So small recap. I fell through clouds after stepping up to green thing, threw a changeling over a cliff, witnessed the end of a fight and then proceeded to blow up the winner of said fight like a sore loser.
I was still in shock over the whole saving the world thing and the only other time I remember being this shook was the time I saw jack black sing death metal silent night (no seriously look it up he rips a cardboard cutout of Santa in half, it's absolutely knackers) and naturally the ponys were confused as to why the oppressive overlord was in pieces
I awkwardly shuffled over to the body of the bitch lich and she seemed pretty dead to me at least.
I looked around and saw the damage done was less then pleasant, Twilight was covered in bruises and cuts and rainbow (surprisingly) looking like the best out of them in terms of injuries, Apple jack and rarity are in about the same condition as twilight, pinky looks like she had not gone to bed in months and flutershy... Well she was a bit different then I remember you know? Probably has something to do with the prosthetic leg and...blood oh shit ok it's now time to keep going. ok new plan. step 1: find The cube thing step 2: free sunbutt step 3: profit step 4: get help for Moonbutt and the 6. With my fool proof four step plan in motion I looked around the body and I found the cube and with me being a peranoid guy I took the things horn as an insurance policy, behind the throne was a gigantic cocoone and I started the tactic I will refer to as the "windmill rip" I tore the...stuff away to reveal princess celestia.
She was a bit dizzy and asked a question.
"What Happened to king digo?" She asked finally geting Her balence back
So it turned out the bich lich was a dude! Who knew? i went under the assumption that the king was the one that just went out
"Oh you know he is still here...and there also over there" I said with a nervous smile
She seemed a bit hesitant to follow me so I simply stated
"We got injured over here and I don't know how to deal with it"
She dashed out from behind the throne to find the six and what was left of the king
She was about to take them somewhere by teleporting before I pointed out that she was forgetting about Luna and went to try and drag Luna into the room, she was a ghost white even though she was still breathing I panicked and said
"OH FUCK SHE RUNNIN DRY!"
And I was met with a flash and celestia teleported them all to safety... Leaving me behind
...FUCKERS
So I went through the forest again and it was here that I discovered the Changling petrol from earlier had met the locals of the forest...and then died a deadly death by poison, blood loss and whatever else comes with being cut in half so I kept my distance just trying to find the town again when the horn I took from the king started twitching and did magic and shit that blasted sideways. I followed the trail of magic using the horn as a type of compass and what it led me to just left me in shambles, Apple trees and three graves, the two that were farther away had been worn with age to a point where the gravestones were unreadable but that wasn't the one I was looking at "R.I.P applebloom
Who did this? Why did they do this? I had no jokes no quips no nothing, just...ugh I don't know what I would have done if the horn didn't flip out and fire magic into the grave. I heard a muffled sound that I could only assume was a small filly screaming in panic and a light tap on wood I mean I was already digging into the grave after the scream but that's besides the point. I was clawing up the dirt in a frenzy trying to go faster until I hit wood. I wasn't thinking straight and didn't see the shovel leaning against the tree but I started trying to open the coffin and I heard it
"Hello? Is anypony there?"
I was relieved I wasn't just crazy and I responded
"YES! Come on I'll get you out!" (I wasn't on my a game here :/)
She helped me push off the lid of the coffin and slowly we crawled out of the grave.
She saw my form and I guess she really didn't care about what I was since I got her out (who would when you wake up in a coffin)
The Kings horn disintegrated into dust and my hand got all ashy :(
So while I was looking at my now dusty hand, Applebloom ran off probably to go home...and ran straight into a tree I winced and took note of her appearance: no cutie mark and fairly clean for someone who took a nap in the ground so I helped her up and she finally got a good long look at me. She then ran into the tree again and I shit you not. knocked herself out. So I spent the next ten fun minutes carrying her to the farm and it was around here that she woke up
I set her down and asked her to calm down, she obliged and I said that I would try and take her home
She nodded and followed me to the house in the distance.
How the fuck am I supposed to explain this to her family?