How to Disappear Completely

by shortskirtsandexplosions


Icebergs

A crystal pony sat at a piano, hammering away at a beautiful melody while a trio of drummers added background percussion in layers.

Octavia stood beside the piano with a freshly scribbled musical sheet, conducting the musician as best as she could. The rest of the orchestra performers—including Vinyl Scratch—crowded around the scene, listening intently with faces full of enchantment.

At long last, as the pianist struck the final chords, Octavia swiped her hoof through the air to end the performance.

There was only a half-second of silence before everypony gathered around was clapping intensely. Vinyl in particular stomped her hooves against the stage while bearing a huge grin.

Flash Sentry smiled, clapping his fetlocks together for what it was worth.

"Marvelous... simply marvelous," Octavia breathed, visibly moved.

"Such an honor to play that," the pianist said with a touch of emotion in her voice. She turned around in her stool and smiled at Flash. "Mr. Brad... how did you come up with this masterpiece?"

"I thought I made it clear," he said, folding his forelimbs with a smirk. "I didn't compose it. I'm simply supplying it."

"And we are more than grateful," Octavia said with a nod. "This will most definitely enthrall the patrons who will be attending the banquet." She lifted a pen in her grasp. "In the spirit of good intentions, who might I tell the visitors this was written by?"

"A greek dude named 'Vangelis,'" Flash Sentry explained. "For an old movie that I can... never find the strength to stay awake through." He coughed sideways. "Figured you could get the piano part down pat. Still... nothing beats the original version with supplementary synthesizers."

"Ah! Maybe Vinyl could add her talents!"

"Pffft. Good luck with that. I can't compose with synthesizing equipment to save my life," Flash said with a chuckle. "Too bad there won't be guitar solos for this event. I'd be all over that shit."

"I'm... certain we can arrange something if the stewards allowed us to," Octavia remarked. "This is a celebration of embracing new cultures, after all."

"Heh... nah..." Flash shook his head. "The less I ruffled their hair the better."

"Why's that?"

"Forget about it." Flash Sentry stood up, gesturing. "You can add that number to your list of performances. If you get tangled up on the backup percussion, then just fall back on the other number I wrote down for you."

"Ah... yes..." Octavia ruffled through a stack of music sheets. "The aptly named 'Hello, Jude,' I presume?"

"Close enough!" Flash smiled. He made a grand exit, hopping off the stage. "Whelp! Gotta check on the rest of the preparations! Stay sexy, ya crazy horses!"

"So long, Mr. Brad!"

"Thank you so much!"

"You're the reason all of this is possible!"

Flash waved without looking back. His smile was subtle—if not a rosy one. "I'll be sure to remember it..."

He had lost track of time. Thus, as he made his way across the banquet hall, he pleasantly surprised to see that much of the fire damage had been completely cleaned up. What's more, nearly two thirds of the eating area had been completely furnished and decked out in dazzling decor. It was then that he noticed two figures seated on a pair of stools, flanked by crystal pony servants who were quickly carrying materials to and fro.

"Be sure not to mix two of the same colors in a row!" Soarin hollered, gesturing at the crystalline walls of the room. "And angle them towards the light so that they glitter with... uh... extra glitter!" Calmly, he turned to face the blonde seated beside him. "Okay. What next?"

"Uhm..." Derpy squirmed where she sat, timidly touching her two front hooves together. Her eyes rolled, gazing at everything at once. "We really need to clean up that patch of mildew up at the top."

"Whoah..." Soarin blinked. "I didn't even see that!"

"And if you can't get the stain out... uhm... maybe hang a faux chandelier in the spot. Then put the table of complimentary Crystal Empire snowglobes underneath it to distract the eye..."

"Sure! I mean... why not just go ahead and do that? Unless you think there's a better place to put the table—"

"No. Right there would be good." Derpy squinted as her eyes wandered and wandered. "Mmmmmmm... and make the chandelier lit with red and purple candles. It'll keep the look balanced with the torches situated left of the stage."

"Got it. Ahem." Soarin raised his voice, gesturing at the servants. "Put a chandelier up there to cover the stain! Also put the table of snowglobes beneath it! Once the chandelier's in place, fix it with red and purple candles! We'll wait to light them tomorrow morning before the guests arrive!"

"Sure thing!"

"Will do!"

"Looking good, sir—"

"Don't thank me!" Soarin grin wide, gesturing at the mare beside him. "She's the designer here! Heheh... I'm just passing the word along!"

"Mmmmm..." Derpy blushed slightly, squirming in her seat. "Thank you, Mister..."

"Hey! No problem..."

