//------------------------------// // Chapter 51 // Story: The Perilous Gestation of Swans // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// An end had been reached, but how so and why? This felt like an end—at least, Celestia thought it felt like an end. Her life had been a sequence of ends, of endings, of final moments, of finishes. This was more than the mere ending of a honeymoon; that had ended some time ago. Stumped, she tried to view this through a mortal perspective and found that she couldn’t, she was just too far removed. Turning her whole body about, she looked at Gosling and pursed her lips together in a moue of concentration. She had laid him on his side, for safety, and his breathing—which she was relieved to hear—was slow but regular. Somehow, he had managed to make the whole room reek of orange-scented gin. Seeing him, seeing his condition, Celestia was frustrated with the entirety of the situation. Most ponies, this whole mess of secrets could have been kept from, but Gosling was not most ponies. No. If anything, this was Cadance’s fault for finding somepony clever, curious, somepony who just had to ask questions. Cadance’s meddling meant that she just had to find somepony clever, witty, and engaging—not to mention somepony bold enough to behave as an equal. Yes, this was Cadance’s doing… And Luna’s. Sighing, Celestia rolled her eyes while thinking of her sister. As infuriated as she was with Luna, she was even more irate with herself. Right now, Celestia wanted nothing more than to rant and rage at her sister, to berate her for everything that had happened, for this ending. Standing statuesque, Celestia thought of endings. For all of her stories of buttery ponies, Gosling still hung on her every word, trusting in her, believing in her. Had that ended? His implicit trust, his absolute belief in her… had today been the end of that? Gosling was just young enough that his trust, his unwavering assurance could only be compared to that special bond between a foal and their mother. The relationship that Gosling had with his mother was a pleasure to behold—it confirmed Celestia’s optimism that ponies were intrinsically good. Gosling had a similar fawning adoration for her that Celestia found endearing—which had, perhaps, ended. The guilt and shame for destroying something so precious was almost too much to bear. When Celestia heard the door open, she knew without looking that it was Luna. “I don’t know if I want you around right now.” “Sleep would not come. It eluded Us because We art troubled—” “Drop the illusion, Luna.” “We had nopony else to go to… nopony to turn to—” “And that’s our trouble, isn’t it? We’re stuck with one another. No matter what you do, no matter what I do, we’re stuck. We are a We. Nopony truly understands us so we are stuck with one another. Even during moments when I am sick of looking at you and I want nothing to do with your incessant whining, pleading, and begging. I have to make the worst of compromises so that you won’t collapse from the weight of your own misery.” The silence coming from Luna raked cold claws through the back of Celestia’s mind. “I said to drop the illusion, Luna. I will not say it again.” Turning around, Celestia faced her sister and glowered at her in a way that only big sisters could. Luna remained defiant, with a proud, haughty look upon her face, and within Celestia, a deep, abiding anger bubbled up to the surface, along with a host of other emotions. Resentment too, made itself known, and everything surfacing made Celestia want to shout at her sibling, to scream, to holler, to let everything held within out. Celestia’s eyes darted over to Gosling’s sleeping form and then went back to Luna. “Don’t make me choose between you and my own happiness.” “The happiness you feel is a cheap trick,” Luna replied, her eyes flashing when she tossed her head about. “That’s what he does… it is like strong drink or an alchemical concoction that dulls the senses.” “I cannot have a worthwhile conversation with a glass of wine.” Celestia’s eyes narrowed and Luna’s insinuation drove resentment towards outright hostility. How dare Luna suggest that. It was a struggle to stay civil, but Celestia kept her voice down. “I don’t care how he makes me happy, I only care that I am happy. Is that not enough? And what of you? I have seen you with him… you have been happy.” “It is subtle trickery… control. He… overrides Our senses and there are times when We hate him because We cannot be anything but happy. We detest his influence, his intrusion, for there are times when We find our melancholy pleasurable.” Reaching out with her mind, Celestia took matters into her own hooves; with little effort, she overpowered her sister, suppressed her