It was a day like any other for the Rainbow family. Old enough to toddle through the streets of Cloudsdale Rainbow had decided to take her fillies for a walk. Nothing in particular
The city centre was full of other ponies going about their business. None were too bothered by a mother and her three talkative toddlers.
“What's she looking at?” Swirl demanded, swearing she got the stink eye from some punk across the way. “She's looking at a whooping that's what!"
Rainbow shut her eyes. Where her daughter got the fight in her blood she didn't know, but so far she had already bitten a mare and kicked a stallion in the nads, and the way he went down only spurred her on and fuelled this bloodlust. Rainbow was worried something was going to happen.
Shine was whistling. Badly out of tune and just a few notes, but she just discovered this talent that morning and she was going to master it by the afternoon.
“When did you get your wings big, mummy?” Dash asked. “I think my wings are getting bigger again. Look!”
Rainbow sighed quietly, knowing if she indulged her she wouldn't stop. However she didn't stop regardless.
“This feather is getting big, see? See, mummy?”
Rainbow hummed an agreement.
“Soon I'm gonna have my big feathers! Then I can fly fast!” Her wings fluttered loudly, and the noise got right in her mother's ears.
Swirl charged ahead, head lowered, ready to butt. “You want some?!”
Rainbow managed to clamp down on her tail and drag her back before she got too far ahead. “Don't,” she asked nicely.
Swirl didn't reply. She only rubbed her butt of the pain and scowled at the elderly pony on the bench. He was planning something and she knew it, only he wasn't.
Dash pulled at her mother's wing, prying it open for a better look. “Your wings are huge!” she remarked as she looked around. She reached up and touched the tickly bit.
Rainbow flinched. “No, Dash. Please.”
Shine continued whistling as Swirl went to roar at the birds and slightly older children playing with them. Dash pulled harder at her mother's wing. “Eww! You smell, Mummy!” Dash laughed.
Shine took a brief respite from whistling to pull on her mother's tail and shout. “Mummy! Look at that pigeon! It's huge!”
“It really is!” Swirl added, equally impressed.
Rainbow didn't look, although she was missing out. Even for a big pigeon it was ridiculous. It flew off as some children ran threw the birds laughing.
“OI!” Swirl shouted. “We wasn't done looking at that!”
“Mummy!” Shine droaned. “You missed it, Mummy!”
Dash accidentally yanked a large feather from her mother's wing. “Oops. Sorry.”
Rainbow span and screamed herself hoarse, “shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!”
The square fell silent, no one dared move or intervene in case they bore the brunt of her anger. Rainbow stood facing her children with no love in her eyes. Her breath came in furious pants, her teeth clenched and body shaking in rage.
“Will you just shut up for once in your lives!”
The fillies were frozen, shocked. Never before had they heard their mother shout. Raise her voice, sure, but never shout.
Rainbow's eye became damp as the bottle of emotions began to crack under the pressure. “I've had it up to here with you! You never once think of me do you have any-”
“Mu-” Swirl muttered.
“SHUT UP!” Her chest heaved as the fire in her veins spread. “Just once stop thinking of yourselves and go easy on me! Do you have any idea how hard this is? Huh? Do you?”
The fillies were unsure if they could speak, let alone know if they were allowed to speak. They chose to stay silent.
“It is the hardest thing I've ever done. Raising three kids ON YOUR OWN is impossible!”
The crowd had grown around her. Whispers filtered through it and word quickly spread about a mare shoutuing at her children.
“I've tried my hardest to make your lives the best I can. I put my own life on the line. I was malnourished for the first three months of your lives and you didn't even care! I haven't slept a wink since you were born! And for what?! Just so you can keep take take taking from me? I can't do it. I can't keep doing it. I should never have had...”
She trailed off as she started crying. Not because she didn't mean it, but because, in that one second of anger, she meant all of it. A genuine doubt about being a mother, about how much she loved her children. And for her to even think that gave her more pain that she could handle. It came in loud sobs and pained wails. She couldn't stop. She wasn't sure if she wanted to. Over two years of pain she pushed down deep inside was coming out.
She pulled her mane over her face and wept.
Meanwhile, across the city at the supermarket, Blaze stood in line at checkout behind a few poines, all of whom had big trollies and a lot of time to kill. She let herself quietly stew as it was good fodder to complain about later.
