Dan kept up his immaculate disguise as he headed towards Canterlot Palace, thankfully with no one really giving him any trouble as the zombie ponies just seemed to be meandering about and the hypnotized citizens didn’t really bother him either. He did take a moment to notice the wide range of colors they came in, and they all seemed to be well dressed with jewelry and clothing, making them look like nobles, although the didn’t real wear anything on the bottoms. That fact also meant he was able to see those strange marks on their flanks, all of which seemed personalized to them. Some looked similar, sure, but none were identical. After more walking he saw the entrance of the palace coming into view, the entrance guarded by two demons. They were completely black, with skin like leather, wiry hair, and bull like horns. Their eyes were completely white, their teeth were sharp and had a pair of long canines on their bottom that stretched up past their lips. They were dressed in heavy full plate armor, an even darker black in color, but without helmets, and both of them held polearms.
“Eh up, put the mockers on! Struth! Where do yer fink yor gahn?” one of the called out to him, both of them crossing their weapons to cut off the path to the main gate.
(Halt, sir! And may I ask to whence do you believe you are heading to?)
Thinking quickly Dan ignored them and continued to moan before smacking his skull into the door. He recoiled back a bit before walking into it again. He did this one more time before one the demons sighed and grabbed him by the shoulder. It then turned him around and pushed him in the opposite direction.
“Poor stewpid fin’,” the demon said, shaking its head in pity.
(What a poor misfortunate creature.)
“Sad, ain’t it?” the other agreed.
(Quite pitiable, is it not?)
Dan quietly sighed in relief, keeping up his mindless undead routine as he shabled around the side of the palace, looking for another way in. After a few minutes of walking around he noticed smoke coming from one part of the palace, and as he approached he heard what sounded like the clank of pots and pans. Deciding it was as good an entry point as any, he checked to make sure that no one was watching before pulling his skull off his neck and tossing it up, high enough to see inside. He caught a glance of a few possessed ponies inside, nothing to be too worried about… he hoped. He caught his skull on the way down, checking if Morten was alright before gathering himself. He took a running start, managing to get a few steps up the wall before leaping up as high as he could, his bony fingers barely managing to latch onto the windowsill. With a heft of his non-existent muscles managed to swing himself into the kitchen, crashing into the post and pans below. It was only after he got up and dusted himself off that he realized he didn’t have a plan for dealing with the hypnotized ponies inside as they all started at him.
“Uh… Ward Gogah haid at all ah oo ahr huppoe ho, uh, gader in ha cahtyah hor beifing,” he mumbled.
(Uh… Lord Grogar said that all of you are supposed to, uh, gather in the courtyard for briefing.)
All of them just continued to stare at him with their blank eyes. “GO OUTHIDE!” he shouted, pointing out the door, all of them following his orders.
(GO OUTSIDE!)
Dan sighed. “Ah hink Ah handled hat wehl, wite Mahten?” he asked. The worm stuck itself out o his eyes socket and just stared at him for a few seconds before going back inside. “Don’t oo hass me.” Dan huffed before looking around, noticing the bowls of slop that had been placed on some plates resting on a serving cart. He thought about this for a moment when he saw what would be the perfect inconspicuous disguise.
(I think I handled that well, right Morten?)(Don’t you sass me.)
Two of the demons were sitting by their posts, playing cards with each other. One of them noticed something out of his peripheral vision and looked down the halls, watching something pass by. “Eh up, did yer spot that?” One of them asked.
(Good sir, did you happen see what I did?)
“Yer mean the skeleton wearin’ the apron and toque over ‘is armor, isit? Yup,” the other one replied not looking up from his cards.
(You are referring the skeleton wearing an apron and toque over his armor? I did indeed.)
“Might cornspicuous, doesn’t yo reckon?”
(Rather conspicuous, don’t you agree?)
“Yup.”
(I agree.)
“Want ter do sumfink ‘bout it?”
(Do you reckon we should do something?)
“Nope.”