magic, and stripped away all illusion. Luna, left naked, vulnerable, and defenseless, stood with her mouth agape, her horn sparking, unable to do anything to defend herself. “How dare you!” Luna’s voice was a low feral growl. “So that is how it is to be now?” “Yes,” Celestia hissed in return. “This is how it is now. If you act like a spoiled, coddled brat, rather than as my sister and my equal, I will act as your mother and not your sibling. I am exhausted from your constant emotional manipulations and the constant coddling that you require. You whine and bitch endlessly about not feeling as though you are my equal and that I overshadow you, but then you behave in such a way that I must carry you through your troubles.” The hurt in Luna’s eyes was palpable. “I am fully aware that Gosling’s talent is a subtle, powerful trait… and I don’t care. For a thousand years, I was miserable… I existed in total, utter melancholy, so much so that now I need something to help me lift my spirits. The very idea of losing my newfound happiness unhinges me and I am not willing to let you jeopardise that.” Luna started to speak, but Celestia silenced her with a thought. “Gosling is good for you. He makes you happy. Is that what this is all about? Whiny baby Wuna doesn’t want to take a pill or drink a potion to make herself better? Why must you resent everything that might help you?” Reaching up, Celestia rubbed her temple with her hoof, making hard little circles just below her ear that left her face distorted. “You complain about being sick… about being unwell in the mind… you bitch, piss, and moan about it endlessly and all of your therapy sessions are just whining sessions where you cry and try to evoke pity. But when the cure comes, you throw tantrums about that too.” Now, Luna’s eyes were glassy and her protruding lower lip quivered in the most awful way. “Gosling’s ascension is justified entirely by the fact that he puts up with your pathetic outbursts. He could be the Alicorn of Forbearance… the Prince of Patience. No one… no one has tried to be your friend like Gosling has. He cries sometimes because he can’t reach you and he feels as though he has failed as your husband. I have to sit with him and try to coax him from his troubled states… so that means that not only do I have to drag you along, but him as well. Your reluctance to do right for yourself is now dragging down not one, but two lives.” When Luna tried to leave, the doors behind her vanished completely, leaving behind nothing but a bare stone wall. The alicorn filly panicked and though she pranced in place, there was nowhere she could run. There was no escape, no running away; when Luna realised the futility of it all, she gave up and went still. In defeat, she hung her head and did her best to look as submissive as possible. “It doesn’t matter that the happiness Gosling offers is magical in nature,” Celestia said in a voice as cold as the vast distances between the stars. “After all we’ve endured, perhaps we’re in need of it. What is so terrible about being happy? About being well? Do we not deserve some measure of happiness?” “And what about when he is gone?” Luna asked, her voice cracking at least four times in her terse sentence. “I don’t want to be happy only to have it ripped away. I know what we’ve discussed, but things change. Circumstances change. Today, I almost ruined everything… everything… you don’t even know what I’ve done., but I have an idea. I don’t even understand the full extent of what I’ve done. Gosling’s motivations remain incomprehensible to me. What he does doesn’t always make sense.” “You stupid, selfish little bint… if only you’d open up to him and talk to him. Stop creeping around like a stalker in his dreams and stop examining his subconscious horrors. Just open up—” “Now you’re just being mean!” Petulant, Luna stomped her right front hoof, flapped her wings against her sides, and squinted in defiance of her sister’s commanding gaze. After a moment, she melted and became submissive again. Head down low, ears sagging, she said, “I suppose I deserve it.” “Yeah, Luna, I’m not falling for it. Sad Luna has no effect on me right now.” At this, Luna’s head jerked up, her ears pricked, and her eyes narrowed. “Fuck off.” “Sooner or later, Gosling will see this side of you… and be disgusted, just as Cadance and I are.” In response, Luna’s ears splayed out sideways and her lip curled back in a snarl of contempt for her sister’s words. The whole of her body quivered, her muscles jerking, spasming, and twitching, telegraphing her sudden anxiety about this statement. After a few seconds, the hairs along her spine rose, and then, after that, she gave herself a shake to try and work everything loose. “You know what you sound