You are anonymous and a dapper man such as yourself always worked your way to get things in life… All but one, Twilight Sparkle. Your closest friend, and the mare that you love. You never confessed your feelings for her cause you were always afraid of rejection. Afraid that you could ruin your friendship with her. Afraid that not only she’ll reject you, but she’ll make fun of your haircut as well, and that would be just awful.
That is until today.
Today would be the day that you would confess to her of your love. In a gesture of good will you invited her to dinner like the gentlemen that you are. She agrees of course thinking it would be a catch up dinner sort of thing, but you are not planning only that. You plan to confess to her your feelings so everything must be perfect.
Of course, you're a gentleman, and being such a gentlemen as well as twilights loving friend. You take her to her favorite restaurant, The Hay Burger, a classy choice for a classy mare.
So here you are, eating spaghetti with the mare of your life.
“This is SOOOOoooOO good anon.” She says as she dines in her dish. The way she eats could be only described as a predator feasting on its prey. Spaghetti flying everywhere hitting your handkerchief that you wrap neck, Being a sophisticated being such as yourself, you always keep one in your suit. Wouldn’t want your favorite suit to get dirty now do we? Twilights face is covered in spaghetti sauce and bits of pasta clung around her head, a single spaghetti noodle was hanging on her perfect mane.
Ponies looked at her with a bewildered expression as they walked by us. You paid them no mind as the only pony you care at the moment was in front of you.
Yes, she is a queen in your eyes and everything was going perfectly.
With a ring in the door another man walked in the fast food joint. “Hi I’m gary.”
Gary…
Oh of course Gary would show up now of all times. The bane of your existence, Mr. perfect, OH look at me; I’m celestias son, I’m so special, I live in the castle, I’m so good at everything. Well some of us was not born with that luxury GARY. Some of us had to work to get some of the most basic things in our life.
Not that you wouldn't know what hard work is Gary.
UGH, and the way everypony always cheer and applause him makes you sick to your stomach. what's worse is that he does everything flawlessly while you struggle with basic math, But that doesn’t matter right now.
So what that he was the most popular person in Equestria.
So what the every mare is madly in love with him.
So what he was prophesied to be the chosen one to save equestria.
SO WHAT HE WON 1ST PLACE IN THE SCIENCE FAIR IN MAGIC KINDERGARTEN! AT LEAST YOU DON’T HAVE A STUPID HAIRCUT LIKE GARY!
“Are you gonna eat that?” Twilight asked, the way her purple eyes sparkle majestically makes your heart melt.
“Well yea-” Before you could finish Twilight snatches your dish away from you and starts scarfing it down, but you were okay with that. Unlike some unintelligent brutes like Gary. You are a gentleman and you treat your mistress with the utmost respect and attention like the queens they are. If twilight wishes for spaghetti then you shall make a river for her… Its the most gentlemanly thing to do.
Your thoughts were interrupted as foal clapped all around for Gary.
Grrr...
look at him. Making balloon animals for the foals with that smug expression on STUPID FACE. His golden blond hair, his deep blue eyes, his pearly white smile, and His built chiseled body. Ooh everything about him just makes your skin crawl.
“Hi I’m gary.” Yes yes, your name is Gary everyone knows that. No need to flaunt it like the egomaniac that you are.
The crowd cheers like they always do for Gary, cause everything he does is SOOOO perfect. Everyone loves gary, but they never give you a chance.
GARY…
You remember all the times during high school where you were overshadow by Gary in everything. No matter how hard you try, Gary would always be in 1st place. And how the high schoolers made fun of you for being the son of a drunk plumer. Unlike Gary, you never grew in a comfy palace.
No.
You grew in the slums of Canterlot, the den of some of the worst scums of equestrian. Ponies like thieves, con artist, murderers, cultist, communist, and door to door sales ponies could be found if you were foolish to go there. You where found by a whore and grew up in a broken home. Your father constantly made you work for his job while he drinks away what little money you and your mother made. The other students made fun of you cause of your parents and the work that you do.
“Hi I’m gary.” and then there's Gary… You would punch him in the face if you had manners like Gary but your not a common vagabond like him.
“Awww… Isn’t Gary just the best. I heard that he just build a puppy orphanage for the puppies that he saved from the everfree forest.” You turn to see twilight looking at gary dreamingly. Her eyes your unfocuse as she stares at Gary, who was now doing a sock puppet show for the elderly.
Gary… Seeing Your love swoon over Gary, made your anger boil.
“Hi I’m Garry.”
Twilight gives out a blissful sigh. “And such a way with words…”
GARY!
So now he is targeting your maiden have he? Does he think she is some kind of floozy? What about the other 20 wives you have Gary? Is that not enough to quell your lust for mare!
You make me sick Gary.
She deserves better than ‘Hi I’m gary.’ SHE IS A QUEEN! A GODDESS! NOT SOME BIMBO THAT YOU COLLECT LIKE TROPHIES! Saying soft words only to throw away them when your done.
Something sparked within you.
