//------------------------------// // My past is (not) today-part 1 // Story: Pony heart // by sunsetsjournal //------------------------------// Chapter 11: My past is (not) today-part 1 “So, here we are again” Sunset sighed heavily , after grabbing a pen from her handbag: “I can’t believe it’s been a week already!”. She was sitting on the edge of the school rooftop, bending her legs, staring at the setting sun half hidden by the white clouds, with her gaze lost into the dying light. With one hand holding the journal and the other placed on her chest: “Mmm...” she whispered, hearing her heartbeat: “I guess, I am not the only one who’s feeling tense, uh?”. It did not take long for her, though, to realize that nobody was there to listen which made nothing but increase her struggling: “Great, just great! Now I’m gonna stay here talking to myself, because I have nobody else to...” while speaking those words, she laid her eyes on the blank pages of her journal: “But maybe I can still write to somebody or, rather, somepony… “Sunset?!” a kind voice whispered in the girl’s head: “Sunset, wake up!” “Mmm...” the little filly replied , as she lifted her head from the pillow, slowly rubbing her sleepy eyes: “...what’s happening?” “C’mon, it’s time to go”, as soon as Sunset was finally able to see, she realised the one talking to her was her mentor: “Princess!” “Get up, my dearest” “Princess, why are you in my room? It’s not even morning” the girl said , pointing out that it was still three o’clock: “I warned you earlier we would go for a walk tonight, don’t you remember?”, the filly put on a confused face: “Well...I guess I was a little distracted, anyway there’s no problem: I’m ready!” “Good, follow me”. The two of them quietly walked through the corridors of the castle; the atmosphere was calm, yet spooky at the same time: the doors were barely visible, illuminated only by the moonlight, penetrating from the window’s and the princess’s luminescent horn, everypony was asleep and their rooms shut tight, the only thing that could be heard was the breath of the royal night guards passing by, furthermore their hooves produced an echoey clopping sound, as they touched the floor: “Mmm” Sunset thought , trembling: “This is freaky!”. Princess Celestia lead her outside, in the open fields behind the palace, on the top of a hill: “Wow!” Sunset exclaimed , as they arrived: “I take you like the view?” her mentor questioned with an ironic smile on her face: “This is where I come whenever I need to spend sometime by myself, it always cheers me up” “It’s beautiful!”. At that point the filly had remained so caught up in the spectacular scenery that spot offered her she even forgot to ask the princess why she had decided to take her there in the first place: the moon stood high up in the night sky, surrounded by millions of stars, and its fair light painted the houses below in an ashen tint; some of them were illuminated from the inside despite the late hour. Each one was round shaped and white coloured in order to resemble the palace design, as a result they all did look quite similar, plus none lacked their own yard which every gentlecolt was proud of. A light grey smoke was slowly coming out from the chimney of the nearby bakery, spreading a sweet aroma that make Sunset’s mouth water: “I didn’t know Doughnut Joe was such a morning pony”, the girl thought. “I am glad to find out we have some tastes in common” Celestia intervened , waking up the girl from her daydreaming: “Yes...” Sunset whispered in response. The two of them stood still without uttering a word, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere and the delicate cool breeze, touching their cheeks, until Sunset, who had perhaps started suspecting something, decided to break the silence: “Why would you bring me in a place like this?” “As I said before, I often come here, seeking somewhere to rest and gather my thoughts” “And?” “And I thought you needed it” “I beg your pardon?” the girl questioned , putting on a surprised expression: “C’mon Sunset, I noticed you being anxious during dinner” “You did, but how?!” “You barely touched any food: gave just a bite to the lettuce, ate half a carrot and didn’t even lay your eyes on the pudding and I know for a fact that’s your favourite dessert” “Ah, fine!” the little filly sighed in the end : “you got me”, as her pupil lowered her gaze in sadness and defeat, the princess’s voice became gentler: “Hey Sunset, there’s no need to be upset, I’m here to listen: just tell me what it is” the girl initially refused to talk and turned her head around, but, as her mentor neared her and lifted her head with her hoof, staring deep into her candid eyes, she could not help but confess: “It’s just...” “Yes?” “...just that...” “Go on” “Ah, I saw some filly this afternoon and...I don’t know why since then I’ve been feeling...weird” “Weird?” “Yes, it was like there were butterflies in my stomach all of a sudden” “Do you still feel that way?” “Exactly” at the sound of those words, Celestia sighed heavily, as she raised her eyes to the bright moon in the sky: “I am not certain...” replied her eventually: “but maybe you and her share or will share something together” “How so? I’ve never seen her before” “Sometimes we forge bonds with ponies without even knowing them, sometimes you just need a little faith” “but...” “I know what you’re going to say and my answer is: there are certain things you cannot simply describe through a lab experiment” the mare giggled : “If you say so...”