She softly said, “Fine.” She looked at Princess Celestia, “We did part ‘amicably’ and everything was fine until I woke up the next day and realized that I could no longer use my magic anymore.”
Everypony was surprised. Twilight exclaimed, “What?”
Trixie continued, “When I went to see the doctors they said that I was suffering from magical burn-out. Inflammation of my magical neural system due to second-degree burns.”
Twilight and Starlight grimaced and stepped back.
“It seems that while the Alicorn Amulet let me use magic at alicorn levels, it did not protect me from using more power than what my unicorn body could safely use.” Trixie paused. “OK, it might have protected me from some of it. But it definitively did not not protect me from all of it. It certainly kept me from noticing that I was hurting myself by using it.
“After I healed, I had to relearn how to use my magic again. That took months!”
“Wait a minute!” Twilight interrupted. “Why am I hearing about this now? Why didn’t you at least write to me about it?”
Trixie left eyebrow rose. She went to Twilight. Until she was face to face with her. Then she softly said, “I did.”
“What? No! I never received a letter or anything from you!”
“You didn’t? Oh, my! I am so sorry that I thought you didn’t care!” Trixie exclaimed. “Well that clears that up! It’s a good thing that you are the bearer of the Element of Honesty. Oh! Wait!” Trixie’s smile turned cruel. “You’re not.”
Twilight spluttered, then said, “I am not lying!”
“Oh? That contradicts the verbal diarrhea I overheard a few minutes ago. About you being a liar liar flanks on fire, was it?”
Twilight spluttered some more.
Princess Celestia interrupted them. “If I might say a word in Twilight’s defense. Twilight is a very honest pony.” Twilight beamed at Celestia. “Normally.” Twilight’s smile collapsed. “Why as my former student I taught her the importance of honesty. Twilight has taken all of her studies to heart. ...For the most part.” Twilight flinched. “Why, honesty is one of the pillars of our civilization. Twilight as a princess of the realm is a model for its virtues. ...When she feels like it.” Twilight grimaced.
Trixie bowed to Princess Celestia and said, “I will defer to you on Twilight’s mostly honest nature.” She glanced at Twilight before continuing. “So what are your plans on getting Twilight Sparkle back on the straight and narrow? Some sort of punishment?”
“That is an option,” Princess Celestia replied. “What would you recommend?”
Trixie took a few seconds to ponder the question. “Ah! Take her library card away!”
“What!?” Twilight screeched.
“Interesting. Not an option that would have occurred to me. What is the logic behind such a move?” Celestia asked.
“Well, if one feeds out bad information; one shouldn’t get good information.”
“Um,” Twilight said. “Isn’t that, cruel and unusual punishment?”
“Unusual, certainly,” Princess Celestia said. “Not cruel though. Unless you have an Ivory Tower library card.”
“Erk,” Twilight erked.
“Ivory Tower card?” Trixie asked with some confusion.
Princess Celestia replied with, “A library card valid for all the libraries within Canterlot, private and public. Before you ask, the cruel part is that they only accept applications on a quarterly basis and I do believe that the next deadline is tomorrow. It is much too late to get the paperwork for a replacement and fill it out in time to meet the deadline.”
“Three months...” Twilight whispered.
“Of course, that is, if the application is not rejected for using the wrong form. Such as using a new application form instead of re-application due to a lost card form for example.”
“Six months.” Twilight softly gasped.
“Then there is the sad possibility of the paperwork being misfiled.”
“The bane of every bureaucracy.” Trixie said over Twilight’s not quite hyperventilating breaths.
“Indeed. And that does not even include paperwork just disappearing as if stolen by ninjas, to use a popular analogy.”
“Those wacky ninjas. Use them often?”
“I do not use ninjas.”
“What do you use?”
“If I told you, I would have to kill you and I would rather not do that.”
“Yes, I would rather you not do that also.” Scowling, Trixie turned to face Twilight. “Did you just run a marathon without us noticing?”
With a far off look to her eyes, Twilight Sparkle was wheezing. Strands of hair were sticking out of her mane.
With a concerned look on her face Starlight Glimmer went up to Twilight and softly whispered into her ear, “Inter-library loans.”
Twilight stopped hyperventilating. Her brows knit in concentration, then she blinked. She looked at Starlight Glimmer and said, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Starlight Glimmer looked up and saw Princess Celestia and Trixie staring at her. “Er... Sorry?”
Princess Celestia said, “Helping a friend in need is not something somepony should apologize for.”
Trixie looked back and forth between Celestia and Starlight. “What she said. In fact, it shows that you are a great friendship student!” She looked at Twilight and grumbled, “Despite what somepony might think.” She perked up. “So! Go you!”
Twilight complained, “Hey! I think that Starlight is a good student! I just... didn’t think that you were a good choice for her first friend. I... I handled it badly. However right I might have been, I should have done better.”
Trixie said, “What did you say? You were right?”
“Considering that your friendship with Starlight exploded in your face earlier, yes I was right.”
“I.”
“You told me earlier that Starlight was your first friend. I ask you, how can somepony know how to be a good friend if they never had a friend before?”
“I.”
Twilight stepped back and smiled. “However, you can be a great friend to Starlight, far better that I would have thought possible at first. I see that now.”
“Of course Trixie would be a great friend! Have you considered seeing an Ophthalmologists? Taking so long to see the obvious like that. You should have your eyes checked.”
