//------------------------------// // Episode 18: Beast Man Beatdown! // Story: I Have No Mouth, and I Must Squee ( A Comment Driven Story) // by Down with Chrysalis //------------------------------// You can't help but let out an airy sigh as you think, You know universe, was it too much to ask for this to be a non-canon event? Sighing once again you look at the Stand arrow in your hand and you think, Swat's Comment I should probably strap this thing somewhere safe where those dogs can't see it. Don't wanna accidently give a Beast Man the powers to defeat me after all! Well that and I'm pretty sure Celestia wouldn't like a super powered Diamond Dog running around either. With that thought you begin to look around for anything that you could use as a strap for the arrow, but you’re outta luck as all that surrounds you is gold and gems. Really? Not a single piece of cloth or anything like that? Well there goes my chances of pulling off a heroic 'get out of jail free if you’re the chosen one' scenario if I got captured. Now what do I do with this thing? I don't exactly wanna leave it behind. It is at this point you notice that your poncho, newly tightened as it may be, still has extra length to it. You stare at it for a good couple seconds before taking a deep sigh and thinking, Sacrifices must be made. Forgive me my awesome moon poncho! With that thought you... MagicLover2128's Comment Quickly tear a portion of your tunic off, as much as you can and not ruin it further than it is, then wrap the Stand Arrow into a sort of pouch which you then stuff and strap to your waist. You also use the edge of the bag to give the end of the arrow a quick wipe to clean it of the pizza stain. As much as you feel like the pizza stain has some sort of connection to...something you know that Diamond dogs are, well, dogs. And if there's anything Animal Planet has taught you is that dogs can smell pretty good. You don't want them picking up any scents while you’re trying to sneak attack them. Though as ancient as it is would it even smell? Better safe than sorry I suppose. Speaking of scents, when’s the last time I took a bath? GotThisToLikeStorys's Comment This seemingly out of nowhere thought, which being honest isn't that unusual for you, makes you ponder. I mean, I remember going to the spa but I never really did take a shower for the last couple days being in prison, except for when the sink water sprayed all over me. That counts right? I doubt I smell too ba-urk! While you were thinking you decided to take a quick whiff of your pits and well...let's just say that stink bomb you made in the fifth grade smelt better than you. Ugh! I smell like a sweaty muscle head that forgot to change his socks for over a year! There's no way those dogs won't smell me coming a mile away. Sighing dejectedly at this fact, you decide that if you’re gonna stealth you're gonna have to do it fast before the Diamond Dogs can react. Now I just need one more thing before I can start looking for Rarity... With that thought you... Jaro45's Comment BrownDog's Comment Start to search the treasure pile for a pair of gauntlets in your size. You may not have THE POWER anymore, and your hands are still tender, but combine your strength with good armor, and you can punch your way into a vault. Made of tanks. You momently stop searching as the image of Skeletor punching through a wall of tanks leaves you so awestruck that you are physically unable to move or do anything else till the image fades from your mind. The G.I. Joes wouldn’t have shit on me! Eat your heart out Cobra Commander, Nyehahahaha... ... Yeah, you are far to obsessed with Skeletor. Anyway you go back to your search for looking for some you-sized gauntlets. After a few minutes of searching you do find an armored glove of sorts. It’s only for a left hand/claw/paw/whatever, and only really protects your knuckles, but it will have to do as you have this nagging feeling that you've wasted too much time. But of course this doesn't stop you from laughing loud and long while holding up your new weapon to the sky. Time to show these inferior Beast Man that they should fear the might of Skeletor! I will strike terror into their craven, yellow hearts! And then they shall all bow to me, and serve the mighty Skeletor! Nyehehehehehe! After a few more minutes of laughing you calm down enough to actually put the gauntlet on, and when you do, it’s a tight fit. Alright, time to summon my inner Joe Baker and punch all my problems away...Hopefully without cutting my knuckles that is. With that thought you take one last look around the Diamond Dog stash to see if there's anything else that might be able to help you before you start looking for Rarity. It is as you look that you notice something... BrownDog's Comment You spot a little alcove off to the side. You notice that there's a trail leading from it to the pedestal where you found the Stand arrow. Getting curious you think, Weird...but there might be something over there that can help me. Might as well check it out. With that thought you make your way over to the alcove. Inside, you see what looks like an ancient cave painting, like something out of Neanderthal times. It shows what looks like a bipedal figure, garbed in blue, with long yellow hair, holding the arrow, with a rainbow above her head. Your mouth drops at this sight. Is...is that Megan? you flip open your notebook to the map with X's that you'd copied from Twilight's notebook. You can't be sure if it matches up or not though because you