(I’d rather not.)
“Me neifer. Right, wotcher have?”
(Neither do I. Very well, what hand do you have?)
“Straight flush ter Jack,” he replied, showing off his cards. “And yer?”
(Straight flush to the Jack.) (And you?)
“Straight flush ter Queen,” the other replied, showing off his hand.
(Straight flush to the Queen.)
“Damn it ter Tartarus.”
(I am quite displeased with this turn of events.)
Dan hummed as he pushed the hot bowls of food along, doing his best to look like he knew where he was going. If only he did, then maybe he wouldn’t have been so nervous. But don’t worry, I’m sure something will pop up to- oh, there it is.
Dan stopped when he heard two doors slam open, making sure he was hiding behind on of the walls before taking a peak around the side. What he saw was a goat with dark blue fur, black horns, and red eyes. He appeared to have a goatee, and his bottom canines came up past his lips. He wore a black cloak over his body and around his barrel was a small silver bell held by a gold strap with red jewels. The goat stood nearly as tall as he did, and sighed in a pleased manner as the doors closed behind him on their own. Dan had no doubt that this was Grogar.
“How are yer feelin’, boss?” the demon guard at the door asked.
(My Lord, are you well?)
“Yes, much better. Even in their state the Princesses have so much power to drain,” he replied.
The Princesses! That must be where they are! Thought Dan.
“Although, I am still quite weakened from the spell I cast earlier. I’ll need to drain them and Discord several more times before I recover my full strength. Have the cooks prepare me a meal, and make sure they get the food for the prisoners ready as well. I don’t want them starving on me before I can fully absorb their powers.”
“Sure fin’, right, boss.”
(As you wish, my Lord.)
Dan waited until Grogar was far out of sight before walking the cart up to the door and the demon. “Eh up, great timin’! Honest, guv! Listen, I’ve got a poker game ter get to, cor blimey guv! Yer can feed the chuffin’ Princesses and tell the bleedin’ to get the Boss’ meal ready, right?” Dan quietly gave him a thumbs up. “Great, right! I’ll put in a good word for yer! Struth!” the demon said before jogging off.
(How fortuitous, my good man! Sir, I am expect at a poker game with my compatriots. Might I be able to trust you with feeding the Princesses as well as informing the cooks that they should prepare our Lord’s meal?) (Many thanks! I shall ensure you are giving commendations, my good man!)
Well that was easy, Dan thought as he opened the doors and walked in. The two creatures he saw inside were stunning, so much so that he rubbed his eye to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. Both of them were much larger than the ponies he’d seen so far and possessed both horns and wings, each more resplendent than the ones that possessed only one or the other. Their manes and tails fluttered in despite their being no breeze, and they wore jewelry in the form of tiaras, necklaces, and hoof slippers. Both were also, unfortunately, kept in their own cages with manacles on their hind legs and collars around their necks, chains connected to the corners of their cages.
The larger of the two was an alabaster white with a mane and tail of pinks, greens, and blues and eyes of violet. On her flank was a symbol of the sun and her jewelry was golden. Though exhausted she looked at Dan with a reserved yet defiant glare, refusing to be broken. The other was a bit smaller and had a coat of navy blue with a lighter blue mane and tail that had what looked to be stars in them. Her eyes were a seafoam green and her tiara and necklace were black, while her slippers were light blue, and on her flank was a crescent moon over a splotch of black. Unlike the other one, her aggression and contempt was quite openly displayed.
“So, Grogar hath sent a pile of griffon pickings to Us? Do thy worst, thou carrion for worms! We shall not falter,” she spat defiantly.
Dan immediately seized up from having been spoken so from what was clearly a displeased royal. He may had been a fraud in life, but he was always a knight loyal to the crown. After taking a moment to calm himself he removed the apron and toque before taking one knee and bowing his head. “Hear nah, ur Magahsties, fer Ah mean oo no iw wiw. Ah am Hir Aniel Horteshoo, Hero ah Gallahmah, an Ah cahm ho ofha mah aig,” he said with as much dignity as someone with a missing jaw could.