“Yes, well, your compassion knows no bounds.” Twilight did an eye roll. “I’ll have Spike remind me to make an appointment tomorrow. Spike?”
“Will do. One reminder for tomorrow to make an appointment with Dr. Hawk Eye.”
“There you go.”
“You are far wiser than I gave you credit for. Easily taking my advice like that.”
“Your praise fills me with warmth Trixie.” Twilight fake smiled.
“Trixie is so glad that you are filled with something.” Trixie fake smiled back.
Princess Celestia interrupted them. “As loath as I am to interrupt this mutual appreciation you two seem to have going on. I am curious, Trixie why were you so eager, as you said, to stick it to Twilight? Was it because she did not reply to your letter?”
“...No. I just assumed that it was the universe treating me like its favorite plot-monkey again. I never thought that Twilight Sparkle would ignore a letter from me if she got it.”
“Was it because you temporarily lost your ability to use magic?”
Trixie chuckled. “No, that was due to the Alicorn Amulet and I chose to wear it. If anything, I owe Twilight for rescuing me from it as soon as she did. A day later, maybe even an hour more of using that damnable thing and I would have permanently lost my magic. And no amount of magiotherapy would have fixed it.”
She turned and stared at Twilight. “So, thank you.”
“Er, you’re welcome?”
Trixie nodded and looked back at Princess Celestia. “To answer your question: I spent the next several months in magiotherapy. It was slow, painful and despair inducing. It’s the next best thing to legalized torture. To get through it I built this... fantasy. Of myself getting strong enough to challenge Twilight Sparkle again, honestly this time. Defeating her, then her coming back to defeat me. Then I again defeating her. I had this dream of us being friendly rivals. Pushing each other to become stronger, faster, more skilled. To reach untold heights!”
Trixie sighed. “Alas, it was no to be.” She glared at Twilight and growled, “Because somepony became an alicorn.”
She looked back at Princess Celestia. “I was happy for her at first. I even sent her a greeting card.”
“That, I got,” said Twilight. “Congratulations on your becoming an alicorn princess. It could not have happened to a better pony. Other than myself, of course.”
“Um, I have wondered whether or not that last sentence was a bit over the top. Stating the obvious like that.”
“Oh nooooo, it emphasized the fact that you were the one who sent it.”
“Good.” Trixie nodded and then looked at Princess Celestia. “It was after I sent that card that I had a horrible realization. She is now an alicorn, an alicorn! Alicorns are so much better than unicorns! She is now on a completely different level from me! No matter how much I train; no matter how much I study, there is no way that I can be her rival! Not anymore!
“I ask you, how can a unicorn, however gifted, compete with an alicorn?”
“By having a strategy and lots and lots of contingency plans.” Everypony turned to look at Starlight Glimmer. “Er... It worked for me?”
“Well, there is that,” Trixie said. “But that would not have worked for me. It would only been a matter of time before I would have run out of plans. To be exposed as a fraud, a weakling ...a second rate magician.” Trixie sighed. “No, my dream of being her rival was shattered into a thousand pieces.” Trixie glared at Princess Celestia. “And that was why I wanted to stick it to her.”
“I see,” Princess Celestia said. “Is there truly no way for you to be her rival?”
Trixie humphed. “To be her rival I would have to become an alicorn myself. And the likelihood of th-” Trixie blinked, tilted her head, narrowed her eyes and stared at Princess Celestia. She then asked, “Um, you are the alicorn expert. How does one become an alicorn? ...Just so that I would know exactly how unlikely it would be.”
Princess Celestia stared at Trixie, her eyes glowed white for a few seconds. Trixie shivered slightly under that gaze. Celestia’s eyes returned to normal and she broke off eye contact. “It is one part destiny, one part creating new magic and another part a large amount of magic, usually supplied by one or more magical artifacts.”
Trixie tsked. “I should have known. Creating new magic?” Trixie shook her head. “Not my strong point I’m afraid.”
Twilight remarked, “I noticed you didn’t mention not being destined to become an alicorn.”
“Oh please, if there is a list of those destined to become an alicorn, Trixie is in the top three!”
“Gee, you have become more humble, as you promised the last time we met. You have made great strides there.”
Trixie nodded. “Trixie is glad you noticed. With more training, Trixie is sure that in six more months, that Trixie would say top four! But not top five. Humility needs to be based on reality after all. Making statements too far from reality would be humble bragging. Trixie is not about to replace one bad habit with another.”
Twilight face hoofed. “Yeeees, one shouldn’t do that.”
Suppressing a grin Princess Celestia said, “Trixie, Starlight. Please, sit. My curiosity has been piqued. You must tell me how you two became friends. How your friendship exploded and how you seem to have reconciled.
Trixie and Starlight looked at each other and then they took the places across from Celestia that she had pointed to.
Twilight was about to seat herself next to Celestia when she softly said, “No.” Celestia then pointed to the empty chair next to Trixie. “There.”
Before Twilight could object Celestia said, “I wish to observe the three of you as the story is told.”
Twilight bit her lower lip and slunk over to the chair next to Trixie.
Starlight Glimmer started after Twilight sat down. “It started yesterday when we were setting this table for tonight’s dinner. I asked why there were four seats at the table when there were supposed to be the three of us. Twilight replied that the fourth seat was for the new friend I was going to make, to show my progress as a friendship student to you.”
“That reminds me Sparkle.” Trixie interrupted, “One day? Really? You expected Starlight to find a friend in only one day?”
“What? I found five friends in one day here in Ponyville! One is well within her means!”