. After they both had spent some more time contemplating either the sky or the grassy ground beneath their hooves, Sunset intervened, saying: “You know her, don’t you?” “I do, but now let me ask you a question: how did you two meet?” “We crossed each other earlier in the park” “She is indeed a very talented young unicorn” “Oh...” “Sunset” Celestia questioned worried , noticing that a tear had slipped from her pupil’s eye: “Are you afraid she’s going to replace you as my student?” “I guess so...”the girl replied , after a while: “there are many young fillies I have seen, each of them special and unique” hearing this, made Sunset feel worse, as If, amongst those special unicorns, she had never been so gifted as she thought: “...everyone had their own abilities: lots of them achieved great results, but none will be able to take your place in my heart”. At that moment Celestia, wrapped the young filly in her white feathered wing and dragged her close to her chest: Sunset felt a pleasant warmth, as she snuggled to her, slowly closing her blue eyes; meanwhile, having lowered her head, Celestia started rubbing her face onto Sunset’s, until her frown disappeared: “thank you!” the little girl whispered at that point : “No” her mentor replied: “thank you for staying with me!”. After a few more sweet moments, the mare began to stare at the moon again, while holding her pupil tight with her right leg: “Princess” the filly intervened: ”Yes?” “You never told me why you always look at the night sky like that” at the sound of those words, Celestia’s embrace became tighter, as a drop of tears wetted her cheek: “Maybe one day, Sunset” her mentor gulped in the end : “one day, but not today”. Having written these last words, the girl closed her journal and raised her eyes: the sun had almost reached the horizon and the moon was already clearly visible: “It looks even brighter tonight” sighed her, reflecting upon those pleasant, yet far memories, too far for her to go back now. She had once decided to cross the line which nopony else had ever dared to look at, not even all those ancient powerful wizards she knew so much about had ever come close to what she had done: “Sometimes I remember...” she started saying to herself: “… remember how beautiful it was to wake up every morning in a shiny elegant palace, how warm the blankets of my bed where, how cool it was to hung out in a royal castle and how delicious the smell of fresh made pancakes was. How much I enjoyed studying magic, even if, sitting on a chair all day long, made my back hurt from time to time or how interesting I found Princess Celsetia’s private lectures: I loved those lectures!”. Sunset sighed, biting her lips until they felt too painful; a desperate stream of tears dropped from her red inflamed eyes: “Sometimes I wish could back!” she whispered: “Sometimes I really wished there was a way for me to go back and live like I used to”, despite all her sobbing, the only response to her voice, filled with sorrow and ressentiment, was the cold howl of the wind. She hugged her legs, trying to resist the cold weather, but without results: she felt like her tears had frozen on her face and her voice suffocated: “it won’t take long for me to faint now”, she thought at that moment. She had almost given up to the thought of letting herself loose consciousness, when, suddenly, she heard a low sound, like that of a drop of morning dew falling of the ground, and noticed a tear of hers had ended up on what she was holding in her hands: “My journal!” she sighed, seeing her precious treasure: “my journal” she repeated, holding it on her chest, close to her heart: “It’s all I have left...and it’s still here!” “Mmm...” Sunset thought, sitting in front of the volume of magic history she had borrowed from the library: “...so Starswirl the bearded managed to create a spell that would allow him to open portal between different dimensions? That sounds interesting...what else does this chapter say?” at that moment a familiar friendly voice interrupted her reading: “Sunset, may I come in?” “Princess!” the girl exclaimed , as soon as she heard her mentor calling for her: “Of course”. Having been lit by a bright golden magical aura, the door opened and Celestia allowed herself into the room, her expression was cheerful as daylight and she was wearing an unusual tawny saddle bag: “Am I interrupting?” she questioned, noticing the enormous encyclopedia on the filly’s desk: “Oh...no, not at all” her pupil quickly replied : “I was just revising a few notions before the next advanced magic exam” “about that...” the mare began to say , putting on a suspicious smile: “It’ll be in two days” “that means...on Tuesday, perfect! I still got time to go through a few more books; don’t worry: I won’t disappoint you!” “Like you ever did something of the sort!” the princess giggled : “Anyway, I think you could use a little more practice on the field: would you mind following and showing me a trick or two?” “my pleasure!” Sunset answered , heading to the door: “That girl is making a lot of progress, but...” the princess started thinking , as soon as her pupil had left: “I sure would like her to make some...”at that moment, Celestia