have no frame of reference. I...I gotta look into this more. Something is... You trail off as in the dim light, you spy a metal plaque at the bottom of the painting, and in it is scrawled words. English words. Number 3 of 6. Will you find them all? Will you find me? It reads. You look in shock from the plaque to the picture and back. Okay, this mystery just deepened...I'll have to get back to this though, maybe with Twilight or someone. I've got a Beast Man to acquire. And I have to save Rarity to maybe…but she can handle herself. You then reluctantly turn your back on the painting and make your way through the caverns, but not before quickly jolting down the vague message down in your notebook. Note to self, begin making specific sections in notebook. I'm going to lose track of all this stuff if I don't, or worse I'll accidently show off one of my 'predictions' without meaning too. As you walk out of the alcove you head over to what you presume is the actual entrance to the Diamond Dog stockpile. As you exit the area you realize that it would probably be for the best if you knew your way back here. Whatever that Megan stuff is, I have to be able to find it again. There might be more to find… Of course to do this you grab a sharp rock from the floor and test it on the walls. You make a short ‘x’ symbol with an arrow pointing forward. There, just have to do that at every corner or every few yards and that should be good. You continue to make markings along the walls every 10 steps or so as you start to figure out a map in your head you travel through the cave system. Though it would be more accurate to describe it as a mineshaft as you see support pillars all over the place, as well as empty wagons and rail carts. Gotta give those Beast Ma-Diamond Dog's credit. They may be really dumb, but they sure do know how to create a stable tunnel system. A few more minutes go by before you come across five different tunnel entrances. Oh come on! Ugh, well guess it’s time for the age old adage of 'Eeny, meeny, miny, moe'. Let's see... And so you begin the process of randomly picking a tunnel to go through. However just as you’re about to select one you suddenly hear Rarity's voice echo from the far left tunnel, "Thiis is Whiiininggg!!!" Welp, guess I know where she is. Heh, she’s already onto annoying them, so I’ve been wandering around down here for awhile. You make your way down the tunnel and soon you spot the group of anthropomorphic dog orc things. You duck down and try and hide behind a large boulder that is situated in front of one of the open passageways to the large cavern, and sure enough you see Rarity and the Diamond Dogs going through the whining gag. But there is one difference... WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF THEM! AND WHAT THE HELL ARE SOME OF THEM EATING TO GET THAT JACKED!? It's true, there are far more Diamond Dogs than there were in the original episode, and some of them are almost as roided out as you are. You do have height on them, as your earlier calculations were correct, they only come up to your chest, but still their numbers alone make that a moot point. And they have spears! I forgot they had those in the episode, you bemoan as you see many of them holding onto the Medieval weapons. Even with their weapons though, Rarity’s whining makes them focus on their ears more than anything. Especially the main three leaders, Rover, Spot and Fido who look like they are in pain. Okay...so it looks like cartoon logic is in play and soon she’ll have them eating out of her hooves. I should just sit this one out, because there are far too many of them. I just have to sneak back the way I came. Thankfully they’re all so smelly that I don’t even register. And even as you think that, you notice one of the two guard dogs in front of the tunnel begins sniffing the air, despite holding his ears from Rarity’s voice. The guard on the left slowly starts turning his head. Crap! Denneylaw's Comment Kersey's Comment Without time to think, and with a quick prayer that cartoon logic is on your side for once, you quickly smack the dog on the right side of his head...with the hand not wearing the gauntlet. OW! Dang it I thought you would be healed by now! You groan as you clutch your hand in pain. Stupid, useless, roided out body! While you were distracted by your own pain, the dog you hit grabs his own head in pain and surprise before glaring at the guard dog next to him. He proceeds to growl gibberish that the other dog understands. At least you think he understands, the other dog is suddenly giving a glare to his compatriot. Wait, what was that? How come I can't understand th-oh! Your eyes widen and your inner Twilight appreciation kicks in, Maybe that was their native tongue or something! That's so cool! There are other languages here besides English, or whatever it is that sounds English to me. This is so co-Wait no focus and hide befo- "HEY! What That Thing!" Sadly for you while you were absorbed in the awe of discovering a new language (to you at least) the two guards in front of you had gotten into a fight. This would be good, if their fight hadn't drawn the attention of the other dogs in the room as well as the fact that they were the only ones blocking you from being seen. Now your burly form is in view of everyone. Even Rarity stops whining and looks over at you in shock. “Mr. Skeletor is that you?” she asks. Crap! Keep Whining Rarity! Keep Whining! You panic, but it’s too late, you’ve drawn all the focus (aside from the two