like to me…” Luna’s spine and neck now formed a perfectly straight line from head to dock and she glared at her sister with fierce, angry eyes that almost glowed with her inner-fires of rage. “You sound like an addict threatened with the loss of their supply.” Celestia thought of all manner of horrible things she could say, awful things, reprehensible things, but she bit her tongue. Luna would get no satisfaction. Instead, Celestia allowed her face to grow distant and cold, which had an immediate effect upon Luna. For all of her bluster, for all of her snideness, for all of her cruel, careless words, Luna still craved love and affection. “I didn’t mean that.” Luna folded like a house of cards in an indoor pegasus derby. “I’m troubled. When I came here, I came for help… for comfort. I did not come here for a fight—” “No”—Celestia cut Luna off with no hesitation—“you came here because we’re stuck with one another and even after everything blew up in our faces, you thought you could come here and get sympathy. Even though you’re the cause of this problem, this mess… you came here for sympathy because you got caught up in the consequences. You were stuck cleaning up your own mess and now you’re ready for a pity party.” While she spoke, Celestia could see her sister gnawing upon her lip, almost to the point of drawing blood, no doubt. “If the twos of yous don’t shut yer mugs—” Celestia’s head swiveled around to look in the direction of the bed in alarm. “—I’s gonna get up outta this bed somehow, and I’s gonna be a bad, bad husband when I slap the shit outta botha ya. I swear to somepony, if I hears just one more word, just one more word, I’s gonna shame my Ma.” Luna’s alarm was far, far more visible than Celestia’s, and her ears pinned back against her skull even as her tail tucked between her legs. With Celestia’s spell still in effect, Luna was practically defenseless, and the door was still mysteriously vanished, meaning there was no escape. From the bed, there came a rustle, and one wing was dragged free from beneath the blankets. What rose up out of the bed was very much like a zombie rising up out of a feculent, rotten bog. It moved with a series of slow jerks, with a lot of moaning and groaning. A dreadfully hungover zombie with a loose, slack jaw and red, bleary, bloodshot eyes. At this moment, Gosling was at his least handsome, least attractive state, and something about his uncoordinated yet purposeful movements absolutely terrified Celestia. This is a zombie of Luna’s making, Celestia thought to herself. Having watched Gosling wreck a library already, it appeared as though Luna was taking no chances. She sprinted across the room, her wings flapping, and bits of loose blue down formed flurries around her as she ducked behind Celestia. A leg was kicked over the side of the bed, then another, and the free wing flapped about as if it had a mind of its own. “Sister!” The hissy, sibilant whisper that Luna made was quite pronounced. “Do something! Distract him with your sexual wiles!” In response to this, Celestia rolled her eyes and let out a snort. Her long legs moved with a fluid grace and in a few quick steps she stood at the bedside, looking down at Gosling while he struggled to get up, no doubt with slapping on his mind. Already, her initial alarm was fading, replaced with worry and concern. Gosling was in no shape to get up and go on a slaphappy spree of face-smacking that would leave his mother shamed. Using her wing, she shoved him down back into the bed, and using her magic, she pulled the covers over his head. “It gots all dark all of a sudden,” came a muffled voice from beneath the bedding. “Did Luna turn?” “Yes she did, Gosling,” Celestia replied, sighing out the words in a huff. “Hang on, I’ll slap that right outta her. Just gimme a minute.” And just like that, Celestia could not take the situation seriously any longer, because it had progressed beyond ridiculousness and into the absurd. The hungover zombie was still struggling to get up—he still fought to rise—and it was clear that in his current state, his frustrations could only be expressed in the most time honoured of pegasus traditions: the solemn spousal slap fight. Who could blame him? How much had he heard? If turned loose on Luna, would he straighten her out? Why was it so tempting to help him get out of the bed? “Gosling, I’m so sorry, but you were bound to find out sooner or later. Not only does Luna have two sides, mania and depression, but she has two faces as well, one pleasant and the other not-so-pleasant. As tempting as it might be to slap both of those faces at times, we can’t. We’re stuck loving her, because who else will?” “Yous”—the voice beneath the blanket was smothered and confused—“was doing