“Mmm. So it wasn’t some scheme to impress Princess Celestia?”
Twilight giggled. “Silly Trixie. You’re so silly. Silly you.”
“So no,” Trixie said. “Which would make sense. I mean, you of all ponies abusing your teacher-student relationship for your own ends.” Trixie shook her head in negation. “You committing such a heinous act should be unthinkable, and I thought of it.” Trixie sighed. “I have a long way to go.”
“Now there Trixie,” Celestia said. “The first step for self-improvement is realizing that you could have done better. Dedicate yourself to continual improvement and you will get there eventually. As for thinking less than pure thoughts, it is natural. We are at our cores animals. Our baser natures will pop up from time to time. It is what we decide to do, or not to as the case may be, that will define us as a good or a bad pony.” Celestia took a sip of tea. Spike refilled her cup after she put it down.
“Besides,” Celestia added. “It is a sad fact that even the best of ponies can make mistakes. Make a wrong decision for the right reason. Vigilance is best. Catch them early where a kind word or two and a subtle nudge is enough to set them straight.” Celestia took another sip of tea. “With the exception of those that abuse the teacher-student relationship. I take that very seriously.” She glared at Twilight. “Very. Seriously.”
Twilight gulped. “Ah, heh. We seem to have strayed from the story Starlight was telling us. Starlight? I believe you were at the part where I gave you your assignment?”
“Yes.” Starlight Glimmer said while glancing between Twilight and Celestia. “The next day I searched and even with the help of Twilight’s friends I had no luck in finding a friend. Well, there was this simply adorable bunny rabbit of Fluttershy’s. But I am pretty sure that Twilight didn’t mean for me to get an animal friend.”
“Fluttershy’s rabbit?” Spike asked. “Do you mean Angel? The white sylvilagus tartarus?”
“Spike!” Twilight hissed. “However amusing that might have been. Do not let Fluttershy overhear you call Angel that.” Twilight shook her head. “Strike that! Do not mention it again in case somepony mentions to Fluttershy that they overheard you call Angel that!”
“She would be upset wouldn’t she?” Spike sighed. “Fine, I won’t mention it again.”
“Wait, why would you call Angel a monster from the bowels of Tartarus?” Starlight asked. “He is the sweetest thing imaginable!”
Spike stared at Starlight. “Give it time. You’ll figure out why I did.”
Starlight Glimmer stared back at Spike until Celestia said, “You were saying that you were having difficulty in finding a friend?”
Startled, Starlight looked back at Celestia with a jerk. “Ah! Yes, well. I was so stressed out at not finding a friend that I decided to take a break at the spa. Which is where I met Trixie.”
Celestia turned to look at Trixie.
Trixie nodded. “Being back here in Ponyville, the site of my two greatest failures. I was str- somewhat nervous and thought a spa treatment was just the thing I needed to relax before my show. We started a conversation. I was happy, some meaningless small talk would be a great distraction I thought. When she mentioned that she was Twilight Sparkle’s student, I was intrigued. So I started a real conversation and we talked and talked and talked. Next thing I knew we were the bestest of friends!”
In a frosty tone of voice that would remind a yak of home, Starlight Glimmer said, “What, no mention of how you could use me to get to Twilight?”
“Saying intrigued did not cover it?
Starlight Glimmer glowered at Trixie.
“No, I suppose not.” Trixie took a deep breath. “When I heard that Starlight was Twilight’s student, I saw an opportunity. An opportunity for what I didn’t know: an embarrassing story, a weakness, blackmail material, an opportunity to put her in her place. It could have been anything. I decided to go for it and got to know Starlight better. Not the best reason to befriend somepony I admit. But we hit it off so well that I almost forgot the reason I got to know her.” Trixie looked down at the table. “Almost.”
“So you two met and hit it off. What happened next?” Celestia asked.
Starlight Glimmer replied, “Well after getting to know each other, we went to see Twilight.”
Trixie giggled. “Starlight had to report mission spectacularly successful.” She giggled some more.
Celestia asked, “Reporting on one’s success is amusing?”
“Not per se. It’s how Twilight Sparkle reacted. She did not approve of me being Starlight’s friend. You should have seen her trying to be polite about it.” Trixie giggled some more. “By the end of the meeting I was determined to be the best friend possible to Starlight and to subtly imply to Twilight Sparkle that I was anything but! I was looking forward to driving her up a wall!”
Twilight glared at Trixie.
“But the icing on the cake wa-” Trixie paused, frowned. “That is a bad analogy, doesn’t all cakes have icing? But the chocolate sprinkles and sparklers on th- Whatever. The topper was when Sparkle here tried to sabotage my friendship with Starlight.”
“I did no such thing!”
“So you deny introducing that whitish unicorn, the one that just left earlier, to Starlight earlier today?”
“What would introducing DJ Pon-3 have to do with... No, no no no. That was contingency planning. Offering Starlight with a backup friend in case you two didn’t work out.”
“I don’t know,” Starlight said. “I think that sabotage is a more accurate description than contingency planning.”
“What!?”
“It is a matter of perspective Twilight,” Celestia said. “What one pony sees, may be seen quite differently by another. The stories I could tell.”
“But.”
“Relax Sparkle, nopony is accusing you. What would be a kind gesture can be seen by a more cynical pony as a self-serving gesture to increase her popularity to a third pony. Not that I think that now. The benefit of hindsight you know. Really, I should have known better than to think that the Princess of Friendship would make or break friendships on her personal whim or for her own gain. Silly, silly me.”
