//------------------------------// // 9 Years // Story: My Little Rainbows 2: Rainbow Harder // by The PatioHeater //------------------------------// It should have been raining. The sun was warm. Birds flitted about the trees that were dotted about the cemetery, tweeting their happy songs on this solemn day. They all stood either side of the carpet that had been rolled along the grass, quiet and waiting, wanting it both to be over and for it to never happen. They wore black. Rainbow was frozen. Such a void inside was impossible to feel, and she dared not try. Not right now. Not while her daughters were stood by her side. She looked down to them. Swirl was stood straight and tall, showing off in her new dress, while Dash was fidgeting, itching to get out of the dress and fly. Neither understood it. Not really. The Father of the Church walked in front, talking some forgotten language from some book. Behind him followed her father and brother, silent and strong. Strong enough to carry between them a small wooden box of immaculate design. Seemed a waste just to bury it. Slowly it was lowered into the ground. The Father said some words. They were meaningless, nothing more than an old tradition that would bring some comfort to them. But how could mere words bring her comfort when her daughter was dead? Rainbow woke with a start. Bolt up right with a viscious gasp dragging its way into her tired body. She bit down hard on her hoof, hard enough to taste blood, all to stop her screaming. Tears fell quickly, but Jet Stream was there to help catch them. “Hey hey,” he whispered tenderly. He didn't need to ask what was wrong. It stopped shortly, but by then they weren't getting back to sleep. “I'm sorry,” Rainbow sniffed. She didn't look at him, only at the bed below her, focusing on it as it was better than the thoughts in her head. “Today is going to be hard.” “I know. But remember, we are all here for you, especially today.” Rainbow nodded before burying her head into his chest. Her breath shook steadily. “Say, I think I know what will help,” Jet started happily, a smile masking his sad eyes, “Why don't we start wrapping their presents?” Rainbow cracked a smile from her comfortable spot nestled in her partner's chest. It did sound like a good idea. “Okay,” she said with a smile. Wrapping presents for her daughters to rip open had always made her happy, almost as much as seeing them opened. From under the bed she pulled two full carriers bags of gifts, a couple rolls of paper and plenty of tape. Carefully the two of them headed downstairs and started wrapping. Dash had been lying in her bed for some time. The sun was rising when she first opened her eyes, and that was a couple hours ago. A huge smile stretched over her face as she thought about all the presents that will be waiting for her downstairs. She looked to her side to find her sister staring back at her, wearing an identical smile for identical reasons. “Hey!” Dash whispered loud enough to be heard further away then she liked. “It's our birthday!” Swirl chirped in, just as loudly. Dash exploded from her bed, joined by Swirl with equal enthusiasm only less energy. “We're NINE!” They bumped their hooves hard to celebrate. Dash's eyes flicked to the side and her smile wavered. It was Shine's empty bed. It betrayed her as Swirl saw the glint in her eye vanish. She felt it too, only neither wanted to, so for now they ignored it and masked it with their usual energetic thundering down the stairs. Through the door to the living room they fell over each other, landing in a mad heap. Looking up through her sister's tail Dash saw the two mountains of presents and her eyes lit up. It was more presents she had ever seen before, and she could only imagine how many were chocolate. “Happy Birthday!” Rainbow and Jet cheered in unison, with hooves high in the air. “Whoo!” Dash shouted back before darting to her mother with Swirl not far behind. In a jumping tackle the two fillies pushed Rainbow to the sofa cushions to nuzzle in to her chest, which she took happily. She could feel them getting bigger, noticeably every year, but there was only two of them which she didn't like. Jet, wanting in on the action, wrapped his hooves around all of them and squeezed them as hard as he could, until he heard Swirl laugh; one of his favourite things. “You know the drill,” Rainbow told them, “One present now and the rest later when everyone else is here.” The fillies rolled from their mother and both reached for the identical triangular prisms that could only mean one thing; Socks. “huh?” Dash was lost for words. A triangular box for socks? Meanwhile Rainbow