a lousy job of that just a minute ago. I’s just saying… lousy.” Hearing this, Celestia deflated. Thinking back, she thought of the moment when she held her tongue and she wanted to defend herself, to tell Gosling that she had held back the worst, but she also thought of all the poison barbs that had slipped out. Luna had come, no doubt to pick a fight or to have an emotional blowout—another emotional blowout—so she could exhaust herself and go to sleep. “Hey… you… you can’t talk to my sister that way,” Luna said from behind Celestia. “‘Cause that’s your job?” the slurred, slow voice from beneath the blankets asked. When Luna let out a flustered huff, Celestia’s ears pricked. Gosling was likely to say anything in his current state and since Luna’s cover had been blown, she had no reason, no incentive to bite her tongue and hold back. Both Luna and Gosling were of that age when tongues wagged and left behind rampant casual destruction. The proverbial cat was out of the bag: Luna’s burgeoning, overbearing adolescence had been revealed and now, the sparks were free to fly. “Was…”—there was a hiccup from beneath the blankets, followed by a thunderous belch—“Lemme try again… was anything yous said earlier even true?” “Gosling—” “It smells really bad here in the dungeon.” From beneath the blankets was a cough, followed by gagging. Stepping around her sister, Luna approached the bedside, cautious, ready to flee, and she tried again. “Gosling… I meant what I said—” “I heard how yous turned on you’s sister when Sad Luna didn’t work.” “Gosling, that’s different! That’s—” “Gross emotional manipulation?” “No, I never—” “Yes, actually, yous did. Once I finds my way outta this darkness, I’s gonna smack that insolence right outta you.” The lump beneath the blankets shifted, rising a bit, which sent Luna scrambling away. For a moment, Celestia thought about saying something to Luna, but thought better of it. What she wanted to say wasn’t very nice, a reminder about how she had brought all of this down upon her own head, but right now, such words would not be advantageous. When a black hoof shot out from beneath the edge of the blankets, Celestia pulled the covers back over it, leaving poor Gosling to continue flailing about in the dark, trapped in a Tartarian stench of his own making. “Sees, I’s in doubt now, Luna. If yous don’t get what yous want from me, will yous turn on me too?” “It’s different between my sister and I!” Luna’s shout filled the room and caused the lump beneath the covers to go still. “So… yous knows you’s stuck with youses sister, so yous treats her likes dirt and yous takes youses sister for granted?” After a moment, the stifled voice added, “Sunshine, yous got quiet… don’t think for a moment I’s forgotten about yous. My wing is going ‘cross that ass later.” Feeling a light touch of feathers, Celestia looked behind her. She saw Luna, who cowered, and the frightened blue filly mouthed the words, “What’s gotten into him?” in total silence. Never in her long existence had Celestia seen her sister look so bewildered, frightened, and confused as she did right now, at this moment. It was something to be savoured. Luna, who kept a safe distance from the menacing lump in the bed gave up her ruse of silence. “We married an inner-city hooligan.” “Yes, Luna, we did. The masks are off. We’ve all seen each other as we really are. Gosling has seen you for what you really are, he’s seen me and my glorious failure, and we’ve now seen a Gosling that isn’t quite so eager to worship our hooves and placate us out of a misguided sense of faithful fervour. So… here we are, as we are. Can we live with one another?” “Everything will be fine,” Gosling replied, “Once I slap some sense into the both of yous.” Luna, who now paced to and fro behind Celestia, let out a shrill whine, shook her head from side to side, and then said, “I don’t like this part of Gosling, not at all, not in the—” “Oh grow up,” Celestia snapped, and after saying it, had awareness that Luna was, indeed, growing up, but these things took time. “Gosling might be your playmate, but he’s not your plaything, Luna. Are you going to lose interest in your toy now that it’s talked back to you?” At this, Luna bristled. “That’s not fair!” “Why, I oughta…” The lump beneath the blanket made a real struggle now to get free, but Celestia put the kibosh on that in a hurry. Grinding her teeth together, she could feel tears of frustration welling up in her eyes and for a second, she wondered if perhaps, she should release the beast from his warm, cosy prison. Common sense said no, because once free, Gosling might do things that he would certainly regret later and Celestia felt that she had to protect him from that. Then of course, there was the