Rarity has Dyed

by Unwhole Hole


Chapter 1: Pink

With a flourish and an admittedly ostentatious strut, Rarity stepped out from behind the curtain, flicking her hair as she struck a pose.

“Well?” she said, smiling and waving her perfectly mascaraed eyelashes. “What do you think?”

“I think my hindquarters are starting to hurt somethin’ fierce,” muttered Applejack. “I mean, seriously, Rarity, did you set out to find the most uncomfortable chairs possible?”

Rarity frowned and groaned. “Darling, the chairs and couches are meant to support the décor by bringing the room together in a unified theme. Comfort is more of a secondary consideration.”

“Tell that to my hindquarters.”

“No. I don’t intend to fall for that again. Now, if you would be so kind as to give me your opinion?”

“Bout what?”

Rarity frowned even more deeply and gestured sharply at her mane.

“What about it?”

“Darling. I’ve colored it pink!”

“Wait. Is that all you did? I’ve been sitting here for three hours- -”

“The art of changing the color of ones mane is a delicate and sensitive process!” Rarity’s pitch increased several octaves toward the end of the sentence, causing Applejack to wince. “This particular temporary dye has several special requirements that simply MUST be adhered to at the risk of split ends. SPLIT ENDS, darling!”

“I don’t even know what split ends are.”

“What your mane is almost entirely made out of, essentially.”

Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “Did you just insult me?”

“No.”

“Oh…okay. But…why am I here again?”

“Because your opinions are renowned for their brutal honesty. And after undergoing a procedure this drastic, I need some of it. Well? How do I look?”

“Like that tall pony that that Fancy Pants guy pays to stand around him naked. Or like if Pinkie Pie had a sister who didn’t have a color as if she was purpose-bred to hide in the rocks and wait until yer too close to get away…”

“That’s oddly specific.”

“Why did you even change the color anyway? It looks…weird. Like you’re a big Sweetie Belle or somethin’.”

Rarity paused, not knowing if she had just been insulted or not. “Darling, I told you! It’s for the Breast Cancer Awareness Charity Ball in Canterlot! As a prestigious designer and small business owner, I’m expected to attend! I’ve spent the last month making a special fashion line for the charity event!”

“So you spent the last month making dresses. That’s not exactly news. And why the heck are we having a Breast Cancer ball anyway?”

Rarity gasped. “Darling! Breast cancer is a very serious disease!”

“I know that, but in case you didn’t notice, we’re ponies!”

“So?”

Applejack sat up and gestured at her flat pony chest. Rarity looked at it, and then down at her own. “Huh,” she said. “I never noticed that we don’t actually have any…”

“You make dresses and you didn’t notice?”

“Well- -the thought never occurred to me! But it certainly does explain why the busts never fit correctly…”

“And you said this thing is a ball, right?”

“Yes. A charity ball.”

“Well, then, wouldn’t it make more sense to have it for testicular cancer instead?”

Rarity gasped. “Applejack! There’s no need to be so vulgar!”

“I’m not bein’ vulgar! I’m just saying! Now I know for a FACT that testiculars DO exist! That’s where Flurry Heart came from!”

“Not to mention the fact that I’m sure you’ve seen some.”

Applejack’s eyes went wide, and her color shifted several shades redder. “Are you sayin’ I’ve seen a lot of testiculars?”

“I did not mean to imply that. But you do have a brother, so- -”

Applejack shuddered and appeared to become nauseous. “One more word about my brother’s testiculars and I’ll put you in a headlock!”

“Please don’t,” sighed Rarity. “I bruise like a banana. A desperately fabulous banana, but a banana nonetheless. You have no idea how difficult it is having a perfect white coat!” Rarity flicked her pink-colored hair and walked to a mirror. “Everything must be perfect if I’m to represent my business and to show the event the proper level of respect.” She sighed. “But pink is certainly not my color…sweet Celestia’s golden rump, I’m having such terrible second thoughts…”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry about it. It looks fine. Besides, it’s a temporary dye. Heck, you probably could have dyed it green and still made it work.”

Rarity’s eyes turned sharply toward Applejack, and their gaze made Applejack take a step back. “I appreciate the vote of confidence,” whispered Rarity. “But don’t joke about something like that.”

“R…right…”

Rarity levitated a brush and began to run it through her mane. “Well. I think I can tolerate it for now. It simply wouldn’t do to make an appearance out of form. It would be downright uncouth. And I have already taken precautions to prepare the rest of the town…”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Precautions?”

“Well, yes, darling! The act of changing one’s mane color, even for a few days- -it can be profoundly shocking on one’s constitution! Why, if I were to find that you had changed your marvelous but split-end ridden blond mane to a different shade, the shock would give me such a terrible fit of the vapors!”

“Um…I still can’t tell if you’re insulting me…”

“Only partially darling. Nevertheless, I took out an ad in the local paper to ensure that everypony knows I will be changing my mane color. That way no one will be shocked or suffer fainting bouts.”

“You took out an ad? Seriously?”

“Of course, darling. It should be out in today’s issue, assuming that Derpy finished the design on time.”

Applejack’s eyes went wide. “You gave the job to…her?”

“Well she certainly needs the work. And she did such an amazing job on the invitations for Cranky and Matilda’s wedding…”

“Whoa boy,” muttered Applejack. “This isn’t going to go well…”