laid her gaze on the trash can right next to her and noticed there was something inside: “what’s this?” the mare asked to herself , as she lifted the piece of waste paper she had seen: “Sunset never leaves rubbish in her can: it must be something she threw away recently...a note? Of all the things I expected to see here this wasn’t certainly on the list: now, what does it say?” The princess read Minuette’s invitation and a pleased smile appeared on her lips:”Perfect!” “Okay, Sunset!” Celestia exclaimed , after her student had successfully cast her spell: “you perfectly manage: levitation, transfiguration, summoning and even teleportation” “Ah” the girl exclaimed proudly: “did you expect less?” “Oh course not” her mentor replied , smiling: “I think we can cut this short and take a break: what do you say?” “Well...” Sunset slowly answered : “I have grown a bit tired...and my horn is on fire, so...” “I’ll take that as a yes”. The two of them walked though the palace gardens, passing by the monumental fountain resembling a pony carrying a flag in sign of victory by the main door, until they finally arrived in an isolated spot and laid under the shadow of a willow: “So” Celestia said , caching her pupil’s attention: “how do you like it here?” “It’s very nice” Sunset replied, observing the surrounding environment: the immense castle yard was decorated by the most charming trees she had ever seen; for starters: an exotic flamboyant which takes its names from the fare coloured leaves on its crown, some weird-looking cannonballs trees with their unusual round fruits; giants oaks had grown in line one after the other, creating a sort of a passage under their long branches, so that anypony passing through would have the impression of entering an enchanted forest. There were also less rear lavender trees to which the princess herself dedicated most of her caring attention, but what the filly loved the most was a giant old wisteria: these plants are typical of the eastern regions and are often confused with cherry or lavender trees because on the colour of their blossoms, but if grown properly, these ones can reach colossal hight and, when in full bloom, offer the eyes an unforgettable spectacle. The yard shrubs, on the other hand, were no inferior in beauty: there where wegelas covered in white and rose flowers, reminding of spring, various forsythias, symbolizing luck with their golden leaves; roses of Sharons attracted bees with their irresistible sweet aroma, while the pink camelias were still soaked with morning dew: “You sure put a lot of effort into this place” the filly suddenly intervened, braking the silence: “Even princesses need their small breaks from time to time and I like spending mine here, amongst these plants, becoming one with nature and enjoying some peace” “I didn’t know you were so poetic!” Celestia answered with a giggle: “It’s a nice change from the chaotic crowded town hall, where I get to hear everypony, shouting their requests or attending public events where I am expected to look perfect in front of those watching me” “Sounds stressful…” “It is, I’m afraid” “And yet you keep enduring, because?” “Because I must, it is my duty” as she heard her mentor being so firm and assertive in her speech, Sunset shut her mouth and lowered her eyes intimidated, until the princes resumed the conversation: “But I, too, have my flows and weaknesses” this time it was the mare the one who was staring at the abyss without uttering a word: “so...what about me?” “Excuse me?” “I mean: now that you are here with me, are you being sincere or are you just doing this because it needs to be done?” “Sunset, I…” “Because, to me, it doesn’t matter if you are flawless or not; to me you’ll always be perfect” at the sound of those words, the princess could not help but blush: for a moment she felt truly happy like she hadn’t been in almost a millennium, she held her pupil close to her, wrapping her in her wing, and felt their hearts beating as one. The mare lowered her head and kindly pressed her muzzle onto Sunset’s and rubbed them together, then stroke the filly’s neck with hers; both of them remained silent: “I feel the same way” Celstia finally answered : “You’ll always have a special place in my heart” tears slowly sprouted out of their eyes almost at the same time and lined their cheeks: “and as long as you stay here I’ll be right by your side to help and guide you, whenever you need me...” a further moment of silence interrupted her: “but I want you to know that even when you leave, you’ll always be the first one in my thoughts” at that point the princess lit her horn and a took a book from the saddle bag she was wearing: “here, keep it with great care” “what’s this?” Sunset curiously questioned : “a book...with my cutie mark on it?” “This is no ordinary book: it is a one of a kind magical artefact, whatever you wrote here will appear in one of my books in the library, so we will always be connected...you might call it...your very special journal”. At that very moment, Sunset’s face became as red as a chilly pepper: “I...I don’t know what to say...I...” “Then don’t say anything and come here”. The two of them held each other in an endless embrace, filled with love and affection, until the mare spoke again: “Can I ask something of you now?” “Anything” “Do you promise me to follow my instructions