Twilight looked at the table and shivered slightly. “Yeah, silly.”
“Wait a moment,” Celestia asked. “Twilight did that in front of you?”
“Hmm? Oh no. When a bush goes ‘pst pst’ and I’m not the one being psted to. I found it best to keep going and then find a place to discreetly look back and see what is going on.”
“I see. And then?”
“And then we got to talk about my show. Harry Hoofdini and the one trick of his, the Moonshot Manticore Mouth Dive!, that I was never able to copy. Starlight generously offered to assist me in pulling off that trick by using her mad teleportation skills.”
“Wait,” Celestia held her hoof up. “Do you mean the trick where he was supposed to shoot out of a cannon, into a manticore’s mouth and then appear out of a locked box on the other side of the stage?” She saw the others nod. “That trick does not use teleportation.”
“What?” Starlight exclaimed. “How else is somepony be able to go from a manticore’s mouth to the box?”
“If you only learn one thing about Harry Hoofdini, know that he prided himself on nopony being able to figure out how he did his tricks. If there was an obvious way of doing something, he would do it another way.”
Trixie’s eyes grew wide, her mouth opened wide enough to see her tonsils. “You know how he did it.” “You were there.” Trixie rose from her chair. “You saw his show!” She stepped onto the table and strode toward Celestia. “With your vast knowledge and experience, you must have figured out how he did it!” She dropped to her stomach and placed her fore hooves on Celestia’s collar. “Please, Oh Greater and More Powerful One! Please tell me how he did it!”
Celestia looked down at the hooves that were touching her. Trixie followed her gaze, blinked, and with a gasp she quickly backpedaled a few paces.
Trixie shifted her posture, head on the table; hips up, she said, “The greatly mortified and apologetic Trixie apologizes for committing lèse-majesté upon yourself. Trixie can only say that she let her enthusiasm for Harry Hoofdini get the better of her. Trixie humbly pleads that she not be thrown into a dungeon for an undetermined period of time.”
Celestia took a deep breath and then softly said, “So, you would prefer a predetermined amount of time? Like six months?”
Trixie let out a very soft whimper.
“Relax my little pony. I am not angry. I was just surprised. I am not used to being touched by anypony.” She looked up. “With two exceptions. No make that three.” She looked back at Twilight. “Or should I say two from now on?”
Twilight shuddered.
“Anyways you best get off the table,” Celestia continued. “Before Twilight’s compulsion for cleanliness kicks in.”
Trixie looked around and saw that her passage had disrupted the settings on the table and that Twilight was glaring at her.
With as much dignity as she could Trixie went back to her seat. “Do excuse me.”
With a soft growl Twilight used her magic to set everything back to its place. “I do not have a compulsion. I just like things in their proper place.”
“I stand corrected.” Celestia took another sip of tea. “To answer your question Trixie. Hoofdini used both magical and mundane means for his tricks. The magical was easy enough for me to sense and identify. The mundane however, not so much.
“It has been what, a century since he died?”
“Ninety-one” Trixie corrected.
“Time enough that he would not object to my giving you a hint, I think.”
Starlight leaned over to Trixie and whispered, “Fan filly.”
“Hush.” Trixie whispered back.
Celestia smiled. “These are the spells I sensed: Ignite, Translocation, Runed Sound Muffle, Embedded Illusion, True Aim and Resonant Shatter.”
“Hmm,” Trixie pondered. “Ignite is used to light the cannon’s fuse. I never heard of translocation. Runed sound muffle would have been used to reduce the loudness of the cannon’s blast; Causing the audience’s ears to bleed is so unprofessional. Embedded illusion, a one shot spell that causes an object to be hidden by an illusion for an hour or two. True aim, duh, missing the manticore's mouth defeats the whole purpose of the trick. Finally resonant shatter, obviously used to break the ‘magic proof’ chains.”
Trixie looked up. “Put them all together... Oh!” She said in wonder, “That is sheer elegance in its simplicity! And so much safer than teleportation.”
“Wait wait wait,” Twilight said. “If Hoofdini used translocation, then that means he lied to his audience!”
“Yes.” Celestia replied. “Which is why I was not a fan of his.”
“Hold on a minute,” Starlight said. “I’m not following. First, can somepony tell me what translocation is?”
“Twilight?”
Twilight nodded to Celestia and straightened her posture. “Teleportation and translocation are similar in effect but dissimilar in means. Translocation has been considered obsolescent since the introduction of teleportation, despite it being safer to use. Which is a sha-”
“I’m sure the trivia is interesting and that I would like to hear it,” Starlight interrupted. “But my priority right now is to understand your conversation.”
Twilight briefly glared at Starlight before giving her a nod. “Simply put, teleportation moves a person or object from point A to point Z without traveling the space in between. Whereas translocation moves two persons or objects of equivalent masses, one at point A and the other at point... M, taking in account the different ranges of the two spells, swapping the two without traveling the space in between. So, what was at point A is now at point M and was at point M is now at point A.”
“Interesting, but what does that have to do with him lying to his audience?”
“He said that he was going to cannon into a manticore’s mouth. Thanks to translocation he didn’t do that.”
Starlight Glimmer face showed a confused expression.