found her little joke hilarious, doubled in fits of laughter, so Jet filled them in. “Your mum thinks she's funny. There's another box shaped like that though.” Filled with rejuevenated enthusiasm they pulled out the other triangular prisms which contained, of course, Toblerone. Rainbow was still laughing. “I'll go-” She stopped to giggle. “I'll get your birthday milkshakes going.” Rainbow left for the kitchen to make two milkshakes so big only a child could drink it all. As always, birthdays were a family affair in the Rainbow family. Everyone in the family was there, as well as a couple friends. Derpy was sat with her mother happily watching the fillies dance to their new music, and Ticker was dancing along with them. Their uncle had given them a huge stack of records between them and they were determined to get through them as quickly as possible. “Are you ready for my present?” Nana asked sweetly. The fillies all stopped what they were doing to listen and say please with a flash of their smiles. “Now, I'm afraid I had no idea what to get you this year, but I'm sure you'll love it.” She handed them a card each. Confused they took the cards, normally the cards are opened first, so why were they getting more now? Dash ripped the envelope and two shining coins fell out. She picked them up and looked over them, they were different than most coins she had seen, but when she saw the number on the other side she almost fainted. Each read “50”. She had never seen a 50 before, and now she had two of them. It was more money than she could imagine spending, but boy was she going to try. Rainbow scowled. She had never got that much money, not even when she turned 18, and she could do with it a lot more than these nine year olds. She had bills to pay. Excited, Swirl opened her own envelope, threw it in the air with a loud, horrible scream and launched herself to the nearest family member, and wept tears of fear. Derpy zipped to catch the card before it hit the ground. She looked at it with a frown. “It's just a spider,” she said glumly, although Swirl squeaked a little and gripped her grandad tighter. It was just a spider, an overly cartoon one with comically sized googly eyes. Rainbow shot her Nana a dirty look. “You know this, Nana. You know how she feels about spiders!” She whispered the last word. “Oh I'm so sorry. I knew there was some link there but I just forgot. Derpy, be a dear and put those cards up with the others, just face it the other way.” Derpy nodded and flew over to the fire place. She carefully lined up a spot for the card and began the difficult job of placing it exactly right, but her small wings created a light wind in the room, so as she placed it on the hard surface the cards beside it blew off. “Oh no!” she cried and went to catch them before they were hurt, but in doing so more fell off. She gasped in horror and went after them as well, but ended up blowing them across the floor of the living room. She looked at the desolate scene of paper chaos and shed a single tear. Rainbow tittered. “It’s okay, Derpy,” she said affectionately. She looked to the cream stallion speckled with brown dots sitting on the ground in front of her mother. “Dad?” she asked simply. “Sure,” he replied, knowing full well what she was going to ask. He forced himself up with a small groan and went to place the cards back on the mantelpiece. Derpy celebrated her work well done and flew back to her mother, where she nestled back into a comfortable position by her side and was rewarded by an affectionate nuzzle on her mane. “Where are the coins?” Nana asked the room as she looked for them in the mess. “I don't know,” Dash said coyly, if that means what I think it does, clearly with something in her mouth. “Eww, Dash,” Rainbow moaned. “Spit those out. Over the sink. And wash them good, missy.” Dash was thinking about playing the birthday card but there was a better time for that so did as she was told. The doorbell rang out in the house, which made most of the inhabitants jump. “I’ve got it, Rainbow!” Derpy said confidently. She swiftly jumped up and went off to make herself useful. The small grey filly opened the door to a pink mare. Derpy stared at her confusedly. “I don’t know you,” she said dumbly. “I don’t know you either, Sugar,” the mare replied with her much deeper voice. “Oh, my name’s not Sugar, it’s Ditzy Doo, but Ponies call me Derpy. Derpy Hooves for long,” the small filly said confidently. The mare chuckled loudly. “Sure, Derpy. Nice to meet you.” “Who is it, Derpy,” the grey filly’s mother called from the living room. “It’s a weird looking mare,” Derpy said simply. Dizzy gasped. “Ditzy