You stood up from your seat and stand tall and proud. Twilight snapped out of her gaze and look to you in shock. Yes, this is what you want now. With determination you gazed at twilight passionately. You bring up the courage to confess your love and you clench your buttcheeks. Gary may have body of a ponish god but he would never have the one thing you got.
A perfect round buttock, you may never exercise your upper body but by golly, you never skipped leg day. The world gasp as they study every features of your gluteus maximus that stick out of your pants like two rip apples.
“Twilight…-” you began “-I have something to say.” You have twilights full attention. Good, now tell her how much you love her.
“What is it anon? Is something wrong.” A spaghetti strand fell from her face as she looks to you waiting for an answer.
“I… I love you twilight.” You said it, after years of constant debating you have finally said it.
“Aww Anon, I love you too.”
AND YOU DID IT YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!
While Gary and everyone was was graduating school. You were held back another year. You were to busy helping your poor mother through her tough times and as you worked in the stench hold of another client home. You said 'TO TARTARUS WITH THIS'! NEVER AGAIN YOU WILL LIVE IN POVERTY! NEVER AGAIN WILL YOU OR YOUR MOTHER GO HUNGRY ANOTHER NIGHT!
You fire your father from his own business and turned it from a pathetic excuse for a plumbing service to one of the most respectable companies in Equestria. You crawled from a slum urchin into one of the most respected members of society.
You did it anonymous cause unlike GARY, your name doesn’t rhyme with JERRY AND GARY SOUNDS AS STUPID AS GARY’S FACE!
Gary thinks that you don’t know what he trying to do to your mademoiselle? YOU HAD TO UNCLOG TOILETS IN YOUR LIFE SO UNLIKE GARY, YOU KNOW WHEN SOMETHING IS FULL OF SHIT!
CAUSE UNLIKE GARY, YOU ARE NOT A UNSOPHISTICATED, WOMANIZING, BRUTE LIKE YOU GARY. YOU ARE A GENTLEMAN AND YOU WHERE RANK 2# MOST ATTRACTIVE HUMAN IN THE WORLD! BUT OF COURSE YOU DIDN’T WIN, BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY ONE OTHER HUMAN IN THIS WORLD, BUT YOUR NOT GOING TO WIN THIS TIME GARY CAUSE YOU FINALLY HAVE TWILIGHT!
“You were always like a second brother to me anon.”
…
You deflate down into your chair, all confidence and happiness leaves your body. Twilight checked to clock and horror overtook her face. “Oh no, I’m going to be late. Bye anon have a nice day.”
You didn’t respond as your heart was broken into a million pieces. You see Twilight leave the door and disappear into the crowd. The only mare you’ve ever loved… gone.
You contemplate on what when wrong. On how this could happen… All those times you were together… did it mean nothing?
You turn in time to see Gary perform a double vault from a trampoline into a pit filled with lava as manticores try to swipe him out of the sky.
The crowd gasp as he vanish into the red hot goo…
“Hi I’m Gary.” He says as he reappears behind the crowd.
Right… Unlike you, Gary can do magic… Cause of course he can...
Would twilight fall for him? You saw on how she look at him, everyone loves Gary… So why not her… So… this is how our story ends? Twilight falls for Gary and you fall into depression as your love would forever be out of your reach. Another lost to Gary as he taunts you as he always does?
…
No.
You stood up from your chair once more and a newfound determination fills your body. Gary may be perfect in everyway, but he will never be Anonymous.
YOUR ARE NOT LIKE HIM! YOU ARE NOT A COMMIE! YOU ARE ANONYMOUS! THE MOST DAPPER MAN IN EQUESTRIA!
You take your top hat and placed it firmly on your head. Looking at Gary you realize that this will be the only battle with Gary that truly matters in your life. For the love of your maidens honor.
You will show Twilight that not only you are better than GARY, but you are also a man worthy of her affection.
GO ANONYMOUS! WIN HER OVER CAUSE YOUR NOT GARY AND YOU NEVER BE A GARY! HE SLEEPS WITH HIS SOCKS ON! HE HAS A STUPID HAIRCUT NOT LIKE YOUR MAGNIFICIENT HAIRDO! PINKIE WRITE THIS DOWN! DO MORE SQUATS, MARES LOVE A MANS POSTERIOR! ANONYMOUSE WILL NOT BE OUT THWARTED AGAIN!
Gary never spent a single moment with twilight so what does he know on what she likes or dislikes. NONE, cause he will never know that she write yaoi stories or that she secretly dresses up as her brother for her pj’s. Only you know that Anonymous and you live everyday of your life to make your mother live a happy life and to see Twilight’s wonderous smile.
So Gary wants a battle for Twilight's love does he? We your not going to give him a battle.
Your going to give him a war.
IM POSSIBLE ODDS THEY SAY? YOU SPIT AT THE ODDS, YOU ARE NO STRANGER TO THE IMPOSSIBLE! YOU MAKE IT POSSIBLE!
SO WALK WITH PRIDE ANONYMOUS BECAUSE YOU HAVE A MARE IN WIN OVER AND THIS IS SOMEPONY YOU DON’T PLAN TO LOSE TO GARY!
GODSPEED ANONYMOUS!