“Imagine if you will,” Trixie said. “Backstage, before performing the trick. Hoofdini placed something with the same mass as himself, something the manticore could eat, inside the soon to be locked box. Before locking the box he zapped the food with an embedded illusion of himself. He then proceeded to perform the act. After he goes into the cannon, but before he is shot out of it, he translocates himself and the mass of food. He is safe inside the locked box. The mass mass of food gets shot into the manticore’s mouth. And thanks to the embedded illusion and the, what, the three seconds it takes for it to go from the cannon and into the mouth, not even an eagle eyed pegasus would notice the switch.
“Genius, sheer genius,” Trixie gushed. She then blinked twice. “Wait! In the film footage of the act I saw, Hoofdini never went fully into the cannon! His head was sticking out! He couldn’t have used translocation unseen! ...But it makes so much sense.”
“In the act I saw,” Celestia said. “He went fully into the cannon. There was several seconds when nopony saw him.”
“But... How?” Trixie stared at the table thinking furiously. “If she said... That means...” She stomped on the table. “Movie magic! Creative video editing used for the express purpose of hiding how the trick was done![4]
Trixie groaned. “I must have watched that footage a hundred times, trying to figure out how he did it. If that crucial shoot-out-of-the-cannon scene was faked, no feathering wonder I couldn’t figure it out! Arg!”
Trixie stood up on her chair. Placed one hoof on the table and with the other forward hoof pointed upward, she looked up and proclaimed, “Hoofdini! My esteem of you has gone down fifteen percent! And don’t expect it to return back to where it was anytime soon! I for one can hold a grudge like you won’t believe!”
“I can vouch for that.” Twilight quietly grumbled.
Celestia said, “I am sure that he would have been chagrined by your admonishment had he been paying attention to us.”
“Hmm. You are right. It is unlikely that he would be paying attention to the living world, let alone us. Perhaps I could learn necromancy? Bring his shade to me. So that I can give him a well deserved what for?”
“You could do that,” Celestia conceded. “But I doubt that anything you learned about necromancy could be applied to your stage magician act.”
“Then again, it is said that the best revenge is success. I can start by learning translocation. If I can do the Moonshot Manticore Mouth Dive on my own, that would mean that I am his equal. From there I can work on being his superior.”
Twilight said, “I can lend you a book about translocation.”
Trixie flinched. “Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. Unfortunately, I learn magic best by seeing it done or by having a mentor. Learning to do magic from books is... a challenge.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and quietly grumbled, “Another one.” Then aloud said, “There are several methods of learning and they can complement book learning. Unless you have some sort of reading disability. Then there are tests and techniques that would help compensate.”
“Pft. As if I, of all ponies, have a reading disability!” Trixie waved her hoof in dismissal. “It is just that those elitist writers of magic textbooks use unnecessarily long words to prevent the less educated from joining their ranks. A conspiracy I say.” She turned to look at Celestia. “You might want to have somepony look into that.”
“It is not a conspiracy!” Twilight argued. “Unne- I mean long words are more specific. Precision is important in magic!”
“In doing magic perhaps. But, in teaching magic? I think not! Talking over a pony’s head is not educational. How can one learn if one does not understand the source material?” Trixie shook her head. “Writers should present their material with their audience in mind. Not use their writing as a platf-” She blinked twice. “Twilight, I will concede that it might not be a conspiracy. It could be that the writers use 10 bit words in order to appear more intelligent than they are. To appear worthy of being listened to.” She nodded. “Yes the facts fit. Who knew that highly educated unicorns, trained in magic were so desperate for praise. To be seen as competent.”
Trixie patted Twilight’s hoof. “That excludes you, as you are an alicorn.”
Twilight’s right eye twitched. “Gee, Trixie, thank you for the clarification. I was starting to wonder.”
“Think nothing of it!”
“Be that as it may,” Celestia said. “You should not let something being challenging be an excuse for not doing it Trixie. In fact, surmounting a challenge can be quite satisfying.”
Twilight nodded. “All you need is a really good dictionary. You’re in luck, a new edition of the Concise Ponyford Equish Dictionary came out recently. So you’ll find copies of the previous edition in second hand book stores at a discounted price.”
Narrowing her eyes Trixie asked, “Are you calling me poor or cheap?”
“What? No! Buying used books is an excellent way to stretch your book buying budget!”
Spike added, “An even better way to save money, is to borrow books from the library.”
“Libraries are wonderful Spike, but they have their limits. Some books you just need to own for yourself, like dictionaries.”
“And all 17 volumes of Princess Celestia’s biography?[5] Despite knowing her for yourself and could ask her any question about herself whenever you felt like it?” Spike asked Twilight.
“What? And bother her and waste her time to sate my personal curiosity?”
“I am quite thankful for that Twilight, very considerate of you.” Celestia said. “It was challenging enough to answer all your study related questions as it was.”
“Eh heh heh. You’re welcome?”
Celestia nodded. “Trixie said that she learns best with a mentor. I think you should be her mentor.”
“What!” Twilight screeched.
“Be her mentor. Teach her how to translocate. Teach her the way of the dictionary. Maybe even teach her how to study magic so she can do so by herself in the future.”
“But. But.”
Trixie leaned closer to Twilight and stage whispered, “Tell her, ‘No thank you Celestia. I do not want to do that.’ It’s obvious that you don’t want to. Otherwise you would be kissing her hooves, thanking her for the opportunity to teach me, like a normal pony would.”
Twilight’s head whipped to glare at Trixie. She hissed, “I can’t do that!”
“Sure you can. Princess Celestia has publicly stated twice, that I know of, as saying that you were her equal. Equals can say no to each other.”