Doo,” she said angrily. “That is NOT nice. Apologise. Now.” Derpy’s brain lost its ability to function, so it made the filly it controlled remain completely silent. Rainbow perked up upon hearing the description. “Cloud! Come in!” she said ecstatically and began watching the doorway intently. Cloud pushed past the frozen filly as politely as she could. “Thanks,” she said in her loud voice. She looked at the filly, who still stood with the door open in her hoof, and shook her head with a smile. “It’s okay, Derpy. I know you don’t mean anything bad. There ain’t a need to apologise.” Derpy seemed to reboot from hibernation and become aware of all the heat she was letting in through the front door, and so shut it gently. She turned to the pink mare and smiled at her. Cloud chuckled deeply and walked into the living room. “Hi, everypony,” she said in her loud, friendly manner. She walked to the centre of the room where the two young fillies were sat. “Happy birthday,” she said kindly and gave them both a card from her bag. “Thanks,” the little Rainbows replied together with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm from being giving something that wasn’t a present. Cloud paid no attention to their lack of gratitude and sat on the smaller of the two sofas, and nearly crushed her best friend’s brother in the process. Derpy had gathered the courage to take the long walk back to her mother with her head bowed with shame. She stopped a few steps in front of her and started twisting her hoof into the floor embarrassedly. Dizzy raised an eyebrow at her daughter in a moody fashion. She could see that the filly had been through enough and was clearly sorry, so she smiled and raised a wing invitingly. Derpy smiled back and took her place under the feathery canopy happily. Star had been sitting there, waiting, biding his time for this exact moment. There was a lull in activity and everyone was growing a little restless, in particular the children. “I've got one more gift for ya,” he said with a smirk. Dash and Swirl looked a little shocked. Another one? But they already had so many. Rainbow was thinking the same thing. “It's another one for both of you, but there's plenty to keep you both happy.” From under the kitchen table, where he had stashed it, he pulled a large rattling box. Derpy knew the sound well and was bouncing in her seat to see if it was true. The birthday fillies quickly destroyed any paper in their way. “Lego?” Dash asked a little annoyed. Derpy gasped and looked to her mother, hoping to be allowed to play with it. Thunder gasped and looked to his wife, hoping to be allowed to play with it. Blaze slapped her forehead and dragged her hoof slowly down her face in a slow, tired motion. “Must you be so childish?” she asked wearily. “It’s a guy thing. You wouldn’t understand,” he said condescendingly. She sighed and decided to ignore him. “What’s Lego?” Dash asked confusedly as she stared at the large box. “I’ll show ya!” her granddad said excitedly and crawled over to the dumbfounded filly. He removed the lid hurriedly and poured the contents onto the floor between him and Dash. “Okay then,” he said as he laid on the floor comfortably. “This is how you do it…” “Look! I made a spaceship!” Thunder said as he rolled over to show his wife the crude model with a huge sense of pride. She stared back at her husband with her mouth hanging open. She had been rendered speechless by his stupidity, but he turned back and carried on regardless. Rainbow tittered and looked to her daughters, Ticker and Derpy, who were working together to build something. “What you girls making then?” she asked curiously. “I don’t know,” Dash replied simply. “But it has wheels, so probably a tank.” “Ah, of course,” Rainbow said with a hint of sarcasm. She shut her eyes and took a deep, quiet breath through her nose. It’s now or never, Rainbow thought. She turned to her mother by her side. Her eyes had lost any hint of cheer and had a look of sadness. “Mum,” she whispered. “I'm going out for a bit. I’ll be back later.” Rainbow stood up and headed into the hallway silently, with her mother watching intently with some concern in her frown. Rainbow grabbed her bag that she had left in the corner since the morning and left the house before anyone noticed. Dash and Swirl heard the door click gently and looked up from their toys. “Where’s Mummy gone?” Swirl asked innocently. “She’ll be back later,” their grandmother said with a sigh. The fillies looked back at the door, feeling slightly saddened by their mother’s absence. Rainbow flew slowly to the ground below Cloudsdale. The cool breeze through her mane