dogs fighting in front of you.) "Who!? What is tall biped doing here!?" asks Spot, the little dog. “It taller than me!” Fido, the large one adds. “No matter,” Rover the red vested one says, “It get pony to stop whining! This good for everyone! Bring it so she shut up!” You gulp slightly at all the dogs look at you like you’re some kind of useful weapon. Snap out of it! You are Skeletor, and the mighty Skeletor is not afraid of the dumb Beast Man and his multiple slightly buffer copies! With that thought you look Rover right in the eye and… Sunbro4life's Comment Denneylaw's Comment Raise your arms with a mighty war cry! "NYEHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Diamond Dogs are caught off from your sudden shout, which is all you need as you run for your life back down the tunnel. “After that thing before Pony Whine Again!” Rover orders. “But I thought you liked Whiiiinnniiinnngg!!!” Rarity starts up, much to their jargon. That still doesn’t stop several of the Beast Men from chasing you though. Damn It! Of all the times to not have the Havoc Staff! Once you reach the five tunnel intersection, you take the middle most one and try to hide. The group of dogs look at the tunnels, and in their weird speech, they split up, with 2 of them heading your way. AH! No time to run. Ora! You swing with your gauntleted left hand this time…only instead of hitting the lead dog, your arm catches inside his vest. “Aroo?” the dog makes a dumb confused noise as the other one stops momentarily in confusion. Oh crap, oh crap! What do I do?! You try to get out but it’s no use, and you don't have too much time as the other dog snaps out of his daze and rushes you. Thinking quickly you move to the side, causing the dog whose vest you’re caught in to take your place as he receives a punch in the gob. Not letting the offending dog get a chance to realize what just happened you turn back around and punch him with your non-gauntlet hand. This of course hurts like hell, but you ignore it in favor of surviving a doggy beat down. You proceed to this quiet a few times until eventually the attacking Diamond Dog is knocked out, and you finally get out of the half-conscious dog's vest before knocking him out with your own fist. The entire time you were constantly letting out short 'Nyehs' at a quick pace. Nyehehehehe! Thank you oh mighty Stooges for teaching me the art of whacky fighting! Also owwww.... You massage your even more injured hand, and after checking it your glad it hasn't started bleeding again. After checking your hand you gingerly pick up their spears and break the blades off of them so they won’t have anything to stab you with when they wake up. Alright, I dodged a bullet-er-spear there. I think maybe I’ll just hang out with the gem pile and wait for this whole thing to blow over. And with that you creep your way back down your marked trail, or you try to anyway, as you are currently hauling one of the Diamond Dogs on your shoulders. Urg! You’re gonna regret those extra pounds later Beastman, when you’re redecorating my new lair! Maybe not the smartest thing, hauling a heavy bipedal dog creature when others are looking for you, but if there’s one thing you are, it’s determined…and insane. Mostly insane. Greatness942's Comment You hobble to the gem pile thanks to the markings you left throughout the tunnel system, and thankfully, no dogs have found you. Alright, Take a rest Beast Man you heavy asshole, you think as you shrug the dog off of your shoulders and onto the gem pile. Woo! You fan yourself and wipe the sweat from your brow. That took a lot out of me. You sit yourself down next to the dog and take a breather while you wait for the main characters to come and find you. After awhile, the Dog comes around, and they groggily look around, so you stand up in front of them and their eyes widen. Good morning sunshine, your new master says hello, you smile smugly. The dog starts looking around themselves, and a strange expression comes across their face. Heh, the next thing you’ll say is “Puny Biped, this is our take!” you think before pointing to them, but then something unexpected happens, the dog starts whining in fear. “No, no no! This Bad! So Bad!” “Nyeh?” you ask and the dog winces and scrambles away from the pile. “Dogs not touch! Dogs not supposed to touch pile! It not belong to us!” they stutter. As they say this, the pedestal where you grabbed the Stand arrow begins to glow and the rib cage on it begins to rattle. “No, no! I not bad dog! I swear!” your Beastman pleads with some unseen force. Okay, just what the Hell is going o- Your jaw drops and your thought peters out as you see bones floating out of the gem pile, and attaching themselves to the torso, forming a perfect Diamond Dog skeleton with red eyes, holding a boney sword and shield. I…Huh? The skeleton ignores you however, and starts walking menacingly down the gem pile and towards your acquired Beastman. “No please! It not my fault! Please!” they beg in abject fear. OH I DON’T THINK SO! you challenge the thing as you step between it and the Diamond Dog. The living skeleton looks to you, sizing you up. This is my Beast Man, go get your own you bumbling batch of bones! “NYEH!!!” you shout putting your fists up and the skeletons eyes glow brighter. Next you’re gonna laugh in a terrifying manner. “EYAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!” the skeleton exclaims in a haunting cackle. Booyah. ... ... ... Wait a second....How the hell do I beat a living skeleton? WHAT DO YOU DO?