"Uhm... can I ask you something?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

Derpy brushed her golden bangs back. "Why... are you doing this for me?"

"Oh. Well... you know..." Soarin shrugged. "You were knee-deep in despair earlier... when you really didn't need to be. Brad... uh... Mister Bard picked you for a reason. You've got a real knack for design and you can think in ways most ponies can't."

"You really think so?"

"Isn't it obvious? I couldn't come up with all of this brilliant stuff in such a crunch for time!"

"Yeah, well..." Derpy fidgeted some more. "I'm no Rarity."

"Rarity?" Soarin snorted. "You mean as in the owner of Canterlot Boutique? I've met the mare. Nice pony. Very generous. But let me tell you..." He gestured with a smirk. "No sense of subtlety. She likes to be as extravagant as possible. But here? Beneath the palace? Seems like an awful shame to outshine the crystal ponies. But you? I think you know just how to pace it. Probably thanks to that down-home Ponyville country charm."

Derpy Hooves giggled sideways, her mane flouncing with each outburst. She smiled towards the opposite walls. "Jee... that's really nice of you to say."

"Well, I'm being honest."

"... ... ...do you fancy me, Mister Soarin?"

Soarin's ears drooped. He paled somewhat. "Uhhh... ermmm..."

"I'm curious," Derpy murmured. "Because... once or twice... maybe three times... another pony has fancied me before... but it only ended up with him or her in the hospital." She bit her lip. "I... I-I wouldn't want the same thing to happen to you. You're nicer than all the rest."

"Uhhhh... th-thanks?" Soarin brushed his bangs back. He winced. "What I-I mean is... you don't have to worry about that—"

"Oh. I see." Derpy gulped. "I was just getting the wrong signals. That's okay." She sighed sideways. "Wouldn't be the first time..."

"Huh?" Soarin's ears pricked back up. "No! You're right! I mean... those signals... uhm..." He blushed red as a beet, squirming in his stool. "...they... m-might kinda be true..."

"R-really...?"

"Mmmmmmmmyeahhhhh..." Soarin burned two holes in the floor with his eyes, heart palpitating. "...I'm pretty see-through, aren't I?"

"That's weird."

"... ... ... ... ...what's weird about it?"

"Just... you're kind of a handsome guy," Derpy said. "I mean. On top of being nice. The nice part is... nice. But the handsome part isn't bad either."

"Well, sweet!" Soarin smiled crookedly. "I'll have you know that I can be as handsome as you want me to be!"

"Heeheehee... if only life was that simple."

"It can be," Soarin said with a calm smile. "It can be simple... joyful... happy... innocent..." His tail flicked. "All the things I see when... I-I look at you."

She squinted one eye open, striving to keep it locked on him.

His reflection drooped slightly in it. "Look. I... I'm sorry. I'm coming on strong. I know. Just... I-I wasn't expecting that question you asked."

"Guess I wasn't expecting to ask it."

"I really... really want to help you with the decorations and stuff here," Soarin said. "Help make your name famous beyond Ponyville."

She nodded gently. "I know."

"But... when all is said and done... if you would... maybe... uh... like to hang out a bit?" He shrugged. "Over coffee or tea or—"

Her cheeks protruded with the mother of all grins. "Muffins?!?!"

"Oh! Sure! Totally!" His wingtips fluttered as she chuckled. "Muffins galore! Anything you want!"

"Heehee!" Her wingtips fluttered as she too chuckled. "Yaaay...!"

"And... uh... speaking of muffins." He smirked. "I think I might know of another opportunity you can take advantage of here in the Crystal Empire."

"Oh?"

"It was Flash—... Mister Bard's idea. But... the diamond dogs? The ones who helped make unification possible?"

"Yeah...?"

"Guess what's their favorite pony treat to eat?"

"Duaaaaaaaaah!" Derpy flew out of her seat. "No waaaaaaaaay—!" Her wingflaps blew the stool violently towards a passing pony's skull.

Thappp! Soarin nimbly caught it before it could make contact. "Ahem..."

Blushing furiously, Derpy squatted back down on folded legs. "S-sorry. Do continue..."

Soarin smiled. "Sure thing, girl." Mimicking her, he got off his stool and squatted on the polished floor beside her. "Well... turns out the members of the Hawkeye Pack who are visiting Prince Blueblood at the moment have an affinity for the stuff. Can you bake it?"

"Was Canterlot built in a day?!?!"

As the two chuckled and spoke on...

...Flash Sentry turned away with a lingering smile. On steady hooves, he trotted up a ramp and towards the surface level of the city above.