There was once a time when Twilight didn't like her castle. Although it was beautiful and gorgeous, it just didn't feel like home. The long and endless hallways were a maze that even now, Twilight couldn't navigate without going the wrong way once in a while. The dozens of rooms throughout the castle were more than enough, and having a house with so many floors felt daunting at times. Essentially, it was way too quiet and empty.
Well, Twilight wished it would go back to being that way.
Hundreds and hundreds of Future Twilights now filled the once-empty hallways, their warnings about future disasters and tea echoing throughout the castle. Most of the Twilights looked identical to each other, though there were a few aberrations. Some had different mane styles, others wore various outfits, a few of them were drunk, and one of them was a stallion for some reason.
Meanwhile, Spike stood on a stool so he wouldn't get buried under the sea of Twilights. He had a pad of Post-it notes marked with numbers in one claw and a megaphone in another. Through the megaphone, he repeated a message Twilight had told him to convey to all the other Twilights:
"All Twilights! Please take a number before reporting to Twilight 0, a.k.a. Present Twilight! Once you've received your number, wait patiently in line, and we will process your request as quickly as possible! Also, please do not talk about anything other than the tea. Do not share dating advice, lottery numbers, stock market data, or anything of that sort!"
In the throne room, Twilight 0 sat on her throne with a very, very, very long list of parchment on the table and a quill hovering next to her. She had already broken three quills and gone through five inkwells. A few feet behind her, Future Sunset Shimmer was lying down on a Rarity Fainting Couch™. She had fainted about three-hundred Twilights ago after the number of Twilights present was just too much for her imagination to handle. Twilight 12 sat next to her, patting her forehead tenderly. The Future Pinkie Pie who arrived earlier sat on her own throne, happily eating a cookie as if nothing crazy was going on around her.
"Hello, Twilight..." Twilight 0 looked at her future counterpart's flank. "2438. Should I drink this tea or not?" Twilight 0 then pointed at her tiny cup of cold Earl Grey tea.
"No," answered Twilight 2438. "You see-"
"I didn't ask you for a reason. I just wanted a simple 'yes' or 'no'," interrupted Twilight 0. She put a tally mark in the "no" column on her parchment. "Next."
Twilight 2438 trotted out of the throne room and decided to go to the kitchen to get something to eat. The next Twilight walked up to Twilight 2439.
"Hello, Twilight 2439," said Twilight 0 with a strained and tired voice. "Should I drink this tea or not?"
"No," answered Twilight 2439. Twilight 0 made another tally mark, then got up from her throne. She pushed her way through the purple mass of Twilights in the hallway outside until she reached Spike.
"Spike, it's me!" shouted Twilight 0, doing her best to make her voice heard amongst the hundreds of identical-sounding voices. "Can I borrow the megaphone for a bit?"
"Absolutely," sighed a grateful Spike. "I need a break..." He hopped off the stool and onto Twilight 0's back. Twilight 0 then teleported the duo back into the throne room. She got up onto the Cutie Map, levitated the megaphone, and addressed all the Twilights.
"Attention all Twilights!" Every single Twilight immediately stopped chatting with each other and looked up at Twilight 0. Other Twilights who were in other parts of the castle heard the announcement as well, prompting them to stop their current activities. Those in the kitchen stopped eating, those in the bedroom and guest bedrooms woke up, and those in the designated party room stopped their dancing and turned off the music.
"Although I haven't surveyed all of you yet," continued Twilight 0, "I have reached a conclusion and have determined the best course of action I should take. During the first roughly fifteen hundred of you, the number of 'yes' and 'no' votes were about fifty-fifty. However, it's been nearly a thousand Twilights since then, and the votes are mainly leaning towards 'no' now."
Twilight 0 then spawned a massive blackboard behind her. It had a pie chart divided up into several sections, each with its own color and label.