(Fear not, your Majesties, for I mean no ill will. I am Sir Daniel Fortesque, Hero of Gallowmere and I come to offer my aid.)
Both of the Princesses just blinked at him for a few moments. “Sister, why is the skeleton bowing to us?” the smaller one asked.
The other one cleared her throat before taking a more regal stance. “Please rise,” she ordered, and he obeyed. “I had some difficulty understanding you, but.. You called yourself ‘Sir… Daniel’, correct?” He nodded. “You are a knight?” He nodded again. “And where did you say you hailed from?”
“Gallahmah,” he replied.
“‘Gallow… mere?’” She tried to sound it out.
“Uh huh.”
“I’ve not heard of such a place,” the smaller one said. “Where is it?”
“Ah don’t hink ih awound anymah,” he replied. (I don’t think it’s around anymore.)
“Oh, I see. I apologize.” Dan waved her off.
The other one cleared her throat. “I am Princess Celestia. This is my sister, Princess Luna. Do you truly mean to help us, Sir Daniel?” He nodded back. “If I may ask… why?”
Dan thought about that for moment. He didn’t really question going on this adventure. Last time the reasons were obvious: Gallowmere was his home, he had to protect it. And he also wanted to prove to those naysayers that he could be the hero that he had spun tales about, and that the legends had proclaimed him to be. But Gallowmere was likely long gone, and he had already earned his place in the Hall of Heroes. So why did he feel compelled to fight this time?
After a few moments of thought he gave his answer. “Ah gesh ih jush was Ah do,” he shrugged.
(I guess it’s just what I do.)
Princess Luna eyed him critically, confused by his answer, as well as his mumbling. Princess Celestia, by contrast, smiled. “You wouldn’t be the first to say something along those lines.” Dan smirked in return and unsheathed his sword, ready to heroically cut their locks. “Wait!” she cried, causing him to stop in confusion. “Sir Daniel, though we greatly appreciate your desire to help, freeing us would be a liability.”
“Indeed, though we loathe to admit it. In our weakened state we would only slow you down, and I fear you do not have the power to defeat Grogar presently,” Princess Luna hesitantly agreed.
“Buh hen whah hould Ah do?” he asked, secretly upset that he wasn’t about to dramatically save any fair Princesses.
(But then what should I do?)
“There are six mares that have saved Equestria time and time again, and thankfully they have escaped Grogar’s clutches,” Celestia began. “One of them is an alicorn, like us, named Twilight Sparkle. One is a unicorn named Rarity, those who have only horns. Two of them have only wings, pegasi named Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. And then there are two earth ponies, those without wings or horns, named Applejack and Pinkie Pie. Together they are known as the ‘Element Bearers’ or ‘Elements of Harmony.’ Find them and protect them, and they should be able to help you,” Princess Celestia explained.
“There is also a baby dragon named Spike and another unicorn named Starlight Glimmer. They are Twilight Sparkle’s assistant and student, respectively, and they will be willing to help you as well. However, you made need some help in convincing them you are on their side,” Princess Luna noted, motioning to his appearance.
“Tell them Princess Celestia and Princess Luna sent you. And if you need more to convince Twilight, which I’m sure you will, do this,” Celestia said. She then went through some odd dancing motions and stranger rhymes, causing Dan to look on with confusion. “Did you get all that?” Dan repeated the names back to them to ensure he got them right, and even did the song and dance Princess Celestia showed him, much to his embarrassment. “Good. Now one of Grogar’s other prisoners is an ally of ours, despite his appearance. His name is Discord, and he is close friends with one of the Elements of Harmony, Fluttershy. No doubt Grogar is stealing his power as well, but he may have enough to send you out of and on your way to Ponyville. It’s the nearest town to Canterlot, and it’s where all the ponies we’ve asked you to look for live.”
“Buh whagh don’t Ah jush leave?” he asked.
