//------------------------------// // 3: Why, Yes, I'm Here To Pick Up My Laundry // Story: Dark Body, Light Soul (Or the Tale of the Stalfos) // by Garino //------------------------------// Chapter 3: Why, Yes, I'm Here To Pick Up My Laundry Melody and I weaved through the crowd, trying to avoid being too noticeable. Every stall we passed, they were trying to sell something weird. "Rotton meat! Get yer rotton meat here!" "Fresh earthworms straight from the soil! Don't be cheap: get some!" "Even the undead need to keep their bones strong! Milk by the bottle here!" "Need weapon, stranger?" Odd. That last one seemed aimed at me. I turned to see a burly zombie dog with a smithy's hammer. I guess he thought I didn't hear him, because he asked me again. "Need weapon, stranger?" "Well, I want one, but I'm afraid I can't pay you, friend," I answered. The blacksmith frowned. "No pay. Prove weapon's worth." Thankfully, my yellow hat covered my face, so he didn't see a flash of worry cross it. "Prove weapon's worth?" "Yes," the dog nodded. "Me make weapon, you take weapon, enter nightly tournament." He gestured to the poster beside him. Melody gave me an irritated glare. It was the look that said, "We kind of need to be somewhere!" I ignored it for the moment to take a look at the poster. COME ONE, COME ALL! EVERY NIGHT, STARTING AT 18:00 HOURS, BEAR WITNESS TO THE BATTLES OF LEGEND! ZOMBIE VS. SKELETON, VAMPIRE VS. WEREWOLF, GHOST VS. GHOST, AND ALL THE COMBINATIONS YOU CAN THINK OF! PARTICIPANTS NEED ONLY A WEAPON AND SPONSOR, SHOULD PARTICIPANT WIN, THEY GET AN AUDIENCE WITH KING GRIFFON, AND THEIR SPONSOR GETS RECOGNITION FROM THE UNDERWORLD, DON'T BE STINGY, SIGN UP YOUR LIFE TODAY! King Griffon? Where have I heard the name Griffon before? And if winning this tournament got me an audience with the king, maybe I could convince him that Keeta isn't a bad...individual. Melody's glare still weighed on me, but it changed from "HURRY UP, DAMN YOU!" to "You're actually participating, aren't you?" I sighed. "How soon can you make me a weapon?" The blacksmith barked in delight, accidentally dropping his tongue onto his anvil. He picked it up and put it back in his mouth before answering. "It 15:50 now. Me have good weapon by 18:00. You prove me be good blacksmith?" I managed to get my shield out from under my robes without revealing my bones. I reattached it to my left arm, and nodded. "Yes, I prove you be good blacksmith." "Name and Undead type?" "Dracula, Vampire." "You're registered, here's your number, when it's called, get your arse to the arena. NEXT! Name and Undead type?" "Stubbs, Zombie." "You're registered, here's your number, when it's called, get your arse to the arena. NEXT! Name and undead type?" My turn. Let's hope Jack did a good job. I gave the register, who looked like he was the bones of an old unicorn, my name, leaving out Fortesque since it might attract unwanted attention. "Daniel, Skeleton." The name taker looked up. In front of him was an individual wielding a crooked red sword, a brown kite shield with a Diamond Dog's paw mark on it (Jack informed me it was "symbol of sponsor," but I think he just wanted to color it), blue robes, and a yellow hat. He simply shrugged and handed me my number. 72, my favorite. "You're registered, here's your number, when it's called, get your arse to the arena. NEXT!" I walked into the corridors of the underground arena. As I entered, the ghost of a male gryphon handed me a sheet of paper. (How ghosts manage to hold onto things is beyond me.) "Here are the rules. You seem to be the only one sponsored by Jack's Weapon Emporium. I guess you took pity on the old codger, eh?" I was the only one sponsored by him? "Is that a bad thing?" "Well, for you, no. For him, yeah. If you die at anytime, he gets nothing. Other places, like Pandora's Pizza Parlor, Jim's Earthworm Farm, and even Rash's Repair have at least 4 sponsored fighters. Even if two of them are pitted against each other, the sponsors still go up in the ladder." "He must've had a bad streak if I'm his only fighter," I commented. "Maybe," the apparition noted. "Rumor's going around that every one of his fighters have lost the first round, so not many choose to let him be their sponsor." "Poor guy," I muttered. "Maybe I can break his streak. We have 128 fighters in this tournament?" "Actually, no. There's only 80. The other 48 are going to be monsters we captured. we're pitting them against the most recent additions." With that, he flew off to greet contestant number 73. Wait, did he say "most recent additions?" That means...the first 32 fighters are fighting real people, while the other 48 are going up against a group of monsters. And lucky me, being number 72, was going to fight them before I really got into the fray with one of the other contestants. Crap. "Welcome, contestants! We are proud to announce that all 80 of you have finally been registered!" I was barely paying attention. I had no idea it was going to be this packed. According to the rules, monster fights were first, then it was battle between the contestants. Therefore, not only was I going toe-to-whatever with some ungodly creature, but it would be in front of a crowd. And worse yet, I got to do it earlier than everyone else. As if I didn't have enough on my plate as it was. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to announce that our first monster match is..." There was a pause as our announcer guy grabbed a piece of paper from the Monster Ranch section. "...a chupacabra!" There was a gasp from everyone except me. Wasn't like I was gonna face it, right? ...fuck, I did it again. Now I'm definately going to be fighting that thing next. "And the chupacabra's opponent is going to be..." He reached into the contestant's hat, "...number 56!" Everyone turned to a male pegasus ghost with a mace and viking helmet. "Very well! That monster will learn its place at the hooves of Balter! Where is he?!?" The gates opened as Balter flew out of the room. There was a bit of a scuffle, followed by a scream. The crowd went silent as a munching noise was heard. The outside announcer finally spoke: "The chupacabra has forced Balter to cross over, meaning the chupacabra advances!" There was a scream of joy outside. So much for him, I chuckled. "Our second monster match..." The announcer flourished before he pulled another monster from the ranch, "...is a cyclops!" More gasps. I didn't gasp at this one, either. I've heard how destructive they are, but I still kept my cool as best as I could. "And his opponent is..." Another pause as the next number revealed itself, "...number 72!" So early? And...against a cyclops?!? Everyone kept looking for entrant number 72 until I gave a soft cough. I gave my voice a grim feel to it, so everyone thought I was intimidating. Looking back...I don't think it worked. "Very well. I will deal with it." The gates opened again as I gripped my sword and walked into the arena. "Here's round 2 of the monster fights, ladies and gentlemen! Our gladiator this round, entrant number 72, the skeleton fighting for Jack's Weapon Emporium, Daniel!" There wasn't much cheering for me, other than the Forte family. And by that, I mean Allegro and Melody. The wider gate across from my own opened to reveal my ugly opponent. Seriously? I couldn't believe that zombies were actually smart enough to capture him. Then again, Dr. Zomboss created that machine to crush you in Plants Vs. Zombies, didn't he? "And his opponent: brought in from the gates of Tartarus itself, the mighty cyclops!" There was a huge roar of applause. Apparently, skeletons in general were looked down upon. I think it's about time I change that, and make sure King Griffon knows what I think. That's what I hoped, anyway. What actually happened was probably the most hair-raising experience of my life. The cyclops came out of the gate, full speed, slamming his monstrous club down where I stood. I rolled out of the way and started attacking his legs. Every swipe opened a fresh gash, pouring a fresh stream of blood, but it seemed to heal quickly. After three more swipes, the monster tried to crush me like a bug, stomping everywhere. Every time he did, I lost my balance and had to regain my senses. Soon, however, he stomped close enough that I couldn't recover as fast as I needed to. He raised that grotesque foot over my body and prepared to flatten me. I rolled out of harm's way, however, just enough to where I could grab onto his side and start climbing. I move to the outside, where he easily spotted me and swatted me off of him. At the velocity I was going (I think that's how you say it?), it was no surprise my landing ended up dislocating my ankle. I quickly went to work getting it back into the right spot without removing my disguise. The cyclops started moving towards me again. "Oh, come on! Get back in place, ankle!" I pleaded with myself. The giant was two steps away...one step away...YES! Ankle's back in order! I jumped out of the way of his club just in time! I got on it before he could pull it away, and he lifted me up to eye level. At least, for his eye. He raised his unarmed hand and slammed it onto the club. I avoided it and jumped onto the back of it. The cyclops reared his head back... ...and headbutted his hand. I could not think of a dumber thing to do. Instead of dodging this attack, I held out my crooked sword, aiming right at the eye. I realized a bit before he collided that the sword wasn't lined up and I slid into place. As expected, he jammed his eye right into my blade. With a guttural scream, he tried to smack me off. Instead, I left my blade in his eye and jumped off of him as he started hitting himself, trying to dislodge the offending item in his iris. Soon, his own power was diminishing and he collapsed onto his back. I used this opportunity to grab my sword from his eye. Instead of finishing him, I sheathed the blade back into its scabbard on my back. It was here that I noticed a shadow over me. Instinctively, I jumped to the left, then stepped to the right as the club landed on the cyclops' face for the last time. At this point, I couldn't help myself. I put my hand on my hips, tucked my knees in tight, and started doing the Time Warp. This was met by laughter, applause, and whooping and hollering. "And our winner, amazingly, is Daniel!" the announcer shouted enthusiastically.