“Be that as it may, I’ll just accept my punishment and be done with it.”
“Punishment, Twilight?” Celestia said. “Oh my no. It was meant as a bonding experience. To help you two to become friends. I have noticed that you two can not call yourselves friends yet.”
Trixie continued to stage whisper at Twilight. “Oh she’s goood. Or should I say skiiilled?” Trixie noticed that Twilight was gulping her tea. “Do you think that she and I could be friends?”
Twilight choked and spat out the tea she was drinking. After several coughs she said, “What!?”
“Do you think that Princess Celestia and I could be friends? Before, I respected her. Now, I think I like her. As THE expert in friendship, do you think that she and I could be friends?”
Twilight snorted softly, coughed and then said, “I don’t see why not. Celestia is a very friendly pony.”
“I like to think of myself like that.” Celestia said. “Alas, I am afraid that most ponies can not get over the fact that I am ‘Princess Celestia.’ They can not think of me as their peer. Somepony they can socialize with. Why, even Twilight and most of her friends have trouble looking past the fact that I am ‘The Princess.’”
“Sadly, most ponies are not as great as Trixie. I will not have that problem.” Trixie addressed Celestia. “My relationship with Starlight here has taught me that friendship is awesome. If you are willing to be my friend; I am willing to be yours. Will you accept my hoof in friendship?”
Celestia smiled. “It takes more than asking to be friends in order to be friends. It takes time, effort and shared experiences in order to become friends. Given that, am I willing to put in that time and effort?” She reached across the table to Trixie. “I am.”
Twilight sat in shock, mouth wide open, looking at the two of them shaking hooves. She was trying to talk but was only able to make incoherent noises.
“Yes! I now have two friends!” Trixie exclaimed. “Twilight Sparkle would you also be my friend? My number three friend? With my soon to be legion of friends, with your expertise in friendship I am sure that you… well… remain my number three friend. After all, Starlight and the princess, who could beat them?
"I have faith in you.”
Noticing movement, Twilight glanced at the table’s edge next to Celestia. She saw a puffy pink mane rise up. Followed by the pink head of her friend Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie glared to the right, then glared to the left. She put her forehooves into he mane and came out with a white box with a white string tied around it. She gently placed it on the table then slowly pushed it towards Celestia. In a stage whisper she said, “I call it Pegasi Garden, a layered sponge cake covered with cloud icing: marshmallow; not real. Topped to the brim with four types of berries covered with a jelly glaze.”
She glared to the right, to the left, behind her and under the table. Pulled out another white box from her mane and presented it to Celestia as before. “Another Pegasi Garden only with chocolate sprinkles and sparklers added to it. I don’t know why I created that variant. But I have learned not to question my muse.”
“Thank you Pinkie.” Celestia softly said. “I will send my assessment by the usual means.”
Pinkie saluted Celestia. Glared left, then right. She lowered herself until you could only see the top of her head. Looking at the other three at the table Pinkie said, “One year from now, party, be there or be square!” She glared left, then right, and then lowered herself from view. Only the soft sound of what sounded like somepony rapidly tapping on a piano key in rhythm with somepony walking was heard.
After the sounds faded Trixie asked, “Dare I ask?”
Celestia answered, “Pinkie values my evaluations of her pastry creations. I... asked her to be discreet when she delivered them.”
“Yeah.” Twilight said wryly. “For Pinkie, that was discreet.”
Trixie muttered, “Shared experiences.” She tilted her head and stared at Celestia for a few seconds. “So. What do you think of the Bucking Broncos chances of winning the cup?”
Twilight’s right eyebrow rose and she snickered.
Celestia looked up before answering. “Nonexistent.”
“What? You believe that the reigning champions, the Jade Dragons, are unbeatable?”
“Oh no. I just do not believe that the Broncos will win against their next opponent, the Dark Thestrals.”
Twilight stared at Celestia in amazement.
Trixie replied, “The Dark Thestrals? Seriously? I will concede that their captain is a genius at figuring out his opponent’s weaknesses and exploiting them. But that team has only been winning their games by the skin of their teeth. Furthermore the Broncos will be the first elite team that the Thestrals will face. The odds that they will win against them are slim-to-none. Laughable even. Ha! I say.”
“That sounds like betting words, as my sister is wont to say.”
Trixie’s eyebrow rose. “Is betting, a shared experience that help build friendship?”
“A friendly wager is one of many shareable experiences that can help build friendships.”
"Fine. I will wager one bit on the Bucking Broncos to win.”
Starlight asked, Only one bit? Are you broke Trixie?”
“Hmm? I am far from broke Starlight.” Trixie answered. Seeing that Starlight was not satisfied with her answer she continued, “Betting on a sporting event gives a pony a personal stake in the game. They get a more visceral experience when they do so. However, the difference between betting 1 bit versus 1000 is trivial. So I don’t see why I should bet more than the one bit. And before you ask, gambling for the money? A fools errand.”[6]
“Ah.” Starlight remarked.
Celestia said, “Interesting philosophy Trixie. Still, for the purposes of building friendship, it is better to wager experiences instead of money. For example, should the Dark Thestrals win, you would wear their team hat during one of your shows.”
Trixie asked, “And if the Bucking Broncos win?”
“Then I would wear their team hat during... a social event, large. Yes, the Maretonian embassy is hosting a soiree the week after the game. That will do quite nicely.”
"What!?” Twilight screeched. “Are you kidding me? Kibitz would have a heart attack if you tried that!”