matter of Seville… Just as Celestia was about to say something to appeal to reason, the bed exploded: Gosling stood up somehow and his now-massive wings unfurled from his sides. Panting, snorting, red-eyed, his nostrils wide and flared, Celestia’s pretty bird had been replaced with a demonic denizen from the deepest, darkest, most vilest depths of the Abyss. The overpowering aroma of stallion musk, sour sweat, and orange-scented gin took over the room, leaving nothing pleasant to breathe. Why, the very sight of him left Celestia’s knees weak and she suffered the urge to fan herself. A long, thin ribbon of drool hung from the crusted-over corner of Gosling’s mouth and the tendons in his wings creaked as he waved them around, celebrating his triumph over the darkness in which he had been banished. Wobbling and moaning, Gosling treated the two sisters to a drunken, hungover display of dominance, waving his wings about willy-nilly. Luna backed herself into a corner and watched, peering at the stallion standing on the bed from between her spread primaries. Celestia too, watched, because everything about Gosling was out on display… everything. Celestia could only guess as to how badly Gosling needed to pee. “His speckles are most pleasing to the eye,” Luna remarked in an offhoofed manner. “Mmm-hmm.” Celestia nodded while getting an eyeful of said speckles which now hung out on display. Gosling took one step, then another, then took a tumble off of the bed and collapsed in a heap. He flailed about for a moment, grunting, but Celestia was hesitant to approach him for a whole host of reasons. Hungover ponies were often horny ponies, in Celestia’s experience, and Gosling had expressed a desire to do harm. There was also the fact that Gosling smelled atrocious, among so many other reasons. Much to Celestia’s surprise, it was Luna who came forward, still peering through her spread primaries. She was cautious, slow, and appeared ready to bound away the moment that things went wrong. Stepping aside, Celestia allowed Luna to pass uncontested, and the blue filly trembled when she came to a stop near Gosling’s side. Folding her wings against her sides, Luna held out her hoof to Gosling in an offer of assistance. Bracing herself on three legs, she pulled him upright and then kept him from falling over again. Shuffling about, Gosling looked down on the smaller blue mare with frightful bloodshot eyes and Luna looked up at him, passive, submissive, and timid. “Today just hasn’t been a good day for you, has it?” Luna kept her eyes focused on Gosling’s face and made no effort to look at what hung down below. “Yous isn’t trustworthy.” Gosling’s gin-scented words caused Luna to make a dreadful gookie-face. “I’s remembering how fast yous turned on youses sister.” “I did that.” Luna inhaled, filling her barrel and allowing it to expand, and then she let everything out in a huff. “I always count on her forgiving me and she always does. I exploit the fact that she feels guilty about our shared past. She’s weak like that—” Gosling’s wing moved with lightning speed and before Celestia could even cringe the hearty smack on Luna’s cheek rebounded through the room like a thunderclap. Luna staggered backwards, her eyes blinking and crossing in shock, and right away redness could be seen beneath the blue. For a moment, there was anger on Luna’s face, rage even, but that melted away. Luna’s legs stiffened, as did her spine, and she stood up tall in defiance. “I’ll confess, I deserved that, though I don’t think you’d have done that sober.” “I mighta. Yous don’t even wanna know what went through my mind earlier.” This made Luna turn away and Celestia knew why; Luna would be seeing all of this in Gosling’s dreams for quite some time. She would be trapped in a gallery of horror of her own making and upon having this realisation, Celestia felt bad for her sister. Things had gone sideways and nothing would ever be the same. “My Ma slapped me once,” Gosling said, his words slurred and slow. “Just once. I’s disrespectful. I… I took Celestia’s name in vain when I hurt myself and my Ma, she gave me what for right across the kisser. Now… if yous’ll excuse me, I gotsta go piss and then I gotsta go back to bed because my head hurts more than youses face does.” Stumbling away, Gosling shambled for the bathroom… When Celestia lead Gosling back through the room, he was sweaty, shivering, and mumbling incoherently beneath his breath. Luna had retreated to a chair and was curled up. When passed, she yawned while she kept a worried, wary eye on Gosling, who was damp after having cold water ran over his face and neck. With a flash of magic that caused Luna and Gosling to wince, Celestia made the bed, leaving it neat and tidy, then pulled