(But why don’t I just leave?)
“Grogar is not some arrogant tyrant. He easily manipulated us before he overpowered us. We must insist you stay hidden from him as much as possible so he cannot plan around you,” Princess Luna answered. “It is also why we must insist you leave us here. So long as he thinks he is in more control than he actually is he will be more easily taken by surprise.”
“We are putting our faith in you, Sir Daniel. The fate of the whole world may rest on your actions,” Princess Celestia said before they both bowed to him.
Dan stood tall and saluted them back. He headed for the door, only to stop and turn back to the serving cart, placing the bowls inside their cage. “Eah up. Hay hong,” he said, giving them a thumbs up before sneaking back outside.
(Eat up. Stay strong.)
“... Not exactly what you’d think of for a hero, right Tia?” Princess Luna chuckled.
“True, but I can see it in his eyes… er, eye. He has experience, and through skill and bravery or luck and folly, he has succeeded. I believe we can place our faith in him,” Princess Celestia nodded assuredly.
Despite his previous assurances, it didn’t take long for Dan to realize he had no idea where he was going, or where this “Discord” was. He looked around and saw no one was around and pondered what to do about this.
“Hey! Hey! Bag of Bones! Over here!” Dan turned to see another one of the pony statues with glowing eyes. “I see you’ve actually managed to meet the Princesses. I have to say, I’m pretty shocked. Then again, I guess the demons and soulless ponies are dumber than I gave them credit for.”
“Hell me ahout ih,” Dan rolled his eye.
(Tell me about it.)
“As much fun as it is to watch you stumble into success, I guess I’d better help you before you push your luck too far. Discord’s just down those stairs, first door on the left. Hurry up then, I can’t wait to see what he’s gonna do to you!”
“Huh?”
“Just go already!”
Dan huffed and carefully descended the stairs, making sure there was no one to see him. Thankfully the path was clear all the way to the door. The guard must be off playing poker, he thought. He quickly entered the door and was once again shocked at what he saw, but for a completely different reason. The being was an near indescribable mish-mash of animals, held inside a magic barrier with his hands encased in metal and chained to the wall. He looked up at Dan with his red and yellow eyes and smiled despite the exhaustion clear on his face. “Well it’s about time. So you’re the one the one the statues have been talking about.” Dan, still taken aback just nodded. “Equestria, taken over by a necromancer, and then saved by an undead knight risen from his own magic. Oh, it’s so deliciously ironic. Maybe not as chaotic as I would’ve hoped, but I suppose you’ll do.”
“Ha Hrincesses haid hat oo wood halp me,” Dan said to the creature.
(The Princesses said that you would help me.)
“Yes, absolutely. As much as I’d like to play games, we should get you out of here now. But first, what’s your name?”
“Hir Aniel Horteshoo.”
“‘Daniel’? Dan the Man, Dannykins. Alright then fella, I hope you packed your brown armor.”
“Huh?” was all Dan was able to say before the creature somehow used the fluff on his tail to snap. There was a bright flash and then Dan saw that he was looking at the sky… and then the horizon… and then the ground.
The Hero of Gallowmere let out a shriek like a baby as he plummeted from the sky, flailing his limbs futilely as the ground rapidly approached. He took the time to curse his second unlife as he approached his end, landing feet first, only for him to suddenly launch back into the air accompanied by a “SPROING!” Dan struggled to comprehend what just happened when he started to fall again. He positioned himself just like before, and again was sent skyward. It was then he noticed the springs on the soles of his shoes, the saviors of his sorry state. With some adjustments he readied himself for another jump, successfully springing off the ground. He laughed at having conquered gravity, only for its vengeful sister momentum to strike at him as he flew directly at a massive tree. Unable to stop despite his best efforts he smashed into the centuries-old trunk. After a moment he fell, a branch stopping his descent by placing itself between his legs. As the searing pain screamed through his body only one thought rang in his skull: How does this hurt so much if there’s nothing there anymore!?