and trust me?” “I do... completely” “I found a letter this morning in your room; it was in the trash can” “Oh...” Sunset gulped : “why did you threw it away?” “It’s just that...my studies...I had to focus on them for my exam” “You can’t allow your studies to prevent you from getting to know other ponies” “I know, but...” “Besides, you’ve proven yourself enough today” “I fear I don’t follow” “Your exam...you held it earlier with me and passed it with full grades” “ I did?” “Absolutely” “So, does this mean?” “that you are free to go to Minuette’s party on Tuesday” “Mmm...” “Please Sunset” the princess insisted , looking deep into her pupil’s eyes: “do it for me: go” “Ah...” the girl sighed , replying: “Fine, I promise” “Thank you...a lot”. “Shoot...” Sunset sighed, laying on the cold surface of the rooftop: “...If only...”, suddenly she stopped talking and began to stare at the sky above: shining stars have started appearing, illuminating everything around them in an ashen light. She had always been passionate about astronomy, since when she was a student back in Equestria and that same feeling she had preserved in her new life on the other side of the mirror: “they are so different from the ones at home” whispered her, lifting her right arm in an attempt to catch them: “that must be Orion, I remember reading about it in a book once” Sunset went on saying , while pointing out an eastern constellation: “it does look kind of weird with those two arms; oh, and that is Gemini: it actually does resemble two people hugging each other, while that is Auriga it contains approximately 10.000 pc stars!” A moment of silence followed: “All those incredible things we nearly know nothing about… they are so beautiful and, yet, so far away...like home….If only I had listened to her that night...” “Oh” the filly breathed heavily : “C’mon Sunset, you can do this: it’s just a party; you’ve done lots of overcomplicate stuff, whatever could go wrong?” the girl kept on thinking , hesitating to get inside the castle hall where Minuette’s party was being held: “Ok, I’m ready: the sooner I get in the better”. Sunset silently squeezed through the door and made her entrance into the room: the hall was overwhelmed and had been decorated top to bottom like during the Grand Galloping Gala, many tables had been covered in a white silk cloth and, judging by what was displayed on them, the menu included all sorts of candies and treats from doughnuts to cupcakes and, of course, a giant vanilla cake with a cherry on the top. Sunset, lowered her gaze and, without being noticed, approached a table, lit her horn and lifted one of the chocolate cupcakes to have a bite. In the meantime she could not help but stare at everypony else giggling, laughing, telling each other jokes: “what are all of them so happy about?”. At that very moment a group of colts appeared at the door: the were four of them, a green skinned one with furry sideburns, wearing a pair of thick glasses, a mate of his, slightly younger, had his skin the colour of the sea and a submarine as cutie mark, the remaining two were both blush, yet one was distinguishable by his curly hair; they all hurried to the stage at the centre of the room: “who are they?” Sunset wandered , ignoring the fact that one of the most successful bands in Equestria had been invited to the party. Three of the colts grabbed their instruments: two guitars and a bass, while the last one made himself comfortable behind a drum; then it did not take long for them to start playing. Hearing the music, everypony in the room could not hold on anymore and started dancing restlessly: the tune the band was playing was filled with emphatic energy: “Great” Sunset thought , covering her ears: “I’m done here”. The girl tried to get to the door and escape that weird circumstance, yet somefilly was there to stop her: “Sunset!” an exited familiar voice exclaimed : “You made it!” “Um?” the girl replied: “I...mean yes...of course and you are Minuette, right?” “Sure as spring” “Happy...birthday” “Why...thank you, I am so glad you managed to come, despite your exam” “Wait, what?” “When the librarian told me you were stuck studying, I feared the worst, but it seems like you made it in time!” “Yeah...” “What are you doing here, anyway? The fun is right there!” “You see...I was just about to...” “You certainly don’t wanna miss that!” the azure youngster dragged Sunset to the dancing floor: “C’mon show me, some moves!” “I really should...” Minutte did not let the girl finish her sentence, for she started dancing around her and making pirouettes, forcing the other one to do the same. Sunset was not too happy about that, but she took the chance to look around again, as she was trying to spot a particular purple filly: “She’s not here” sighed her after a while: “She didn’t come” “what are you talking about?” Minuette interrupted her thoughts : “Are you looking for somepony?” “No, no, was just...admiring how awesome everything looks like tonight...” Sunset answered embarrassed, suddenly realising the music had stopped playing: “If you say so” the azure filly went on saying : “But enough chatting: it’s time for the big event!” “Whatever do you mean?” ignoring Sunset’s question, Minuette made her way up to the stage and took the microphone from one of the band’s members: “Good evening everypony and thank you all for coming here; it means so much to me!” “What is she up to?” the girl thought almost at the same time : “But now it’s time for the special event we were all looking forward to: the very best of the best here in Canterlot, Sunset Shimmer, will perform one of her spectacular spells right here in front of our very eyes!” a loud “Oh!” immediately followed: “Wait...what?!” Sunset exclaimed , having heard those words: “C’mon Sunset, come here on the stage and show us something spectacular!” Minuette insisted . While hearing everypony cheering, the filly gulped and, blushing, slowly climbed upstage: “I certainly didn’t expect this...”