The conversation at the front of the queue pricked her ears.
“Did you hear about that mare in the centre?”
“Oh I know dear. It's awful. How could she shout at three such sweet things?”
“Yeah. It's terrible. There's no need for it. They're only little.”
Blaze had to butt in. “Excuse me. What happened?”
The checkout mare spoke in a gossiping tone. “Well, this mare was having a lovely walk with her three little fillies, and she just starts shouting at them. For no reason!”
“What do they look like?” Blaze asked, feeling a knot in her stomach as she feared she already knew.
“A little like yourself, miss. Blue with a lot of colour in their manes.”
“Oh no,” she mumbled to herself. “THUNDER!” she shouted into the shop. He popped up above the fridges, hovering about the ventilation.
“They've only got blue milk I'm afraid,” he shouted over the customers with a bottle of milk in hoof, not caring who heard.
“That doesn't matter. You heard about the mare, right? The one screaming at her kids?”
“Yeah. This guy just told me. Poor things.”
“That's out daughter!”
Thunder let the millk fall with a splash and sped out of the shop with Blaze hot on his hooves.
Rainbow was still crying, her daughters still stood in shock, by the time her parents arrived. Blaze didn't wait and took her filly in a hug.
“It's okay, Rainbow. It's okay,” she assured as she brushed a hoof through her daughter's mane. “It's okay.”
Rainbow cried harder as she fell into her mother. It's just what she needed.
Thunder took the fillies with him. “Are you okay?” he asked
They still couldn't talk, only point and mumble sad sounding, unintelligible syllables.
“That's okay. This is a hard situation. How about we go see uncie, hm?”
They didn't respond with their usual enthusiasm.
“Oh boy,” Thunder said aloud. “A really hard situation. Did you hear that, Blaze?”
“You go. I'll head to mum's with Rainbow in a bit.”
Thunder nodded, scooped up the fillies and flew off.
Blaze pulled away slightly so she could move her daughter's mane out og the way to talk. “You done crying yet?”
It was a stupid question. This was only the beginning.
She shook her head. “Thought not. But we can't stay here. Up you get.” She groaned as she hoisted her considerably larger daughter to her hooves.
Rainbow walked slowly, not able to fly. They took a while but they eventually made it away from prying eyes.
The rumours were spreading far and wide, and by the end of the day everyone had heard about this mother's mental breakdown.
Nana's house was normally a lot closer, but going by hoof took them a while as the bridges were few and far between, but it gave time for Rainbow to clear her head. She wasn't crying anymore, just in a general state of despair.
The scalding, amber liquid shook in her hooves as she raised the mug to her lips. So many times now had she needed a hot, sweet mug of tea to calm her anxiety and panic she was becoming accustomed to having five sugars.
Nana and Blaze sat with their own mugs on pulled up chairs, letting Rainbow sit in the comfy chair in the corner.
“If I'm honest,” Nana remarked to Blaze, not trying hard to keep it from Rainbow, “I was wondering when this would happen.”
Rainbow sat, staring into her mug as she drained it, shaking her head. “I can't believe I said it.”
“What did you say?” Blaze asked tenderly, going to stroke her daughter's side.
“I said I regretted having them.” Repeating it was enough to make her cry again.
“You don't though,” Blaze assured her. “That's obvious. Just look how well they're doing.”
Rainbow did not find comfort in these words, and only continued to cry gently.
“You mustn't feel bad, Swirly my darling,” Nana told her. “Everyone feels like this at some point. Children are hard on their own, and you have three. You've done amazingly well to cope as long as you have. I felt it only after a couple months.”
Both Rainbow and Blaze looked to the elderly mare a little in shock, especially her own daughter.
“I had twins, as you know, and my husband he was always at work. So I had to do everything for the children, the home and, when he got back from work, for your grandfather as well. It can be overwhelming, for anyone.”
Rainbow looked back into the dregs of the mug. Knowing Nana, her idol in everything, had felt the same when she was a new mother gave her some comfort, and made her fell less bad for what she had said.
“And at least you only shouted at them. In terms of what some have done that was nothing. Take me, for example.”
Blaze shot her mother a look of shock and horror. She was dreading to her what her own mother had attempted to do her and her sister. What could it be to instill such embarassment and shame in her mother's eyes?