was refreshing after being cooped up in the house all day. She landed on by the front gate of her destination and stretched her tired, aching wings. She didn't look up as she walked inside, knowing that even just the old sign above would be enough to set her off. Quietly, slowly, she made her way into the Cemetery. It was somewhere near the back, where the ground was still fresh and largely untouched, with more trees growing as they had once made up the old border. It was perfect for Shine, under the shade of a large willow tree. Rainbow sat carefully at the foot of the grave. The soil was covered in grass again, barely different from the surroundings, only the slab of marble sticking out of the ground gave anything away. She took a deep breath. “Happy birthday, Shine.” She took a small box from her bag. “I got this for you,” she said as she removed a small cupcake and candle from it. She placed it on the foot of the headstone and lit the candle. “Go on. Blow it out.” Rainbow leant forward and did it herself. “Well done!” she cheered. It all felt a bit weird. She knew she had to do this, for her own sake, but now she was here she couldn't help but see how odd the situation was. She was, after all, talking to block of some expensive rock. What do you say in this situation? She sat in silence, oddly enjoying the company, listening to the birds and wind in the trees. It was so warm in the sun. She watched as a small blue bird took a bite of the cake and flew off back to its nest. She chuckled. “It's nice to see you sharing for a change.” Time passed quickly. The sun had gone further through the sky, and was now warming Rainbow’s back, casting her shadow over the headstone. “So,” she started a little loudly to break the silence. “I suppose you want to know how we’re all doing, no?” Rainbow asked before waiting for a reply. The leaves rustled slightly. “I thought so,” Rainbow said knowingly. “Well, Swirl twisted her hoof playing hoof ball last month, but she got better pretty quickly, as she always does. And Dash is getting better at flying.” She perked up as the topic came up. “And you should see her! She learned how to do loops and barrel rolls a few weeks ago and now she does them nonstop! It’s so awesome, just watching her zoom about the tree and pulling tricks that even I'm a bit jealous of!” The smile she wore slowly vanished and was replaced by a look of sadness. “I wish you could see it.” She sighed. “I'm doing okay. It’s hard, but I'm managing. I try my hardest not to show Swirl and Dash how I feel, because they’re too young to understand and I don’t want to worry them. But they must miss you in some way. They seem less energetic without you around anymore.” She bowed her head down slowly and shut her eyes. “But I miss you.” She took a deep, shaky breath. “I-I miss you so much,” her voice cracked. She could feel herself about to cry again. She shut her eyes as tight as she could, squeezing out the few tears that had begun to form, and looked away with a small growl at herself. “No. I won’t cry again,” she ordered herself in a harsh voice. “I have to be strong for you.” Her eyes remained closed and her face screwed up as she took several deep, forceful breaths. It was some seconds before she brought herself back to a state of calm. She sighed once she returned to her senses and opened her eyes. The words on the stone jumped out at her. The name Rainbow Shine hit her heart like a train, sending a terrible shiver coursing through her body and making the pain all the more horrible. She began to break down again with a shivering breath and reached out to touch the name of her daughter, but her hoof fell before it reached. The sudden realisation of what the stone meant rang clear in her mind and she fell forward, collapsing against the soft earth beneath. She couldn’t push it away again. After a sharp intake of breath she let out her emotions and cried loudly. She could almost be heard from the entrance to the cemetery. It hurt her throat as the screams of despair left her, but she couldn’t stop. Every second she cried it only got worse as her mind reminded her repeatedly, “My daughter is dead.” The grass went cool under her and her eyes became red, but she couldn’t stem the flow, only lessen it, but she sobbed quietly as the evening wore on. She knew she needed to leave, she had been with her lost daughter for far too long, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave her side. Every time she tried to put weight on her hooves her legs went limp and she couldn’t stand. She heard a pony land next to her, casting their shadow over her. She looked up and saw Jet Stream