back the blankets. Saying nothing, she gave Gosling a hard shove, which sent him tumbling over, and he fell onto the bed with a soft thump. Before he could recover, Celestia shoved him again, scooting him over, and then she turned around to face Luna. “Come on, get in the bed.” Luna’s reply was a pathetic, mewling whine: “No.” “Get in the bed, Luna. We both know that this is where you will end up, so please, for all our sakes, just do it.” Celestia was surprised by just how calm her voice sounded after everything that had happened. “I’m not messing around, Luna. I’ll drag you in by your ear, if necessary.” “I’m not a foal!” “I beg to differ,” Gosling said in a low, pained whisper. “Things aren’t settled.” Luna’s ears drooped and she ducked her head low, almost resting it upon the arm of the chair. “We’re still fighting, it feels like. And Gosling slapped me.” “Yeah, well, he got me in the bathroom, right where he said he would.” Rolling her eyes, Celestia let heave an exasperated sigh. “I too, deserved that. I fear our days of bickering near a middle, Luna.” “I don’t want to get in the bed.” Both of Luna’s ears twitched, but failed to rise. “He smells.” “So do you, Luna. Don’t look so shocked. I know for certain that you rubbed one out to try and help you sleep and then you didn’t shower. Just because you can’t smell it doesn’t mean that we can’t. Get in the bed, Luna.” Though tempted, Celestia did not allow herself to smile. “No.” Gosling’s eyes were squeezed shut. “Keep Princess Grumpy Goth out of the bed. She stinks.” Pausing, Celestia couldn’t tell if Gosling was trying to help or hinder. It was impossible to tell and thinking about it made her want to laugh, which would be disastrous right now. Yes, laughter would be the worst possible thing, because Luna had to feel that she was being taken seriously right now, or there would be an epic meltdown. “Come on, Luna. Have a nice happy nap—” “But I don’t want a happy nap!” Though she did not raise her head, Luna bristled at her sister’s suggestion. “We’re still fighting. Everything is awful. Gosling’s talent, his gift to make others happy isn’t going to fix anything. Nothing is sorted out and everything is a mess.” “Luna, this isn’t going to be resolved in a day.” Somehow, Celestia summoned an entire galaxy’s worth of patience, which she needed now more than ever. “This will not be resolved in a week, even. Like so many other things in life, this will have to be broken down into itty, bitty little parts and dealt with one piece at a time. In the meantime, you need to sleep and Gosling needs some quiet.” “Don’t make no empty threats,” Gosling grumbled while he rubbed his damp face against his pillow. “Yous gotta handle this.” With a sigh, Celestia realised that Gosling was right and she had to follow through with Luna. That was the problem and he had made that clear in the bathroom, not long after throwing up and putting his wing right across her backside, just as he had said he would do. Gosling had led by example… he had said, then he had done, and there was a stinging welt as a reminder. She and Gosling had come to what she now referred to as the Commode Consensus. Since Luna wanted to be a foal about this, she would be treated as a foal. Reaching out with her magic, Celestia got a good grip on Luna’s tender ear and gave it a hearty tug. Luna tumbled out of the chair in seconds, hissing like a hot teakettle, and her cheeks bulged with fury, as did her eyes. When Luna did not rise to her hooves, Celestia gave the velvety ear a twist and a yank, which made the prone alicorn let loose a whimper. When Luna braced her hooves, Celestia had no choice but drag Luna across the floor by her ear, and she regretted every horrible second of it. So far, the Commode Consensus wasn’t working out as she had hoped, and she wondered what Cadance would think of this. Of course, Princess Busybody too, demanded tough love, so Celestia was uncertain if her niece would disapprove. It worked though, because Luna lept up onto her hooves and bounded for the bed. In midair, she twisted her lithe body around and then flopped into place right beside Gosling, who grunted. When he threw a foreleg over her, she panicked, her eyes went wide, and when she was little spooned against him, she squirmed—but didn’t squirm for long. Sighing with relief, Celestia tucked them both into bed and knew that Luna would be asleep in minutes. Hopefully, Gosling would also be dragged into slumberland as well. Not a word was spoken, no protests were made, no whining took place, nothing but blissful silence. Backing away from the bed, Celestia breathed in and breathed out, thankful that it was over. After all of this fuss and headache, raising three cute little foals would be easy...