"I've drawn up this pie chart, and according-"
"Ooh! Pie!" cheered Future Pinkie. She hopped up onto the table and dashed towards the blackboard with her mouth wide open, ready to stuff it with some "pie". However, before she could reach her target several of the other Twilights froze her in place with their magic.
"As I was saying," continued Twilight 0, rolling her eyes, "According to the data, 53% of you have said 'no' while 39% have said 'yes'. Even though there are still about a hundred Twilights who haven't been surveyed yet and more are still arriving right now as I speak, it would require more than three hundred Twilights to say 'yes' in order to tip it back towards that side."
"Wait a second, fifty-three plus thirty-nine is ninety-two," noted Twilight 648.
"Yeah, what about the other eight percent?" asked Twilight 1873. Twilight 0 groaned.
"Well, 3% came here by accident, 3% are drunk, and the remaining 2% forgot their answers! Therefore, I decided to ignore them."
"Hey! It's not my fault I accidentally hit my head while traveling back here!" argued Twilight 1105, who had a bandage wrapped around her head.
"Yeah!" yelled Twilight 58, who was leaning against a chair with a beer bottle in one hoof. "Who are you to- urp!" She then doubled over and threw up on the chair. Twilight 497, who was standing next to her, teleported the chair and 58's beer bottle into a nearby trashcan.
"Look, even if the other 8% said 'yes', the 'no' side still has 53%!" shouted Twilight 0.
"You never know, what if the next several Twilights say 'yes'?" questioned Twilight 2046.
"Likely story!" laughed Twilight 1552. "You do realize we have a duty to protect rabbits from extinction, don't you?"
"But what about the dragon attack on the Changelings?" reminded Twilight 1735, who wore an eyepatch and an Equestrian military uniform.
"Let's not forget the blizzard," noted Twilight 721, who was bundled up in winter clothing despite the castle being at a reasonable temperature.
"Doesn't anypony care about the results of the buckball tournament between Cloudsale and Manehattan!?" complained Twilight 1748.
"How is a buckball tournament more important than a dragon invasion!?" retorted Twilight 1735.
"Oh, don't worry, I made a big speech about friendship to the dragons, thus preventing the attack from happening! It was a pretty good speech, if I do say so myself," bragged Twilight 1748. "Also, I bet a lot of money on Cloudsale..."
"I just want my wings back..." sighed Twilight 2360, who was the only unicorn besides Future Sunset Shimmer present.
"Hey, can one of you tell me how you turned back into a mare?" asked Twilight 1454, the stallion.
As all the Twilights started clamoring again, Twilight 0 covered her ears in frustration before yelling into the megaphone again.
"Enough!!!" All the Twilights went silent again. "I am getting a massive headache from all of this nonsense, and since I'm the earliest version of all of you, that means you're all going to suffer through it as well! Also, I highly question how one, bucking cup of Earl Grey affects all of these future events!"
"You see-" started Twilight 2180, who was wearing glasses and a lab coat.
"That was a rhetorical statement! Anyways, all of you, go back to your original times, and stay there!"
However, before any of the other Twilights could do anything, Starlight Glimmer teleported into the throne room.
"Hi, Twilight!" smiled Starlight. "I just got back from my trip to the Crystal Empire! I can't wait to tell you about- WHAT THE HAY!?!?" Starlight screamed as her eyes fell upon the hundreds of Twilights who were all staring at her. Her mouth hung wide open as she stared back at them, her eyes darting around all over the room. Shaking her head, Starlight then bent forward a little, entering into an attack stance while charging her horn with magic. She clenched her teeth and glared angrily at everypony.
"S-Starlight," stammered Spike. "Wh-what are you doing?"
"Stand back, Spike!" growled Starlight, with beads of sweat forming on her face. "How do I know which one of these Twilights is the real one?"
The other Twilights all looked at each other, that is, except for Twilight 0, who facehoofed for what was probably the thousandth time today.
"Are we really doing this?" shouted Twilight 0. "Are-are we seriously going to do this right now? Because I've had a really long day, and I do not want to deal with anything else at this point!"