“I abandoned them,” she said solemnly. “I left them in the park. Didn't regret it. In fact, I felt great, like the weight of the world was lifted.”
Blaze's stomach dropped and heart leapt.
“Of course, as soon as I left through the gate I realised what I had done and went back crying to find you, but it was what I needed. After that I had a proper chat with a professional and told my husband to get his arse into gear.” She felt the need to kiss her daughter's head. “It got better after that.”
“I think that's what you need, sweetie,” Blaze said quickly, almost to just get away from her mother's story. “A break from them. Not for long, just to recover and catch up on sleep.”
Rainbow didn't answer except for the contemplative smile on her face as she dreamt of where she wanted to go. She looked up quickly, beaming.
“Can we go to the pub and get shitfaced?”
It was a long weekend of a boozer, and a surprise to see the mares she looked up to get so off their faces drunk. Not only her family but her friends and some other keen pub goers woke up at someone's house. Whose, Rainbow didn't know, and she wasn't sure if anyone did.
Rainbow lifted her head off the guy she had been using as a pillow, head splitting and stomach wrenching. Immediately she went for the half can for a sip, but now, after four heavy days and nights of drinking, the hair of the dog was no longer viable. Just the smell of alcohol was bad enough, but as soon as the cider hit her tongue she found need of the toilet.
It was oddly nostalgic, the feeling of throwing up in a strange toilet. It reminded her of her student days, and, frankly, she had missed it.
The horrid wretching woke Nana up, who had taken to sleeping in the bathtub the past two nights. She groaned her morning pleasantries.
“Morning,” Rainbow replied, throat stinging at the effort and the sensation of stomach acid still burning. “Alright?”
Nana groaned again, which was enough of an answer.
Rainbow managed a weak chuckle as she made her way to the sink to wash her face and drink straight from the tap, being the classy mare she is.
Downstairs the party, at least a dozen strong, began to stir. The older ones looked like death, while the younger were annoyingly chipper, if not tired. Rainbow found herself at a happy medium between the two.
Blaze sat up, startled by the weird dreams alcohol induce, half her face covered in garlic mayo from last night's kebab.
“What?” she managed to mumble before nearly collapsing back into the food no sober person would eat, but she managed to catch herself. “Rainbow, be a good girl and get your mummy some water.”
Rainbow did so, and got one for herself while she was at it. By her mother she sat, sipping gently the cool liquid, feeling it heal some of the damage she had done.
“I needed this,” Rainbow whispered as to not stress her throat.
“Huh?”
“All this. Blowing off some steam and letting everything out.” Flashes of last night came to her, showing her breaking down in tears while hanging off the shoulders of one of their party, sobbing loudly and ranting about missing her children, showing photos to everyone.
“Good. Good,” Blaze said quietly as she fell asleep, sat up with glass of water in hoof.
“When I'm not feeling so gross I'll go see my babies. I do so miss them. I'm sure they miss me.”
It took two days for the hangover to subside. Eating nothing but bread and water. It was no way to live. Now Rainbow remembered why she had sworn off drinking in excess all those years ago. Nothing was worth this pain. But once better, fed and showered thoroughly, yet the nightclub stamps were still visible, plentiful and embarassingly placed, she made her way to her brother's house to collect her children. She didn't notice the burst of speed she had when flying.
Hurriedly she knocked the door, and from behind she heard the frantic little hooves clambering over each other to get there first.
The door exploded open to her three little Rainbows, staring at her, smiles steadily widening as their mummy had turned up again. Teary eyes they leapt at her and hugged her as hard as they could.
Rainbow took them up and squeezed them a little too tight and planted kisses on any part of them she could get to.
Together they laughed and cried happy tears to be together again.
“I'm so sorry, my sweet things,” Rainbow said between bouts of affection. “I went too far. But I'm better now. I promise I will never shout at you again. But you have to promise me something to.”
They looked up at her hopefully.
“You have to go easy on me too. Normally there'd be a daddy helping but you've only got a mummy, so it's a lot more work for me. So please, just calm down a bit.”
They weren't entirely sure what she meant, but what they understood from it was for them to be a little bit quieter, which was enough.
“Promise,” Dash said, thinking it was the right thing to say. The others nodded before they all buried themselves into their mother's comfortable coat.
“You smell of grown up drinks,” Swirl pointed out.