. “C’mon!” she said to herself, as soon as she arrived next to the birthday pony: “Just a little trick or two won’t be a problem, will they? Transfiguration perhaps...”. The little filly, closed her eyes, desperately trying not to think about the ones staring at her and the sweat dropping from her forehead, then took a deep breath and lit her horn. A spark ignited in the air, the whole stage was surrounded by a magical aurora, while everypony remained more and more amazed: “Just a little more...” Sunset kept reaping to herself : “A little more…”. Little did she know, though, that for the first time in her life one of her spells would fail: her horn suddenly stopped glowing, as an annoying cracking sound was heard: “Um?!” the little filly exclaimed shocked , reopening her eyes: “It can’t be...it simply can’t!” struggling, Sunset tried to recast the spell but it was all useless: somepony in the crowd coughed, others whispered silently to each other, others stared angry at Sunset, until a colt dared say: “And you’re supposed to be the best of the best?! Ah, even I can do more than that!” the rest of the ponies loudly agreed and started telling certain things which only helped the girl’s heart to break apart more quickly; in the meantime Sunset cried, humiliated in front of those fillies and colts, she cried: “Hey” Minuette intervened , attempting to comfort her, placing her hoof upon the filly’s shoulder: “It’s okay...” “It’s not” firmly replied the girl: “What?” “Let me go!” “Sunset, I...” “I said let me go!”. Once free, the girl got off the stage and hurried up to the exit, while hearing everypony in the room laughing at her; until one of them, perhaps the one who had insulted Sunset in the first place, threw at plate at her. Without even turning around, the filly stopped the dish from hitting her, shuttered it into a million pieces with her magic and got outside, feeling her eyes still filled with tears. Sunset run off the castle, until she arrived to the front yard where she collapsed beneath a willow, bursting into tears. The things she was feeling, the ones she had heard were awful: she was devastated, ashamed, injured on the inside; yet at that very moment a familiar and at the same time pleasant voice caught her attention: “I was certain I’d find you here” “Princess” the little girl replied , lifting her red inflamed eyes from the ground: “Princess...I am so sorry...I have failed you, I...” her mentor calmly interrupted her: “You didn’t Sunset” “But you said...I promised and then the spell...I ruined everything!” “It’s not your fault” “But...” at that point Celestia laid next to her pupil and wrapped her in her wing: “Sh… It’s okay, I’m here now”. Sunset hugged the princess tight: “Do you know what I do when I feel sad and alone?” The little filly replied she did not: “I look at the stars: they always manage to cheer me up with their bright light” “Really?” “Sure, I even managed to learn how to recognize a few of them” “Cool” “Thanks, for example that constellation over there is Cygnus, you can see the wings, right?” “Yeah” “While that one is called Sagittarius, it looks rather weird don’t you think?” “Ha, ha, I guess” “And that one in the end is called Ursa Minor, the last star on the tail always indicates North” “Its name sounds familiar” “It should: some giant bears, living in the Everfree Forest, bear it; never cross one of them, though, they’re extremely dangerous and aggressive!” “And what about that large one over there?” “That, my dear, I like to call Draco”. The two of them stayed together without stopping speaking, even the silliest things began to sound funny: “Princess” Celestia’s pupil intervened: “Yes, Sunset?” “Thank you” “No, Sunset, no need to thank me” a moment of silence interrupted their conversation: “I promise I’ll do my best to make you proud of me one day” “Believe me Sunset: you already have...” “And that’s the end of the story” the girl wrote on the page of her journal: “It’s all done now, I have told everything I held to me as the most precious moments of my life, I’ve freed myself from this burden for you” Sunset stopped writing for a moment and breathed heavily: “There is nothing left to me that you don’t know already, everything that had been a part of me till this moment I’ve written to you. After all, you are the one who, pulling me out of that crater, showed me the way I was meat to follow all along; If not for you, I still wouldn’t have anyone dear to my heart. But now it is me, your friend, who asks you to tell something sincerely: it must be clear now how much special you are to me; then if you feel the same way you told me long ago, if you really love me, why won’t you answer me?” and with these very words she closed her journal.