"That doesn't matter! All of you, tell me something only the real Twilight would know!" demanded Starlight.
Twilight 0 thought for a moment. Starlight was clearly freaking out right now, so there probably wasn't any way for Twilight to explain this situation to her properly. Even if there was, Starlight would probably see her as a hypocrite, considering how Twilight once stopped Starlight from altering the past herself. Furthermore, getting into a magic duel with so many Twilights around probably wasn't a good idea. Sighing, she gave Starlight an answer.
"When I was four, I accidentally broke Shining Armor's copy of Ponymon Red," admitted all the Twilights simultaneously. They then all stared at each other with surprised expressions.
Celestia dammit! swore Twilight to herself. They're all me! Of course they'd say the same thing as me! Think! I need to come up with something crazier...
"Quesadillas are too cheesy!" said all the Twilights in unison. Better try again.
"Smarty Pants is best pony!"
...
"My favorite song to sing in the shower is 'Neigh, Soul Sister'!"
...
"I once failed a math test in magic kindergarten because I thought two plus two was five!"
...
Starlight, who was getting more agitated and jittery, started charging her horn even more and gulped.
"Okay, you all get two more answers!" declared Starlight.
A few feet behind Starlight, Future Sunset Shimmer finally woke up and slowly got up from the Rarity Fainting Couch™. Rubbing her eyes, Future Sunset looked around the room. Her imagination nearly started running wild again before she took notice of Starlight and the fact that her horn was aimed at her precious "Sparky". Well, a whole bunch of "Sparky"s.
"What's the deal with sea ponies?" offered the Twilights.
"One more answer!"
"That was more of a question..." noted Future Pinkie Pie, who was leaning against the wall with her front hooves up in the air.
"Quiet!"
Future Sunset, realizing the severity of the situation, quickly charged at Starlight Glimmer in full gallop.
"Nooooooooooo!" she cried, crashing directly into Starlight.
"What the-!" As Starlight was knocked off her hooves, she unintentionally fired the attack she had been charging up. A bolt of cyan magic flew across the room, hitting the teacup that had been fussed over during the past several hours. The teacup slid across the smooth, glossy surface of the table, then sailed over the edge. Its trajectory then curved down towards the ground. All the Twilights gasped as the tiny teacup seemed to fall and spin in slow motion. Finally, it impacted the ground, making a rather quiet shattering noise and spilling the cold Earl Grey tea it had been holding all this time.
Everypony stared at the tiny puddle of tea and porcelain shards for a few seconds. Then...
Pop!
All the Twilights, except for Twilight 0, suddenly disappeared. Future Sunset Shimmer and Future Pinkie Pie also disappeared as well, leaving just one Twilight, Spike, and Starlight all alone in the throne room.
"What... just happened?" asked Spike cautiously.
"It looks like the future has been changed," thought Twilight, using her magic to remove the Post-it note that was stuck on her flank. "That is, all the futures that we were warned about. Each of those timelines hinged on whether or not I drank the tea. However, it seems none of them involved the teacup breaking."
"But if the teacup broke, wouldn't that count as you not drinking the tea?" questioned Spike.
"Also, if none of those timelines happened, then none of those Twilights would have ever traveled back in time," postulated Starlight Glimmer. "And if they never traveled back in time, then none of this would've happened, meaning I wouldn't have broken the teacup-"
"You know what, I don't even care anymore," interrupted Twilight, rubbing her temples with her hooves. "My headache does not need to get any bigger. As long as time isn't broken and all those future versions of myself are gone, I don't give a buck." She then slowly dragged herself out of the throne room.
"Where are you going?" asked Spike.
"To write a letter. Then, I'm going to take a shower."
"While singing 'Neigh, Soul Sister'?" teased Starlight, smiling mischievously.
"Shut up!"
Dear Princess Celestia,
I think it's about time we burn every scroll in Equestria containing a Starswirl time spell.
Your fellow Princess,
Twilight Sparkle