With an arched eyebrow Celestia said, “You said that as if it was a bad thing.”
Twilight gasped, “Celestia!”
“Relax Twilight. I jest. I hardly wish my majordomo ill.”
“It’s still in bad taste. Besides, wearing a silly hat at an event hosted by a foreign power? Can you say, diplomatic incident?”
“Twilight, dear. Wearing fancy hats is all the rage in Maretonia. A trend that was started by the Grand Duke himself. Whom I have been told is not trying to hide a balding mane. I am sure that I will fit right in.”
Twilight was trying to say something but was unable to find the words to do so.
“If you fit right in,” Trixie said. “Would that not defeat the purpose of the wager?” She tilted her head. “I would be embarrassing myself in public while you would fit right in. Hardly a fair wager, I think.”
Celestia looked up. “A valid point Trixie. Perhaps an event that I host instead? You would be of course invited.”
Trixie nodded. “As for my part, a command performance debuting my new and improved, just the way it was performed, Moonshot Manticore Mouth Dive!”
Celestia smiled, “I will look forward to it.”
Twilight took a deep breath. “That is a slight improvement. But Kibitz would still strenuously object to you publicly humiliating yourself.” Twilight tilted her head left. “Well, humiliate is probably not the right word. He definitely would object to you deliberately not putting your best hoof forward in public.” She shook her head. “That is beside the point! Since when have you been an expert in hoofball?”
“Twilight,” Celestia said. “Do you know what the two best hoofball teams play for at the end of the playing year?”
“Uhh...” With wide eyes Twilight tried to remember the answer and drew a blank.
“The Celestia Cup?” Starlight answered for Twilight.
“Indeed. As the prize is named after me, everypony expects me to be familiar with the game. It has taken me a few decades, but I can now speak as an expert on the subject.”
Twilight asked, “Decades?”
“It was a low priority task. And the subject matter has more depth than I expected.” She took another sip of her tea. “Speaking of priorities, since wagers should be paid in a timely manner and the Dark Thestral/Bucking Broncos game is only a week away. Trixie needs to master translocation soon. So please start teaching her tomorrow.”
“Um, shouldn’t I wait until you win the wager first? No sense in teaching her if she doesn’t have to perform.”
Celestia rose her right eyebrow, “Lose?”
Twilight said, “Right, what was I thinking.” She laughed nervously. “I, ah, already have a student. Starlight here. She keeps me quite busy. And I really couldn’t interrupt her studies by taking on another.”
“But Twilight dear, according to your letters, you already teach Starlight here, a twice known user of forbidden magics, magic. While it escapes me why you do so. The fact is you do. It would be simple matter for you to teach Starlight translocation. She turned to Starlight, “You do want to learn translocation, do you not?”
Starlight answered, “It does sound interesting.”
“There you go Twilight. It would be a simple matter to include Trixie as well. Just image how much their bonds of friendship will strengthen as they struggle together to learn translocation.”
Twilight lowered head, eyes closed and sighed. “Fine, I’ll teach them.”
“Excellent!”
Starlight Glimmer leaned towards Trixie and softly said, “You’re right, she is skiiiled.” Trixie smirked.
Celestia said, “Right, it is getting late and it is time for me to leave. And as for you, you have a big day ahead of you Twilight. You best get to bed.”
“I’m not a little filly anymore.” Twilight mumbled. “Altough...” She perked up. “The sooner I go to sleep the sooner I wake up from this nightmare!” She turned and looked over her shoulder as she left, “See you later!”
Starlight said, “I’ll escort you to your room. Hey! Wait for me!” She broke out in a run after the flying Twilight.
Celestia and Trixie watched them leave. After several seconds Celestia said, “We, I… I might have gone too far.”
“Pft, Sparkle is annoyingly tough. She will be fine. In any case you have your not spy here to keep an eye on her. If she goes over the… deeper end, Tyke here can send you a message for some emergency TLC, if she needs it.”
“That’s Spike,” Spike said as he was clearing the table. “I can do that. Not that I am a spy for Princess Celestia or send her regular reports on Twilight, or anything. On a weekly basis. Definitely not a spy. Just a normal dragon.” He stopped what he was doing. “I can keep an eye on Twilight if you want Princess.”
Celestia’s horn lit up and everything on the table disappeared with a flash and then reappeared on the cart Spike was using, everything now clean and spotless. “I would appreciate that Spike. Thank you.”
“Well let me thank you right back. What you just did was a big help.”
“It was my pleasure Spike. My staff does not let me help out like that. I enjoy being able to.”
“Hey, no problem. Feel free to pop in after breakfast, lunch and dinner.”
Celestia grinned. “Now, Trixie. I’ll send somepony tomorrow to help co-ordinate our schedules. If we can attend the Dark Thestral/Bucking Broncos game, I think that would be ideal.”
“You’re serious about us becoming friends?”
“I consider friendship a serious matter. Were you not serious about us being friends?”
Trixie paused before answering. “Not as serious as I could have been. But if you are serious; I am serious.”
Celestia smiled. “Will you also be a serious friend to Twilight?”
“Well… I suppose. It is rather fun to tweak her.”
“Continue as you have and you will lose her as a friend.”
Trixie sighed. “Fine, I shall be a good filly.” She lifted her front right hoof in the filly scout salute. “Although, friends do play practical jokes on each other, right?”
“Not all. But if done, done in moderation and good taste.”