watching her, already on the verge of tears himself. Rainbow began to speak but was silent with a shake of Jet's head. He knew better than most that losing your child was something you couldn't handle on your own, so he sat down beside her and gave her his shoulder to cry on. And in the comfort of his large wing she did just that. It was a little while later. Sun still high but slowly making its descent. Rainbow felt exhausted, drained of energy both in body and mind, but now she was ready to leave. The gravestone once again meant nothing more to her than a rock in the ground. They returned to the house slowly, savouring the cool winds, letting them return to normal. As they landed the pizza guy was at the door with a stack of eight pizza boxes and some chips, and this was when they noticed they hadn't eaten since breakfast. The birthday girls were unsure of which they were happier to see once the door opened. “I've got this one,” Dash announced proudly to the house, carrying her birthday money to the pizza guy. “How much?” “83 bits,” he stated simply. Dash felt a lurch on her stomach as she learnt the harsh reality that things cost a lot more than she wanted. “Mum?” Rainbow was in a fit of giggles as she paid the teenager. “Thanks,” she laughed. “Keep the change.” Dash watched her mother walk past with the pizza stack, wearing a look of shock and disgust. Why would you just let someone keep the change? That was her money! Everyone had their fill of pizza, foolishly not leaving room for the cake afterwards, but they managed nonetheless. The doorbell rang as they were letting their food digest with tea and coffee for the grownups and squash for the kids. Rainbow, being closest to the door, answered it. She looked down to a young mare, probably at the end of her teens, wearing a beanie, many piercings and a pissed off expression. “Yo. Ticker ready?” Ticker recognised the voice immiediately and quickly got up to leave, with Swirl following her to the door. Now Rainbow remembered the sister Ticker lived with. Ticker flapped her wings at Rainbow with a little bow of her head, which Rainbow had learnt meant, “Thanks!” “No problem, Ticker. It was lovely seeing you again. And don't forget to take some cake for you and your sister.” Rainbow glanced at the mare, thinking she could do with feeding. Nothing but skin and bones. Yet Rainbow couldn't shake the feeling in her mind, one that made her a little dizzy, and thought if only she was younger and single. Ticker quickly returned with the bag of cake left for her on the table and gave Swirl a long hug. “Thanks for the present,” Swirl said sweetly. It wasn't much of a gift, just a new white headband, but coming from Ticker meant a lot more to her than merely what it was. Ticker let her friend go and left with her sister, only looking back to wave. Rainbow found herself staring in places that made her blush, only she was quick to hide it once she shut the door by asking Swirl a question. “What is with Ticker and her sister? I mean, I've only ever seen her with her.” “Yeah, that's because she lives with her sister.” “I see." That was the one thing about the sister she did know. "What about their parents?” “They live in Hooflyn.” “Okay. But why aren't they living together?” “Well, they used to live with them when they were little, but her sister didn't like it. Their dad drank too much, but I don't know why that's bad because it's good to drink plenty, and their mum was in jail for selling drugs, but I don't get that either because you can buy drugs at the shop.” Rainbow felt a little twinge of despair and felt the urge to give Ticker and her sister a hug. “That's awful.” “Yeah. Ticker says her sister moved them when she was only two because their dad only drank more when their mum was in prison. And their mum was supposed to get out before they left because she shanked someone? I think that's what Ticker said, whatever that means.” A small crowd had gathered to listen in about Ticker, who had seemed so sweet and normal until then. “And their dad always came home with different mares every other night who just stayed in his room with him for a bit before leaving. Then one night he wanted to spend it with Ticker's sister but she didn't want to sleep with him, but I don't know why coz I love sleeping with you, mummy. But that's when she punched him in the willy,” she paused to laugh at the word, “and grabbed Ticker and came here. And now she's my bestest friend.” Rainbow was positively flabberghasted. “How do they afford to live if it's just the two of them?” “Her sister say her special talent is cooking, but I don't know because I've tried her