“I can do that.” Trixie looked around to make sure that Spike had left. “When we’re alone, with Twilight she has to be there, can I ‘accidentally’ call you mother? And have you go along with it?”
Celestia struggled to keep a straight face. “I have no problem with that.”
Trixie smiled.
Celestia said, “You know, I think we are in for a long and beautiful friendship.”
Next morning.
Twilight’s nose twitched. She woke up to the divine smell of the Drink of Alicorns[7]. “Spike?” Twilight groaned as she slowly got up from bed. “I just had the most awful ni-.” Twilight saw Spike holding a cup of coffee and beside him Trixie.
Trixie declared, “A nightmare? The best cure for that is to go outside where Celestia’s sun is shining, the birds are singing and let the soft breeze flow through your mane!”
Twilight groaned while cocooning herself in her bed sheets, “Sweet Celestia it was real. And she’s a morning pony!”
Trixie looked at Spike and raised an eyebrow. Spike nodded. Trixie’s horn lit up and with a swift yank, the bed sheets were taken. With a yelp, Twilight found herself hooves up on the floor next to her bed.
“You have a busy day ahead of you, your princessness,” Trixie said. “Remember you have to teach me how to translocate.”
Twilight groaned.
“The sooner I learn; the sooner I leaaave,” Trixie sang. “Now, there is a breakfast worthy of me waiting for us in the kitchen. Be there before I eat everything. I expect that I will need every calorie I can get for the training that you’ll put me through.”
Trixie turned to Spike. “Shall we?”
“After you fair lady.” Spike bowed and pointed towards the door.
“Thank you kind drake.” They both left Twilight’s bedroom.
As they walked Trixie asked, “So. Spike, the Brave and Glorious?”
“Yes?”
Trixie presented him her right front hoof. “Trixie, the Great and Powerful. Want to be friends?”
Spike snorted. “You think that having similar names is enough to become friends?”
“Don’t know. I am curious to find out.”
“Hmm, I don’t know. Unlike you, my title was given to me.”
Trixie blinked at Spike. “What makes you think that mine wasn’t given to me? I may have adopted it as my own. I never said I came up with it.”
“What? Really? I assume that there is a great story about that.”
Trixie snorted. “I wish!” Then grumbled, “If only those infernal pests weren’t so cute and cuddly.”
“This, I have to hear.”
Trixie smiled. “Very well. You have been warned that the story is sadly not great. It takes place in Sunnytail, a town near Cucamonga. Where I, Trixie the Terrific, as I was calling myself back then, was set to give the locals a show that they would never forget! Which I did, though not in the way I intended.”
When Twilight could no longer overhear them, as they had moved further than their voices could carry, she groaned out, “I shall never ever lie to Celestia again!” She hesitated, reached out and took a sip of the coffee that Spike left behind, then said, “With the possible exception to answering any variants of ‘Does this make my flanks look fat?’”
Footnotes
1 – Trixie’s tour name is still a work in progress. Please send any suggestions to tgap@trixie.has with the subject line: Tour name suggestion(s). Trixie will declare the winner as great in his/her own right. Not as great as her of course; after all, who is?
2 – Yes Muffins Hooves is her real name. It’s the one on her birth certificate. While she also likes her various nicknames, Derpy, Ditzy Doo, Bubbly Mare even Party Filly. She does likes her real name. She knows that that it could have been much much worse. She is quite thankful that the registrar refused to accept her parent’s first choice of a name for her, Hayburger.
3 – Don’t ask. Please, don’t ask about the wig wearing bird. Just don’t. Just rewatch the episode ‘No Second Prances’. Then you’ll know just as much as I.
4 – Yes, creative video editing. Not a creative excuse to cover up the fact that I didn’t remember a tiny, yet important, detail in the historical flashback. Nope. Creative video editing. Absolutely. Believe me on that. Creative video editing. Definitively not a hack created after watching that scene one last time to make sure that all the details were right, only to find that one glaring, translocation breaking, inconsistency. Nope-ity nope. Creative video editing. It just makes too much sense for it to be a hack.
5 – The 18th volume of Princess Celestia’s biography is due out soon. The Princess 18: My Sister And I. It covers the centuries before Luna’s tragic, ah, leave of absence. A period in Celestia’s life that has not been covered before, for some weird unexplained reason.
Twilight has pre-ordered 18 for herself.
The first is a reading copy. The second is to replace the first when it’s worn out. The third will be a backup copy, just in case. The fourth will be an archival copy; As an alicorn she might now be immortal, so a copy for a few centuries from now. The next ten are to be gifts for family and close friends and for Starlight and Moon Dancer. The remaining four are to be used as gifts of opportunity to recipients yet to be determined. After all, who wouldn’t love a first edition book about Princess Celestia? Nopony, that’s who!
6– The opinion on gambling expressed by Trixie are her own and do not reflect the views of the author, the staff at Fimfiction or the Las Pegasus Business Association. The last has a herd of paid experts who will affirm that the more one gambles, the more fun it is. As long as any debts incurred do not inconvenience others. In the extremely unlikely chance that you don’t win big. Gamble responsibly!
7– Two to be exact: Luna and Twilight Sparkle. For those who thought it was tea, you would have been right over a dozen years ago. But that changed with the coming of Princess Cadance, whose drink of Alicorn is the Pink Grapefruit Margarita. Alas the return of Princess Luna did not solve the impasse, whose discovery of Nightbucks™ and coffee led to a three-way tie. It was only until the ascendance of Twilight Sparkle that the tie was finally broken.