food and for someone who says it's their job its gross. And she always smoking these weird smelling cigarettes.” All the adults in the room were in shock. None could have ever imagined such a nice little filly would have been born into such a troubled family. All of them felt some urge now to look after her and make sure she and her sister were doing alright. “Why you looking like that, you lot?” Swirl asked, no clue as to why they suddenly looked so downtrodden. It was night time again, and midnight had long since past. Her family and friends had returned to their respective homes across Equestria, leaving Rainbow with her thoughts as she tried to sleep. She couldn’t. She couldn’t keep strong anymore. She sat on her bed, hugged her legs close to her chest and cried quietly. Jet Stream wrapped himself around her to help, but she might as well have been alone. She had left the curtains open to see her tree, but it didn’t rain, making it harder. The world didn’t care. In the stillness of the night, in the quiet, peaceful darkness only broken by the light of the moon, Rainbow could only think of the truth the day revealed, that she would always be missing one daughter. She tried to stop herself, she knew she couldn’t keep crying, but she couldn’t stop it no matter how hard she wanted to. She lowered her head down and hid deep in her mane. She grew slightly louder as she remembered the sound of her daughter hitting the street, the paramedics zipping the body bag, the funeral, the council coming to clean the blood from the road. Light from the hall spilt into the room, illuminating her in the lamplight. Rainbow gasped and faced the door. Swirl and Dash stood there side by side, holding the door open, and looking at their mother with more sadness than Rainbow had ever seen before. “Mummy,” they started sadly. Rainbow looked away quickly. One hoof tried to hide her tear soaked face and bloodshot eyes while the other tried to usher her daughters out of the room. “Please go,” she whispered pleadingly. “I-I don’t want you seeing me like this.” The fillies stepped further into the room. “Mummy,” they said again. Rainbow shook her head to herself and bit down on her bottom lip in an attempt to stop her looking at her children, thinking it would help. Dash and Swirl looked briefly at each other before facing their mother once again. They whimpered, clearly about to cry, “We miss Shine,” Rainbow looked round again and faced her fillies. In the light of the moon their tears glistened. In that moment, Rainbow realised how selfish she had been. She should have known they missed her. She knew they were smart enough to understand, but she hoped they wouldn’t be, because it made it too hard. She held her hooves out for them to come closer, which they did so swiftly. As the door swung shut behind them, Swirl and Dash jumped onto the bed, where Rainbow took them and hugged them tightly against her. The feeling of their coats against hers and their need of comforting, which would normally give her the warm, motherly feeling inside, did not help her in anyway. They hugged and all three began to cry as they wept for their fallen Rainbow. A pale sun began to shine through the fine mist of summer, casting a dim light through the window of Rainbow’s bedroom. Dash and Swirl were fast asleep. Dash stayed by her mother’s chest, as she always did, so she could be hugged. Swirl lay further down the bed from Dash, but still pressed against her, and hugged at the long rainbow mane of her mother for security, like she did when she was just a few months old. Rainbow didn’t sleep. She couldn’t sleep. She stared straight ahead and let her mind continue doing whatever it wanted. She may have been completely emotionally drained, but still the fatigue was not enough for her to sleep past the barrier of what little emotion was left inside her at that time. Dash was hugged, just as she wanted, with one of Rainbow’s hooves, while the other stroked down her daughters’ manes. First over Dash’s scruffy mane, which was cut into an awesome style as the filly had demanded. It suited her so well, with her carefree, confident attitude. Next was Swirl’s thick, perfectly combed mane, kept out of her eyes with the headband she always wore. It was the best mane out of her daughters, the only one anything like her own and it only added to her beauty. But there was no third mane. No erratic curls of colour that sprang randomly from the head of a filly. No mane that made her think of the smart, chubby, asthmatic filly that always made her smile just by being there. She missed that most of all. Somehow, the rainbow seemed less bright now.